Jilted

by Rachael Johns

  ‘Elenora.’ Whitney smiled back, looking awkward. ‘Nice to see you tonight.’ Which Ellie knew really meant, What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?

  Ellie tucked her lip gloss back into her bag, held her chin high and replied, ‘Yeah, great to see you too.’ Which translated as, I was hoping to never to see your stuck-up face again.’

  Lauren entered the conversation. ‘I see you came with Flynn.’ She didn’t bother with a fake smile.

  ‘Uh-huh.’

  There was an awkward pause before Whitney spoke again. ‘Look, I’m sorry about the other night.’ Her voice softened surprisingly. ‘I love Flynn like a brother and I just don’t want him to get hurt.’

  Startled at her blunt and open confession, Ellie replied with equal honesty. ‘I don’t want that either.’

  ‘So, you’ll be heading back to Sydney soon, then?’ Lauren grinned eagerly as she said this, telling Ellie she still maintained her high school crush on Flynn.

  Whitney elbowed her friend and spoke again. ‘If you’ll be around for a while, maybe we could catch up, for old times’ sake?’

  Ellie wasn’t sure what old times she was talking about. In high school these two had only bothered speaking to her if it was to tell her to get out of their way. She couldn’t believe that Rats, the loveable rogue, had ended up with a princess like Whitney. But then, who was she to question true love?

  ‘Yeah, that’d be great,’ she lied, thinking she’d rather spend two weeks camping in the outback, without a toilet or showering facilities, but that if it made things good for Flynn she would. She needed to show that she was making an effort with the locals. ‘Well, I’ll see ya round.’

  After exchanging polite goodbye’s, Whitney and Lauren each slipped into a cubicle and Ellie went off to find Flynn. She saw him chatting with a girl by the jukebox and her heart constricted. She didn’t have the right to be jealous, but dammit she was. Painfully so. The woman flicked her long, copper hair over her shoulder and laughed daintily at something Flynn said. Ellie turned in the opposite direction and headed to the bar.

  After what seemed an age, Flynn arrived by her side. She’d talked to a number of people in between but wouldn’t have been able to recall who, nor what they’d chatted about.

  ‘Enjoying yourself?’ he asked, leaning against the bar, his gorgeous arm propping up his jaw.

  ‘Yes.’ She bit her tongue on her narky response. This was harder than she’d imagined – being with Flynn but not being with him. ‘But I think I’m gonna call it a night. I really should get back to check on Mat.’

  There was silence for a moment as he mulled this over. She wondered – hoped – if he would offer to drive her home.

  ‘Are you sure?’ he asked. ‘As Matilda would say, the night’s still young.’

  She nodded, pushing aside the thought of what might happen, of who he might end up going home with, if she didn’t stick around. ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Okay then, guess I’ll see you around.’

  ‘Bye.’ Ellie turned and made her way through the crowd. She offered a quick goodbye to Sarah and Jolie but was careful not to make eye contact with anyone else. This felt too odd, too surreal – being in her old stomping ground but being a total stranger to it all. It would take time, she realised, to become part of Hope’s close-knit community again.

  Unfortunately, time was something she didn’t have. As if on cue her phone buzzed in her bag, alerting her to a text message. She dug it out and smiled. It was from Saskia, her make-up artist best bud, and read: Miss you gorgeous, we’re hitting Zona tonight and it’s not the same without you xox

  Zona was a hip, upmarket nightclub in inner-city Sydney. Ellie always felt a fraud there, even after Saskia instructed her on what to wear and did her hair and make-up. But tonight Zona would be easy. Being there wouldn’t be full of memories that were once sweet but now held only sadness. Being there wouldn’t make her feel things for Flynn she’d spent ten years trying to repress.

  Chapter Fourteen

  On Tuesday, Ellie dropped Matilda off at her CWA meeting and then headed to the Co-op. Her reception there was drastically different from her first visit just over two weeks ago. Simone, on checkout again, flashed her a smile when she walked in the door and asked if she was after anything in particular.

  ‘Just a few groceries,’ replied Ellie, trying not to let her surprise show.

  ‘Oh well.’ Simone shrugged good-naturedly. ‘If you need any help, just let me know.’

  Ellie enjoyed pottering round the shop, picking things off the shelves and reading their labels before deciding whether to buy them. Play practice was tonight and it was Ellie’s turn to provide supper. She wanted to make something that would show her appreciation to the group that had accepted her so openly. Thankfully, Joyce had promised to help her. She threw two tins of condensed milk into the trolley and wandered to the next aisle, almost crashing into Flynn, who was carrying a red shopping basket under his arm.

  ‘Well, good morning,’ Flynn said. He sounded genuinely pleased to see her and Ellie couldn’t help the lift of her heart. ‘What are you up to?’

  ‘Oh, this and that,’ she replied, gripping the handle of the trolley. ‘Mat’s at CWA and I’m really just putting in time. What about you?’

  ‘I had to drop Rodger at the vet. He’s got a growth on his side – they need to cut it out and see if it’s benign. I’m killing time till it’s over too.’

  ‘Puppy Rodger?’

  He chuckled. ‘It’s more Old Man Rodger now. But yeah, he’s the pup I got the year we left school.’

  ‘Wow. I hope he’s okay.’ And then, before she had the chance to check herself, Ellie said, ‘Would you like to get a coffee?’

  ‘Yeah, sure,’ he replied. Peering into her trolley, he added, ‘And you can tell me what you’re making with all those yummy ingredients.’

  ‘‘Tis a secret.’ Flynn would be working on the set tonight, and she didn’t want him expecting something special when she wasn’t sure if she could deliver.

  ‘Fair enough.’ He shrugged and gave a broad, warm smile. Her traitorous heart flipped. ‘I’ll just pay for these and meet you at the café, shall I?’

  ‘Sure.’ But then, as she watched him stride down the pasta, sauces and tinned veggie aisle, like he didn’t have a care in the world, Ellie remembered that she hadn’t been to About Coffee Time yet. Who owned it? Who would be working there? How would they treat her? It was ridiculous to get caught up in these concerns, especially when she would be there with Flynn, but she just couldn’t rid the feeling of being on edge in this town. Everywhere she went, she was waiting for someone to get nasty.

  Flynn was sitting on the funky, plastic outdoor setting when Ellie arrived at the new café. New to her meant it had sprouted up some time in the last ten years, which meant it might not be that new at all. He sat with one foot up on his opposite knee and was reading the newspaper. As she approached, he stood and took off his cap. She smiled and tried to ignore the glow inside as he held the door for her. She couldn’t start thinking about his being a gentleman, and the fact that such people were few and far between – it wasn’t kind to her mental health. So instead she focused on her surroundings. The modern décor, the music, the divine smells wafting from the kitchen. She was more than impressed.

  ‘This place is fabulous,’ she announced, still looking around and grinning like a loony.

  ‘Glad you approve.’ The female voice behind her was neither warm nor icy.

  Ellie swung round and set eyes on possibly the tallest woman she’d ever encountered. She wore a white apron, and had a kind face. She was terribly thin too, and Ellie couldn’t help but think of one of Mat’s favourite sayings – something about never trusting a skinny cook. Still, if the smell was anything to go by, she had to be doing something right.

  Flynn spoke first. ‘Sherry, this is Ellie. Ellie, this is Sherry – her family moved away from Hope when she was a toddler. She was very popular when she came back an
d opened About Coffee Time.’

  ‘I’ll bet,’ said Ellie warmly. ‘Hope Junction really needed a good café.’

  Sherry smiled her appreciation. ‘And you don’t need any introduction, Stella. I absolutely love Lake Street, watch it every night.’

  Ellie relaxed at the other woman’s confession but she noted Flynn stiffen at her side.

  ‘Can we order?’ he asked, tucking his newspaper under his arm.

  ‘Sure.’ Sherry grabbed a pen from behind her ear and a notepad from her apron pocket. ‘Where do you want to sit?’

  Ellie and Sherry followed Flynn over to a table in the corner. Ellie quickly sat in the seat where she’d have her back to the window. She didn’t want to be staring out at the park, which would no doubt ignite numerous Flynn-and-Ellie memories. They came fast and furious these days, and right now she wanted to focus on the real Flynn in front of her.

  Flynn ordered a meat pie and a flat white; Ellie went for the same, but with a latte. They chatted while they waited for Sherry to fill their order. Flynn mentioned he was going to be best man at Rats and Whitney’s wedding. Very soon, too – it wasn’t shotgun in the normal sense, but when they’d decided to get married, they hadn’t seen the point in waiting years, or even months, for the pleasure. Flynn talked about his plans for Rats’s bucks’ night next week and his other best man duties. He clearly didn’t have the paranoia about weddings that she had.

  ‘What?’ Flynn asked.

  Ellie blinked, wondering if she’d said something. ‘I’m sorry?’

  ‘You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’

  ‘Oh … no … umm …’ No way was she going to tell him. He’d laugh his socks off if she confessed that she’d barely been able to step inside a church since that day, never mind attend a wedding. She’d tried once – a colleague from the show had tied the knot at St Mary’s Cathedral in Sydney, but Ellie hadn’t even been able to make it up the steps and past the elaborate front doors.

  ‘It’ll be my first wedding since ours,’ he admitted, as if reading her mind. She couldn’t believe he’d brought it up. But she admired his guts for doing so.

  ‘Are you scared?’ she asked, then added, quickly, ‘I’d be petrified.’

  He nodded, glancing down at the table as if ashamed. He looked like a cute puppy, and she wanted nothing more than to lean forward and cuddle him.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said.

  ‘You don’t have to keep saying it,’ he replied, looking up at her again. ‘If we’re to be friends, it has to be a level playing field. We start afresh.’

  Start afresh? Did that mean there was the chance that one thing could lead to another, like it had when they’d first met?

  ‘Okay,’ she said, firmly pushing that hope out of her mind. Quite aside from their history, there were a zillion now reasons why it would never work. ‘If we’ve just met, I’d love to know why you’re scared of attending your best friend’s wedding.’

  He threw his head back and laughed. ‘If you must know, I was jilted at the altar by the love of my life.’

  Her belly somersaulted at his turn of phrase. Love of his life!

  ‘Good god,’ she said faux-theatrically. She wished she had her coffee already so she could wrap her fingers around it and take comfort from the warmth. This was an odd and awkward conversation.

  As if sensing her wish, Sherry landed with their lunch and drinks before either of them could say another word. They thanked her politely and each took a forkful of the homemade pastry. Near identical moans of goodness escaped their mouths.

  ‘Tell me,’ Ellie said, resting her fork against the plate and picking up her glass.

  ‘What about?’

  ‘About what happened after I, after she left.’ She swallowed. Flynn had been very guarded about his past when they’d talked at the dam. He’d skated over the facts, telling her the bare minimum, and Matilda had told her a version but, call it perverse or self-defeating, Ellie wanted to know more. She wanted to know Flynn’s version. Even if she hadn’t told him all the facts about her. When Flynn didn’t say anything, she pushed a little more. ‘I noticed you don’t drink alcohol anymore. Is that because …?’

  ‘Ellie.’ He sighed and took a sip of coffee. ‘I’m an alcoholic.’

  She gasped, not expecting such a blatant confession. When Matilda had said he’d turned to drinking, she’d imagined some wild nights and bad-boy behaviour, but not addiction. Flynn had always been so together, so controlled. It was one of the things she admired about him – he and his family were in stark opposition to the mayhem of hers. She’d had a brush with the bottle herself in the months after she left, but he was the last person she’d expect to lose it. Tragedy did strange things to a person.

  Ellie swallowed, not quite knowing what to say next.

  ‘Shocking, isn’t it? I’m surprised the town still respects me after all I did.’

  Did she really want to know? Didn’t she carry enough guilt as it was? She couldn’t help herself. ‘What did you do?’

  ‘Became a resident of the pub. Spent all my money on booze and drugs.’

  ‘Drugs?’ Her eyes widened at the impossibility. The Flynn she knew was vehemently against drugs, whether it was recreational use or steroid abuse in athletes.

  ‘A bit of marijuana to start with, but that soon lost its edge and I sought stronger stuff. The only time I could stop the memories was when I was drunk and off my face. I hit a bloke in the pub once because he knocked over my beer. The cops let me off with a warning, but only ‘cause the man was an old friend of Dad’s, he didn’t want to lay charges.

  ‘Mum and Dad didn’t know what to do with me. I could see I was hurting them but I couldn’t stop. So I went bush. I followed the road north and ended up on a cattle station. No one knew me there; no one knew what had happened. I started getting my life back together. I got a job on the station, was working, getting clean.’ He paused for a second, and then sighed deeply. The mood between them was no longer fun and jokey. ‘Then Mum called one day and told me Dad had had an accident. He’d been cutting a tree with a chainsaw. It’d fallen on a fence during a storm. Somehow he lost control and a branch came down on him. He didn’t stand a chance.’

  Ellie’s hand rushed to her mouth. She knew Cyril had died tragically, unexpectedly, but it sounded so much more awful coming from Flynn. She wished she’d been around to comfort him.

  ‘I should have been here,’ said Flynn, anger coming into his voice. ‘I should’ve … I came home and haven’t drunk since. Except for once.’

  Although he’d piqued her curiosity – big time – she didn’t ask about that once. He was already guilty enough. She knew the signs. How much more guilt would he feel if he knew what really happened to her in Perth? The answer made her certain she’d never tell him.

  ‘Don’t play the should’ve game, Flynn. You can’t rewrite history.’

  ‘Would you?’ he asked suddenly.

  ‘Would I what?’ She licked her lips, which felt like the Sahara.

  ‘Rewrite history.’ He looked at her earnestly. ‘Having had time to live with it, would you still leave me, if you could make the decision again?’

  Oh fuck. How to answer? She must have hesitated too long, because his cheeks blushed and he waved his hand in front of his face as if to dismiss the conversation. But it wasn’t that straightforward. She opened her mouth to say as much, but couldn’t push a sound past her tonsils.

  In the same circumstances, she couldn’t be sure she wouldn’t make the same decision again. And if it were as simple as rewriting history, she would give herself a different beginning in life. Parents who cared, a stable childhood. But that would mean she’d never have met Mat, much less Flynn. She shuddered at the thought. As much as she’d like to believe in fate and all the storybook stuff about destiny, she had to be realistic. If Flynn really was The One, then her mistake wouldn’t keep them apart. But so far it had. She didn’t know how to put any of this into words.

  ‘
Flynn, I … Instinctively she reached for his hand. It felt warm and hard and brought her comfort when that was supposed to be what she was offering him.

  Flynn’s phone buzzed in his pocket. As if grateful for the opportunity to extract his hand, he retrieved the vibrating mobile and pressed a button. ‘Flynn Quartermaine … Really? That’s great … Okay, thanks … Yep, I’ll be there in five.’

  ‘The vet?’ guessed Ellie as he ended the call.

  ‘Uh-huh.’ He nodded with a relieved smile.

  ‘Rodger’s okay?’

  ‘A bit woozy, apparently, but they’ve cut the lump out and it doesn’t look dangerous. Of course, they have to send it off for tests …’ He grabbed his wallet, pulled out a twenty and laid it on the table. ‘Don’t suppose you want to come see him?’

  Flynn could’ve kicked himself. It was a stupid thing to ask her, considering she’d just all but said she was happy with her decision to have left him. Her honesty hurt like barbed wire around his heart, and yet he kept going back for more. Spending time with Ellie was not a good idea. Sure, he was over her – it had taken years but he’d moved on – yet being in her company unbalanced him. He was man enough to admit that. He decided to avoid being alone with her after this.

  ‘Okay, let’s go,’ he said, standing up.

  ‘I’ll pay,’ she argued, opening her purse.

  ‘It’s fine,’ he said, a little more forcefully than necessary. ‘I may not be a famous television star, but I can afford to shout a friend lunch.’

  ‘Thanks,’ she replied, although she looked a little taken aback.

  She followed him to the clinic, where they parked in the gravel car park out front. ‘Shall I come in, or do you want me to wait out here?’ she asked, juggling her keys in her hands. She was suddenly acting nervous around him.