by H J Perry
“It’s okay. You don’t owe me an apology or explanation.”
Scott leaned toward Jason, so their lips met above the gear stick. A kiss that began with a closed mouth and soft lips. Jason had never kissed anyone like this. Not in his car, in a public place. A kiss that was full of longing. Everything about being with Scott was a new experience; Jason wanted to spend more time with Scott, get to know him, take Scott running with him, have dinner with him, go dancing together and back to Jason’s place. He never did any of those things with a guy before, like a real boyfriend. He’d never felt like this before.
Scott’s hand on his thigh, near his bulging desire, but not moving any closer. And he didn’t want to lead Scott on now but meet him again. Jason sat back in his seat.
Scott pulled his hand away and turned to pull his seatbelt across him. Jason did the same.
“I’m often free in the afternoons if you would like to do this again.” Jason’s seatbelt snapped into position.
“Just the afternoons? Do you have to rush home to a husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend?”
Jason laughed and looked at Scott and then thought perhaps he was serious. “No girlfriend, I am one hundred percent gay, and there is no boyfriend either. There is a vacancy for that role.” A vacancy Jason didn’t know existed but now couldn’t believe he was wondering if it was a role Scott could fill.
Why was he thinking like this when they hadn’t even fucked yet? Perhaps that was the problem. They hadn’t fucked yet. Once they did life could move on, and he could get back to normal.
He sat looking at Scott. “Not yet, anyway, but maybe soon.”
He said too much. It wasn’t until the words fell from his mouth that he heard them at the same time as Scott and realized what he’d said. He was definitely thinking about Scott as boyfriend potential rather than casual hook up, a whole new stage of his life. And the thought wasn’t completely terrible.
Judging by the way Scott smiled, it wasn’t a terrible thought to him either.
Jason turned on the engine and put the car into reverse, to pull out of the car parking space; the car park was still almost empty. He turned in the car park but before he was even at the exit Scott spoke.
“Jason, are you out?”
“I’m not out at work,” Jason replied, somewhat relieved to at least get this out in the open.
“And when you go to that nightclub where I’ve seen you, you are at work?”
“I’m not at work but yes, those are work colleagues, and none of them know. A lot of people know me, and they don’t know I’m gay. I don’t know how they’d react.”
“Outside of work you’re out?”
I’m so fucking famous, and work is all the hours—there is no outside of work. It was a difficult question, and Jason wasn’t sure how to answer it. As a celebrity, there was no outside of work except in a very limited sense of the word. As a public figure who dedicated himself to his job.
“Yes, some people know, my family know, but I haven’t made any big announcements.”
“What about you? Are you out?” Jason asked the question out of politeness and to move the focus off himself, but truly it wasn’t a question he was terribly interested in because coming out wasn’t on his agenda.
“Hard to believe, I know, but I was born out. I’ve got camp gay boy tattooed on my face, it seems, because I’ve never had to come out, everybody already knows.”
Jason laughed and looked over at Scott; there was a serious look on Scott's face.
“Don’t worry. If I see you at that nightclub or anywhere in view of other people, I won’t out you. I know I’m obvious, we can pretend we don’t know each other.”
Fuck. Jason didn’t know how to respond to this. He knew what he should say, that it didn’t matter. But the reality was, what Scott proposed was probably for the best. It was how Jason had lived for the past few years since becoming a full-time professional footballer. Deep in the fucking closet.
“I must’ve seen something else,” said Jason. “Because for a start when I saw you with Liz, I thought you were a couple. From the way you dance together, it never occurred to me you were gay. But I thought you were dead hot and sexy, and I couldn't take my eyes off you.” He glanced at Scott and saw the surprise on his face.
“You think so?”
“I don’t care if other people believe you look gay. There’s nothing wrong with being gay and there is nothing wrong with how you look. I’d like to spend a little longer looking at you, but I can’t think about that now and concentrate on driving too. And I’d like to get you home safely.”
“Are you saying you’d like to see more of me?”
“Hell yes, a whole lot more.”
Jason was not used to this level of flirting when it wasn’t about to lead straight to the bedroom, and his body was telling him this should go to the bedroom. He needed to change the subject. “Would you like to go out with me again? If so, when and where?”
“My Saturday nights and Friday nights are pretty much taken up working in that bar, but I am free Thursday night.”
“And where would you like to go? What do you like to do?”
“Be great to go to a club with you, where we’re not roped off from each other. Do you ever go out and not stay roped into the VIP lounge?”
“I do. Or I could take you into the VIP lounge.”
Jason’s mind began to work through some of the best clubs and restaurants that he could take Scott to, where he'd like to take Scott. In London or abroad.
“We’ll arrange something for as soon as we’re both free?”
“I’m working at the weekend,” said Jason. “But I’d like to see you again soon.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
February 2012
Scott
Scott had been distracted all day. It was hard to concentrate on his college work when he was looking forward to his date later. After a surprising amount of text messages and late-night phone conversations, things seemed to be moving fast with Jason. Fast in a slow way. It had been days since they’d seen each other, and they hadn’t got beyond kissing even though Scott had some incredible fantasies involving undressing Jason. But they were on a fast track to this being more than the build-up to a one-off, one-night stand. Endless talking about life, things they’d like to do, films and music they liked.
Okay, they’d only been on two dates if you count the first coffee after work event as a date. But it felt as if they’d known each other longer, as much as you can know a man who hasn’t got a social media presence. Who doesn’t have half a dozen places to post their views and share their pictures online these days? Jason, that’s who.
And there’d been no exchange of photos. Scott sensed there was something strange but pushed doubts aside for how good this all felt.
Scott didn’t know where they were going or what to wear. Jason had offered to pick him up from college and take him for dinner but as an impoverished student, Scott couldn’t afford to take up an eating out lifestyle and didn’t want to assume Jason would pay. So they agreed to meet for drinks later.
Scott had not been home long when his phone rang. Jason’s name flashed on the screen.
“Hi.”
“Hi, Scott. How are you?”
“I’m good. I’m just home and wondering what to wear tonight.”
“I’m sure you’ll look good whatever you wear.”
“Flattery could get you everywhere.”
“Then I intend to keep flattering.”
“So is there a reason for the call or is it just to hear the sound of my wonderful voice?”
“The sound of your voice is good. To be honest, that’s the reason I’m calling. I don’t want to wait another two hours to see you, and I’m hoping to tempt you out of your home as soon as possible.”
Scott wasn’t expecting this, and yet again Jason made him feel wanted.
“Well, I’m just home. I could shower and be ready a bit earlier, but I haven’t eaten.”
“I can feed you, Scott. We can go to eat somewhere.”
“We could but in case you haven’t noticed you’ve taken me for lunch whereas my food budget runs to homemade pasta and homemade pizza. I can’t afford to eat out.”
“You make your own pizza?”
“Yes, it’s very easy.”
“Is it? I have no idea; it sounds impressive to me. The thing is, Scott, I want to take you to dinner, and I really want to see you again. Why don’t I feed us tonight and, if you want to see me again, then you could cook pizza for us another time?”
“I could go with that plan, but I would owe you two pizzas.”
“Well, I’d like to claim on those pizzas pretty quickly if it means I get to see you more often. So what about I pull up at your place in, say, thirty minutes?”
“Oh wow, you are eager.”
“I am.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
February 2012
Jason
Jason’s stomach churned as he drove to Scott’s house. Making the call to see him was easy because Jason was eager to see Scott. And they’d texted and talked on the phone frequently since their lunch date. Even the team noticed he’d had his phone in his hand more often than usual. They’d made a few digs about how he must be dating as he had that just-got-laid look on his face. If only they knew.
Scott and Jason arranged to go out for drinks. Jason made the date so easily but knew he couldn’t go through with it. The risk was too great.
Scott may not recognize him, but everywhere Jason went there were people who did know him, and he couldn’t risk Scott finding out in that way, by someone asking for an autograph.
He took a risk when he went to the coffee shop late that Saturday night but then he was drunk, and they didn't know each other. Things changed after the lies, and the problem grew at the lunch date.
They barely knew each other when they went for lunch, but they got on so well.
Jason had to stop this before the whole problem escalated into something so big it couldn’t be contained.
He was damn sure Scott wouldn’t be concerned that he was a footballer, but he would be upset that he’d been lied to. This had to be nipped in the bud.
“I hope you don’t plan on drinking and driving,” Scott commented as he slipped into the low leather upholstered car seat.
“Never. If I drink, I’ll leave the car wherever and get a taxi, but I’m not much of a drinker despite how we met, I mean that night when I met you at work.”
“Really?” Scott's eyebrows raised.
“What, you don’t think I’d leave the car, or you think I’m a big drinker? I’d had a few that Saturday night, but that’s pretty rare, to be honest. I’m not normally like that.”
“Maybe I have a lot to learn about you.”
“That’s very true,” said Jason. “And I hope you want to discover more about me.” He drove to the end of Scott’s street.
“It’s congested around here; there’s never anywhere to park.”
“I know. All these little houses and no car parking.”
“I suppose you’ve got a garage where you live?”
“Yeah, wouldn’t have this car if I didn’t have somewhere to put it.”
Jason had barely turned on to the high road when he pulled over in some vacant parking places.
“Oh, we really are going to the takeaway fish and chip shop?”
“Thought I wanted to take you somewhere a bit nicer than that but I need to talk to you first. And I want to do that as soon as possible. I’ve got to tell you something.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
February 2012
Scott
“What?” Hundreds of questions and dark thoughts went through Scott’s mind, linked to the lack of Jason’s last name and social media profile.
“The thing is I haven’t been completely honest with you, but my intentions were honorable, and I need to tell you the truth before you find out some other way.”
Scott looked at Jason in amazement. “Okay, tell me more.”
“I really like you. I enjoyed yesterday, and I’d like to go out for a drink with you tonight but if we go to a bar, whether it’s in town or the suburbs, wherever we go in Birmingham, there's a good chance somebody will know me.”
“And you’re frightened of being seen with someone like me?” Scott was defensive. He assumed that in the closet Jason didn’t want to be seen with a guy so obviously gay.
Jason’s face flashed confusion. That can’t be what he was thinking.
“I don’t understand. I want to go out with you. I’m happy to be seen with you but not when people asked for an autograph or if they can take a selfie with me. That’s not how I want you to find out that I’m not an interpreter.”
Scott looked on in amazement. “Are you telling me you're someone famous, and I should know who you are? Am I an idiot for not recognizing you?”
“No. I’m glad you didn’t. You don't know who I am. I’m glad we’ve been able to chat without that hanging over us. Because everything else about me is true.”
“So who are you?” Scott’s brow furrowed.
“Jason Tant. Everything I have told you about my life is real, I do speak those languages, I did do those A-levels, I do travel for work, I was working when I said I was working. I’ve never been in the Big Brother house or eaten live insects on reality TV. I’m glad you don’t know who I am because it meant you’d just spend time with me, and I could spend time with you without any of that baggage.”
“And how are you famous?”
“I’m a footballer. I play with BSC and for the English national team.”
“That does sound pretty impressive,” Scott smiled.
Jason was relieved.
“So does anybody know you’re gay?”
“As I said, you’ve got to know the real me. Everything about me except my job. No one at work knows I’m gay and when I say at work, that’s a pretty big work arena. You know there are no out gay professional footballers, right?”
“Look, to be honest, I’m confused. Why are you telling me this, because I guess you don’t want to be seen out with somebody as obvious as me, so are you saying this dinner and drink is not going to happen? Are you just after a sexual assignation?” There was a time when that wouldn’t have sounded a bad proposition. Even now, Scott would have been completely up for it. He wanted to get to know the man better but if secret sex were all that was on offer, he would go for the chance to get his hands on this footballer’s skin.
“No. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I mean, I fancy you like mad. I’m not going to deny it; I’d absolutely like to do the do with you.”
Hearing the words aloud sent a wave of lust coursing through Scott’s body, hardening his cock.
“But I want to go to dinner, have drinks, get to know each other, and I wanted you to know who I am before anybody else tells you. I hope I haven’t fucked things up too badly by starting things wrong, by telling you a lie. If you liked me before you knew and wanted to get to know me better, to date and see where things go, I’m hoping we can still do that.”
Scott nodded.
“And you’ll understand I’m not ready for public displays of affection because it would bring too much of the wrong kind of attention. It’s not that I don’t want to touch you or kiss you because I do.”
A smile filled Scott's face. “That all sounds okay to me, especially the bit where you said you fancied me; and I’d like to get to know you better too.”
Jason smiled, relieved Scott took it so well. “Shall we eat first?”
“Yes, let’s eat. So you’re not an interpreter?”
“No, but I am bilingual. My mom’s Spanish. My dad was a footballer, and we traveled a lot when I was young. Anyway, let’s get it some food.”
Jason pulled away from the roadside.
“Is there any kind of food you really love or hate?”
“Types of food—there’s probably stuff I won’t e
at but I eat most things. What about you?”
“Yeah, I eat most things too. It’s mostly quite healthy; I have to keep fit. And the club prescribes a diet for me.”
“I think our lives are totally different. My life is entirely British, no exercise, dancing is the main exercise, and I didn’t follow my parents’ footsteps or dance steps, as it is.”
“And you’re not in the closet.”
“Hardly. I’ve never even had to come out; I was born out. Everyone seems to know I’m gay as if there is a big neon sign above my head.”
“Do they?” Jason’s brow slightly furrowed. “I didn't get that. I saw you with that woman at the club and thought you were a couple as you look so together. Maybe there was some clue there because every week I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”
“And why do you think that is?”
“Because you’re sexy, and I wished it was me dancing with you, not Liz.”
“Jason, we can go dancing. You dance, right?”
“I can’t behave like that with a guy in public because there is always someone with a camera. I’m playing for England, and pretty much if I came out, my career would be over. I don't want to be the only out gay footballer. Fuck it. The only gay footballer, full stop. I don’t know of any others.”
“Really? That’s incredible. No gay footballers, not that you know of.”
“Yeah, it is incredible.”
“So, who knows you're gay?”
“I guess all the guys I’ve fucked probably have an idea.”
Scott didn’t need to ask why none of the guys had outed Jason, perhaps sold his story to the newspapers. Because for the most part, that’s not what gay people did. For the most part, there was solidarity and respect for discretion.
“And my family. And my agent. A few guys from school.”
