The girl with the gray/green eyes.
The girl with secrets and pain and something inside her that felt familiar. It was something that was close to what was buried inside my chest. Inside my head and heart.
And I thought that, for the first time since the accident, I didn’t feel so alone.
And that was nice for a change.
Chapter Thirteen
Monroe
There wasn’t a soul at Baker’s Landing.
Not one person or dog or even a bird flying around. There was nothing except a hot breeze, beautiful oak trees, an inviting grassy knoll near the water, and the most picturesque pond I’d ever seen. Seriously. It looked like something out of a Nicholas Sparks movie, and I half expected a bunch of white swans to float by at any minute.
Or maybe Ryan Gosling rowing his boat like he’d done in The Notebook, looking so hot and yummy and sweaty…
Kind of like Nate.
I watched him as he walked toward the water, Gram’s cooler in his hand, while the sun haloed him, giving him a surreal kind of look.
He moved like an athlete, long easy strides, and I could totally picture him on the football field, running plays and doing it really well. I thought that, if I lived around here, maybe I would go to his games. You know, if I liked football. Which I didn’t, so I don’t even know why that thought popped into my head.
He paused on the edge of the bank, set the cooler on the ground, and peeled off his shirt.
My stomach did this weird dipping thing, but then why wouldn’t it? The guy could be a model for the Abercrombie cargos he wore, and the fact that they hung so low I could see his boxers again didn’t help.
It was almost worse than being naked, because it made a girl think of the unknown, and I shouldn’t be thinking of the unknown.
I shouldn’t.
Mostly because he was way out of my league—that’s if I was interested, which I wasn’t. I hadn’t dated any guy in a long time—not since Malcolm died—and I knew that getting close to Nathan Everets wasn’t a good idea.
So why was I thinking about it? Was it because, on some level, I knew he was unattainable? Was it because I knew Nate would never be interested in someone like me? A girl who was more damaged than he was? A girl with so much baggage she needed an extra set of luggage just to get her from day to day?
But if that was true, why had he brought me here? Was he just being nice? Or was he interested in someone who was different? Someone new?
Why did I care?
God, I groaned, I’m such an idiot.
I joined him and stared out at the water, shaking my head when I spied a group of swans along the far side. Unbelievable. Totally Nicholas Sparks.
“You like it?”
He grinned down at me and I nodded, wishing he’d put his shirt back on or something. I dropped to the ground and dug through the cooler, handing him a ham sandwich when he did the same. We popped open a couple of cans of Coke and ate in silence, there beneath the biggest oak tree I’d ever seen.
For a few moments, the awkward silence between us made swallowing my food difficult. I couldn’t think of anything to say, and the tension across my shoulders was starting to burn. I’m sure he thought I was an idiot.
I was an idiot. I should have just stayed home. Who was I kidding? I hadn’t been alone with a boy in a very long time, especially a boy who made me feel things I wasn’t used to feeling.
I shook my head. My therapist would be all over this shit.
“How long are you here for, Monroe?”
Thank God. A question I could answer.
I wiped a crumb from my lap. “’Til Labor Day weekend. My parents are coming from New York.”
“Right. New York. I’ve never been, but it’s on the list.”
“The list?”
“Yep. The list of places I want to go. LA is at the top and New York is running a close second.”
Huh.
“Trust me, it’s overrated,” I answered. I wished I didn’t have to go back. It if wasn’t for Kate and my parents, I’m not sure that I would.
“So do you go to a fancy school there in the Big Apple?”
I knew his eyes were focused on me, so I kept mine on the water, watching the swans slowly float in circles across the way.
“Yes,” I said finally. Glen Hill Academy.
I hate it there.
“Why do you hate it there?”
Startled, I turned to Nate—which was the wrong thing to do, because he was staring at me with an expression that felt as if he could see right inside me. I swallowed hard and croaked, “Excuse me?”
His eyes never left mine. They held me trapped as surely as if he had some freaky kind of tracking device like on those old Star Trek movies I used to watch with my dad. The ones that pulled in objects and never let go.
“You said you hated it there. I just wondered why.”
Shit. Had I said that out loud? What was wrong with me?
“It reminds me too much of someone,” I blurted, my heart picking up steam and banging inside my chest wall like a demented drummer. What the hell kind of power did this guy have?
Some weird expression crossed his face, and then he spoke softly. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well don’t be.” I shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.”
Except it was. It was a very big deal. And it was a big deal that wasn’t going to go away, no matter how much I pretended it would.
It was the big deal that had broken me.
“Let’s go in,” Nate said abruptly, jumping to his feet and holding out his hand for me.
I glanced at the water again and then back up to him.
“You’re not afraid of the swans, are you?” he challenged.
“No,” I answered, ignoring his hand as I got up. A shiver rolled over me, which was odd considering it was so darn hot. “Is the water clean?”
He’d chucked his sandals and had his hands on the waistband of his shorts. My mouth went dry, and some stupid lump decided to clog my throat as I watched him begin to tug them down over his hips.
“What are you doing?” I squealed. I thought of his teasing earlier, and my alarm ramped up to about one million. There was no way I was gonna skinny-dip with Nathan Everets. No effing way.
His grin was as annoying as ever. “I don’t have a bathing suit with me, so I’m gonna go in with my boxers.” He paused, his hands tucked inside his boxers. “Unless you want me to—”
“No, boxers are fine.” I tried not to stare when he stepped out of his shorts, but it was hard. The guy was ripped. He was ripped and hot and sexy and he was standing a foot away in a pair of black athletic boxers that didn’t hide anything. And holy hell but Nathan Everets had a lot to hide.
I swallowed hard and turned away, easing out a long breath, when I heard a splash and knew he was in the water.
“Damn, but this feels great. Get your ass in here, Blackwell!”
I turned and spied him halfway across the pond, floating on his back for a few seconds before he whooped and disappeared beneath the surface once more.
The sun made the surface of the water shimmer like diamonds, and seconds later, his head popped up closer to shore—closer to me. He grinned and I couldn’t help but do the same as I watched him. He was like a little kid, and there was something adorable about that.
“Come on. Get your clothes off or I’ll come out and get you.”
Alarmed, I took a step back. “I told you I wasn’t sure if I was going in or not.” I wasn’t normally shy or anything, but the thought of Nate seeing me in my bikini made me nervous. Or excited. Or both.
But the thought of being so close to him when we were practically naked was way worse. That made me feel all kinds of things I hadn’t felt since…
Heck, who was I kidding? I hadn’t fel
t any of those things before. Not even back then. And it had been so long since I’d had any kind of fun. Since I’d felt like having any kind of fun that, for a moment, I don’t even think I realized what it was I was feeling.
Anticipation.
“Okay, I’m coming to get you.”
My head whipped up and I squealed, hands on my shorts. “No, I’m coming in.”
But he didn’t listen, and I’d barely gotten out of my clothes when he was there, inches from me. His tall body, wet and shiny and incredible.
My eyes dropped.
His boxers were wet and…
My breath caught as I slowly slid my eyes back up over all that skin. Over the razor-thin line of hair that disappeared beneath his boxers. Over the washboard stomach and rippled abs. Higher to the tattoo on his shoulder and arm that said danger. And sex. And danger.
Sex.
Up past his defined chest and broad shoulders.
Until I met eyes that jump-started something in me that was foreign. Something that was hot and exotic and scary.
Something that was so incredibly alive, it made me weak. I’d been half dead for so long, the sensation was almost overwhelming, and I bit my lip as tears stung the corners of my eyes.
Quickly I glanced away, ashamed at my reaction and feeling like a total dork. What was I doing here? I couldn’t play this game with Nate because I had no idea how to play it. I’d been locked in a cocoon of pain for so long that I didn’t even know how to communicate and act normal with a regular boy, let alone someone like Nathan Everets—a guy who was so far above me I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to reach him.
But the way he looked at me sometimes…
Suddenly aware of how revealing my pink bikini was, I crossed my arms over my chest and shivered.
My eyes squeezed shut, and I wished I was home with Gram, curled up on the front porch with a book I pretended to read while she flipped through her gardening magazines.
“Hey,” Nate said, a touch of rasp in his voice, and I thought that maybe a tremor rippled just beneath. “Are you all right?”
I nodded, afraid to say anything because I didn’t trust that I wouldn’t make a complete ass out of myself.
“Good.”
And then two strong arms were around my waist and a shriek fell out of me—one that would have made my mother proud—as Nate lifted me over his shoulder and carried me to the edge.
I didn’t get a chance to say anything because at the moment, my brain was focused on how hard he felt. There were no soft curves—there was no soft anything. He was all hard, lean, and muscled lines, and his skin burned into mine.
And God, he smelled so good.
I shook my head, suddenly aware that my butt was near his face and that his hand was on the small of my back, holding me in place. When I finally got my shit together and opened my mouth to say something, it was too late.
There was the feeling of air on my exposed skin. Sun in my eyes. And then there was the shock of cold water.
I went deep and began to kick my legs, grateful for the silence that fell over me and the darkness in which I could hide, however briefly. My legs kicked and kicked, my arms joining in, and when I finally surfaced and cleared the water from my eyes, I was surprised to see that I’d swum halfway across the large pond.
I glanced down. Good. Bikini still in place, nothing exposed that shouldn’t be.
The swans protested and took off, their large graceful bodies slicing through the air as they landed on the soft grassy bank, honking their annoyance.
Treading water, I turned around and I think I might have yelped when I spied Nate so close to me, his head above water as he watched me intently.
I wished he didn’t make me feel so nervous. I didn’t like nervous. It meant that I wasn’t in control, and ever since that awful night, the one I don’t like to talk about or remember, I was all about being in control.
“Feels good,” he said softly. It wasn’t a question.
I nodded, my eyes not leaving his as he floated closer. Wet, his hair clung to his neck and disappeared into the water, while a slow grin swept across his mouth.
I began to move backward. I couldn’t touch the bottom where we were, and I had no idea how long I could tread water before I’d begin to tire.
I moved back maybe ten feet and he kept pace, his eyes still on mine. Still making me nervous.
“What are you doing?” I said roughly, eyeing the bank but thinking the swans wouldn’t be happy if I hauled my butt out onto their territory. Did swans attack people? Should I chance it?
“What do you think I’m doing?” he asked.
I thrust my chin up and made a face. “I don’t know. That’s why I asked.”
I refused to keep playing whatever game this was, so I continued to tread water, and even when he floated so close I could see the drops that clung to his eyelashes, I refused to budge. I wasn’t used to these kinds of games.
“What do you want me to do?” he asked.
I said nothing because I had no idea what to say, so I shrugged, which was kind of hard to do while treading water.
“I’ve been thinking about kissing you since yesterday.”
Holy. Hell.
“Really,” I managed to say, glad to hear the tinge of sarcasm I was going for was present.
“Yes.” His finger grazed my thigh, and I swear my heart was going to beat out of my chest. “Really.”
He rose up in the water an inch or so, making me suddenly aware that even though I was treading water, he was tall enough to stand.
“Well, what are you waiting for?”
Holy shit. Did that just come out of my mouth? Was I crazy?
Uh. Stupid question. I’d been seeing a therapist for over a year and I’d slit my wrist. Sure, it had been a lame, halfhearted attempt, but still…I was pretty sure that passed as freaking crazy in anyone’s book.
A heartbeat passed.
And then another.
His dark eyes glittered. His hands rolled over my shoulders, and he pulled me so close that I felt the heat from his skin on mine. It seared through the cool water, and I felt it like a handprint as his fingers moved down my thigh, coaxing my legs up until I wrapped them around his waist in such a way that it made all kinds of hot, needful things erupt inside me.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think.
I was awash in sensations and feelings, and for once, I didn’t turn them off. I let them roll over me. I let them roll into me. Because they felt so damn good. Because they made me feel alive, and for once, I was just going to let them be.
I wanted to feel again. Was that so wrong?
And when his mouth rested near my ear, my hands slowly crept up until I clung to his shoulders like a child afraid to fall.
“I was waiting for this,” he said.
My eyes squeezed shut, and I loved the feel of his hard body against me. He was real. Solid. Alive.
I might have groaned or made some other equally embarrassing noise, when I inhaled sharply, hot fires burning everywhere inside me as his hand moved to my butt and he held me even tighter against him. It had been so long since I’d let anyone touch me, let alone hold me like this. Like we were already a part of each other.
“Are you done waiting?”
“Yeah,” he said throatily. “I am.
Chapter Fourteen
Nathan
I had never wanted to kiss a girl as badly as I wanted to kiss Monroe Blackwell. Never.
Not even that first time, when I’d pressed myself against Rachel and she’d opened her shirt so that I could see her boobs. I knew I was gonna get a hell of a lot more than a kiss from Rachel, but even then, I didn’t feel like I did right now.
Like I was coming apart. Like if I didn’t hold Monroe as close to me as I could, I would explode.
She made this noise, this almost painful-sounding noise, and my hands clutched at her, holding her in place, because suddenly I was afraid I was gonna lose it big-time. I’d gone from zero to freaking one hundred in less than a minute, and I didn’t know if I could control the shit that was going on inside me.
I was so afraid of scaring her off that I nearly let her go. I nearly let her float away from me, because as much as she was into this right now, I knew that I needed to take things slow with her. I thought of her eyes. Of the secrets they held. I thought of the pain I’d glimpsed, and something inside me twisted.
What was I doing? I was no good for her. Hell, with the crap going on in my life, I wasn’t good for anybody.
“Are you done waiting?” she said.
I blinked, my body tightening even more if that was possible.
No.
Then she moved a bit—we were skin on skin. She made that sound again, and I was done.
“Yes,” I said, barely able to answer. “I am.”
I’d kiss her. And maybe it would suck. Maybe all this other stuff didn’t mean shit when it came to actual kissing.
Her pupils were huge, her long hair slicked against her shoulders, and her mouth was shiny and open. She shuddered against me as I bent forward and gathered her even closer.
I felt her legs tighten around my waist, and I think I stopped breathing until my mouth slid over hers and she exhaled into me.
At first, she was hesitant, her lips trembling a little beneath mine, but then her fingers dug into my shoulders and she opened up, her tongue sliding into my mouth and driving me crazy. She was warm and soft and smooth beneath my fingers, and her mouth was as amazing as I had imagined.
No, that was wrong, because everything was way better than I’d imagined. The way she felt. The way she tasted. Those little noises she kept making.
We kissed for a long time. Long enough for me to know that if I didn’t stop things, I was gonna embarrass myself in ways a guy should never do with a girl he liked.
Boys Like You Page 8
