I was on this ride with him. I was responsible for him and I had been for the last ten years.
“I’m his guardian, Riot. I’m the one who has to take care of him, be around for him, and make sure he’s all right. And that’s the way it will be for the rest of my life. You can see how that would complicate my dating life.”
“Complicate, yes,” he said carefully, “but not eliminate. Have you ever given anyone the chance to try and prove you wrong?”
Shivers ran down my spine as his words washed over me, but I shook my head. “Try? Try what? To wiggle their way into Marcus’ life and then leave him when they figure out they can’t deal? Try to confuse and crush my brother? He’s fragile enough as it is, he doesn’t need that kind of upset in his life.”
“I totally understand what you’re saying, Kalli, really I do, but it almost feels like you’re punishing yourself and then convincing yourself it’s for his benefit. What if you had a child? What if you were just a single mom? Would you swear off men then?”
I stood at his words, now with anger zipping through my limbs, electrifying me. “Those are two different things, Riot. He’s not a child, and I’m not just a single mom. He’s a mentally handicapped man. He’ll be in my care forever. There won’t ever be a time when he isn’t around. There will be no weekend getaways, no honeymoons, and no vacations. There will never be a time when Marcus isn’t there. He’s a permanent fixture.”
“I think that’s a little drastic,” he said, his voice low, almost patronizing.
“You think it’s drastic? You think I’m over exaggerating? You have no idea what you’re talking about, Riot. You don’t have a clue.” My heart was racing with panic as I was beginning to think I’d made a mistake in opening up to him.
“Listen, Kalli, I just think you’ve put yourself in a box and closed it up tight. And even though someone wants to open it up, to give you a little light, you’ve decided to make it impossible.”
“And you think you’re the one to do that? To show me a little light? This has been my life for ten years, Riot. You don’t think I know a little more about this than you?”
“Undoubtedly, but you haven’t let anyone try. Let me try.”
“It’s not worth it,” I muttered, turning away from him and facing the city again. “I’d let you in, you’d make yourself comfortable, then you’d realize what you’d gotten yourself into and be gone again.”
“Now you’re not giving me enough credit. You’ve got really low expectations of everyone around you while holding yourself to ridiculously high ones.” I heard him stand and walk toward me. “You could at least let me earn the disappointment you’ve already attached to me. Let me have the opportunity to change your mind about how it could be.”
He came to stand next to me, but didn’t touch me. “It’s not that simple,” I whispered, a little ashamed at how broken I sounded. “I can’t let you hurt him, I’ve already hurt him enough.”
“Kal,” he said gently, his hand gripping my arm, pulling me to him. He brought my head to his shoulder with his other hand, and I went willingly. Allowing myself, for just one moment, to feel him. He stroked my hair while his other arm wound itself around my waist, making sure I was pressed firmly against him.
“I don’t know what kind of men you’ve surrounded yourself with in the past, but I can promise you I’ll never intentionally hurt you. And I wouldn’t dream of hurting your brother. I can’t guarantee everything will work out, but I would never hurt you, Kal.”
“It’s the unknown that worries me most. The things neither one of us can guarantee.”
“You can’t protect him from everything. Have you ever considered that by keeping him from being hurt, you might also be keeping him from being happy? I know you’re preventing yourself from finding happiness, but what about him? Couldn’t he benefit from a healthy relationship with a man? Couldn’t you both? It doesn’t have to be dangerous or hurtful, Kalli. It could be wonderful.” His words were whispered against my ear, his hand stroking slowly down the back of my neck, smoothing down my hair.
His words were weapons against every piece of armor I’d ever put up, and my defenses were crumbling around his voice.
“We could be so wonderful,” he said, his voice so low and pleading.
I’d never heard anyone mean what they said as much as he did in that moment. He believed, with every fiber of his soul, the words he was saying to me; I could feel it. In that instant, like a lightning strike, I was convinced to believe him, to let him in, even if it meant heartache down the road. I simply couldn’t keep myself closed up anymore. He’d pried the lid off the box and now that I’d seen his light shining in, I wanted out.
I pulled my face away from his shoulder, slowly moving to look him in the eye. His caramel eyes shone back at me, searching mine for any indication of where I was headed or what I would do next. My gaze fell from his eyes and wandered down to his lips, and I let myself remember how lush they’d looked that day at the waterfront. Even now, with the moonlight illuminating them, they looked inviting.
“Don’t forget your promise,” I whispered, my eyes darting back and forth between his lips and eyes.
“I’ll never do anything to hurt you,” he said again, still a whisper, but adamant.
“Kiss me,” I breathed out, my voice shaky and low.
He paused for a moment, tilted his head slightly, then slowly moved his mouth closer to mine. I watched his eyes as he moved closer still, silently begging him to be the man he claimed to be. Willing him to not make me regret that moment. Pleading with him to make me whole again, to show me how to be the person he saw me as.
When his lips met mine I expected heat, fireworks, sirens, something. But what I felt was relief. A strange, yet absolutely wonderful, feeling of respite came over me. For just that instant, I was weightless. I was suspended in time, feeling his lips against mine and nothing else.
Then, just one moment later, the heat came. As his lips brushed over mine, the friction built and the warmth rolled over me, stinging along my spine, trembling in my hands. His hand moved to the back of my neck, just as it had that first day we’d worked together, and he gripped me there as his tongue teased the seam of my lips.
Without permission, my mouth yielded to him, opening, inviting him in, and a moan escaped me when he took that first hesitant pass with his tongue.
With one hand on my neck and the other cupping my cheek, he pressed into me, taking more from me in one kiss than I’d ever given anyone with all of my body. He licked, nibbled, tasted and took. And all I could do was give myself over to him. I could hear his breath pulling in heavily through his nose as our lips passed over one another’s. I felt his fingers flex against the skin of my neck, and after a minute or two, his erection pressing hard into my belly.
My hands found their way to his narrow hips, sliding around his waist to the back of him. I gripped his shirt beneath his jacket, digging my fingers into the fabric, trying to bring him as close to me as possible.
We stood at this abandoned viewpoint, just us and the city, sharing a kiss with the sky. The kiss never tapered, never waned. It built and burned, and soon his hands moved down, floating over my body. They moved over my shoulders, down my arms, and then to my waist. His hands wound around me, the feeling of his big hands moving over my skin making my breath hitch in my lungs and my heart pound with need.
He was so tall that my neck was stretched, arching to meet his mouth with mine, my toes stretching to bring me closer. When his arms became tight around my waist, I yelped as he lifted me, bringing my face level with his. He moved backward and I trusted him to carry me, and in one swift movement, he swung my body and caught the back of my knees with one arm, the other arm cradling my back, mouth still assaulting mine, still kissing me as if this were the last time either one of us would ever kiss again, and we were going to make it last.
We lowered, me still wrapped in his arms, mine wound around his neck, and I slowly realized he’d broug
ht us back to one of the benches that lined the viewpoint. We sat and he placed me on his lap, my rear on the bench with my legs draped over him. With his hands free, not needing to hold on to me anymore, they moved up and into my hair. The kiss, up until this point, had been the perfect blend of heat and anticipation, but in this instant it changed into almost reverent.
His tongue gently danced with mine, his thumbs softly caressed my cheeks, the backs of his fingers trailed gingerly down the sensitive skin of my neck. My body was verging on sensation overload and all we were doing was kissing. I wanted to push myself, to push him, to make the most of our kiss.
I pulled back slightly and, as if he were drawn to me, unable to break away, his mouth simply moved to my neck, splaying kisses wherever his mouth found purchase. With his lips pressed up against one particular spot below my ear, groaning, I moved my leg over his lap to straddle him. Once I was seated on him, feeling the erection that was pressed against me earlier, I heard him growl as he placed his hands on my hips, holding me down firmly against him.
“I’ve thought about touching you like this for weeks, Kalli,” he mumbled against my neck. He pulled his face back and his gaze met mine. “Ever since that first time we met, and you knelt in front of me in that trailer, I couldn’t help but picture my hands on you.”
His words made my breath catch in my throat, my pulse hammer in my chest, and every part of my body below my belly seize up, clenching with anticipation. I remembered that moment, remembered how mortified I had been to blush while kneeling in front of him. Knowing he’d felt it too, that he’d been just as affected as I had, made any last reservations I had about him and us melt away.
My hands found their way under his t-shirt and I moved them slowly up the skin of his abdomen, taking every chance I could to feel the ridges of hard muscle as my hands rippled over them. Simultaneously, his hands trailed down from my hips, down my thighs, all the way to my knees, and then back up again. Only, on the way up, they slid around to the back and rounded my ass, pausing once the fleshiest part was cupped in his hands. He pulled me against him again, eliminating any space between us, causing me to gasp at the jolt of pleasure that concentrated in my core.
His mouth found mine and I was lost in him again. His hands slid up my back under my shirt as he kissed me, and I thought about the fact that we both had our hands on the skin of the other, thought about the need I felt to touch him in that moment, to use my hands to connect with him. I had never experienced that with a man before. When I was physical with anyone, there was one goal: to orgasm, to release, to forget. But somehow I knew that with Riot, if we ever got the chance to be together in that way, it would be drastically and markedly less one-sided.
I wouldn’t be using him simply to escape, or for pleasure—although I’m sure there’d be enough of that to go around. I got the distinct impression that sex with Riot would be an experience in uniting. Whatever happened, it would happen to both of us because the two of us were there sharing something together. A uniqueness I’d never experienced before.
Kissing Riot on this bench in the middle of a deserted parking lot wasn’t a race to get each other’s clothes off. He didn’t want to take me on that bench. He simply wanted to feel me, and I took the opportunity to feel as much of him as I could.
When the kiss finally slowed, and Riot’s hands moved back up to my shoulders, pushing my hair away from my face, he pulled his lips from mine with just a few tender kisses as if he wasn’t ready to let me go just yet.
I opened my eyes and saw that dawn had just barely broken, and the sky was painted with orange and pink watercolor hues. Suddenly, without his arms pulling me close to his body, I was cold.
“Hey,” he said, one hand coming up to frame the side of my face. “You all right?”
I nodded silently, biting my bottom lip, avoiding his eyes.
“Hey,” he said, more insistently this time, using a finger to draw my chin up so our eyes met again. “What’s all that about?”
I shrugged, trying to hide a smile and the blush I could feel creeping up my chest. “That was really nice.”
An adorable half-grin came over him and his eyes twinkled. “Babe, that was a lot of things, but I could think of many adjectives besides nice to describe it.”
I slapped the bulging muscle of his bicep, noting that I’d probably hurt myself more than him, and laughed. “You know what I mean.”
“I do,” he said, his sweet smile returning as he leaned forward, kissing me gently once more. “As much as I’d love to stay here with you, I think we both need to get some sleep.”
I exhaled, then nodded. “Yeah.”
“Can I see you tonight? Bring you dinner? I’d love to meet your brother.”
My stomach dropped at his request and all my hardwired defenses snapped to attention. I had never brought a man to my house before. Riot must have noticed my panic because he instantly started trying to soothe me, one hand coming to my face as he said gently, “Hey, don’t shut down on me now, Kalli. I just want to meet him. And I want to see you. And as beautiful as you look right now, with the sunrise behind you, your hair all crazy from my hands, I’d like to see you when I’m not exhausted from driving all night. I’d like to see you in your home, with your family.”
“Okay,” I whispered, trying to maintain even breaths. This was something I wasn’t used to; letting a man in, allowing him access to parts of me that I always kept private, kept safe.
Chapter Nine
His Irresistible Charm
That evening, when my doorbell rang, I opened the door to find Riot standing on my porch, looking just as sexy as he had every other time I’d seen him. However, this time he had a gleam in his eye I hadn’t noticed before, but recognized as pride when he stepped forward and kissed me square on the mouth before I’d even opened the door wide enough for him to come in.
It was a short kiss, but it was hot and just a little bit wet, with the slightest hint of his tongue against my lips.
“Hi,” I said as I smiled at him.
“Hey. I promise I won’t kiss you in front of your brother, but I wanted to get one in, you know, just to ease the pressure.” His smirk was evident and did nothing to tamp down the wave of arousal his kiss caused.
“Kalli, who’s at the door?” Marcus’ voice roared through the house. He was playing his Wii and couldn’t be bothered to get up, so his deep voice echoed down the hall.
“Sorry¸ he’s in the family room, can’t be bothered to leave his video game.” Before the words had made it past my lips, Riot’s mouth was on mine and my back was pressed up against the door. His hands were full of pizza and a six-pack, but his hips worked just fine pinning me back, and his mouth was aflame against mine. My hands ran up the front of him, enjoying the landscape of his chest as I went, and I wound them around his neck, feeling the soft hair just at the nape.
“I decided,” he said between small kisses, “to take advantage of him being in the other room. I promise it won’t happen again.”
My hands retreated, again loving the feel of his chest as they moved down his front, and I slid back down to rest flat on my feet.
“There can be no more of that,” I said breathily, not helping me sound convincing at all.
“Pizza,” he said as he lifted one hand. “Beer,” he said, gesturing with the other.
“Great. Marcus loves pizza.” I waved my arm out, indicating he should come all the way in the house, and closed the door behind him. I led Riot back to the kitchen and started grabbing plates and forks. I looked up when I heard big clomping footsteps coming down the hall, knowing Marcus was on his way into the kitchen. I took a deep breath and then looked to the doorway. When his big frame came into view, I gave him a reassuring smile.
He saw me, smiled, and then his eyes found Riot. His smile faltered a little, which caused my heart rate to skyrocket, but within a few seconds it was back to normal and he was making his way into the small dining room attached to the kitchen.
“Marcus, this is my friend Riot. He was in that music video I worked on, remember?”
His eyes squinted a little, then opened wide. “Yeah, you got to kiss that pretty girl, Lexi Black.”
Riot laughed a little, then moved toward Marcus, holding out his hand. “Great to meet you, Marcus.”
“You’re friends with Kalli?”
“Yup.”
“She doesn’t have any friends,” Marcus said, matter-of-factly.
“Marcus, stop it. I have friends,” I said, blushing, trying to recover from the embarrassment his words caused.
“Then how come you never have them over? Riot is the first person you’ve ever brought home.” Marcus stopped talking and noticed the pizza box on the table. “We’re having pizza for dinner? Awesome!” And just like that we’d moved on.
“Riot brought it, wasn’t that nice?”
“Thanks!” Marcus exclaimed, obviously excitable about food.
“No problem, your sister said you liked pizza.”
“Kalli, my favorite show is going to start soon. Can we eat in the living room?” I winced on the inside. I usually tried to keep the food in the dining room as Marcus was a spiller, but I didn’t want to put him in a bad mood and thought, honestly, that the television might offer a buffer between all of us.
“Sure, but your plate stays on the coffee table, Marky. No pizza sauce on the carpet.”
“Deal,” he yelled, already halfway down the hallway.
I exhaled loudly, relieved that Marcus not only seemed unfazed by Riot’s presence, but that Riot also seemed to be at ease. Warm hands wrapped around my arms, pulling me back into a strong chest.
“That went well, I think,” he whispered against my ear. I nodded. “Do you want a beer?” he asked as he backed away from me.
“Sure.” I watched him move around my kitchen, looking for glasses to pour the beer into. He looked comfortable, which only made me feel more comfortable. I turned back to the table, pulling slices of pizza out of the box and putting them on plates. Riot grabbed one from me and gave me a wink as he left the kitchen, heading toward the living room. I listened as Riot placed the plate on the coffee table, saying, “Here you go, buddy.” Then I heard Marcus’ response of a simple, “Thank you.”
Never Standing Still Page 9
