by Piper Rayne
Damn. In our forties we were still way too young to feel so damn old.
It was a thought I’d been having more and more of lately. Also, one of the reasons I hadn’t dismissed Phillip’s offer right away. Not that I’d told my girlfriends that particular detail yet.
“I say, do it.” Brittany Donahue was arguably the most successful out of our group, as a CEO of some sort of tech company that none of us really understood. “I mean, why not? Phillip’s hot and you’ve always kind of had a thing for him, right?”
“I don’t know if you’d call it a thing.” I picked up my glass, and looked into the clear liquid of the martini I’d made earlier. It was strong. Very strong. It had to be.
I hoped Britt would let it go. Yes, I had a thing for Phillip Conrad. But he’d let me go. He didn’t fight for me. And no woman wanted a man like that. Right?
“I don’t know,” Sandy Clark said. The mother of two girls, and a widow for the last four years, she was definitely the most conservative of our group of friends. I knew she’d be horrified at Phillip’s proposal. Sandy sipped at her drink, a coffee with Bailey’s, and shook her head. “It sounds kind of—”
“Dirty!” Darla Diamond chimed in. I knew she’d be on board with Phillip’s plan. Single and happily so, Darla had never settled down. She’d spent the last twenty or so years since high school jumping from job to job, and from man to man. And she liked it that way. Frankly, it was exhausting to watch, but Darla seemed to enjoy it.
Darla put her whiskey down and stared into my eyes. “Do it. Why not?”
“I can think of a few reasons.”
I actually could only think of one. Well, one that really mattered anyway. Sure, it was a party at the club where all of my old friends would be watching me, judging me and no doubt gossiping about me. But that didn’t really bother me. Those people had never been my real friends. I didn’t really care what they thought of me. Not anymore.
And then, of course there was the whole I’m not for sale thing. But…I knew Phillip well enough to know he wasn’t that kind of guy. So he wouldn’t have meant anything derogatory with his offer.
And that was the whole problem, and the only real reason I could think of not to do it.
It was Phillip.
And Britt was right—I did have a thing for him. And I was pretty sure he had one for me. Always had. There were feelings there, and even if I were entertaining that possibility—and I couldn’t possibly—I’d just stolen from him. Which made me…ugh. A terrible person.
And would I really be able to pretend there was nothing between us? Even for one night?
I wasn’t sure.
Jessie sat across from me, spinning the stem of her white wine glass between her fingers. “But do you really have a choice?” Her voice was soft, full of concern. “You’ll lose your job if you don’t, right?”
I nodded.
Phillip was a fair man, and I had stolen from him. But I didn’t really think he’d take it so far that I’d lose my job. Not really. I couldn’t shake the idea that there was more to this offer than that. Much more.
“Why would you take the money?” Britt’s voice was sharp from across the table. There was nothing but water in her glass, she saved alcohol for very rare occasions, and then it was a vodka and soda. Although I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen her drink one. “You know I would have given you—”
“No. I will not take money from you.” I looked around the table at my friends. Even though Britt was the only one with means to help me out financially, they’d all offered their help when Daniel was arrested. “I could never ask that of you.”
Britt shook her head.
“Well, I say go for it,” Darla said. “I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? You have a little fun? Maybe some hot sex?”
I flushed, but didn’t bother denying that the idea of hot sex, especially with Phillip, did sound appealing.
“I never did have sex with Phillip.” The words slipped from my mouth before I could stop them.
“What?” I thought Jessie’s eyes might fall out of her head. “I totally thought...you dated him for…”
I shrugged. “We just never…we were waiting.”
“Well, that settles it,” Darla said. “This is your chance. What you’ve both been waiting for. Go have some crazy hot sex and get it out of your system. Get him out of your system.”
“Her system?” Sandy looked horrified. “I don’t think that—”
“I think all of us could use a little bit more fun in our lives!” All eyes turned to Darla, who laughed. “I mean, except me, obviously. I already have lots of fun. But you guys? When was the last time you had a one-night stand with a man whose name you didn’t even know, Sandy?”
Sandy turned bright red and ducked her head. They all knew the answer—never.
“And what about you, Jessie? Can you remember the last time you climaxed so hard you couldn’t even remember your own name?”
“Darla!”
“I’ll take that as a no.” She laughed and turned to Britt. “I’m not even going to ask you the last time you had something between your legs that wasn’t battery operated.”
Brittany narrowed her eyes, but she didn’t deny it was true.
“Come on, ladies. We’re in our forties—we’re not dead! Remember when we were young, and we promised that we wouldn’t let one another get old and boring? Well…”
It was true. I stared into my glass. I’d been so busy being a socialite wife, throwing the right parties, going to all the right events, wearing the right thing, that it had been years since I’d done anything right for me at all. And Darla had a point. We weren’t dead yet. Besides…Phillip. Maybe it was time I got him out of my system once and for all.
I picked up my glass and downed the rest of my martini. “I’m going to say yes,” I declared. “And I think I just might have a little fun doing it.”
Chapter Three
I knew she would say yes.
Abigail was too stubborn for anything else. It was one of the things I loved about her.
Loved.
I pushed the word out of my consciousness. The same way I’d been doing for years. Being so close to her, yet with so much distance between us all this time had been my own penance for letting her go to Daniel without fighting for her. It was my loss. A terrible loss with no chance of redemption. Until now.
I knew the moment Abigail was on the grounds. The air shifted. It was electric. I could feel it.
She was here.
A quick glance at the security camera app on my phone proved I was right.
She drove an old, beater car that had more rust on it than paint. I cringed. Her asshole husband had screwed her over in the worst way. I hated Daniel for what he’d done to her. How he’d used her and destroyed her socially and financially. Not that Abigail gave any fucks about her social status. She’d always had her group of solid, real friends. The women at the country club were anything but real. Or friends.
But she didn’t deserve the treatment she’d received from them after her husband’s scandal broke. Having her on my arm tomorrow night at the party would raise eyebrows and that’s exactly what I was hoping for. Well, that was part of what I was hoping for.
I watched on the screen as Abigail moved from the car and grabbed a duffel bag of her things. She wouldn’t be needing any of them. I’d seen to that.
I spent the next few minutes watching her as she was greeted by my housekeeper, Mrs. Mclean. She’d been in my employ since I’d made my first millions and she had a sharp memory. She hadn’t said, but she remembered Abigail well enough. No doubt the older woman also knew exactly why I’d never married, or seriously dated since Abigail, too.
She was smart and discreet, and I knew she’d take good care of Abigail.
I watched while Mrs. Mclean took Abigail’s bag from her and led her up the stairs toward the room where she’d be staying. I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat. I wanted her i
n my room. In my bed.
But I’d be patient.
I clicked off the app as they arrived to Abigail’s room. I didn’t have cameras in the rooms. Even if I did, I wouldn’t watch. I was a gentleman. And this was far more important to me than just the one weekend.
It had been years since I’d been in Phillip’s home. My stomach flipped and a rush of feelings slammed into me as I followed Mrs. Mclean down the hall. Did she remember me? Certainly she must have. There’d been a time when I’d spent a lot of time here.
I even thought I might live here one day. With Phillip.
Things changed.
And here we were.
Some of the furnishings had changed, but the feel of the home was the same. The floor was black and white marble. The walls were light-gray and the overall feeling was one of power, masculinity, and money. Involuntarily, a shiver ran through me.
When Mrs. Mclean opened the heavy doors with a flourish and stepped inside what was easily the most beautiful room I’d ever seen, I gasped. The entire suite was at least twice the size of the shoebox apartment I’d been renting and far bigger than the master bedroom I had in the home I’d shared with Daniel before it had been seized.
Unlike the rest of the house, this room was feminine. The bed looked inviting, made up with a pink floral duvet and more pillows than I could count. Like a cloud, I couldn’t wait to sink into it.
“It’s beautiful,” I breathed as I stepped into the space. My feet sank into the plush carpet.
“Mr. Conrad has provided a few items for you this weekend. You will find them in the walk-in closet through the en suite.”
“He’s done what?”
She ignored me. “He’s in his study when you are ready for dinner.”
I could have been annoyed at his presumption that he could dress me, but it felt both sweet and sexy at the same time, and I had to admit I was more than a little turned on. Phillip always did have a way of taking control of a situation.
And I’d already decided Darla was right. We were way too young not to have fun. I’d spent far too long pretending to be something I wasn’t. What if the forties really were the new twenties? Only better?
There was only one way to find out.
With a devilish grin on my face, I went in search of the closet. The bathroom was just as impressive as the bedroom. There was enough room for an entire store’s worth of clothes in the closet, but only a few things hung on the far wall.
Phillip had exquisite taste, I’d give him that. I quickly examined the beautiful dresses, and turned to the dresser.
I slid out one large drawer and heat rushed to my face. I’d never seen lingerie so gorgeous. I pulled out a pale-pink silk corset. There were matching thong panties with an accompanying garter in the same soft pink.
What. The. Hell?
It was one thing for him to pick out a few dresses for me to wear, but lingerie? My face flushed. I used to enjoy wearing things like this but those days felt like a million years ago. Nevertheless, he had remembered.
And I couldn’t figure out how that made me feel. A kaleidoscope of feelings rushed through me. Guilt for taking the money in the first place—I wasn’t Daniel. I never should have done that. But it had brought me here. To Phillip. And I would be lying if I said there wasn’t more than curiosity there when it came to him. There was more. There always had been.
I lifted the lingerie again.
The idea of wearing any of these items for Phillip sent a thrill through me.
But would I?
Was he feeling the same way I was? Confused? Turned on? Guilty?
“Go have some crazy hot sex and get it out of your system.” Darla’s voice echoed in my brain.
Yes. I would wear them.
But did he expect me to? Or did he want me to? There was a difference. And I needed to know which it was.
With the pink corset still clutched in my hands, I left my bedroom suite, went down the curved staircase, and marched through the grand hallways. My confusion grew with each step until I found the door to his study. I didn’t bother knocking. I turned the handle and shoved the door open. It slammed roughly against the wall, and Phillip Conrad looked up from his desk as if he’d been expecting me.
He probably was.
“Abigail.” The flicker of humor in his voice only made me more upset. “You aren’t dressed. Didn’t you like what I picked out?” He chuckled and leaned back in his chair.
So cocky.
“Did I get the size wrong?” He scanned me up and down, a move that from anyone else I’d find offensive. Hell, I should have found it offensive coming from him.
But I didn’t.
I momentarily forgot why I’d gone in search of him in the first place. I was completely transfixed by him and the feelings he elicited in me. Never mind the way he looked at me. I could see it in his eyes. Maybe after all this time, he needed to get me out of his system, too. And he thought by buying me lingerie, that would be a given.
Damn. That was beyond cocky.
“Abigail?”
His words snapped me back to why I was there. I shook the corset in my hand. “Did you really think that by buying me some cheap shit like this, I’d just jump into bed with you?” I couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth. Did I even care if that’s what had happened? Wasn’t that why I was there, too? But once I started, I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I stepped forward and tossed it on the desk in front of him.
Phillip looked down at the item in front of him and then got to his feet. “Cheap?” He picked up the corset. “You think this hand-stitched, custom-made silk work of art is cheap?” He glanced down at the garment before his eyes landed on me, pinning me in place.
“It’s not the quality,” I argued. “It’s that I’ll look…I can’t dress like a…”
“Like a what?” he challenged.
“Like a whore!” I spat out the word and instantly regretted it. That’s not at all what I thought about Phillip. He would never…Phillip wasn’t that kind of guy. My thoughts crashed through me, and I couldn’t make sense of anything. Being so near him messed with my mind. My heart clenched as I watched his handsome face twist into a mask of horror.
“Oh God, Abigail. No! I would never—”
“Then why? I mean, I took the money and I’m sorry, but I don’t think—” Shit. I’d just confessed, and I could see he’d noticed, too.
To his credit, he didn’t mention it. “I would never insinuate anything of that sort, Abigail, and I think you know that.”
I did.
But there were so many feelings and it was as if I were having an out-of-body experience. It was too much. I should just turn around and walk away before I made a bigger fool of myself, before I said something I really couldn’t take back. But I couldn’t move. I was completely transfixed by him.
Phillip had moved around the table. He looked as if he wanted to touch me.
I tried not to tremble as he stood only inches from me.
“You don’t really think that of me, do you?”
I swallowed hard and opened my mouth to object, but he held up a finger and pressed it to my lips.
“I have nothing but respect for you.” His voice was smooth and slow. “You can leave anytime you want. And I won’t report you to management. I’ll even let you keep the money. That’s not what this was about.”
He was letting me off the hook?
Of course he was. It was never about the money. We both knew it.
But…no! I didn’t want to leave.
The thought crashed into me hard, and a hot pool of need settled between my legs as I realized I was exactly where I wanted to be. Here. With him.
I inhaled slowly, snatched the corset from his hand, spun on my heel and left.
Chapter Four
I didn’t really think she’d leave. I thought…hell, I didn’t know what I thought.
But I sure hoped she felt the same way about me that I did about her. That maybe after
all these years, she might still have some sort of feelings for me. But maybe I’d blown it again. Maybe I’d pushed too hard.
The lingerie…that might have been a step too far. But despite her reaction, I didn’t think so. I knew Abigail. Correction. I had known her. But the Abigail I’d known had loved her lingerie.
She’d lost so much. Everything in her life was ripped from her through no fault of her own, and it seemed like such a small thing to offer her a little bit of extravagance. Lingerie had been her secret splurge back then. Even though I’d never personally unwrapped her from any of those sexy, lacy treats she used to wear while we dated, I remembered them well. I also remembered exactly how they’d made my body come alive with just one glance.
Damn.
Why had I never taken our relationship to the next level? It was a question I’d tortured myself with for over fifteen years. But as much as I’d wanted to, I’d known then that Abigail was special. Too special to rush things with. I was going to ask her to marry me first. Make sure she knew exactly how I felt about her. But then Daniel had come home from Europe.
And Daniel always got everything he’d wanted.
I’d been a fool to let him have Abigail without a fight. I’d just stepped away, like the weak coward I’d been.
But I’d spent the last fifteen years becoming a man strong enough, powerful enough, and confident enough to be worthy of her.
And now, I’d blown it…again.
Fuck.
I slammed my fist down on the desk, hard. Before I could do it again, I heard the creak of the door behind me open.
“What do you think?”
My whole body stiffened at the sound of her voice, deepened with desire. I knew before turning what I would see.
But knowing what you’d see and actually seeing it were two very different things. When I turned around, I sucked in a sharp breath at the exquisite sight of Abigail, my first and only real love, looking every bit the sex goddess she most certainly was.
