by Piper Rayne
“Do you mind? Maybe just a minute or two?”
“Sure. You’re doing good for a first-timer.” I slide my stool back to give her room.
“Thanks.” Her body loses some of the tension.
I decide to use the opportunity to catch up with her, see if she’ll open up to me at all. “How are you doing since your mom passed?”
Her hazel eyes meet my gaze. “Not bad. Trying to move on with my life—slowly. If I’m honest, in some ways it was a relief.” Her eyes flare wide for a second like she can’t believe she said that out loud. “I know that sounds terrible, but she was suffering for so long, and watching her decline over the years was torture.” Tears well in her eyes. “So when she was finally at peace it was sad, but yeah… a relief.” She sighs. “Please don’t judge me.”
I take her small right hand, squeezing it in mine. “No judgment, honey. Never from me.”
She inhales a shuddering breath. “I haven’t told anyone that. You always were too easy to talk to. End up knowing all my secrets.” Then she gives me a sad smile and it makes me yearn for the kind of smiles she used to give me. Open and wide and full of joy.
“Good thing I don’t talk much then. Your secrets are safe with me.”
She lets a chuckle loose. Then a small laugh. And a minute later she’s full belly laughing.
“What’s so funny?” I set the needle down.
She shakes her head side to side, and it takes her a moment to compose herself. “Here I am, years after we stopped… you know. And I’m half naked holding my breast in my hand telling you things I haven’t told anyone. It’s not exactly how I thought my night would go.”
“That makes two of us.” We’re both quiet for a beat. “You good to go now?”
“I’m good.”
I pick my tattoo gun back up and lean over her to start with some blending of the colors and I feel her watching me. Though I resist as long as I can, I let my gaze wander from my work, pulling the needle up from her skin, and meeting her gaze.
Damn it, the temptation to lean down and kiss her is so great that without even meaning to, I feel myself leaning into her. Her tongue darts out and licks her bottom lip, her eyelids growing heavy. I inch forward a bit more, holding my breath. She lifts her head a bit too and then—
The bell above the door chimes and Brooklyn walks in.
I pull back and whip my head in her direction.
“Hey guys, how’s it going?” There’s a slight grin on her face.
Reagan takes longer to recover, clearing her throat before looking at her friend. “Hey, come sit over here,” she rushes out, I think in an effort to water down some of the intimacy that’d begun to form between us.
I finish her tattoo, the three of us talking, but Brooklyn doing the heavy lifting in the conversation and I say goodbye and let Reagan walk out the door at the end of it all. But not because I have no plans on pursuing her. This just isn’t the time or place, but I’ll get a plan together.
I’m tired of letting her push me away. Time I fight for her.
Chapter Five
Reagan
Sunday morning I’m lounging around my house, not doing much of anything except being lazy. It’s been a long week, what with the anniversary of my mom’s death. That, and running into Moose on Thursday night—something I didn’t expect to happen. Then Friday was a mess at work with a bunch of the housekeeping staff calling in sick. I had to pitch in and clean rooms and let’s just say I didn’t have the stamina I used to.
So when the doorbell rings around eleven, I groan because it means I have to get my ass up off the couch to see who it is. I’m not expecting anyone and I paid the paperboy when he came around collecting yesterday, so it’s not him.
I sneak a peek out the side window beside the door and even though it’s blurry because the glass is somewhat frosted with a design, I’d recognize him anywhere. There are not many six-foot-six, muscled guys hanging around Lake Starlight.
He knocks again and I glance down at what I’m wearing. Boy short undies under an oversized T-shirt. And no, the lack of pants or a bra isn’t the issue. It’s the fact that I’m wearing what was once Moose’s T-shirt. He’d let me borrow it one night to sleep in after we slept together, and I never returned it. Purposely. I liked having something of his and with how much he’s been on my mind since I ran into him I wore it to bed last night.
Another loud knock on the door. “Reagan, open up.”
Closing my eyes in preparation for the mortification that’s sure to overwhelm me when I open the door, I inhale a deep breath and whip the door open. “Moose, what are you doing here?”
His unhurried gaze drifts from my head to my feet and back but he doesn’t say anything about the shirt, so maybe he doesn’t realize it was his once upon a time.
I do the same to him, and man, does he look hot. He’s wearing jeans, Doc Martens, and a white T-shirt that sets off his blue eyes with a leather jacket over top. In his hand resting against his hip is his motorcycle helmet and when I glance past him to my driveway, I spot his Harley parked by the walkway. How did I not hear him pull up in the driveway?
“Can I come in?” he asks.
“Um… sure.” I step back and motion for him to come in. “How did you know where I live?”
When my mom got sick and I had to eventually put her into a home, we sold my childhood home to help pay for the expenses, so I’d been renting during the time Moose and I were off and on. I was only able to buy the house I’m in now because of my mom’s life insurance policy.
He tilts his head at me like I’m a dumbass. “Not exactly hard to find anyone in this town, honey.”
I attempt to appear unfazed at the use of honey but my treacherous nipples pucker under his T-shirt and I’m pretty sure he notices from the way his gaze tracks down and he sucks in a breath.
“Okay well… not to be rude, but what are you doing here?” It’s not that I don’t enjoy being around Moose, it’s the opposite actually. Ever since Thursday, all I can think about is how much I used to love being with him, how easy it was to start to…
I cut that line of thinking before I can even go there.
“‘Cause I’m takin’ you out for a ride.”
I tilt my head. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. Now get that sweet ass of yours upstairs and change.”
I blink a couple of times. “I’m not going anywhere, Moose. I plan to spend the day on my couch binge-watching TV until I relocate to my bed tonight.”
What the hell is this? I haven’t spoken to this man in years and he just shows up out of the blue ordering me around. Hell no.
He steps toward me. “We can go straight to the bed if you want.” He grins.
“I’m not sure I understand what’s going on here.”
Another step forward.
I back up, not because I’m afraid he would ever hurt me, but because he’s invading my space and my body can’t help but react. Can’t help but feel the strong pull to him like he’s a black hole sucking me in. The space between my thighs buzzes with desire. From the expression on his face, I’d say he knows it too. He always could read me like a book.
“Seeing you the other night made me realize something.”
“What’s that?” I ask.
“You pushed me away once, said you needed space. Figure I’ve given you enough space, so now I’m here to get you back. Simple.” His eyes dare me to argue with him.
Which of course, I will because self-preservation has always been my priority.
“I know we ended things on a bad note all those years ago but I had a lot going on with my mom. And I’m still mourning her loss. Nothing’s changed,” I lie. It’s a lie because there’s a big part of me that does want to just give in and say yes and let him win me over again.
But then I remember what it was like to lose my mother—piece by piece. And if that’s the consequence of loving someone… I just don’t think I can do it.
“Honey, we ca
n do this the easy way or the hard way. Frankly, I prefer the easy way but I also realize it’s gonna always be the hard way with you. Either way, you’re walkin’ out this door with me and we’re hittin’ the open road. You decide whether you want that to be with you wearing just that T-shirt and underwear or fully clothed.” He crosses his arms over his chest, the strap of the bike helmet dangling from one of his fingers.
“You can’t just come in here and—” I stop short when he gives me a look. A look that tells me he knows exactly what I’m doing. That I want to go with him, but I’m scared and that he’s not going to let me get away with my bullshit. “Argh! Fine. I’ll go change.” I start up the stairs, irritation mixed with anticipation simmering inside.
“Don’t suppose there’s any chance I’m gettin’ that shirt back now, is there?” he calls out after me.
I don’t even break stride. “Nope.” I stomp the rest of the way up the stairs.
I hear him chuckle and wish that I were still standing across from him so I could see it for myself since it’s such a rarity. Then I slam my bedroom door shut so I can change, pretending the whole time that it doesn’t light a fire in me that I was the one who made his laughter happen.
Fifteen minutes later, he’s strapped a helmet on my head, given me the lesson about how to hold on to him, and explained how to lean into the turns.
I’ve never been on Moose’s motorcycle before. We’d barely got started dating before my life was upended with my mom’s diagnosis and then I insisted we keep our trysts over the years secret, not wanting to deal with the inevitable questions people would have and the pressure it would put on me. I had enough to deal with concerning my mom.
I climb on behind him and not wanting to get too close so I sit way back on the seat. Without a word, Moose’s hand comes around back and shoves me forward until I feel the heat of him pressed against my inner thighs. I suppress a shudder. With determination not to feel anything, I lean forward, which results in my breasts pushing into his wide back and wrap my arms around his sides, holding on to his jacket.
But my determination fades as we head away from town and the purr of the bike underneath me and the curves in the road make me lean into him. I’ve been on a dirt bike a few times when I was a teenager but never on a road bike. My nervousness settles the longer we ride and I find myself yearning to lay my cheek on his back.
The scenery whips past us and any signs of civilization disappear the farther we ride.
“Where are we going?” I shout over the sound of the wind.
He turns his head slightly to the side. “Not tellin’.”
I don’t bother arguing with him, knowing it’s useless. Instead, I settle in to enjoy the ride.
He begins to slow down some time later and pulls over to the side of the road. The bike crawls to a stop and he tells me to hop off.
When I do it feels as though my legs might give out from under me. Everything tingles from my waist down and it takes a moment before I start to feel normal.
Moose is next to get off, removing his helmet then attaching it to the bike. Then he comes over and his fingertips brush my neck as he removes my helmet.
“Thanks.” I run my fingers through my unruly hair and pull the hair elastic from the pocket of my pants, securing my curls in a messy top knot. “Is there something special about this stretch of road or something?” I don’t understand why we stopped here.
He doesn’t answer me. Instead, he opens up the storage compartments on the back of the bike and starts handing me stuff—a blanket, a small cooler bag.
“What’s all this?”
He turns and looks at me over his shoulder while he pulls two beers and another bag from the far compartment and then closes them both. “We’re picnicking. Let’s go.”
And with that, he heads off on a trail I didn’t notice that leads into the woods. I stand there for a second, stunned. Moose, tatted-up biker guy wants to have a picnic with me? But he’s not waiting for me, so I haul ass to catch up with him.
We keep a pretty good pace for about twenty minutes when we reach a clearing. It’s a huge field with tall grass and the odd wildflower poking up over top. The three feet high grass sways in the light breeze. The field slopes gently down for a long way and at the bottom is a lake that glistens before the mountain range.
It’s breathtaking and I stop walking for a moment to soak the scenery in. “How did you know about this place?” I ask.
He turns to me. “Sometimes when I go on rides, I’ll stop and hike into the woods. Noticed this trail once and discovered this.”
I’m trying to keep my defenses up around this man, but I can’t help but smile at him. “Well, thanks for bringing me here.” He blinks and his eyes widen. “What?” I walk past him farther down the field and he follows behind.
“Just wasn’t expectin’ you to give up the fight so easy.”
“Oh, there’s still fight left in me, don’t you worry.”
“I like a challenge, honey.”
I stop and turn to look at him and he walks past me with a chuckle then stops a few feet away, placing everything in his hands on the ground. Bringing my own things over, I help him set up. He tamps down the grass in our area so we have somewhere to sit and can still enjoy the view then he lays the blanket down and starts to set out the food.
He’s got some take-out sandwiches from Lard Have Mercy and potato salad along with some of Greta’s from Sweet Suga Things donuts. I’m practically salivating looking at the green tea donuts that are so wanted in Lake Starlight I wonder how long he waited in line this morning to get them.
We both take off our jackets and set them on the grass beside the blanket.
“This is quite the spread,” I say, sitting down.
“I aim to please.” He kneels down across from me, the food set out between us. Then he picks up one of the sandwiches and holds it out to me.
“Moose, what is this really all about?”
He stares at me for a moment, not answering.
But I need to know. It’s not that I wouldn’t enjoy another round in the sheets with him but I’m too fragile still to even think about doing that. I won’t be able to keep my walls up and then we’ll end up back where we were years ago. I think back to that day, hating the mental reminder of the look on his face when it all ended.
We’d just finished a round in the sack and I wanted to go again but I knew before I ever came to his place that night that it would be the last time. I was starting to feel things. Things that scared me and things I didn’t have time to deal with. My sole focus needed to be my mother.
So as soon as we were done I hopped out of bed and started to get dressed. “This is the last time I’ll knock at your door, Moose. I just wanted you to know.”
He sat up and the sheet fell to his waist, putting his delicious abs on display. “What the hell are you talkin’ about?”
I turned my back to him while I did up my bra and slipped my legs back into my jeans. “I can’t do this anymore. It’s too much. I have to concentrate on doing everything I can for my mom.”
“Bullshit.”
I looked back at him over my shoulder and he was out of bed in a split second, tugging on his boxer briefs.
“It’s not bullshit, it’s my life and I need to focus on my mom right now.”
He stomps over to me angrily, then gently places his hands on my shoulders. “I’m not trying to steal your focus from your mom but your life cannot be taking care of her twenty-four-seven. Let me fill in the gaps. Let me be there for you the way I want to.”
Tears welled in my eyes but I steeled myself and met his gaze. “I don’t want you to be there for me. I’m fine on my own. This is just becoming too much… it’s too much of a distraction,” I rushed to add.
He let go of my shoulders and laced his fingers together, resting them on top of his head. “So you’re gonna throw this away because you’re scared?”
I huffed then bent and snatched my shirt off the floo
r. “I’m not scared. I’m busy and stressed and dealing with a lot of complicated things someone like you couldn’t even imagine.”
His face became slack and void of emotion which was a scary look on a man of his size. “What’s that mean? Someone like me?”
“Forget it.” I shoved my hands in my shirt and pulled it over my head. “The point is, we won’t be doing this anymore. I was just trying to be honest, so you could…” God, I could barely get the words out of my mouth. “Move on with someone else or whatever.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m tryin’ to move on with you.”
His words made my bones ache but I had to stay strong. This was what was best in the long run. I couldn’t be who he needed me to be. I couldn’t open up and make myself vulnerable enough to ever really love him the way he deserved to be loved.
So I put the final nail in the proverbial coffin with my next words.
“I don’t want you, Moose. This was fun while it lasted but that’s all it was—fun. And now it’s over and it’s time to go back to real life. I’ll see you around.”
I turned and practically ran from his bedroom and out of the house. It wasn’t until I was sitting in my car and driving away that I released the tears.
From that day on whenever I’d run into Moose in town, we’d pretend the other didn’t exist and I’d always get this feeling of loneliness that welled up in my chest that I’d have to pretend I didn’t feel.
“You sure you’re ready to hear my answer?” Moose’s voice pulled me from the past and I met his gaze head-on.
Was I ready? I don’t know. But something in me needed to know his answer.
Chapter Six
Moose
She nods, almost hesitantly, but it’s enough for me.
When I picked her up this morning, I didn’t know how she’d play this. Complete obstinance, denial, throwing out hurtful words like she had the night we split? But something changed when I wanted to have a picnic with her. I don’t really care what it was that changed because she’s more relaxed and open with me, so I plan to take advantage of that fact.
