He’d stopped in front of a store that featured mannequins slouching about in short, sexy dresses. Hollis stood beside him.
“I like that one,” he said looking at a pale peach dress that was off the shoulder and had stitching details along the sides that would make it fall softly but cling.
“Oh,” Hollis said. It was beautiful. Casual but elegant. “It’s an interesting color choice for you.”
“Yes it is.” He didn’t miss a beat. “Try it on.”
“Ummm, no,” she said. “I’m....”
“That color would be amazing with your hair.” He breathed in her ear. “And your skin.”
“I think it’s cashmere.” She swallowed.
It would be astronomically expensive just judging by the window display in the store, and the fact that cashmere was always spendy, but anything spun that finely would be several hundred dollars to start, quite possibly more. She’d grown up shopping like that. Had thought nothing of it. But not now.
She tugged on his arm. “It’s pretty,” she said.
“I want to see you in it.”
“Kadan.”
“For me.”
“But...” How to say she didn’t have the money to someone who was so determined to manage his money effectively. Who knew she’d grown up in luxury.
He smiled. His eyes lit up and crinkled in the lines she felt she could still trace in her sleep.
“For me.” He repeated softly.
Hollis hadn’t been able to resist him anything ever and couldn’t even begin to try now.
“I’m just trying it on.” She’d warned.
And he’d sat in a chair in the store, been served sparkling water and lime, and waited with such an air of expectation that Hollis had felt a strange kind of power flowing through her.
She’d felt happy, as if they belonged. As if the past six years of struggle and failure and righting herself only to tip over again had happened to someone else. She slipped the dress on and sucked in her breath. It was breathtakingly gorgeous, soft and sexy. It clung to her curves and skimmed her mid thigh. The cashmere was like a whisper sliding over her skin.
She stared at herself in the mirror. It was like a time warp. Like six years of loneliness and comparing every man to Kadan had been shed in a black hole, ground to cosmic dust, barely a memory.
Reluctantly, she came out of the dressing room. Kadan’s eyes lit up and she could practically feel all her body parts start to hum in anticipation of what he was going to say and what he looked like he wanted to do to her. He turned his finger in a circle and smiled. The store, the salespeople, the customers disappeared. She turned a slow circle, feeling reality slide away and a slow sensuous buzz take its place. He stood and motioned her closer.
“Better than I imagined.” He whispered in her ear. His hands skimmed down her back and rested low on her waist. “I know you aren’t wearing a bra. Are you still wearing panties?”
“Yes, Mister One-Track-Mind.” She nibbled his lip.
“Take those off for me, too. You can wear the dress home so I can play.”
“I’d crash your car.”
“It would be almost worth it.” He breathed.
She shook her head at him, unable to stop smiling. She put her hand against his stomach, all abs nothing extra.
“You’ll need to take a picture of the dress,” she said. “It’s lovely, but I’m not in a dress buying mood.”
“I am.”
“You should have tried it on then.”
“Maybe later.” He plucked the tag off the back and went to the register.
“Kadan.”
“Do the other thing I said.” He called out over his shoulder.
Hollis stared at his back. If she continued to protest, she had no doubt he’d clarify loudly and clearly what his second request had been. Take off her panties. But what was she doing? She was letting him buy her a beautiful but overpriced dress like they were together. Still a couple. Again. Even then, he hadn’t taken her shopping. He’d often been traveling or he’d catch up with her at a restaurant or bar or a friend’s house late in the evening. When they were together during the day it was usually something active—a run or a hike, sailing or kayaking. Not hanging out like this. This was different.
And she loved it.
And that was terrifying. How easily he’d become part of her life again. And he couldn’t. Because he’d heal. She wanted him to heal. She did. But then he’d be gone.
Hollis drove down El Camino Real into San Clemente and cut through several side streets towards the beach and into Kadan’s driveway so they could drop off his car and retrieve hers, which was more practical with his injury.
“I had fun today,” she said softly waiting for him to key the code into his phone to open his garage door. “It was great to get away.”
“Great.” He mocked the word. “That’s the best you can do after a billion years at Stanford.”
He leaned over, his tongue trailed along her collarbone, and Hollis jerked and went boneless. Her foot fell off the clutch and the car stalled. He laughed in her ear; one hand slid up her thigh.
“I still got it.” He breathed in her ear, which sent heat crashing through her.
With every woman, she reminded herself. And then stomped on the thought. He’d said no. Could it be true? Kadan had always been honest in every other area of his life, even about himself, his past, his feelings, his injuries. He’d always been candid with her, painfully so when she’d been a starstruck teen following him around. And he’d been pissed when she’d brought it up. Adamant. She wouldn’t do it again. But could she let go of her doubt? Trust him. Really trust him? Let him in all the way? Let him see her doubt and fears?
“You look so delicious I feel like I should show you off and take you out to eat.”
“I thought we were hiding out.” She arched her body into his, moaning when his hand slid in the low neck of her dress and cupped her bare breast.
The only thing she wanted to eat was him.
“Let’s go back to the beach cottage,” he whispered, licking the rim of her ear. “We’ll get your car tomorrow. I don’t think I can stand.”
He pulled her hand down to cup his rock hard erection. Hollis’ fingers caught the zipper tab. She wanted to touch him, rub him against her breasts, taste him.
“Okay.”
“God, I want you right here. Right now. Don’t tempt me,” he demanded. “I am so not giving anyone a show but me.” He stilled her fingers on the zipper and moved her hand to the steering wheel. “You drive. I play.”
She went to restart his car but fumbled the keys. She cried out as his hand slid between her thighs. She was wet. Always wet. And his thumb skillfully circled her clit as he slid two fingers inside of her without hesitation. She jerked against him, stifling a cry, wishing she had some sort of armor when that defense had been breached before she’d reached adulthood.
“I am so thirsty.” He breathed against her lips.
“Kadan, man, thought that sounded like your car. Where you been hiding?”
Two men strolled around the corner of his house; wet suits peeled halfway down their toned bodies. They pulled up short seeing Hollis in the driver’s seat. Kadan lifted his head and slid his sunglasses back into place. His hand twitched the dress as low as it would go and then spanned her bare thigh.
She didn’t recognize the two surfers and suddenly she felt stupid and old. So old. Were these idiots even out of high school?
“Aaaaah, man, cool, Kadan.” The one with jet black, shoulder-length black hair drawled. “Now I get it. Totally. I’d be hiding out too. Red hair. Common knowledge you got a thing for that.”
Kadan pulled his hand away and Hollis felt a million times worse.
He went to fist bump Kadan, shooting his arm in front of Hollis’ face.
“Cole.” Kadan pushed the man’s arm out of Hollis’ face. “You know Hollis. Say hello and good bye.”
“Hello.” He grinned.
/> Two dimples and laugh lines came easily and Hollis remembered that cheeky grin. Cole had always hung out with Holland, and he hadn’t even hit puberty before he knew those two things worked on the girls. His eyes were wary though. She wondered why.
She could barely stretch a smile. It was all going to start again, sharing Kadan all the time with dozens of other people. And it should, she reminded herself. This was his life. It was her problem that she didn’t like crowds. Her problem was she didn’t like his lifestyle. Too social. Too busy. She wanted more of his time for herself.
Selfish.
It was better for Kadan to link up with some of his friends. They understood him and the injury and healing process. Besides, how was she supposed to figure out who she was and remake her life if she kept jumping into bed with him? It would be good for them both for him to reenter his world.
“Luke and I have been crashing here. Zen said you wouldn’t mind.”
Zen. Hollis did remember that name. Her brother’s best friend since preschool.
“Yeah,” Kadan said. “No worries. Later.”
“You taking off? You just drove up. Thought we’d catch up. Go to Preacher’s or Duke’s? Fisherman’s?” Cole reeled off several bars popular with surfers.
“No thanks,” Kadan said.
Luke slugged Cole good naturedly in the arm. “Duh.”
“Worth a try,” Cole laughed. “But when you’re done, we’ll be at the usual spot by seven. Lane will be jamming for a bit and will be damned stoked to see you. No one’s heard from you since Hawaii, man. Freaked us all out. Jenna’s coming with some friends. Plenty to go around.”
“No thanks.” Kaden sounded tense now.
Both of the men shifted their attention from Kadan to her, and Hollis was more than aware that she had nothing on under the dress and that the dress was...well not sheer, but not exactly concealing all that much, either.
Hollis started the car.
“So, Kadan.” Cole rested his hand on the door through the open window. “The wipe out. The video was awesome. It killed. You’re a fuckin’ hero, but we were getting a bit jammed waiting for you to reappear.”
“Glad it wasn’t as bad as it looked,” Luke said “But you did just slaughter that wave until you didn’t. Lane’s gonna turn that footage into something, but now he’s all 24/7 calling around to find you. He’s probably got a private detective on your David Blain.”
Kadan jerked his head in acknowledgement and nudged Hollis.
“I’ll give him a call.”
“He wants you to be the first to try the new camera before it’s for real,” Cole said.
“Glad to see the rumors of your demise were totally overrated,” Luke said. “Like anything but a Tsunami could kick your ass. Legend, man. Legend.”
Luke peeled off his wet suit the rest of the way. His body was tanned and toned and left Hollis feeling like a pervert. Was he even eighteen? She looked straight ahead. He winked at her, which she caught out of her damned too noticing peripheral vision.
He nodded at her. “Join us for drinks tonight, Hollis. First beer’s on loud mouth Cole. I can take it from there.”
He wrapped a towel around his narrow waist and then kicked off his board shorts. Oh, my God, he was naked underneath that towel and he definitely wanted her to know it. “You’ll be sick of AARP’s surf stories by tonight anyway. I can tell you a few of my own.”
Hollis didn’t know whether to laugh or be shocked.
Kadan flipped him off.
Cole and Luke laughed.
Hollis backed up, trying to keep her expression neutral.
“Sure you want to leave?” she asked. “Maybe your friends—” She broke off when he ran his fingers through her windblown hair.
“Let me think.” He mused. “You naked under me, screaming my name during your fourth orgasm, or drinking beer with two idiots I barely know who can’t keep their eyes off you or their dumb comments to themselves. Hmmmmmm. Tough one, duchess. Little help, please. What do you suggest?”
“Four?” She questioned.
“AARP, my ass,” Kadan muttered. “Make it five.”
Hollis laughed, but she didn’t feel reassured. He’d changed. Matured, maybe where as she felt depressingly the same. And had it really been a “what” that had changed him, not a “who”?
Chapter Eleven
They sat on the edge of the deck, watching the sunset, fingers intertwined.
“Ready to try again?” He finally asked after a long silence.
“What?” She nearly jumped out of her skin.
Was he asking if she was ready for more sex after their marathon session, or was he asking her if she wanted to try at being a couple again?
“Take the plunge.”
His clarification did nothing to settle the butterflies in her tummy.
“Wwwwhat?” He wasn’t asking her to...she could barely think the word, but he had mentioned her staying with him, committing to not leaving, to working out their problems.
He jerked his head toward the ocean.
“A swim,” he said. “Or at least a toe dip.”
“I’m good right here,” she said quickly. “And you’ll have a fight if you even think about getting beat up in the ocean. You’re ankle’s not ready for that pressure. And you’ve just started to be able to put a bit of weight on your foot with the boot. I don’t want anything to impeded your healing.”
“Noted,” he said drily, his hand spearing through her hair.
She was immediately lost. She practically melted against him.
“But for the record, I can still take you,” he said, lips against her mouth.
Could he ever. They’d barely made it to the bed when they’d come home. He hadn’t even managed to get her dress off before he’d been inside her, pinning her arms above her head and devouring her small breasts through the thin fabric of her dress.
“I can drive you up to Gran’s pool,” she said primly. “If you feel like a swim.”
“Later,” he said. “Now just walk with me to the edge.” He stood and tugged on her fingers.
“Kadan,”
“Just walk with me.” He pulled her upright. “And talk.”
So she did. Hollis stared at her bare feet in the sand and concentrated on how the last gold rays of the sun felt on her skin as they pinkened as the sun continued to sink. She loved the ocean, she repeated to herself.
“Good.”
She pressed her lips together tightly but nodded.
Breathe.
“Liar.” He laughed. “You are still a terrible liar.”
“I’m still terrible at a lot of things,” she whispered.
“Such as?” His tone was light, but she knew he was really asking.
And why should she hide from him? She thought of him as her one love. The love of her life, but she’d given up on love when she’d walked out on Kadan the last time. The final time. And now she was trying to not give up on herself.
“Did you feel—” She broke off, hating to ruin the quiet moment but things needed to be said, and if they were going to try again, which she was afraid she wanted to even though her head kept lecturing her on the definition of insanity. But if they were going to try, then she needed to be honest with him and with herself. Who she was and what she wanted, not the pleaser, so desperate for attention and love that she’d pretzel herself into any shape.
“When we were together,” she whispered, wanting to shut up and spit the words out at the same time. “Did you feel like we were in a committed relationship or was it just fun?”
Her question obviously surprised him.
“It was committed on my end.” He dropped her hand.
She felt like he took all the warmth from her body.
“But...” She thought back to all those painful years.
There’d always been so many stories, so many pictures of him celebrating a top place, either his or a friend’s. There’d always been a lot of people, a lot of beautiful wo
men in the pictures, gazing at him, media speculation. His friends would rib him about how the women would come up with increasingly creative or daring ways to meet him. Actresses, models, musicians, rich older women, all of them wanted a “surf lesson,” or to buy him a drink or to take him out. And then there had been the sponsors. Free everything. Always a party for a winner. Always lots and lots of beautiful women. And the pictures, the online articles and blogs, the speculation. Kadan Carson, surf god, always surrounded by beautiful women and other surfers.
“I don’t want to upset you or accuse you of anything,” she said. “But to me you never seemed committed.”
“I don’t know what that would have looked like to you,” he said.
“You were always...” She wanted to explain, to define it, but it was hard to separate her more adult self from the star struck girl and young, insecure woman. Kadan had been her only, and she’d been one in a very long line. “You always had so many people around you, you were always in the center, and I always felt like I was on the sidelines.”
“I was living my life. You were living yours. Hell, Hollis. Our lives were so different. I traveled a lot and you were in school the entire time. First Stanford, then UCLA. You had a lot of studying to do, and I tried to leave you alone so you could chase that dream like I was chasing mine.”
Only it hadn’t been her dream, had it? Hollis acknowledged the simple truth. She’d enjoyed some aspects of medical school, but she’d resented how long she had to be away from him, how little she could travel with him even when his sponsors would have paid for her to go. Plus she’d been shy. It had been hard to hang out and be comfortable with so many people. Kadan had been and still was super popular. She’d resented that a little.
He’d let her chase her so called dream, but she hadn’t really wanted him to chase his.
“But you were always with so many other people,” she said softly. “I think that was a bit hard for me. How surrounded you were. And then there were so many women wanting to meet you, hang on you. Be with you.”
He shrugged. “Hollis, I don’t want to revisit this. Women come with the territory. They were available. Very. Doesn’t mean I had sex with them. But I also didn’t want to seem like some twelfth-century monk. I had an image I had to somewhat maintain.”
Wrecked (Sons of San Clemente Book 2) Page 12
