“You make me so happy,” he said between kisses, playfully pecking. I laughed because the happiness was contagious and immense. It was everywhere and I made sure I tucked the fragment of time away in my memory, because I knew I wouldn’t always be that happy. “I’m going to do everything I can to make you as happy as I am in this moment,” he said, his voice lower, more serious.
“Why are you so sure you’re the happiest person here?” I selfishly ran my hand over his stubble, wanting to feel it one last time before he got on his plane. “What if I’m actually happier than you right now?” My smile actually hurt, it was so big.
“I don’t think I’ll ever forget how beautiful you look in this moment, happiness radiating from you.” He fingered a tress of my hair, then leaned in and kissed me again, slow and deep. If I hadn’t been sure I loved him before that kiss, it definitely would have convinced me. He pulled away and licked his lips, as if he wanted to savor and keep every last part of me he could before we were apart, and my body reacted to the image of his tongue on his lips, tasting me.
“I should probably go,” he said quietly, his thumbs brushing over my cheeks.
“Okay,” I responded, but felt the sting of the tears I’d managed to push away come back with vigor. The sudden and familiar feelings of being left behind came over me.
“Hey,” he said as he pressed a kiss to my forehead. “This isn’t goodbye. I’m leaving but I’m not going anywhere, all right? I’ll call you as soon as I land and it’ll be just like it was before, only better, because now we’re together. All right?”
“Okay,” I said again, only that time I was definitely crying. I believed him, I did. I believed he loved me and wanted me, but there was that irrational part of my brain that wanted to ruin it all.
He saw me start to lose my composure and leaned forward, his lips pressed to my ear, hand once again behind my neck, and said, “I love being tied to you, Kalli.”
The tears came on heavily at his words, streaking down my face, but I managed to keep my crying only to tears. I kept my mouth pressed firmly closed because I knew if I opened it for any reason, only sobs would escape. Riot seemed to understand, pressing a kiss to my forehead, then mouthing the words, “I love you” before turning and walking away.
I watched him until he disappeared, then I got into my car and let the cries I’d been holding in explode out of me. I sat, like a lunatic, crying at the departures ramp at the airport. I probably wasn’t the first person to do it, but I was convinced I was the most devastated. When I’d managed to cry until I was hiccoughing, when my face was sufficiently red and blotchy, with the sleeve of my shirt soaked with tears and snot, I was finally calm enough to drive away.
Chapter Sixteen
He’s a Gift
Weeks flew by after Riot left me at the airport. Six weeks of phone calls, video chats, Skype dates, and numerous scandalous phone sex episodes. The phone calls were less sexy if I was at home, which I appreciated, but when I was away for work it was almost as if Riot couldn’t wait to get me alone on the phone.
Riot had started filming his guest spot on the network crime drama and I loved hearing all about the work and how much he enjoyed it. He was, of course, nervous about his first big role, but it sounded like the director and producers really liked him, so he was hoping for a permanent spot.
“How was your day?” he asked me one night on the phone. I was in my hotel room in Atlanta, Georgia, looking out the window.
“It was all right. I was hoping to walk around the city tonight, but it’s rainy and cold. I could walk in the rain back in Seattle, so I think I’ll just stay in.”
“Good,” he replied, and I could hear him falling onto a couch or a bed as he made a slight ‘oof’ noise. “Wanna watch a movie?”
I’d never been in a relationship before, so I wasn’t clued in to how difficult it could be in comparison to relationships where people lived within driving distance of each other. But I could tell that I was nearing the end of my rope as far as how long I wanted to go without seeing Riot. Even with daily phone conversations and almost constant texting, I was beginning to ache for him.
The last time I’d seen him he’d told me he loved me for the first time, and although he’d said it a thousand times since, I wanted to watch his lips say it in person. I wanted to feel his breath against my skin as he told me he loved me. I wanted to hold his hand and I wanted to sleep in his arms.
“I miss you,” I said, still looking out into the rain.
“I miss you too, babe.” We were both quiet for a moment because there didn’t seem to be much else to add. We were apart and it came with the territory of being together. “I don’t have to be on set next weekend. I’ve got two whole days off from filming, and just a small meeting Saturday morning,” he finally said. I could hear the question in his voice. He was letting me know I could come see him if I wanted to, and I did. Of course I did. But we’d had this conversation before—many times, in fact.
“I’m just getting back to Seattle on Thursday evening. I can’t come home for twelve hours and then turn around and leave Marcus again.” I shook my head even though there was no one to see me do it. I let out a large sigh, irritated with the situation. “This sucks.”
“Why don’t you just bring Marcus with you? I think he’d love to come to LA. I haven’t had a chance to see all the touristy things yet, Marcus would love some of the stuff they’ve got down here. It would be awesome.”
This wasn’t the first time Riot had suggested Marcus come with me for a visit and although it sometimes sounded like a great idea, my conscience never allowed it. I never wanted to be a burden on Riot, and Marcus wasn’t exactly a normal seventeen-year-old houseguest. But God, I really wanted to see him.
“I don’t know….”
“Come on, Kalli. I miss you like crazy, you miss me, and I’d love to see Marcus. We could go to Legoland. He’d love that. It’s been almost two months since I’ve seen you, and I’m trying to be patient and understanding, but, Jesus, I just want to hold you.”
“You’re sure it wouldn’t be too much of an imposition?”
“Kalli, you’re never going to be an imposition. You’re in my life and I want to be in yours. That includes Marcus and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
His words pushed me over the proverbial cliff I’d been hanging on to by my fingertips. “All right, we’ll fly down next Friday morning.”
“Wait, really?” He sounded completely surprised by me relenting.
“Yeah,” I laughed. “I can’t wait.”
“Me either. I love you.”
“I love you too. But I think I’m going to go take a hot bath and read a book.”
“Damn woman, you just told me you loved me. Why would you give me that mental image and then leave me hanging?”
I laughed some more. “Sorry,” I said, even though I wasn’t. Not really. “I’ll call you tomorrow, all right?”
He groaned, making me smile. “You’re going to be in so much trouble when I finally get my hands on you,” he growled.
“Mmmm,” I hummed. “Promise?” I heard him groan in the background, sounding like he’d dropped his phone. When he finally came back to the phone he was whiny.
“Well, looks like we’re both going to bathe. Although, I’ll be taking a cold shower instead of a hot bath.”
Now I had the visual of water cascading down his muscular body and I was the one groaning.
“Okay, we both have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Love you, babe.”
“I love you too, Ri.”
The next day when I told Marcus we’d be flying to LA soon, he was so excited he nearly broke my eardrum with all his screaming. Days later Nancy sounded a little worn down on the phone.
“Next time, dear, don’t tell Marcus news this exciting until it’s closer to the actual flight. He hasn’t been able to stop talking about the trip and asks every day, multiple times if today is the day.” Her voice was
loving, but I could tell she was tired.
“I’m sorry this is such a long job, Nance. I’ll be home in a few days.”
“You know it doesn’t matter how long you’re gone, dear. Everything is fine, like always.”
“All right. Well, I’ll be back Thursday evening and then you can take off and do whatever you want. We’ll be gone all weekend, and I have the entire next week off, so you go do something. Get away for a bit.”
“I might do that, or I might stick around. I’d like to see you for a bit too.”
I smiled at her words. Her affection for me was never taken for granted. Sure, she was technically an employee, and I paid her to take care of Marcus around the clock when I wasn’t around, but she’d become so much more over the years.
“Well, that would definitely be nice.”
“Kalli, let’s go! Hurry up!”
I heard Marcus yelling through the house, trying to get me to move even faster than I already was. It wouldn’t be his first plane ride, but from the way he was acting one would think he was about to fly in a space shuttle or something.
“I’m coming, give me one minute!” I yelled back. He was my responsibility, but he was still my little brother, so sometimes I reserved the right to squabble with him. When I made it to the front door with my suitcase, Marcus was waiting impatiently. “Can we go now?”
“Calm down, Marky. It’s gonna be a while before we even get on the plane.”
And that’s how the next six hours of my life went.
Marcus was impatient to get to the airport, impatient to get on the plane, impatient for the plane to land, and then impatient to disembark from the plane. Not impatient enough, however, to turn down a tour of the cockpit from the pilots. I smiled watching my little brother look wide-eyed at all the buttons and knobs, laughed along with the flight attendants when he asked if he could talk on their radio, then thanked them for letting him sit in the pilot’s chair. It took an extra ten minutes, but the smile on Marcus’ face as we walked through the airport, him staring down at the wing pin he’d gotten, was well worth the extra time.
“Marcus, buddy!” I heard Riot yell from at least fifty yards away, shouting down the large walkway of the airport once we’d cleared the security checkpoint. Marcus took off, running at full speed toward Riot, and nearly pummeled him when they finally collided. Marcus wrapped his arms around Riot, and Riot hugged him right back. My eyes misted a little at their reunion, and at Riot’s obvious affection for my little brother.
I continued to walk at a normal pace and when I finally reached them, Marcus was pulling away. Riot’s eyes met mine and all of a sudden there were butterflies in my stomach.
“Come here, you,” he said as he pulled me toward him, his hand finding the back of my neck and his mouth coming down to mine. He gave me a slow and sweet kiss, with just the tiniest hint of tongue, which was appropriate with my brother standing next to us, but also just enough to thoroughly wind me up, to leave me wanting more.
His thumb brushed over the side of my neck as I opened my eyes to look in his caramel ones, feeling relieved to be near him again and still feel that perfect connection with him. His hand came down and took my bag from me, then he linked his fingers with mine.
“Do you guys have checked bags?” Riot asked, looking at me.
“Nope. We packed light.”
“Great.” He looked to Marcus. “You ready to have an awesome weekend, buddy?”
“Yeah! Kalli said there was a beach and a sidewalk with people’s names on it and a place with a bunch of Legos.”
“She was right about all of that, and we can see it all if you want.”
“What time is your meeting tomorrow?” I asked, turning to look at Riot, still not really believing that he was right next to me. There were definitely strange qualities of being in a long distance relationship with someone; no matter how many pictures of himself he sent me, or how much time I spent trying to remember what he looked like, I always felt like I forgot him a little bit. The realization was both good and bad. Bad in that I never wanted to forget any part of Riot, ever. But good in a way that I got to see him for the first time all over again, marvel at how handsome he was, reacquaint myself with just how much taller he was than me, and I definitely spent a few moments staring at his t-shirt, which did nothing to hide all the muscles under it.
“Early. Seven a.m. It’s not exactly a meeting, it’s a training session. It’s contracted through the network.”
“They’re making you see a trainer?”
“Yeah. In one of the new episodes there is a shirtless scene, so they hooked me up with a trainer.”
At that point a few thoughts ran through my mind. The first being confusion, because, had they not seen Riot before asking him to see a trainer? He was already in amazing shape. Second thought was just a twinge of jealousy because he would probably be shirtless with a female. The third and biggest thought was excitement.
“They offered you more episodes?”
He squeezed my hand and gave me an award-winning smile, all white teeth and scrumptious lips. “They wrote me into the cast,” he said excitedly.
“What? Riot, why didn’t you tell me? That’s amazing!” I wrapped my arms around him and he picked me up off the floor, his face buried in the crook of my neck.
“I was waiting to see you in person. I wanted to see your face when I told you, wanted to hug you and see you all excited, just like this.”
“I’m so happy for you,” I whispered into the skin of his neck.
“Can we go look at the stars on the sidewalk now?” Marcus asked impatiently from beside us.
“Marky, didn’t you hear what Ri said? He’s going to be on his TV show for a long time! They like him and gave him a big part! Isn’t that exciting?”
Marcus’ eyes went wide and he looked to Riot. “Is your name on one of those stars?”
Riot and I both laughed at his question and he didn’t understand why, so he pouted.
“Ouch, dude, way to bruise my ego,” Riot said, gently slapping Marcus’ back. “Come on, we’ll get you to see all the famous people’s stars.”
We’d spent the entire day doing every silly touristy thing you could think of in LA. We went to see the stars on the sidewalk, found the Hollywood sign in the hills and tried to take pictures of it in the background of our selfies, and we even rode around on a double-decker bus, taking a tour of famous people’s houses. The bus tour was probably more fun for me as Marcus didn’t really know who most of the stars were, but he was pretty impressed with the giant bus, so it was a win for everyone. Plus, it gave me a chance to sit and cuddle a bit with Riot.
The last time we’d seen each other we’d been alone for nearly two days straight, allowing us to give in to the need to touch each other. But this time, not only was Marcus with us, but we were out in public. My body was aware of his, knew he was near me, and reacted with an aching need.
We’d gone to dinner at a restaurant outside of central LA, and the crowds were significantly smaller. Riot smartly chose a place that had an arcade and he kept handing Marcus ten dollar bills, trying to keep him occupied as we sat in the booth, neither one of us able to keep our hands from touching one another. It was all innocent, but it was just scratching the surface of our need for each other.
“He seems to be having a good time,” I said as I nodded in Marcus’ direction. “This was a good pick for a place to eat.”
“I may not be the smartest guy you’ve ever met, but I can make a few informed decisions when it counts.”
“So you’ve got your training session tomorrow morning and then we’re off to Legoland?”
“That’s the plan,” he said, squeezing my thigh under the table.
“This is really nice of you to spend your weekend doing things Marcus would like.” His hand stilled and his smile faded a bit. Then, he removed his hand from me altogether.
“You make it sound like it’s some sort of sacrifice to spend time with him. I’
m not sure how many ways I have to say it, or how many times you have to hear it, but Marcus isn’t a burden, Kalli. He just isn’t. For some reason, you feel guilty about having him around, like he’s something I have to deal with in order to be with you. But he’s not. I really wish you’d start thinking better of me than that, and better of Marcus.”
I opened my mouth to reply, but no words came out, because there was nothing really to say. Riot was right. Of course he was right. I snapped my mouth shut and tried to figure out the hundreds of different thoughts running through my brain in that moment.
“I’m sorry,” I said earnestly. “Really, Ri, I apologize.” This time I reached out for his hand, twining our fingers together. “You’re right. You’ve never ever made me feel like Marky was a burden. I guess I’m just so used to protecting him that I try to imagine worst case scenarios and prepare for them. I need to be able to fight the battles for him.” I exhaled loudly, trying to release some of the tension I’d felt coil in my shoulders in the last few minutes. “I don’t know what I’d do if a man I was dating made him feel like he was an annoyance or an obstacle, ya know?”
“Hey,” Riot said, tipping my chin up with his finger to look him in the eyes. “You’re not dating any other man; you’re dating me. And I love you. And I love Marcus because he’s a part of your life, an extension of you. You don’t have to worry that I’m tolerating Marcus. He’s a great kid. And you’ve done a great job.”
“No one but Nancy has ever told me that,” I whispered, my eyes still trained on him, partly because he was holding my chin in place, but mostly because I loved looking in his eyes.
“That’s because you’ve kept him hidden from everyone in your life. If you would talk to Ella or Megan about him, or even introduce them to him, they’d fall in love with him too. He’s not a dirty little secret, Kal. He’s a gift.”
“I know that, Riot. But it’s my job to protect him, and letting other people get close to him is just inviting heartache.”
Never Standing Still Page 17
