by Sarah Pond
As they pulled apart, breathing heavily, Olivia laughed, and Jasmine asked her what was so funny. Olivia smiled at her, 'Well, when I first met you, I thought how sophisticated you were, and I would have never dreamed what a potty mouth you have!'
Jasmine laughed, 'Well, you just do something to me that drives me wild!'
Olivia said, 'You look amazing.'
Jasmine was wearing that long midnight blue dress, with satin shoes to match. She had tied her long hair up, exposing her delicate neck. She wore beautiful dangling platinum earrings with a single diamond on them. She looked stunning. Olivia still didn't know why Jasmine wanted to be with her.
The party was a relaxed affair, but everyone had dressed up, so Olivia was glad that she had chosen her dress and boots. Back in Cornwall, the few parties she went to were usually college friends having a party at home, wearing jeans and t shirts. Arriving at the front door, Jasmine said, 'Hi, I'd like you to meet Olivia. Olivia, this is Phoebe, and this is Fran.'
They all shook hands and kissed cheeks. Phoebe said, 'We've heard so much about you, it's so lovely to finally meet you.'
Jasmine's friends were mostly a bit older than Olivia. Jasmine introduced Olivia to everyone, as she didn't want Olivia feeling left out in any way. Jasmine's friends were very interested in hearing about the gallery where she used to work, and about the artists she met. Most of the guests at the party were couples, and Olivia thought that they all seemed very friendly. Jasmine frequently touched Olivia's hand, and put her arm around Olivia's waist. Away from home, this felt unusual, as they had been careful not to have too much physical contact at the office, or out in public. Here, it felt really good to be able to relax with other people.
Jasmine was having a wonderful evening. She watched Olivia chatting with her friends, and felt so pleased that at last they could meet her. Jasmine's friends had been desperate to meet Olivia, the woman who had stolen Jasmine's heart. They had never seen her so happy before. There was music playing in the background, and people were beginning to dance. Jasmine walked over to Olivia, 'Dance with me,' and took her hand. 'You look so beautiful, thank you for coming with me tonight.'
Olivia looked into Jasmine's eyes. With her heels on, Olivia was almost the same height. Jasmine leaned in to kiss Olivia, who instinctively moved her head back. 'It's okay, we're amongst friends,' she whispered, and tentatively kissed Olivia, who now responded.
It seemed strange to Olivia, being kissed in front of other people. She guessed she would get used to it at some point, and she knew she wouldn't be able to keep their relationship secret forever, nor would she want to. At the moment though, it still felt too soon for Olivia, so much had changed for her in such a short period of time. Jasmine had been very understanding and patient. They had been seeing each other for nearly three months, and this was the first time that Jasmine had suggested meeting her friends. With their arms around one another, they danced for the rest of the evening. When it was time to leave, Jasmine and Olivia said their goodbyes. At the door, Phoebe and Fran hugged Olivia. 'Thank you for this evening, I've had a wonderful time,' said Olivia.
Phoebe smiled, 'Thank you for coming, I can see how happy you and Jasmine are, it's wonderful.'
Back at Jasmine's that evening, Jasmine said, 'Thank you so much for coming to the party with me, it made me so happy. My friends love you!'
Olivia replied, 'I had a really good time tonight. It did feel a bit weird to start with, being a couple in front of other people, but I guess I'll get used to it. Your friends are really nice, they made me feel very welcome.'
It was a couple of weeks into January, and Olivia was just walking from Jasmine's office, back to her desk. She noticed that someone was sitting on the sofa, and couldn't believe it when she realised that it was Liam sitting there. He stood up as he saw her. 'Hi Olivia, how are you?'
She walked over to him and they hugged. 'What on earth are you doing here?'
Liam explained that he was in town, and thought he would pop by. He wanted to take her out for lunch. Olivia said that she would just let her boss know that she would be popping out. Olivia tapped on the door, and Jasmine looked up, smiling when she saw Olivia. 'Hi. Um, Liam has turned up out of the blue. He wants to go for lunch, is it okay if I pop out now? If you like, I'll introduce you.'
Olivia walked back out to Liam. She introduced him to Laura, and then Jasmine appeared from behind her. 'Liam, I'd like you to meet Jasmine. Jasmine, this is Liam.'
They shook hands, Jasmine said, 'It's very nice to meet you.'
Liam smiled, 'Very nice to meet you, too.'
They chatted for a few minutes. Jasmine noticed how easy and relaxed Olivia was with Liam. She also noticed that he hardly took his eyes off of her.
Olivia suggested a nearby sandwich bar for lunch. They ordered their food, and sat down with their drinks. 'So, what are you doing in London?' Olivia asked Liam.
'Actually, I'm looking for a job here. Seeing you back home at Christmas, it got me thinking. I thought maybe it was time to spread my wings too. I was thinking of taking on a short term contract initially, to see how I get on.'
Liam was a software engineer, and tended to work contracts. The pay was excellent, and if he wanted time off for holidays, it was very flexible. 'Look, will you have dinner with me tonight? I'd like to chat with you a bit more.'
Olivia was really surprised that Liam would want to come to London. He had never before shown any interest. In fact, when she had first talked about moving to London, he had tried to put her off, saying it was one of the last places that he would ever want to work. Still, she thought, people do change. Take her situation, for example. She would never have imagined what was going to happen with her and Jasmine.
After lunch, Liam walked Olivia back to the office. Later that afternoon, Jasmine asked whether Olivia had had a nice lunch. Olivia explained that Liam was looking for work in London, and that he was going to tell her more at dinner this evening. Jasmine couldn't help feeling a pang of jealousy. Liam and Olivia had a long history together, and she saw the way that he looked at her. She knew that look so well, and at the party her friends had seen it in her. In fact, after the party, Fran had commented to Phoebe, 'Boy, Jasmine has got it bad. Did you see, she didn't have eyes for anyone in the room but Olivia.'
At dinner that evening, Liam and Olivia were catching up with each other. Olivia asked him what he wanted to talk to her about. Liam looked at her, 'I'm just going to come out and say it. I can't stop thinking about you. I think I made a huge mistake letting you go. I want you back.'
Oh. Olivia was gobsmacked.
'When I saw you at Christmas, I was watching you at the party, thinking what an idiot I was. I still love you.'
Olivia looked at Liam, his expression so earnest, then looked at the floor. 'I don't know what to say. We discussed it all back in the spring. I do love you, but as a friend. We had our time together, it's over now, I'm sorry.'
Liam apologised, then laughed to himself. 'I guess I was crazy, thinking I could just turn up, declare my love, and you would fall into my arms.'
Olivia smiled, 'You are such a sweet guy, and you will meet the girl for you.'
Liam looked up sadly, 'I think I already did.'
Liam walked Olivia home, and she invited him in to meet Emma. He told Emma about his plans to work in London for a while, and omitted the part about trying to get Olivia back. After he had left, Emma plonked herself on the sofa next to Olivia. 'Liam is lovely, and he's obviously crazy for you. Now he's coming to London, you could get back together.'
Olivia said, 'He's lovely, but I just don't feel that way about him now. Actually, at dinner he told me he thinks he made a mistake in letting me go, and that he still loves me.'
Emma looked surprised and excited, 'Oh, that's so romantic.'
Olivia smiled, 'Yes, but it's not just a case of him letting me go. I wanted to go.'
Liam got a six month contract in the city. Emma put him in touch with someone who had a p
lace to rent, and he moved into a flat near his work. Over the next few weeks, Olivia and Emma helped him get settled. He found London quite overwhelming, and much more pressured than he was used to in Cornwall. Still, he loved spending time with Olivia again, even if it was just as friends. They saw a lot of each other after work, although at weekends he found that Olivia often had plans with a friend. Olivia was rather vague about who it was, though. Liam got on well with Matt, and sometimes they would go out for a drink or a film if it was one that the girls didn't want to see. Olivia was enjoying hanging out with Liam because it was so easy. She felt that she could be herself around him all of the time. He fitted in with the part of her life that was safe and familiar to her. Also, they made up a good foursome with Emma and Matt. Olivia really cared for Jasmine, and they certainly had an amazing connection, that was without doubt. But there was still a part of her which was unsure. When she was with Jasmine at weekends, everything felt perfect, but when they were apart during the week, being just colleagues, she was feeling as though she was living two different lives. One was exciting, and she felt so alive, but it was also partly secret. Was that what made it exciting, she wondered. The other part of her life was comfortable and easy, because it was familiar to her.
As the weeks went by, Jasmine was feeling like she was starting to lose Olivia. She understood that Liam was a close friend, and she knew that Olivia didn't want to get back together with him. But when she saw them together, it made her heart ache. One Saturday morning, they were having breakfast at Jasmine's. Olivia seemed really distracted. Jasmine looked across the table at her. 'Is something up? You haven't been yourself recently.'
Olivia sighed, and as she raised her head, Jasmine saw tears running down her face. Olivia sobbed, 'I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't think I can do this anymore.'
Jasmine felt the colour drain from her face, and was glad she was sitting down, as she felt the bottom fall out of her world. No, no, this can't be happening. 'What do you mean?' Jasmine was trying to stop her voice from quivering.
Olivia was now sobbing really hard. Once she had calmed down a bit, she said, 'You know I've been having some trouble getting my head around what's been happening. You are so beautiful and sexy, but it all happened so quickly, and I thought it would be easier by now. I really don't want to hurt you. I think I just need some time, some time alone. I'm so sorry, please forgive me.'
Jasmine didn't know what to say, her mind went numb. She couldn't move, she just sat stock still at the table. Olivia went and got her things, then walked over to Jasmine, and kissed her head. 'I'm going to go, I'll call you later. I'm so sorry,' and the tears started to flow again.
As Jasmine heard the door close, she came to, and let out a howl of pain and sadness that emanated from the core of her being. She sobbed uncontrollably, hugging herself and shaking.
Olivia arrived home, although she didn't remember how she got there, and went straight into her room. She lay on the bed, sobbing. What had she done. She thought she was doing this for Jasmine, and she was the last person that she wanted to hurt. Olivia felt so sad. Deeply, painfully sad. At the same time, she knew that she needed some head space. Being with Jasmine was amazing, but along with their relationship, she felt that she had to keep a part of herself hidden. She knew that was her choice, to an extent. Surely, it was best this way in the long run.
Olivia came too, and sat up. She must have fallen asleep. Looking at the clock, she could see that it was nearly eight in the evening. Suddenly feeling hungry, she got up to get something to eat. As she walked past the mirror, she caught her reflection. Shit, she looked terrible. She quickly went to the kitchen to make some coffee and a piece of toast, taking it back to her room. She didn't want to talk to Emma tonight.
Jasmine at some point must have moved to the sofa, for that is where she was when she woke up. Coming to, she opened her eyes, then the reality of that morning smacked her right in the face like a bucket of cold water. A feeling of desolation coursed through her, and she didn't think that she could stand the pain. Her tears began again, uncontrollable, seemingly unending. Rocky had been curled up on the end of the sofa, and now padded over to Jasmine, purring and rubbing his face on her. She cuddled him, her tears dripping onto his fur.
On Sunday morning, Olivia realised that she hadn't called Jasmine, as she had said she would. She nervously dialled her number. Eventually, she heard Jasmine pick up. 'Hi,' Jasmine's voice sounded hollow.
Olivia said, 'I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I couldn't carry on with things while I'm feeling so confused. Please forgive me,' and Olivia's voice broke.
Jasmine hated hearing Olivia like this, although she was still feeling a combination of intense pain, followed by numbness. She simply said, 'Is it Liam?'
Olivia replied, 'No, there's no-one else. I just need some time for me.'
Jasmine sighed, 'Okay, look, I have to go,' and hung up.
She dropped the phone, and bent forward, hugging herself, the tears flowing down her cheeks like waterfalls.
Olivia put her phone down. Shit, this was so hard. She started sobbing again, and curled up on the bed. After some time, Olivia heard a tap on the door. Emma asked if she could come in, and opened the door. She looked at Olivia, her face red and puffy, and went over to give her a hug. 'Oh my god, what on earth happened? I heard you crying, I had to check you were alright.'
Olivia sobbed in Emma's arms. Emma held her until the tears started to subside. Eventually, she began to talk. Olivia told Emma that she had been in a relationship, but she had ended it because she needed to figure out some things, and it was best that she did it alone. Emma said, 'But you've been so happy these last few months. Well, whatever you need to sort out, I'm sure you've made the right decision.'
Olivia was grateful for Emma's support. 'But it feels so bad, and I can't stop crying,' Olivia wailed.
'I know, I know. It will get easier,' Emma stroked her friend's hair away from her tear stained face. 'Look, let's put on a movie, I'll get some drinks, some chocolate and popcorn, take your mind off of things for a bit.'
On Monday morning, Laura was just getting set up for work. Jason wasn't going to be in until later as he had a meeting elsewhere at nine this morning. Laura thought that she would see if Jasmine wanted a drink. She tapped on the door, and opened it. Jasmine was sitting at her desk, and she looked terrible. Her face was drawn, with dark shadows under her eyes. Laura wondered if she had slept at all over the weekend. Laura had never seen Jasmine like this, and went and called for a taxi to pick her up and take her home. Laura was concerned, 'You need to go home and sleep. Call me later and let me know how you are. If you need me to, I can come and see you after work.'
The taxi soon arrived, and Laura helped Jasmine with her coat and bag. She got Jasmine into the taxi, and gave the driver the address. Olivia arrived as the taxi was pulling away. 'Hi, Laura. Was that Jasmine in the taxi?' she asked, wondering what was going on.
They walked into the office, Laura saying, 'Yes. I think she must be poorly, or something. I went to ask whether she wanted a drink, and she was just sitting at her desk, staring at nothing. She looked like death, so I sent her home.'
Olivia felt terrible, 'Oh, the poor thing.'
When Jasmine got indoors, she took off her shoes and coat, and went straight to her bedroom. She fell onto the bed, exhausted. As she turned over, she could smell Olivia's perfume on the pillow next to her. She hugged the pillow, sobbing silent tears into it.
That evening, Olivia rang Jasmine. 'Hey, I just wanted to check that you're okay.'
Jasmine sighed, 'I will be. How are you?'
Olivia hesitated, 'Okay, I guess. Actually, I'm not okay, I feel terrible. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.'
Jasmine replied, 'I know you need some time, it will work itself out.'
Olivia said, 'If you want me to leave work, I will.'
Jasmine said, 'No, that would be ridiculous. We're both professional, Laura and Jason know nothin
g of our relationship. It will be fine.'
Whilst Jasmine had been at home, the reality of what was happening had started to kick in. Olivia needed time, she got that. This was why she didn't get involved with colleagues, it could get very messy. After three days of hurting and crying, she really did think she was empty now, and the numbness was easier to deal with than the pain.
Olivia got into work early on Tuesday morning. She was feeling nervous, but knew if she could get through today, she would be okay. She tapped on Jasmine's door, and went in. Jasmine looked up, and smiled weakly. Olivia was shocked at how drawn she looked, and her stomach turned over. 'I just wanted to say hi. Can I get you a drink?' Olivia asked.
'No, I'm fine thank you, I've just got a lot to catch up with today.'
'I'll leave you to it, then,' Olivia said, closing the door behind her.
For a moment, she just stood there, leaning on the door. Shit, Jasmine just looked so sad. She hated seeing her like that, and hated more that it was because of her. Olivia started as the outer door opened, and Laura came in. 'Morning, how are you? Oh, is Jasmine here today, I hope she's feeling better,' said Laura.
Olivia managed to smile, 'Yes, she's got lots to do today, I better get on as well,' and she went to her desk.
Laura didn't think that Olivia seemed herself today, but didn't say anything. Maybe she had caught the same thing that Jasmine had.
Over the next few weeks, things continued as they had at the beginning, although Jasmine kept much more of a distance. Laura and Jason commented on it one day, and they put it down to assuming that she had a lot of work on. Jasmine had seemed to take on a lot of extra work at the moment. Olivia was spending more time with Liam now. He was getting on well with his job, but he still found London very busy. Still, this way he got to be with Olivia, and he was dearly wishing that they could start dating again. Olivia found that spending time with Liam helped her to keep her mind off of Jasmine a bit. It was still difficult though, and at times she wondered why she was doing this. Olivia had thought that this would be the easier way, but it felt anything but.
