“I’d arrest him for assault and expect you to press charges and make a formal statement,” Jason answered, with a serious tone.
Carla glanced at Gerald. “Y’all don’t have no laws against people annoying folks to death?”
Jason shook his head. “No, Carla. Sorry.”
“Mmm…like I could count on you to tell me if there was. Look at the way you’re going after Brat. Fine, I’ll handle Gerald myself.”
Penny cringed. Carla was a piece of work. She had half a mind to tell her mother to apologize to Jason. But she remembered whom she was talking about.
“Carla, you should apologize to both Jason and Gerald. They’re just concerned about you, and you’re acting like—”
Carla cut her off. “Oh, brother! Bye, Brat. I’ll see you in the morning.” She gave Gerald the side eye. “What time are visiting hours over?”
“Woman, be quiet and get some rest, or at least let us get some rest. Penny, I’ll make sure nothing else happens to your mother, even if it kills me. And the way her mouth is going, it just might. I’ll be here when you get back.” Gerald leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.
Carla rolled her eyes and turned her head to face the wall.
Feeling adequately dismissed, Penny turned to Jason. “Well, I guess I can take a ride home, if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind at all. And for the record, you’re getting more than a ride home. I’m hanging around, just in case the attacker shows up again.”
Once Penny and Jason left, Carla sat up in the bed. Her entire body ached, and it hurt to move. She guessed she should thank the Lord she was alive. But the fact that Gerald seemed determined to keep showing up meant she probably wouldn’t be alive for long. C-Money didn’t make idle threats. And C-Money did not want her with Gerald.
She glanced at Gerald. Sitting in the chair with his head back and his eyes closed, he looked as if he didn’t have a care in the world. Meanwhile, she had to shoulder everything, all the burden of making sure that C-Money never hurt anyone else she cared about.
Sure, she shouldn’t have been stupid enough to get involved with Gerald’s biggest rival back in the day, when Gerald got sent away on that murder rap. But C-Money had come at her hard. And before she knew it, she’d gotten caught up, first in his game and then in his drugs.
When C-Money struck her daughter, Carla had finally got the strength to leave him alone. But he’d threatened her child’s life. So she’d stayed. She’d broken her mother’s heart when she chose to stay with C-Money.
Now, if she didn’t find a way to get Penny to get her out of town as soon as possible, C-Money might make good on his threat after all.
“You have to go, Gerald. Please.”
Gerald opened his eyes and stared at her. He just looked at her for what seemed like forever, and her heart felt as if it were going to explode.
Why did she have to give him up again, when he was back and it seemed as if he still loved her, in spite of everything she’d done? Why did he have to look at her so lovingly?
“Who did this to you, baby? Please tell me what happened. Tell me who hurt you. Let me help you.” The earnestness in his voice would have been her undoing, if she didn’t have Penny to worry about now.
It was one thing when C-Money was just threatening her, a whole other thing when it came to her child. She might not be the best mother in the world, but she loved her daughter, in her own way.
“You can’t help me, Gerald. The only thing that can help me is if I get out of town. The only person that can make that happen is Brat.”
He cringed. “Why do you call her that? That doesn’t seem like a very loving nickname for your child, Carla.”
Her eyes narrowed. Here it comes, the guilt and blame. “I call her Brat because I have always called her that. Believe it or not, I know I can be pretty spoiled and childish. My mother always gave me everything I wanted. Even when I got pregnant at a young age and the father of my child went to jail and I got hooked on drugs, she raised my child for me.”
Carla shrugged. “But guess what? Mama spoiled Penny, too. And my child is very smart and can be a bit self-righteous. She always had those traits. When she was a kid, she would tattle and tell Mama everything I did, so I started calling her a brat, because heck, I was still a kid myself. And maybe I was a little jealous of all the attention she got that used to be mine.” She sighed.
It sounded bad when she explained it. But it was what it was. He asked, so she answered.
“The name stuck. You know black folks and nicknames,” she continued, with a shrug that tested her sore shoulder.
Gerald had a weird expression on his face, and she couldn’t tell if he was judging her or not.
She realized then and there she couldn’t take it if he was casting judgment. She had dropped the ball big-time when it came to raising their child. But so had he.
He smiled. “She called you Mommy once today.”
Carla couldn’t believe he actually seemed pleased by that. She knew it made her heart feel ten times lighter to hear her child call her Mommy, but what did he care for?
“She called me Mommy a few times. I guess finding me passed out on the floor scared her. She didn’t want me to die.”
“Did she always call you Carla?”
“No, she started that when she was about four or five, around the time she started calling my mother ‘the big mama.’ She would call out for her mama and I’d come running and she’d say, ‘Not you! I want the big mama! Not you, Carla!’ The big mama became Big Mama, and I stayed Carla.” She turned her head, because she felt a tear trying to escape.
There was no time to be crying over past foolishness, but the memory still bothered her. She realized that was around the time she’d started calling Penny Brat. “I guess even as a kid she knew I wasn’t much of a mother.”
“She loves you.”
“I suppose.” Carla thought about the scared look on her daughter’s face. “She probably just didn’t want to have to deal with more funeral arrangements so soon after Mama passed.”
“I’m not leaving you, Carla. I’m going to be here. I love you still. I always have and I always will.”
Carla couldn’t figure out for the life of her why he had to go and say that for. Why did he have to be all the right things at the wrong dang time? If he had only shown up before C-Money got out of jail, then she would be able to have him, to enjoy his love. Even though her body felt racked with pain, she still felt tingly thinking about the things he’d done to her in his room.
“It’s too dangerous. And it’s not just me. It could get dangerous for you and Penny, too.”
“This person threatened my child?” Gerald leaped up from his chair, and all of his calm and easygoing nature was gone. The look on his face was a mask of anger and outrage.
“Gerald—”
“Tell me his name, Carla. Let me handle this.” He started to pace the floor.
She wanted to tell him so bad. Oh, boy, did she want to lay down the burden and put it on someone else’s shoulders. But she knew how dangerous C-Money could be. She had felt his fists. She had also seen him do some pretty horrendous things.
No, she couldn’t risk what he might do to Gerald. She already knew C-Money hated Gerald. That was why C-Money had come after her so strong in the first place and made her sever all ties with Gerald all those years ago.
“Like I told that Hightower cop, I don’t know. My memory is foggy.” She closed her eyes and faced the wall, but not too late to see the look of disappointment crossing Gerald’s face.
Oh, well…
Chapter 9
“Look, Penny, either you can spend the night at my place or I can spend the night at Big Mama’s house. But trust me, I am not leaving you alone tonight. Someone attacked your mother in your house, and she won’t tell us who it was. That person is still out there, and I would never forgive myself if something happened to you.” Jason tapped the steering wheel as they sat parked in
front of Big Mama’s house.
Penny nibbled on her lip and eyed him wearily as she rubbed the tiny scar on her right eye in concentration. She wasn’t stupid; she realized it probably wasn’t safe. But did that mean she really had to spend even more time with Jason? The same Jason who was treating her so kindly right now? The same Jason who’d stood up to his aunt for her this afternoon? The same Jason she’d lied to, who’d probably never forgive her if he found out the truth? The same Jason who was probably using this whole nice act as some sort of “good cop” routine to wear down her defenses and get her to finally tell him the truth about what happened all those years ago?
She turned and faced the window. He wasn’t going to take no for an answer. She could see his Hightower stubborn streak bubbling at the surface.
“Why is it such a big deal to you if I’m safe or not? Why do you care?”
“Are you serious? Do you even have to ask?”
“Yes, I have to ask, Jason. I mean, given our history—”
“Given our history, you should know I wouldn’t allow you to be hurt…that I’ll always be here for you.”
Penny took a sharp intake of breath. She remembered the first time the eleven-year-old Jason had said those words to her.
Penny, Jason and Terrill had been racing down a steep hill on their bikes when she took a bad fall, skinning her knees and elbows in the process. Jason had turned around to help her, and she’d teased him about letting Terrill win the race. Jason had told her it didn’t matter, because she was hurt and needed his help. The eleven-year-old boy had stated firmly that he would always be there to help her if she needed it, because she was his best friend.
And then there had been the time when she decided she was tired of being friends with boys, just after she turned sixteen. Jason had been very vocal about why she shouldn’t be hanging out with the older girls she had met at her job in the mall. When she went with the girls to a club in Newark, Jason had been the one who let her know he thought it was a bad idea. And when she ended up stranded in Newark, with no way back to Paterson, it had been Jason who begged his oldest brother, Patrick, for his car to go and get Penny. He had given her the silent treatment the entire ride back, before reading her the riot act and then surprising her with an atmosphere-altering kiss. If the kiss hadn’t already blown her away, his confession of his feelings for her would have toppled her. That night had been the beginning of their move from best friends to boyfriend and girlfriend.
She started to remember all the times he’d been there for her. When he’d been her friend…When he’d been her first love…
It hurt to think about all she had lost…all she had destroyed.
“I can’t do this, Jason.”
“Why not, Penny? What are you afraid of? Look, I promise I won’t hassle you about the past. We can call a truce. For now…At least until we find the person who attacked Carla.” He held out his hand.
Penny sighed. She placed her hand in his, and as soon as they touched, she felt a jolt pass through her body, clear down to the depths of her heart.
It was such a bad idea to allow Jason to stay the night. But…maybe she’d have an advantage if they stayed at Big Mama’s house. At least she would be in her own territory.
“Well, since you seem to be determined to do this, you can stay here. But I still don’t think it’s a good idea.”
Jason smiled at her, and her heart stopped. This was the second time today she’d seen his smile. Why did it still have the power to make her swoon?
She needed air, so she opened the door and got out of his SUV. She took a big gulp and kept walking toward the house. She heard him put the alarm on and knew he was right behind her.
She could feel him.
Once inside the house, she started to rethink her brilliant plan to keep things on her own turf. They had too many memories in this house. They didn’t have any memories at his new place.
She should have gone to his home.
How many times had they made out in the den? How many stolen kisses and sweet caresses had they shared here?
She turned to him. “I’m going to change out of these church clothes and heels. I’ll bring down some sheets and blankets for the sofa bed. It’s not comfortable, but we—”
“It’ll be fine. I probably won’t sleep much, anyway. I need to be alert.”
“Right…Well…I’ll be right back.”
After putting on some sweats and a T-shirt, she grabbed the linen and went downstairs. Jason was already sitting on the pleather sofa that would serve as his bed for the night.
He looked up at her when she entered the room, and she just stood in the entryway like a dork. He squinted and studied her for what seemed like an eternity before patting the spot next to him on the sofa in invitation.
She sighed and sat down, holding the bed fittings on her lap. “Thanks, Jason, for staying here with me tonight. I know it must be awkward. It really means a lot to me to have you here.”
More than you will ever know.
“Why did you leave with Terrill today?”
She turned and stared at him. “What do you mean? You were there. Your aunt was tripping, as usual. And I’m not a kid anymore. I don’t have to sit there and take her abuse.”
“I know that. I just want to know, why did you have to leave with him?”
“Umm…because I didn’t have a car and I needed a ride.” She knew her voice must have sounded a bit flip and sarcastic. But she couldn’t understand where he was going with his questions.
“I would have taken you home.”
The calm and earnest nature of his voice made her pulse quicken. She knew he would have taken her home. She knew he would still protect her in any way he could.
What she didn’t know was what it meant and how it would change once he found out the truth.
“Jason…I couldn’t ask you to leave your family dinner just to take me home.”
“Yes, you could have. But you wouldn’t, and I just thought I’d ask why. I mean, technically, you had two ex-boyfriends there, and you decided to leave with one. So I just wanted to know why you picked him.”
Oh, brother. “You said we weren’t going to rehash the past. We have a truce.”
“This isn’t the past. This happened today.”
Semantics. “Yes, it happened today. But don’t you think following this line of conversation will lead us down a slippery slope right down to the past?”
Jason’s eyebrows scrunched up, and his eyes closed slightly. “I guess my real question is not so much why you left with Terrill, but are you still involved with him? I need to know if you guys are still a couple.”
The first thought that came to her mind was, why on earth would he need to know that information? Then she made the mistake of looking in his eyes, and the desire and longing she saw there almost took her breath away.
She couldn’t form words, knowing he still cared for her when she’d deceived him the way she had, when she made him believe the worst in her. All she could do was shake her head.
“Is that a no?”
She nodded.
He leaned in and covered her mouth with his.
She took a sharp intake of breath and opened her mouth to his kiss. The jolt she’d felt earlier, when she shook his hand for the truce, became amplified, and the charge spiraled from her heart to each of her erogenous zones. Her nipples tightened and her sex clenched in anticipation. A soft sigh escaped her lips, and she leaned farther into the kiss.
Jason’s hands began to trail her body, lifting her T-shirt and teasing the hardened peaks of her nipples.
“I’ve missed you, Penny.”
Oh, my God, I’ve missed you, too. So much. More than you will ever know. I’ve missed you and I’ve missed this.
Instead of voicing how she felt, Penny thought it would be best to go with gestures.
She could show him how much she’d missed him. And then they could both go their separate ways. Maybe they could find a way to br
ing some closure to things.
She moaned and let her hands explore his body. Could she have this moment with Jason and still be able to walk away with her heart intact?
Probably not…But could she really pass up the chance to be with him again, to feel his touch?
She broke away from the kiss. “This is probably not a good idea.”
He smiled. “Oh, I don’t know, Pen. I’m thinking this is just about the best idea I’ve had in a long time.”
Her heart cracked wide open at his devilish grin. That dimple and those perfect teeth would always be her undoing.
Oh, God, please don’t start acting like my sweet, silly, sexy Jason. Bring back the jerk with the one-track mind who only wanted to rehash what happened fifteen years ago. I can deal with that guy.
“Don’t do that.” She found her breath enough to speak, but she was sure it sounded more like a pant.
“Don’t do what?” He smiled again.
She sighed. “You’re making this hard. We can’t go back to the past. There’s too much baggage there. So the two of us hooking up right now is not a smart move.”
He leaned back on the sofa. “So, tell me about your life in L.A. What has it been like for you all these years?”
“It’s been fine.” Except for the part where I never really got over you. “I ended up going to UCLA. I did some music videos to pay my way through school and got a small taste of celebrity through my own calendar.”
Her life post-Jason had hollowness to it that she found difficult to talk about. It might have something to do with how she dealt with—or rather didn’t deal with—loss.
When she lost her mother to drugs, it had been her first major loss, and she’d never really recovered. Losing her baby and her first love in one fell swoop because she’d messed everything up had left her numb for years. She must have cried continuously the first two years she lived in Los Angeles. Poor Terrill had been so worried about her. But she’d gotten it together. Earned a degree. Earned an advanced degree. Started a business. She’d done what she had to do. She’d functioned. She’d survived, in spite of the loss.
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