Riot Bentley
My finger touched the screen to answer the call, and my arm raised the phone to my ear, but my mouth hadn’t gotten the memo yet that it was time to converse.
“How…. What…. How….” I stammered.
“Kalli?”
Oh, God, that voice. That melodious voice that wrapped around me like velvet and chocolate and fire.
“How?” I continued to ponder. How in the hell had he happened to call me at the same moment I was thinking of calling him? After weeks of not speaking. After never having spoken on the phone. “You called me,” I finally managed.
“Kalli, are you all right?”
“You called me, right when I was going to call you….” My voice drifted away, my mind still not able to compute everything happening. It was too weird. Too coincidental.
“You were going to call me?” He sounded hopeful.
“I was thinking about it.”
“I think about you all the time.”
Seven words, those seven words, were all it took to stop my heart. My eyes closed, my breath halted, my entire system shut down as if it were trying to preserve the moment. If I never took another breath, I’d never have to let this moment go. I would live and die in his words, his admission that he was just as hung up on me as I was on him.
I finally exhaled and it was loud and embarrassing, making it obvious I’d been holding my breath. I opened my mouth to speak, but before I could get a word out, I heard his voice again.
“I’m in Victoria, I have been for a while, and I was going to head back, was going to drive right through Seattle. I kept telling myself I wasn’t going to bother you, wasn’t going to force you to see me, but I know if I drive through Seattle and don’t at least try to see you, I’ll regret it.”
“You’re driving through Seattle?” This time, it was me who sounded hopeful.
“Yeah,” he said on an exhale. “I am. Can I see you?”
“Yeah,” I said, sounding just as relieved as he did.
“Okay, if I leave right now I can make it there in about five hours.”
I pulled the phone away from my ear, checking the time. “That would put you here at three a.m. Why don’t you just sleep there and leave in the morning?”
“I’m not sure I can sleep if I know I’m just going to see you in the morning.”
His words were sweet and soft, and I sort of agreed with him. I had excited nerves running through my body and I wasn’t sure sleep was something I would be capable of either.
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Okay,” he agreed, and I heard him start to move, sounds that made me think of him shoving things into a duffle bag, hastily slipping on a pair of shoes. He was coming to me. “Can you text me your address?”
Suddenly, all the excitement left my body and was replaced with fear. My address? He couldn’t come to my house. I hadn’t thought this through.
“Let’s meet someplace else,” I said, my voice sounding worried and rushed.
“Someplace else?”
“Yeah, uh, there’s a viewpoint where we can meet, look out over the skyline. It’s called Hamilton Park.”
“You don’t want me to come to your house?” He sounded a little hurt and even more suspicious. “Are you married?”
“No! God, no. I’m not married. I just don’t think it’s best for you to come here.”
“Okay, I guess that’s valid. I’ll see you there in about four and a half hours.”
“Thanks. I’ll see you there.” I disconnected and then stared at my phone for a moment, trying to stave off the freak out I could feel building up inside of me. What in the world had I agreed to? And what did one wear to meet someone at a viewpoint in the middle of the night? Good God, this was a mistake.
I stood up and took my wine back inside, then went to raid my closet. An hour later when Nancy tried to quietly sneak in the front door I accosted her before she made it to her room.
“Nancy, I need you to stay with Marcus for a little while.”
“All right, is he awake?” She looked around the house, her eyes looking at the kitchen table and the couch, then back at me with confusion.
“No, he’s asleep, but I’m going to be leaving in an hour or two.”
“So, you need me to go to sleep and be here when he wakes up, like normal?”
“Yes,” I said, pointing at her with an index finger. “That’s exactly what I need you to do.”
“Okay,” she said, crossing her arms. “What’s going on?”
“I met someone a few weeks ago, and he’s going to be in town in a few hours so I’m going to meet him.”
“He’s going to be here? You’re going to meet him?”
I rolled my eyes at her. “Yes, it’s a guy.”
“Who is it?” Her voice turned soft and curious, almost teasing.
“His name is Riot Bentley and he was the male lead in the video shoot I did for Lexi Black.”
“Oh,” she said, and I could almost see her brain working, trying to piece together all the information. When the last puzzle piece fell into place her eyes widened and fell back to me. “Oh….” Now she was definitely teasing me.
“I’m going to go try and sleep for a bit before I go.”
“Why are you meeting him at such a strange time?”
“He’s driving down from Victoria and didn’t want to wait.”
“Couldn’t wait until daylight to see you?” Her eyebrows raised, lips pursed, as if she was waiting for me to come to the same conclusion as her, waiting for me to catch up with her.
“Don’t,” I pleaded. “He was going to pass through Seattle on his way back home anyway.”
“All right….” She winked at me as she walked to her bedroom door. “If you don’t come home or text me by ten a.m. I will send the police to search for your body.”
“He’s not a serial killer.”
She just shrugged in response. Then she went into her bedroom but I heard her voice from the other side of her door. “Ten a.m., Kalli.”
“All right,” I replied, trying to keep my voice down, not wanting to wake Marcus.
Chapter Eight
It Could Be Wonderful
Three hours later I was sitting in my car, heater and headlights on, waiting for Riot to appear. I hadn’t given it much thought beforehand, but the viewpoint was closed after sundown, so the gates were locked. I was parked right outside them and I figured we’d find somewhere else to go once he arrived. I’d left my house and nearly turned around three different times. I couldn’t recall another time in my life I’d been so nervous.
Riot had said he couldn’t stop thinking about me, but I wasn’t sure what context we were meeting under. I wondered why he wanted to see me, wondered if he couldn’t imagine being with anyone else, wondered if he found it hard to concentrate on simple, everyday things for thoughts of me. But I also tried not to think of anything, because that made me nervous too.
Headlights appeared around the bend in the road and I watched as a car slowed, passed me, then turned around and pulled up right behind me. Suddenly, I was awash with all the reasons why this was a very stupid idea. The headlights turned off and I saw someone exit the vehicle. I saw the outline of a man walking toward my car and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I couldn’t see any fine details, but for some reason I was mesmerized by him.
When he came to my door, I watched as he bent down, and then Riot’s beautiful face was filling my field of vision and the corners of my mouth curled up into a shy smile. He motioned for me to roll down my window, and I quickly moved to do so, silently cursing myself for just sitting there like an idiot, staring at him.
“Hey, you made it,” I said once my window was down.
“Yeah, it wasn’t a bad drive at all.” He stood up a little straighter, looking around, then his eyes came back to me. “You wanna go for a walk?”
“The viewpoint is closed. I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about the fact that it might not be o
pen. We can go someplace else if you’d like.”
“Do you always follow the rules?” His question caught me off guard; no one had ever asked me that before. Especially not with the implication that he wanted me to break them. He had no idea that just by meeting him there I had already broken almost every rule I’d made for myself.
“What are you suggesting?”
“I’m suggesting you get out of the car, walk with me through those gates, and live a little.” His smile was radiant, and it reached all the way to his eyes. It was impossible to say no to that smile. So I opened the door, unfolded myself from the car, and shut it behind me, my smile matching his.
“Hi,” I said, grinning widely, now standing right in front of him.
“Hey,” he replied, his eyes roaming over my face. “Thanks for agreeing to see me.” His hand reached out and I watched as it wrapped around mine, palm to palm. The same butterflies that invaded my stomach the first time he held my hand came out from their hiding places and fluttered through me, sending a blush all the way to my cheeks. I was thankful at that point for the darkness that hid my reaction to his hand wrapped around mine.
“Come on, let’s go.”
He tugged on my hand and pulled me toward the gate. We walked in silence, making our way down the road meant for cars, until we came to the parking lot. Although we didn’t speak, my body was alive with his touch. Just his hand on mine caused so many zings of electricity to radiate through me. I was a step behind him, letting him lead the way, and I took the opportunity to admire him. He wore a jean jacket that matched the denim of his pants, with combat boots. The laces were loose, not even pretending to hold the shoes to his feet. I saw a white t-shirt poking out of the hem of his jacket and I also saw a leather cuff bracelet wrapped around the wrist of the hand I wasn’t holding. I’d never been with a guy who wore jewelry before, but I couldn’t deny the fact that I found that bracelet incredibly sexy.
He led me to the edge of the parking lot where there was a dilapidated wooden fence, obviously meant for looks, not purpose, as it wasn’t going to keep anyone away from the ledge if they truly wanted to get close. There were also a few benches, one of which Riot walked straight toward. He sat, then pulled me down to sit next to him, and there was no distance between us.
A few moments of pregnant silence passed, but then he spoke.
“I’m sorry about the way I acted the last time we were together, about how I said goodbye. It was a douche move and I regret it.”
He turned his face toward me and even though we were sitting in complete darkness, the shiny caramel of his eyes shone through, and he looked sorry.
“I’m not going to lie, that was really confusing.”
He picked up our hands, which were still linked, and brought them to his lap. “I know,” he said on a sigh, obviously upset with himself. “I was having a hard time dealing with the fact that I really liked you, but you didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I mean,” he said, backpedalling, “besides being friends. But I’ll be really honest with you, I didn’t want to be your friend. I still don’t want to be just your friend.”
“Riot—” I began, but he cut me off.
“No, I know, you’re not looking for a relationship. I remember, trust me. But,” he sighed loudly, then looked back to me. “I just can’t get you out of my mind.”
I was taken aback by his honesty, by the way he seemed to truly be just as caught up in me as I was in him. It didn’t feel like we’d spent weeks apart; I felt like we were still on the grass at the waterfront, still just us.
“I’m sorry, Riot. I just can’t be with someone that way.”
“So, you could sleep with me, spend the night with me, and then just walk away?”
My heart thundered in my chest, listening to him talk about us being together in that way affected me on a base level. It was everything my body craved, but also everything my heart was afraid of.
“I don’t know if I could walk away after being with you, Riot. Which is why we can’t ever let that happen.” I looked out over the city, lights twinkling from far away. I heard him scoff, could tell he was shaking his head.
“I don’t understand you, Kalli.”
I shrugged. “Not many do.”
“But I want to. Doesn’t that count for anything? Doesn’t the fact that I’ve spent the last few weeks of my life trying desperately to forget about you, only to find myself driving through the night to finally touch you, even if it’s just this, just our hands—doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
“I’m not sure what it means to me. I don’t know much of anything when it comes to you. Just that you affect me more than anyone ever has.” So much truth came from me in one sentence. There had never been another man in my life who I wanted so much. I couldn’t risk being with him, couldn’t trust myself to walk away.
“Can you please, for my sake, tell me why you are this way? Why you won’t let anyone get close to you?”
“It’s not something I can really explain. I’ve never tried.”
“Could you try though, for me?”
I didn’t know Riot from a hole in the wall—not really. He was just a guy I’d met at work and spent one afternoon with. He could have been any number of guys I spent an evening with and then discarded. He was, in reality, less knowledgeable about me than many of the men I’d slept with and then walked away from. But, in that moment, sitting on that bench, with my hand wrapped in both of his, I had the distinct urge to let him in. To tell him what I’d never explained to a single other person before. So, I took a deep breath and decided to take the leap. Even if it was the scariest thing I would ever do, I had the feeling I would regret it if I let him go without an explanation.
“When I was seven, my dad left us. It was my birthday and I’ll never forget it. Luckily for my mom, a few years later she met Dave. Dave was her savior, made up for all the crap my real father put her through.” I paused, taking a deep breath, unsure of where to go from there. “Dave was as close to a father as I’ll ever get. It wasn’t a perfect relationship between us, but it was good. He was good. He never made me feel like I was the tagalong to my mom, like he got roped into being a father figure. He was present and he was good to me.”
Before I could get the next sentence out, a smile crept over my face. “When I was thirteen, my mom and Dave had a baby. I got a little brother, Marcus.” My smile grew wider and I looked out over the viewpoint, taking in the twinkling lights of the city skyscrapers. “I was thrilled to have a baby brother. He was so cute and it was almost like I could play house with him. I got to carry him, feed him, play with him, but then when he cried I could just hand him back to my mom. He was like a real, live baby doll.”
I turned to look at Riot’s face to find him smiling back at me and he gave my hand a gentle squeeze, almost as if he were trying to encourage me to continue.
“Marcus was the first boy in my world who loved me unconditionally from the very beginning. He was my brother so, I mean, he was kind of obligated, but I swear, Riot, he loved me harder than anyone I’d ever met.” I paused, thinking back to Marcus growing up, the little boy he became, how rambunctious he’d been. A small laugh escaped with just the image of him in my mind. “My mom loved me, of course, but when my father left, things were hard for her and I always knew it was my fault she was alone.”
“Anyway,” I said with a sigh. “When I was twenty, and away at school in New York, my family was in a car accident. A really terrible accident.” I took in a deep breath and tried to muster the courage to tell the story I had avoided telling so many times in my life. “They were in the car on their way to the airport to come visit me in New York. They were driving over a bridge and another car swerved into their lane. Dave tried to avoid it, but only managed to hit another car at just the right angle, sending their car over the guardrail and into the river.”
“Oh, God, Kalli….” Riot’s voice was pained and apologetic. But, instead of listening to him tell me how sor
ry he was, I kept talking. If I was talking, hopefully I wouldn’t cry.
“Dave died instantly, something to do with the force of hitting the car before they went into the water. My mom had injuries from the crash that left her unconscious, so she ended up drowning once the car filled with water. But Marcus, well, a very brave man dove into the water and rescued him.” I paused for a moment, looking out over the view of the city, taking just a moment to wonder where that man might be. He’d so drastically altered our lives. So bravely dove into that water and done something I’d be forever grateful for, but I was never gifted the opportunity to thank him or even know his name. He’d wanted to remain anonymous.
“Unfortunately, he was without oxygen for too long and he was left with permanent brain damage.” I said the words and I knew they weren’t enough; weren’t enough to totally encapsulate everything about Marcus and his condition. “He’s been through so many years of therapy, and still goes every week, but he’s as better as he’s ever going to get. He was stunted at age seven. So, even though he’s a monster at six foot two and seventeen years old, he thinks and acts like a seven-year-old—a seven-year-old with mental handicaps at that.”
“Shit, Kal, that’s awful.”
I looked back to him, curious about his choice of words. Awful. It was, wasn’t it? Awful. Most people would say sad, or lucky, or even say it was a miracle. But it was awful. For everyone involved, especially Marcus. He didn’t know any better, and would never fully understand what the accident had cost him, but it was awful. He’d never get to do everything he was entitled to, never live alone, never marry, never have children. But he’d live long enough to watch everyone around him live their lives, stuck and never able to move forward.
I was constantly worried for him, worried that one day he’d realize how much he was missing. He’d come to a place in his life where he realized normal twenty-somethings didn’t live with their sisters, didn’t need around the clock care from a medical professional, could drive, have a job, have a girlfriend, could be fathers. One day it would all come crashing down around him and I’d have to watch it happen, have to be there to help him through that. But nothing would ever change for him. There would be no progress. He would be stagnant for the rest of his life and so would I.
Never Standing Still Page 8
