“All over,” Logan answered. He took a step closer to her. She kept staring at him with wide, thoughtful eyes.
“How come you never came to see me?”
Lili’s question made my stomach tighten. I waited with bated breath for Logan to answer. He didn’t owe me anything, he didn’t have to protect me. I knew I only had myself to blame if Lili got angry with me.
“I wish I could have,” he said. “But, I was so busy being a SEAL that I didn’t have enough time. That’s why I retired. So, I could spend time with you.”
“Really?” Lili asked, her eyes lighting up with excitement.
“I didn’t know it at the time,” Logan said. “But, that’s exactly why I left. It was time for me to meet you.”
“That’s cool,” Lili smiled.
Logan glanced back at me with a kind look in his eyes. I had tears falling down my cheeks as I mouthed a “thank you” to him. He nodded slightly and turned his attention back to Lili.
“So,” he said. “Tell me, Lili, what’s your favorite game to play?”
“I like to play dolls,” she said. “But not Barbie dolls or princesses or anything like that. Doctor dolls.”
“Doctor dolls?” he asked. “What’s that?”
“It’s where your dolls work in a hospital saving people,” she explained.
“That sounds great,” Logan said. “Can I play with you?”
“Sure!” Lili said. She ran across the room and picked up four dolls. She hurried over and handed two to Logan as he sat down on the floor in front of her.
I stood back and watched them play. Logan’s attention was focused entirely on Lili as she named their dolls and taught Logan her game. I smiled to myself and let the tears flow freely. I didn’t realize just how much Lili was missing by not having Logan in her life. As I watched them together, I knew I could never separate them again.
Twenty- Five
Logan
Lilliana. Lilliana Marie Prewitt.
Her name played over and over in my mind while I watched her dress her dolls in hospital scrubs. She was smiling and talking so fast that I could barely understand what she was saying, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her.
I used to think there was no one on Earth as beautiful as Piper. I was wrong. Lilliana had Piper’s dark brown curls that fell unkempt around her face. She vibrated with natural energy and her bright blue eyes were the spitting image of her mother’s. At a quick glance, Lilliana was Piper in miniature. They looked exactly alike. But, as I watched her mannerisms and the way her smile stretched across her face, I saw small likenesses between her and me.
Lilliana didn’t have my hair or my eyes, but she had my features. Her nose was small and round, just like mine and her cheek bones were angled the way mine were. She wasn’t just a miniature Piper, she was a perfect mixture of the two of us. The longer I watched her, the bigger my smile became.
“What’s her name?” I asked, picking up a blonde doll and smoothing her hair back.
“That’s Michelle,” Lilliana told me. “She’s a nurse, but she training to become a doctor.”
“Oh?” I chuckled. “She’s in school?”
“Of course,” Lilliana rolled her eyes. “Everyone should be in school.”
“She just thinks that because she isn’t old enough to go yet,” Piper explained from behind me. I turned around and gave her a smile.
“Is that true?” I asked Lilliana.
“I start in September,” she said sadly. “Which is months away.”
“It’s not that much longer,” I said. “The more you think about it, the slower time will pass.”
“Mom always says that, too,” Lilliana grumbled.
“Who do you think I got it from?” Piper asked with a chuckle. I could hear the happiness in her voice and it filled me with a warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time. Sitting there, playing with my daughter and listening to Piper’s soft breathing behind me, I felt more at peace than I’d felt in years.
“What’s your favorite thing to do?” I asked Lilliana.
“My favorite thing?” she asked with a frown.
“In the entire world,” I nodded. “It can be anything. Anything at all.”
Lilliana thought about it for a second. Her forehead was furrowed as she considered all her options. It was amazing to watch the wheels in her head turn. I’d never seen someone so young think so intensely.
“Walk in Central Park with Mom on Sunday mornings,” Lilliana announced. “That’s my favorite thing.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because it’s just the two of us,” Lili explained. “During the week, Mommy works a lot. So, I stay home with Mrs. Tucker. We play and she teaches me stuff. It’s fun, but I like it better when I’m just with Mommy. When it’s just the two of us.”
I glanced behind me and saw tears sliding down Piper’s face. She’d cried on and off since we arrived at Audra’s. I couldn’t blame her. My own emotions were threatening to burst free. It took all my strength to keep my voice steady and my eyes dry.
“That’s sounds amazing,” I said. “I like spending time with your mom a lot, too.”
“How come you stopped dating her?” Lilliana asked. She was busy playing with her dolls. Her question was so off-handed it almost seemed like she didn’t know what she was asking. When I hesitated, though, she glanced up and fixed her blue eyes on me.
“I had a few things to figure out back then,” I explained slowly. “I really, really wanted to become a Navy SEAL. So, when I got the chance to do that, I couldn’t pass it up.”
“Kind of like when Mommy got the chance to be a lawyer, right Mom?”
“Exactly,” Piper answered. She walked over and sat down with us on the floor. “Sometimes adults have to figure out what they want to do with their lives before they can be together. Does that make sense?”
“Are you going to be together now?” Lilliana asked.
I inhaled and waited for Piper’s response, but she didn’t speak. Instead, she just looked at me. The expression on her face was one of confusion and worry. She didn’t want to give the wrong answer and hurt Lilliana, but she also didn’t want to get her hopes up if we weren’t going to try again.
“That’s something your mom and I need to talk about a little bit,” I told her. “But, I can promise you that I’ll be around a lot. If that’s okay with you?”
“Like a real daddy?” Lilliana asked. Her face lit up with happiness and my heart melted instantly.
“Just like that,” I promised. I leaned over and kissed the top of her head. She smiled at me before she pushed a doll into Piper’s hands.
“Here Mom,” she said. “If you’re going to be down here, you have to play. You can be Tiffany. She’s the surgeon.”
We spent the rest of the afternoon just playing dolls and talking. I learned all about Lilliana’s friends back in New York and how much she desperately wanted a dog. Piper said they didn’t have room for one, but Lilliana insisted that they could just get a really, really small one. I laughed more than I had in years. My smile never faltered. For the first time since Young died, I really felt like myself again.
After a while, I sat back and watched Piper play with Lilliana. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from them. My eyes shifted from Piper’s face to Lilliana’s. I compared their expressions and their voices. They were what I’d been looking for all these years.
I left town to be a SEAL, to fulfill a dream I’d had my entire life. While I was away, I felt sure of myself. I was strong and happy until I wasn’t. When things shifted it knocked my world off its axis and it wasn’t until I saw Piper again that things began to spin normally again.
Piper and Lilliana.
They were my life.
Twenty- Six
Piper
We walked through the door of my parents’ house. It was empty, my mom and dad wouldn’t be back for a few more hours. We’d already eaten dinner at Audra’s and I knew Logan was dying to talk to me alone.
Throughout the entire car ride he watched my face closely. He didn’t bother to hide it. I glanced at him briefly, silently telling him we would talk as soon as we could be alone.
“It’s been awhile since I’ve been inside this place,” Logan laughed. “It hasn’t changed much.”
“Mom and Dad are creatures of habit,” I shrugged. “Lili, why don’t you play outside for a while? Stay in the backyard and I’ll come get you when it’s time for bed, okay?”
“Okay!” Lili bounced away and disappeared through the back door. I turned to face Logan who was still watching me like I was about to run away from him any minute.
“So,” I said. “Want to sit down?”
“Sure,” Logan shrugged. We sat on the couch and turned to face each other. I tucked my feet underneath me and cleared my throat. “Go ahead. I know you’re dying to ask me a million questions.”
“I’m not,” Logan shook his head. “I have questions, but I really just wanted to say thank you.”
“Thank you?” I frowned. That wasn’t at all what I expected. “For what?”
“For letting me see her,” he said. “For telling me about her. For letting me spend time with her. You have no idea how much that means to me.”
“I do,” I said. “I’m just sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. You were right earlier, you did deserve to know. Whatever else happened between us, I shouldn’t have hidden her from you. That wasn’t fair.”
“I understand why you did it,” Logan said. I searched his face for a sign of sarcasm, but there was nothing but sincerity. “I wasn’t the best person back then. I was selfish and impulsive. I loved you so much, but I couldn’t see past my own needs and wants long enough to really give us a chance. I know how much I hurt you when I left.”
“That’s still not an excuse,” I argued. I couldn’t let him take all the blame for how things ended between us. So much of it was my fault, too. “I walked out of Kellan’s that night. You were trying to tell me how you felt and I didn’t let you. I was just so angry and so hurt that I couldn’t stand to look at you for another second. When I ran it wasn’t because you did anything wrong, it was because I was too weak to face the pain.”
“We can argue about whose fault it was all night,” Logan said. “Or we can just talk about the future. What happens now?”
“What do you mean?” I asked. My stomach wiggled nervously. I knew this conversation was coming, but I wasn’t sure how to proceed. What if Logan still wanted us to run away together? Or what if he wanted custody? What did that look like?
“How do we navigate our new situation?” Logan asked. “Now that Lilliana knows about me and I know about her, I can’t stay away. I want to be in her life, Piper. I have to be.”
“And I want that, too,” I promised. “I would never think of keeping her from you again.”
“I know you wouldn’t,” Logan smiled. “And I love you for that.”
Logan’s words sent a spark flying up my spine. I felt myself flush as our eyes met. He reached forward and took my hand in his. He raised it to his lips and kissed my palm gently. I couldn’t breathe, I was so shocked I couldn’t move.
After our fight and the revelations from that morning, I didn’t think Logan would still want to be with me. I thought any chance of us being together was long gone. Keeping Lilliana from him was something I wasn’t sure he would ever forgive.
“I thought you were mad at me,” I said weakly.
“I am,” he admitted. “I’ll probably be mad at you for a long time, but I’m willing to bet you’re just as mad at me. Everything that happened today doesn’t change our history. We can’t fix this overnight, but I want to try. If you do.”
“I don’t know how we do that,” I said softly. “Where do we go from here?”
Logan didn’t answer. He just looked into my eyes for a few seconds before leaning forward and kissing me gently. The second our lips met I knew I would do anything to make things work between us. The idea of leaving Logan behind wasn’t even a possibility anymore. I needed him too much.
We kissed slowly, our lips dancing and our tongues barely peeking into each other’s mouths. It was slow and deliberate. Every emotion we felt was being poured into that kiss and I felt it in my entire body. My desire for him wasn’t hungry and desperate like I was used to, it was complex and well thought out. I considered our past and our future and still, I wanted him.
I pulled away from him reluctantly. I knew where the kiss was leading, but I also knew our daughter could walk in at any moment.
“Let me get Lilliana to bed,” I said. “I’ll meet you in my room.”
Twenty- Seven
Piper
Once Lilliana was fast asleep, I pulled the blankets up to her neck and kissed her forehead. I’d just finished reading her three different bedtime stories and promising her ten times that she would see Logan in the morning. It took longer than normal for her to fall asleep, but I knew it was because she’d had such an eventful day.
“Hey, you,” I whispered as I closed the door quietly. Logan was laying on the bed in my childhood bedroom. His body looked too big for the tiny bed, but I couldn’t help but grin at the sight. He smiled back and held his arms out to me.
“Come here,” he ordered.
I moved toward him, taking my clothes off as I did. He watched me with hungry eyes, but didn’t move. I knew our passion was still there. We still longed for each other as much as we ever had, but that night wasn’t about passion. It was about forgiveness. Possibility.
As I pulled Logan’s shirt over his head and he stepped out of his boxers, we touched each other’s skin lightly. Logan kissed my shoulder softly, barely letting his lips touch me. He laid me down on the pillows and braced himself above me, his eyes never leaving mine.
Our lips touched and I sighed deeply. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him again and again. I let everything out in that kiss. All my anger, all my resentment, every negative emotion I’d ever felt for him, escaped inside that one kiss. Our tongues met and I knew he was doing the same. He was slowly forgiving me for hiding my pregnancy, for not telling him about our daughter. As we kissed and held each other’s naked bodies, we let go of the past.
“I love you,” Logan whispered against my lips.
“I love you, too,” I said back.
His lips moved down to my neck where he licked me slowly. My skin tickled and my entire body trembled. That night, Logan kissed every inch of my body. We weren’t in a hurry. We had all the time in the world. We teased and played with each other. He tasted me and I tasted him until we finally had to have each other.
“I want to remember this,” he said roughly as pulled me up. He sat up on the bed and I straddled his waist, slowly sliding him inside of me. “Every second of this moment. I want to memorize the way you feel.”
I kissed him and pushed him deeper inside of me. His hands massaged the skin on my back as we moved in perfect synchrony. Our tongues found each other and we moved faster. I held him tighter than I ever had. My lips found the muscles on his arms. I kissed every part of him I could reach.
We moved together, more in sync than ever. Our breathing became ragged and our bodies were drenched in sweat, but we kept the same slow pace.
“I could do this for hours,” I moaned into his ear. I nibbled his earlobe and he pushed me backward. I arched my back. He buried his face in my breasts, his tongue flicking across my nipples. My entire body was alive with energy. I knew we wouldn’t last much longer.
Our speed increased, our bodies taking over for us. I sat up and gripped his hair. My hips had a mind of their own. They propelled me up and down on top of him, my toes beginning to curl. He groaned into my neck, trying desperately to stay quiet.
The way he said my name when he finished sent bolts of lightning flying through my body. I felt him shudder inside of me and I knew I could never feel more complete than I did in that moment.
We fell back against the pillows, not bothering to get dressed
. We were physically and emotionally drained from the day, but we refused to let go of each other. I listened to Logan’s heart beating as I fell asleep.
Twenty- Eight
Logan
“There’s a barbecue today,” Piper whispered, “Three o’clock. You should come.”
It was five in the morning and I was half naked in Piper’s childhood bedroom. It was pitch black outside, but I knew the sun would begin to rise soon. Piper’s parents were home and Lilliana would wake in just a couple hours. The last thing anyone needed was to find me there.
“I’ll be there,” I promised. I pulled on my shirt and leaned down to kiss Piper’s lips.
“Three o’clock,” she said again.
“Three o’clock,” I smiled. With that, I ducked out in the hallway and hurried down the stairs. I glanced at Lillianna’s bedroom door. It was closed tight and I breathed a sigh of relief. My feet barely made any noise as they tiptoed through the living room and into the kitchen. I’d snuck out of the Prewitt’s house before and I knew the front door made way more noise than the back. When I reached the kitchen, I moved quickly to the door, but a small cough stopped me in my tracks.
I turned around slowly. Piper’s dad was sitting alone at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. If I’d been paying more attention I would have been able to smell the coffee brewing the second I stepped downstairs. Damn, my skills were slipping.
I sighed and walked over to sit beside him. He watched me carefully, his eyes narrowed and his hands wrapped tightly around his coffee mug.
“Good morning, Mr. Prewitt,” I said simply.
“Coffee?” he asked.
“Thank you,” I nodded. Mr. Prewitt stood up and grabbed a mug from the cabinet above the stove. He filled it to the brim and set it down in front of me.
“Black, right?” he asked.
“Always,” I said. I tried to smile, but it was a weak attempt. I knew he had something to say and I knew I wouldn’t like it.
“What are you doing here, Logan?” he asked simply. His question was an obvious one, but I still didn’t have an answer for him.
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