The November night was uncharacteristically muggy with gusty south winds, which more than likely meant a cold front was about to push through, bringing with it thunderstorms and cooler temps. One of those nights pressed between the changing of the seasons.
Matt lowered his head to the ground, the sound of crunching leaves beneath his feet, the smell of pumpkin pie drifting from a nearby window. During prayer requests Gracie had asked for prayer over an unspoken concern. Not too surprising. All the time he’d known her, she had the tendency to stuff her emotions and problems in a well so deep, it would take years to dig to the bottom of it.
If only she would let him in. Lord, show me how to reach her.
As if discerning his thoughts, she faced him momentarily. A smile appeared, but didn’t erase the sorrow in her eyes.
His heart ached for her. She needed to verbalize what was bothering her. He was afraid to even consider what might happen if she continued to bury all her hurts.
They moved inside, and Gracie rested a hand on his arm. “I don’t want to stay long, but do you mind waiting just a sec? I need to ask Marcy about next month’s Christmas party.”
Yes, he did mind waiting. Very much. He wanted every second alone with her he could manage, if for no other reason than getting her to open up. But it wouldn’t be smart to share those thoughts at this point. Instead he nodded. “Sure.”
While Gracie traipsed across the room, Matt leaned against the brick fireplace. His eyes landed on Jason Dent who now made his way to where Gracie and Marcy stood.
Matt pressed his lips into a line. How long had Jason been a part of the group? And hadn’t he already intruded enough in the brief time he had with Gracie? The guy made a beeline to them the minute he arrived, stationing himself in a seat on the other side of her.
Marcy wiggled her fingers at the other two and moved to the back of the house. Now only Gracie and Jason remained, both completely oblivious to anyone else in the room. Gracie’s face lit with a smile and her laughter sounded across the space. She nodded at something Jason said. Then another girl wandered up and joined the conversation. What was that all about?
Gracie rejoined him a few minutes later, her fingers deftly knotting the red scarf she wore around her neck. “Okay, I’m ready to go. Thanks for waiting.”
“No problem. Why don’t we walk to Granny’s since it’s warm outside?” That would keep her from running away too easily.
They stepped into the night, the few leaves still attached to tree limbs rustling in the gusts of wind. Matt struggled with how to broach his questions about Jason. The last thing he wanted was to pry or make her angry, but he needed to know.
Gracie cleared her throat. “You’re like a toddler. When you’re quiet, it makes me wonder what you’re up to.”
He released a light laugh. “Are you calling me a kid?”
“Only in the nicest sense of the word. So what’s going on in that head of yours?”
“I’m not sure you wanna know.”
An audible grunt of disgust sounded. “And here we go again.”
He laughed as he spun around to look at her, walking backwards temporarily. “Am I really that bad?”
She smiled. “Yes, but don’t hold back on my account. Besides, they say it’s not healthy to hold it in, and we do only have a short while before I have to get home.”
Good point. Their time together was limited. “In regards to holding back, I could say the same about you. But since you asked, I’ll go first to break the ice.”
Gracie’s smile turned to laughter. “Oh, so very kind of you.”
Matt pressed his lips together and fell into step beside her once more. “How long has Jason been a part of the Singles Bible study group?”
“Tonight was his first night. I invited him last week. Why do you ask?”
Matt shrugged. “I guess I want to make sure his intentions toward you are pure.” He waited for her to explode over the comment, but for whatever reason she didn’t.
Instead a sigh fell from her parted lips. “Thanks for your concern, but I think Jason’s above-board. Though I must admit that here lately I seem to question everyone’s motives.”
“Including mine?”
Gracie glanced over at him. “No.” She paused a second, a teasing gleam sparkling in her eyes. “But that knowledge adds its own set of concerns to my crazy thoughts.”
Matt beamed. At least she didn’t question his motives. Might not be much, but it was a start. “I think you must be rubbing off on me, ‘cause I find myself over-thinking things, too.”
“Welcome to my world. What kind of things?”
He inhaled a deep breath. “Like what your relationship is with Jason.”
Her face darkened, but she maintained a steady calm. “We’re just friends at this point, but so you know, he did ask me out on a date for the weekend, and I accepted.”
The air he’d inhaled earlier now rushed from his chest and sagged his shoulders, his worst fear confirmed. She just couldn’t fall for a guy like Jason. He gave his head a shake. No, he couldn’t go there. Though the thought of her going out with Mr. Perfect devastated him, he refused to let it consume his thoughts. Not when he could enjoy this beautiful evening with Gracie.
In comfortable silence they made their way toward the Miller’s Creek town square, much of the neighborhood already decked with Christmas lights. Matt raised his head to the starlit sky, the Christmas lights no competition for the star-studded heavens. “I can’t look at the sky—especially this time of year—without a profound knowledge of God’s existence and sovereignty.”
She shivered beside him.
“Cold?” He quickly removed his zip-up hoodie and placed it on her shoulders.
Gracie smiled and snuggled deeper into the jacket. “Thanks.”
A small sports car passed slowly, its motor purring, and then braked to stop a few feet ahead of them. Gracie leaned forward, her gaze honed in on the car, and gasped ever so slightly. The vehicle resumed its crawl, its lights soon disappearing around a corner.
Something prompted him to grab Gracie’s hand, and she didn’t pull away. Instead, she tightened her grip. “Gracie, what’s wrong?”
Reflected in the streetlights, a single tear inched its way down her left cheek. Was that fear in her eyes? “I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed right now, that’s all.”
That wasn’t all, and he knew it, but more questions would only push her further away. Matt forced himself to hold back. Maybe if he didn’t push, she’d find the strength to open up.
Granny’s Kitchen greeted them with delicious aromas and friendly down-home hospitality. Around the café, familiar smiling faces lifted hands to acknowledge their arrival, followed by words of welcome. How many nights during that summer two and a half years ago had they spent time here just enjoying each other’s company?
Gracie made her way to their booth, and Matt followed, praying silently for wisdom and guidance during their conversation. There was so much he needed to know, but had to trust God would help her open up in His timing.
After ordering their hot chocolate from one of the elderly twins who owned the place, Matt turned to Gracie. “So other than the snafu today, how’s the new job?”
“It’s okay.”
“Any regrets?”
She pondered the question then gave her head a vehement shake. “I’m doing the right thing. No one else may understand or accept it, but this is what I’m supposed to do for now.”
Matt’s eyebrows rose. Good for her. She’d made a decision based on what she thought was right, and not in some convoluted effort to please everyone else. “I’m proud of you, Gracie.”
Now it was her turn to look surprised. “You are?”
“Sounds like you took this job for the right reasons.”
A frown made waves above her sad brown eyes. “This was one of those decisions I knew would make some people unhappy with me.” Gracie lowered her gaze. “It may not make anyone happy, including m
e, but it’s still something I’m supposed to do.”
“Why wouldn’t it make you happy? You’ve always wanted to be a prosecutor. This is your chance.”
“Yes, but something tells me it’s not going to be as enjoyable as I once thought.”
“Every job has its ups and downs.”
She gave a non-committal shrug. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
He slurped from the steaming cup, allowing the chocolaty liquid to roll around on his tongue while her words filtered through his brain. There was so much more she wasn’t saying. Just how much grief had the Delgado lady unloaded on her? Matt placed his mug on the table and leaned forward on crossed arms. “So what’s it like working for your new boss?”
Gracie didn’t look up. “I’m learning a lot.”
Well, that was intentionally vague. “How so?”
“She’s good at what she does.” Gracie looked at him, her expression immediately revealing she wouldn’t budge past ambiguous comments.
But he was on to something here and he knew it. The fact that she wasn’t talking was proof. “And the work?”
A wry grin splattered across her face. “Well, except for not having the faintest idea on how to file a brief, I’ve enjoyed it.”
A chuckle bubbled out. “They didn’t teach that in Law 101?”
Now she laughed, a sound that immediately lightened the heavy tug on his spirit. Good. She was moving out of her melancholy, at least for now.
“Unfortunately, no. I was thinking the same thing earlier today when I climbed the county courthouse steps. I can’t believe I spent so much money on law school, and they didn’t teach something so basic. The nice lady who helped me said she did it all the time for newbies like me.”
“Glad to know there are still decent people in the world.”
Her smile disappeared behind a mask of darkness. She didn’t speak, but sipped her cocoa, once more hiding from him. Finally she spoke, but only to change the subject. “What about you? Are you enjoying the work with the equine therapy ministry?”
“It’s good. At least for now.”
Her eyelashes fluttered downward, effectively veiling her thoughts. “What made you decide to stay here instead of going on the road with a band?”
Did he dare tell her? “Like you, it was just one of those things I knew I had to do.”
She raised narrowed eyes. “I know Trish and Andy both really need you right now.”
“Yep, but they’re not the only ones.”
This time she held his gaze. “I’m a big girl, Matt. I can take care of myself.”
“Agreed, but it never hurts to have a backup.”
A lazy smile curled her lips. “So you have my back?”
His chest throbbed. “Always.” God, help her know it’s true.
A curious expression descended on her face. “Just so you know, I have yours, too.”
“Never doubted it for a second. You’re a good person.”
She sighed again. “Sometimes I doubt that.”
“Why?”
One corner of her mouth turned downward. “I just struggle with the best way to handle things.”
“We all do. That doesn’t mean you’re bad.” Was she always so hard on herself?
“I know. It’s just . . . ” Her words dwindled away and her face went into “I’m-thinking” mode. Finally she continued. “I have this friend who’s struggling, and I don’t know how to help her. One part of me wants to set her straight and the other part feels incredibly sorry for her.”
Something he learned in one of his counseling classes popped into his brain. Many times when a person mentioned a friend, they were really seeking answers for themselves. Was that the case here? “Go on.”
“I’m wondering if they’re caught in something bigger than they can get out of. Something potentially dangerous. One minute they’re kind and helpful, and the next raging mad and ready to take it out on whoever they perceive to be crossing them.”
“It’s okay to get angry sometimes, Gracie. It’s a normal human emotion. But you also need to remember its secondary, brought on by fear, pain, or frustration.”
Her eyes clouded. “But what if they take it to an extreme?”
“Maybe she’s stuffed her emotions too long, and they’re starting to work their way out.”
Gracie’s eyebrows knotted, obviously still puzzled over the situation with ‘her friend.’ “Just encourage her to be open.”
She bobbed her head, the copper highlights in her hair catching the light. “I just hope I’m strong enough to handle it.”
“You can do it, Gracie. You’re stronger than you realize, and God will give you the strength to do what you need to do.”
Peaceful confidence radiated from her features. “I know He’s with me, and I’m trying to trust Him in all this.” Her eyes glazed over as she gazed over his shoulder. “Remember when we talked about the difference between grace and mercy? How far do you think mercy should go? At what point—if any—does it become about protecting yourself?”
His pulse elevated, and he searched her eyes for clues. Did she feel the need to protect herself?
“I mean, the Bible tells us to turn the other cheek, to forgive seventy times seven, to show mercy—”
Matt laid a hand on her forearm. “Stop it right there, Gracie. I think I see where you’re headed. Yeah, the Bible says all those things, but are you really showing mercy if you let someone get away with wrong behavior? Is that really what’s best for that person?”
She didn’t answer right away, but considered his words. “When you put it like that, I guess not, but who am I to decide what’s best for someone else?”
“There are times you can’t, but there are also times when it’s pretty obvious.”
Indecision flickered on her face.
Lord, help me get this point across. Matt racked his brain for an example. “Look at it this way. If a child at school constantly bullies others and blames it on someone else, are you extending mercy if you turn a blind eye?”
She shook her head.
“Or is true mercy shown by working with that kid until he learns a better way to live, so he won’t continue in a pattern that’s not only harmful to him, but to others?”
“I see your point, but what if your option appears unkind and unmerciful to the other person?”
“Aargh!” He brought both hands to his head and pretended to pull his hair out. “You type-A personality people drive me nuts!”
Grace giggled. “Turnabout’s fair play. Buster. And just so you know, you easygoing types drive me crazy, too. Now quit stalling and answer my question.”
“Okay. Here are a couple of more analogies. Kids need vaccinations to keep from getting serious diseases, but when their parents take them to get a shot, the kids don’t see it as merciful. But it is because the alternative would be worse.”
“Agreed. Now what’s your other example?”
He drew in a deep breath. “I’m pretty sure you’re not gonna like what I have to say.”
Her eyes glinted. “What else is new? Say it anyway.”
He chuckled, glad to see her more light-hearted and playful. “It’s really more about self-protection than mercy, but since you’re the one who brought it up.” He hesitated, willing her to get the full impact of what he was about to say. “If you touch a hot stove and it burns you, it seems pretty silly to touch it again.”
She rested her head on one hand, and then clamped her jaw and shook her head. “That analogy is flawed.”
Matt rolled his eyes and slapped both palms on the table. She had an argument for everything. “How?”
“People aren’t stoves. They’re human beings. Someone God loves as much as He loves us.” Her face lit with a passion he’d never seen her exhibit. “It’s possible God put me in a place to be merciful to someone regardless of how they treat me.”
He couldn’t speak, had nothing to contradict her statement. It was possible, but what a sacrifice
to make. “I can’t say it’s not possible, but please be careful. Whether you decide to stick it out or back away, just remember that everything comes down to motive. If you do anything with a heart of love—even if the other person thinks you’re being unkind or unforgiving—you’re doing the right thing.”
A flash of hope flickered in her brown eyes. “I believe that.”
He leaned forward and cupped her face in his hands. “I think you’re one of the most grace-filled and merciful people I know, sweetheart, so don’t be so hard on yourself in this situation.”
Her eyes locked with his, so full of sorrow it made him want to cry. “Please keep praying for me, Matt. Showing grace is much harder than I ever dreamed possible. I think I’m just now realizing how costly it can be.”
“It cost Christ everything.”
She nodded as tears welled in her eyes. “Yet my selfish heart seems to only focus on how costly and painful it will be for me.”
His heart pounded curiously in his chest, a heavy thud of pressure. He took her hand and prayed her words weren’t somehow prophetic.
For a brief moment they sat quietly, her hand at rest in his. Matt sent a smile and caressed her fingers with his thumb.
Gracie jerked her hand away and reached for her cup.
Matt’s heart cratered. Time to have this discussion. “What is it about me you can’t stand?”
She set the cup down with more force than necessary. It clunked against the table, hot chocolate splashing onto the red and white checkered tablecloth. “I care about you, Matt, so please don’t start with the questions. Past our friendship, I just don’t think we’re right for each other.”
“Why?”
Her features hardened. “Do you really wanna have this discussion, ‘cause I’m pretty sure you’re not gonna like it.”
That. Did. It. Matt opened his mouth to give her what for, but at that precise moment, Steve Miller and his old geezer buddies entered the café and made their way to a table nearby, their boisterous conversation and laughter drowning out every other sound.
Steve saw them and made his way to their booth. “Hey, guys. Saw y’all at church last Sunday, but never made it over to say hi. Y’all doing okay?”
The Way of Grace (Miller's Creek Novels) Page 12
