“I’m fine with him coming back, eventually,” I say. “Like I said, I feel sorry for him. Today I got a taste of what his life must have been like, and it wasn’t pretty.”
Crosby eases off the edge of the bed. “I’m going to head out, but I’ll come back to check on you in the morning. You’re in good hands.”
“Thanks, Crosby. For everything,” I say.
“Anytime, kiddo. Ready to go?” he asks Hannah.
“Sure thing.” She comes over and pats my leg. “I’ll be back in a little bit, okay? Then we can work on getting you changed into pajamas.”
“That sounds awesome. Looking forward to it.”
“Take good care of her, Charlie,” she says as they leave.
“No worries. I was a Boy Scout, after all. I’m a highly trained professional.”
It’s a relief to see a glimmer of his humor return. “We might need to put your first aid badge to use,” I say.
Charlie runs the back of his fingers up and down my arm as we sit and contemplate the events of the past twenty-four hours. It’s hard to believe we could face so much peril in so little time. Facing down a sadistic killer was just the icing on the cake, I guess.
I touch my cheek, checking to see how tender and painful it is, and move my hand down to my ribs. Even the most careful touch makes me grit my teeth in pain.
Charlie looks like he’s going to be sick. “Hannah said … she said Herc’s dad, he kicked you?” His clenched jaw sets his face in a tight grimace.
My hand strokes his cheek. “I’m going to be okay, Charlie,” I say softly.
“I can’t believe—I mean, why would he want to hurt you?”
I can’t help but think back to the question I asked Crosby yesterday: Am I being punished? Now I’m beginning to think that everyone around me is, too. “Herc’s dad is an angry man. He’s a bully, and was furious I stood up to his son. He was even madder that I stood up to him. I guess he wanted to teach us all a lesson.”
Charlie adjusts the pillows propping me up. “How bad does it hurt?”
Pointing to the left side of my face, I explain, “I turned my head as he swung, so he got me on the cheek and ear. My ribs took the brunt of it, though.”
“Doesn’t it hurt to talk?”
“Not so much. It’s going to take more than Alonzo to shut me up.”
We stare into each other’s eyes and let ourselves drift. The idea of getting “lost” in someone’s eyes used to elicit my best, most sarcastic eye roll, but for the second time since meeting Charlie, I understand what everyone was talking about. Perhaps death intensifies the experience, adding eternity to the mix. My pulse pounds and my stomach does somersaults.
He leans in and his lips brush against my forehead in a gentle kiss. “That didn’t hurt, did it?” he asks.
“No,” I whisper.
Our lips meet, warm and soft, shy and hesitant. Everything else falls away. I forget the pain, the fear, even that we’re dead. All that matters is this kiss, and I don’t ever want it to end.
Charlie caresses the uninjured side of my face, and the kiss becomes more urgent, as if we were to stop, we might never get the chance again. My breathing is rapid despite the fiery pain engulfing my side. I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. My fingers run up his arms, coming to rest on his solid, lean shoulders. My lips part as I pull him closer.
His fingers trace down my arm, his hand coming to rest behind the small of my back as he pulls me close. I run my fingernails gently up the back of his neck, and he shudders. I tilt my head back, breathing hard as his lips move down my jaw to my collarbone.
I could get used to this.
Except the door is opening.
Charlie sits up just as Hannah walks in.
“Wow, that was quick,” I say, still in a daze.
“I was gone like half an hour,” she says with an odd, amused look on her face. “Looks like you two have been busy.”
Charlie hops up from the bed, trying to look casual and failing miserably. “Uh, I should probably, you know, get going. You two need to, uh, get ready for DSR and stuff. So, yeah, I’m going to head out.” He gives us a little salute as he leaves.
Luckily for me, I get to stay in bed propped up on pillows. I don’t have to try to act casual. Nice bonus of having dark skin? Nobody can see you blush.
“What was that?” Hannah demands, grinning.
“What was what?”
“You’re lucky you’re laid up. Otherwise I’d force it out of you.” She smooths the case of one of my pillows. “You’re going to tell me just as soon as you’re feeling a bit better.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Have it your way.” She walks over to my closet and opens the door. “Let’s get you ready for bed.”
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Waking up from DSR, I find myself feeling much better. Crosby was right, as usual, and this time I’m glad he is. The throbbing pain in my face has been replaced by a dull ache, and my ribs no longer have me feeling like I’m being crushed under a boulder. It’s more like a cinder block. I can deal with a cinder block.
It occurs to me that I haven’t seen the damage I sustained, and I feel compelled to find out how bad I look. With great care, I swing my legs over the side of my bed, preparing to stand up and head to the bathroom.
“You need some help?” Hannah asks. She’s already up and dressed.
“I think I can manage. I feel a lot better than I did last night.”
“That’s good. Looks like your calendar is pretty full this morning.”
“Really? They’re not giving me a sick day or something?”
She shakes her head. “Afraid not. Crosby is out in the lounge waiting to see you, and you know Charlie is anxious. Plus, Franklin wants to talk to you about what happened, if you’re feeling up to it. You are being released from the schedule for today, though.”
“You know what would be nice? A boring day filled with nothing. No sessions, no meetings, no drama, no chaos.” I stand up, groaning from the sudden burst of pain, and have to stop to catch my breath.
“Would you quit being so stubborn and let me help you?” Hannah asks, exasperated.
“Fine,” I relent, too tired and sore to argue. “I want to get cleaned up. I need to see for myself how bad it is.”
Hannah helps me to the bathroom; the five-second walk takes a painful couple of minutes this time. She shuts the door behind me. “You want me to get some clothes for you?” she asks through the door.
“Sure. I’d appreciate it.”
My reflection makes it clear what everyone was so upset about. My cheek is battered and puffy, and my eye is bloodshot. I look like a victim from a horror film. Or a Lifetime movie. I prod my face, testing to see how tender it is. That is a short-lived experiment with clear results. Note to self: stop poking your face.
Next up is the painful procedure of taking off my pajama top to check my ribs. The sharp, crushing pain is almost enough to make me change my mind, but with my shirt off at last, I stand in profile to get a better look. And it’s ugly. A violent display of swollen, scraped skin spreads across my side, running from my armpit down to my hip. “Damn.”
Alonzo did a number on me, but he still got the worst of it. The image of Alonzo tumbling over the edge and the sickening sound of him hitting the canyon floor runs through my head in a continuous loop. Pushing aside the memory, I set to work cleaning myself up.
I decide to take a shower, hoping the hot water will soothe my aching body. This is not a well-laid plan. It takes me several agonizing minutes to finish undressing, and the soothing shower spray I’ve expected turns out to be quite painful. I almost scream when the jets hit my side, but I manage to get myself turned around so my sore ribs are away from the spray.
Even wrapping a towel around myself hurts. I’m suffering from the result of trying to do too much, too soon. Once out of the shower, I limp to the door. Luckily for me, Hannah is waiting, and she helps m
e over to my bed.
“Ready to get dressed?” she asks.
“No, but let’s do it anyway.”
She helps me into clean clothes, and, despite the pain, I feel better. Clean and sore beats dirty and sore any day.
Hannah helps me get situated on the window seat with an extra pillow under my legs. “If you’re ready, I’ll go get Crosby.”
“That’s fine.”
The view of the sprawling city enthralls me. So many of the buildings are an exercise in architectural impossibility, but I guess anything’s possible in Atman. It’s sad to know I’ll never get closer than this again, but after the past few frightening days, I think I’ll be able to make my peace with staying away.
Hannah lets Crosby in before ducking back out to Morning Mediation. Something in his presence, right in this moment, pulls at me. Perhaps it’s the recognition of what he’s been trying to do, what he’s been trying to protect me from despite my resistance and rebellion. Whatever the trigger, I’m overcome with a sense of sorrow and regret.
“How you feeling today?” he asks, joining me on the bench seat.
“Better, but not great.”
Any lingering grudge I may have been holding is officially over, halted by my awareness of what lies outside the safety of our towers and administrative complex. “Crosby?”
“What is it, kiddo?”
I swallow back a lump in my throat. My voice gets small. “I’m sorry. For everything. I know I’ve been … ” I lean my head on his shoulder, exhausted.
“Where’d this come from?”
“I just, I had no idea how bad it could be. You tried to warn me. If I’d listened instead of—”
“Shh,” Crosby says, giving me a gentle squeeze. “Don’t do this to yourself. It’s over. You’re going to be okay, Dez.”
“Hope so.”
“You think I’m going to give you a choice?”
“Why start now, right? Somebody as bossy as you doesn’t change his ways.” I sniffle, smiling a little.
“See, you’re learning. Now you just need to learn to listen the first time.”
“You think I’m going to make your job easy?”
“Hardly.” He laughs, and reaches in his coat pocket. He pulls out a small jar. “I brought you something.”
“What’s that? Anti-dead cream?”
“You wish. Sorry I didn’t have it last night, but the stuff isn’t exactly abundant. Took me a while to track it down.”
“So, what is it?”
“You’ll see.” He opens the jar and dabs what looks to be an ointment on his fingers.
The scent makes my eyes water. “Wow, that stinks.”
“You won’t be complaining in a second.” He reaches over and dabs the foul stuff on my cheek.
The pain is instantly reduced. I touch my cheek and it feels like a bruise that has almost fully healed. Only the tiniest dull ache remains. “Ooh, get my ribs. That’s amazing stuff.”
“Told you.” He lifts up just the corner of my shirt and pats the ointment all over my side.
I groan in relief. “I love you, Crosby.”
“I figured you might.”
“So if I only got hurt because I believed I could, does this stuff heal me because I believe it will? Or does it have some sort of otherworldly properties?”
“If I told you, it might stop working,” he says with a mysterious smile.
“Where did you get it?”
“Let’s say I have my ways, and leave it at that.” His voice has an odd tone, one that doesn’t encourage further questions.
I take a deep breath to test my ribs and feel only a slight twinge. “Well, wherever you got it, thanks.” I pull my shirt down and lean back against the seat. “You’ll be glad to know that between Delphine and yesterday’s hike, I’m cured of any desire to visit the city again. I mean, it’s still beautiful, but if there are more Alonzos in there, you can keep it.”
Crosby lets out a sigh of relief. “I’m glad to hear it.”
“Not to mention, uh … you have a bit of a temper.”
“Damn straight.”
“And you kind of freaked me out.”
“Good.” Crosby puts his legs up on the bench so we’re sitting feet to feet. He nudges my foot with his. “You and I are going to be spending some quality time together, you know. Doctor’s orders.”
It takes me a minute to realize what he’s talking about. “Right, Kay. So what did she decide?”
“She’ll tell you the details, but the nuts and bolts of it is I’m your go-to guy.”
“What’s that mean?”
“You come talk to me anytime you need to, and I keep checking up on you, keep after you to follow Kay’s direction, that kind of thing. Kay has some more specific tasks for us, but that’s the gist of it.”
“Like bringing me magical healing salve when I need it.”
“Exactly. Although, we’re going to do our best to make sure you never need it again.”
“You get no argument from me.”
Crosby nudges my foot again. “You want to get out of here?”
“You read my mind.”
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
I’ve made too many trips to the drama buffet, and I am full. Franklin wants to see me, I know, but I’ve done enough rehashing for one morning, so I opt for some happy drama. Charlie. It surprises me, a little, how much I want to see him. I head for his room in a hurry, hoping he’s there.
“Come on in,” he calls out when I knock.
He’s reading on the bench seat by the window. I’m not sure whom he was expecting, because he doesn’t even look up to see who’s paying him a visit.
I sit next to him. “What’re you reading?”
A big grin lights up his face as he holds up the spine of his book for inspection. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. My heart melts a little.
“So, what are you doing up? I thought you’d be recuperating in bed.” He reaches over to touch my face and the familiar rush of butterflies takes flight in my stomach. He runs his fingers across my cheek; his eyes search for damage. “I was going to come check on you in a little while, but I wanted to let you rest.”
“I’m feeling fine today,” I whisper as I close the small distance between us. Our faces are inches apart, and I can feel his breath warm and ragged against my lips.
“I’m glad you’re better.”
He places his gentle hands on the small of my back, pulling me in close. I let out a soft gasp and the familiar sensation of everything falling away takes me once again. I run my shy and careful fingers through his hair. There’s an awkward excitement possessing our hands and lips. His fingers move up to my face, pulling me into a deep kiss that leaves us both breathless.
Eternity sounds pretty good if it’s going to be like this. I lay my head on his chest and settle into his arms.
“So, what do you want to do?” he asks.
“Other than this? Because I’m totally fine with staying right here. They’ve given me a free day to recover. Want to join me?”
He squeezes me tight. “I wish I could. I’m free until OIA, though.”
“OIA?”
“Opportunities in Action.”
I cross my arms on his chest and prop myself up. “Huh?”
“The work program. You still haven’t read the manual, have you?”
“I’m taking the Fifth on that.” I lean in and kiss his jawline. “What I would love is a quiet, normal day. I don’t want to fight with anyone. I just want to relax. Is that even possible around here?”
Charlie runs his fingers up and down my back. If he keeps it up, he can forget about his job.
“If a lounge day is what you want, a lounge day you will get.”
“I’ll believe it when it happens.”
“I promise you things will slow down. You’ve had a crazy batch of bad luck, but it’s going to get better.”
“I hope so.” I snuggle up against him. “This is sure an improvement.”
/>
“Yes it is.” He kisses my forehead. “Forbidden or not, I don’t care.”
“We’ll just have to be sneaky, I guess.”
We sit in daydream silence, holding each other and enjoying the newness of our feelings.
“Charlie? When you were alive, did you ever think about what happens when we die?”
“Not really. I was too busy being invincible. Did you?”
“Not as it applied to me specifically, but yes.” I hesitate. “Do you mind if I tell you about my friend Aaron?”
“Of course not. You can tell me about anything. You know that.”
The story comes tumbling out, like I’ve been waiting since the train to tell it. “He was my best friend. His family lived right across the street from me in this amazing Victorian house, complete with a huge outdoor racetrack for radio-controlled cars.”
“Nice.”
“I know, right? Every boy’s dream. They moved in when Aaron and I were both five. We met when he came over to play. I think his parents were unpacking and my mom volunteered to get Aaron out of their hair for a few hours. He was six days older than me, and always hung it over my head. He teased me about how he was so much more mature. We were inseparable. He never gave the fact that I was black and had white parents a second thought. It was as natural to him as it was to me. Even when we reached the ‘boys have cooties and girls are gross’ phase, we stayed close.
“He wasn’t just my best friend; he was my first crush, and my first slow dance.” I smile, remembering that night in middle school, which now seems so long ago. “Right around that time—we were twelve—Aaron started getting headaches, and he was tired all the time. He went from athletic to zero energy pretty fast, and after a few weeks of not getting any better, his parents took him to the doctor.” I close my eyes, marveling at the pain that still comes when I think of Aaron. “It was so quick. He was diagnosed with leukemia in November, and by summer he was gone. Just like that.” I snap my fingers.
“I’m sorry,” Charlie says. He runs his fingers up and down my back.
“I needed to tell someone. He was my best friend and I still miss him so much, even five years later. I guess I never let myself get close to anyone after him.” I look up at Charlie’s eyes with a shy smile.
Life, A.D. Page 23
