Jolena become numb inside to know that Two Ridges was kin to her by blood!
They had the same father!
That meant that although Two Ridges certainly had not known it, he had fallen in love with his sister! The thought sickened her, and the only thing that helped her keep her sanity was that neither of them had known that when they were together they should have been rejoicing over a brother and sister having finally found one another!
Now she pitied Two Ridges more than she could ever hate him.
She even pitied herself, for never could she love Two Ridges as a sister loves a brother.
He had made that impossible!
"Two Ridges is all right," Jolena said, searching within her scrambled brain for a way to tell him that she knew he was alive without actually being forced to tell him how she knew and the circumstances of how she had escaped from her captorBrown Elk's very own son!
"Before I was thrown from the wagon and rendered unconscious II saw Two Ridges jump from his horse before it plunged over a steep cliff… along with the others," she murmured, lowering her eyes. She hated to lie, and she cursed Two Ridges for having caused her to!
"My son is alive," Brown Elk said, showing his relief as he sighed, then asked, "Spotted Eagle?" He implored Jolena with another look of concern. "You saw Spotted Eagle plunge to his death?''
"No, I did not witness it, butbut I believe that it is so," Jolena said softly. "Were he alive, he would be here now. As for Two Ridges, he most surely did not see me thrown from the wagon. When he was forced to travel without a horse, I am sure he began walking even then toward the village. I do not know why I arrived before him. Perhaps he stopped to rest, or… to pray."
She hated Two Ridges more by the minute for putting her in the position of having to add lie upon lie. Two Ridges had told her that he had seen Spotted Eagle fall to his death, yet she could not tell her Blackfoot father that Two Ridges had told her this without having to explain why she had been with Two Ridges, while she was trying to pretend that she had not been with him at all.
She circled her hands into tight fists at her sides, finding this awkward and confusing and hating it because she wanted to be free of all emotions except for being happy at finally having found her true fatherand sad for having lost the only man she could ever love!
"It is not certain that either warrior is dead," Brown Elk said, hope showing in the depths of his eyes as he smiled at Jolena. "Let me take you to your true people and let them see this daughter of mine who has never forgotten her father. I will introduce you and then tell Chief Gray Bear the news of his son, Spotted Eagle. We will then send out many of our warriors to search for both missing sons."
Jolena could not help but hope, after seeing her Blackfoot father's calm reaction to the news, that perhaps Spotted Eagle was alive after all. A gentle peace seemed to embrace her as she allowed herself to believe that Two Ridges had lied to her about Spotted Eagle's death!
Oh, but if only he were alive!
Jolena walked beside her Blackfoot father, absorbing everything around her, feeling strangely as though she had been in this place before. It was eerie how she felt that she had seen the same hides pinned out to dry outside the dwellings and how she had seen the same tepees, and the tepee paintings showing the exploits of the husbands.
Her gaze fell upon the rawhide shields that hung from tripods outside many of the tepees. Her curiosity having led her to study Indians, she knew that the shields were ceremonially turned by the owner several times a day to face the sun.
As they came closer to the activity of the village, she saw some women outside cooking in brass buckets which they had obtained through barter with the Pawnee of the North, who in turn had procured them from white traders. Old men sat in the sunshine and contemplatively smoked the aromatic mixture of tobacco leaves and bark they called kinnikinick.
Soon Jolena became aware that everyone had become quiet as their eyes discovered her at Brown Elk's side. The children hid behind the buckskin skirts of their mothers. Some women went back inside their dwellings, their large, dark eyes visible as the corners of their entrance flaps, which were drawn slowly aside so they could see this stranger who was of their same skin coloring, yet dressed as a white person.
Realizing how disheveled she was, Jolena reached a hand to her hair, groaning when she found nothing but witches' knots and tangles.
Her gaze then swept down the full length of herself, seeing the rips and tears of her travel skirt and the soiling of her blouse that now looked more muddied gray than white.
When Jolena and Brown Elk reached the largest, most beautifully decorated tepee of all, decorated with buffalo tails and brightly painted pictures of animals on the outside, her knees weakened when the entrance flap was raised and an elderly man, all stooped and thin in a long and flowing buckskin robe, came from the tepee, leaning heavily on a staff. As she gazed up at him and found herself lost in his midnight-dark eyes, she surmised that this was Spotted Eagle's chieftain father and felt humble in his presence.
He stared intensely at her, his lips parting in a slight gasp, and Jolena was quickly aware that he also saw her mother in her features.
"You who resemble someone of our people's past goes by what name?" Chief Gray Bear finally said in a weak voice. He gazed at Brown Elk. "Where did you find her? Brown Elk, how can this be? Your wife's grave lies just beyond that rise. How can she be here?"
"My wife Sweet Dove is always with me in spirit," Brown Elk said softly. He placed an arm around Jolena's waist and drew her to his side. "This is my ni-tunmy daughter. She has no Blackfoot name. She was given the name Jolena by those who took her from her homeland eighteen summers ago!" His eyes wide, Chief Gray Bear took a shaky step toward Jolena. "It is truly you?" he said, reaching his free hand to her cheek, guardedly touching it. "After all these years, you have come home to your father and people? How did you know to do this? How did you know about us?"
"For so long I didn't," Jolena said, trembling beneath his gentle touch and recalling how often Spotted Eagle had also touched her there with such feelings. Missing him so much at this moment, her whole body ached from despair and acute loneliness.
"From the time I was old enough, I knew the difference between myself and my playmates," she continued softly. "But only recently did I discover my true heritage."
She lowered her eyes and swallowed hard. "Spotted Eagle saw my resemblance to my mother and explained everything to me," she said softly, then raised her eyes again slowly. "Only then did I know that I was Blackfoot and that my father was Brown Elk."
Chief Gray Bear forked an eyebrow. "You know my son?" he said. He looked past her, then into her eyes again. "I do not see him here. He did not accompany you
here, to introduce you to your true people?"
Jolena cast her Blackfoot father a troubled glance, seeking assistance in explaining to a father that his son might be dead!
Brown Elk drew her closer to his side, giving her the comfort that she was seeking. He explained to Gray Bear what had happened, though he found it hard to explain away his own son's absence since he should have arrived back at the village by now.
Chief Gray Bear leaned more heavily into his cane, the grief and concern thick in his eyes and his voice as he spoke. "We will not begin mourning my son until his body has been brought to his people as proof of his death," he said. "I will send many warriors to search for both our sons. I will speak to the fires of the sun to bring them home safely to us."
Then Chief Gray Bear raised a hand in the air and motioned for his people to come forth. Everyone obeyed and came and stood quietly behind Jolena and Brown Elk. Brown Elk urged her around to face them, as Chief Gray Bear addressed them.
"One of our people has returned to us!" Chief Gray Bear shouted, as best his voice would carry in his weakened state of health. "Look upon her! You will see Sweet Dove in her features! She is the daughter of Brown Elk and Sweet Dove! She has come home to us!"
Now Jolena understood why so many of the women had fled for shelter inside their tepees when they had gotten a better look at her. The older women remembered Sweet Dove as though she were alive only yesterday!
They surely thought she had risen from the dead!
Now that Jolena's true identity had been explained to them, they all came to her in clusters, some smiling, some touching, some hugging.
Chief Gray Bear came to Jolena and himself embraced her. "There should be a great feast to celebrate your return to us," he said, stepping away from her. His eyes were hauntingly dark as he peered down at her. "But you understand that while my son is missing there can be no celebration?"
"Yes, I understand," she murmured, deep within herself wishing that she could tell him that she understood more than he realized. She wanted to share her feelings with this elderly, ailing man, about a son whom he apparently idolized. She wanted to tell Chief Gray Bear that she loved him as much!
But she knew that this was not the timeeven that the time might never be afforded her.
If Spotted Eagle were truly dead, their feelings for one another would be kept a secret, stored safely within the soft confines of Jolena's heart, to enjoy on those nights when she allowed herself to close her eyes and pretend he was there with her again.
"Let us go inside my dwelling," Brown Elk said, again placing a protective arm around Jolena's waist and whisking her away from the others. "There you will eat and be given clothes of our people."
Only for an instant did Jolena think about the father who had raised and nourished her. The wonder of being with her true father was washing all thoughts of her past life slowly away.
"That sounds wonderful," Jolena said, smiling at him. Over her shoulder she watched several warriors mount their proud steeds and ride away. Her smile waned, knowing where they were going.
She closed her eyes and gave a silent prayer that Two Ridges had been lying about Spotted Eagle and that he would be found alive and well.
"White woman's attire should have never clothed you," said Brown Elk, his voice breaking. "Never shall it again."
The hurt in her father's voice drew Jolena's thoughts back to him. At this moment, he deserved her full attention and devotion. He had been denied these things for far too long.
She followed him inside his tepee, where she began to absorb everything as though her mind were a sponge, wanting to quickly learn everything that had been denied her, to make up for lost time.
She already felt deep inside her soul that this was where she belonged!
Oh, but if only Spotted Eagle could have been a part of this discovery of herself as she was truly meant to be!
Knowing that if she labored over thoughts of Spotted Eagle much longer, she would not be able to keep from weeping, she held her chin proudly high as her father helped her down onto a couch softened with a cushion of buffalo robes beside the fire in the firepit.
As Brown Elk placed more wood on the fire, Jolena gazed around her again. The inside walls of the tepee were made of brightly painted cowhide, reaching from the ground to a height of five or six feet. The paintings portrayed the various battles and adventures in which her father had taken part. An air space about two or three inches thick had been left between the inner lining and the lodge covering. The air rushing up through it from the outside made a draft which aided the large flap at the top to free the lodge of smoke.
Three couches were positioned around the fire. At the foot and head of every couch, a mat made of straight, peeled willow twigs, fastened side by side, was suspended on a tripod so that between the couches spaces were left as convenient places to store articles which were not in use.
The earth flooring of the lodge had been swept fantastically clean, and domestic paraphernaliaworn, gray millstones, gourds, baskets, and clay potssat neatly in place along the walls.
Jolena's eyes were drawn to an exhibit of warring attire and weapons, which was most impressive as the fire cast its dancing shadows upon the bows and arrows, the lances decorated with many colorful feathers, and the rifles with their shining barrels.
She looked for signs of women's attire or needlework, seeing nothing of the kind, which had to mean that her father no longer had a wife.
Jolena was reminded of her hunger when several lovely Blackfoot maidens came into the tepee carrying an assortment of food on wood platters and in large kettles. She did not have to be asked twice to partake of the food and was soon stuffing her mouth with pemmican made of berries and dried back fat of buffalo, rabbit stew with delicious chunks of carrots and cabbage floating around in the rich liquid, and many other things that she did not take the time to ask the ingredients.
She did not even notice that her father was not eating, instead amusedly watching her. She seemed to have lost all of her delicate table manners as she continued stuffing her mouth with food until she suddenly realized that she could not eat another bite.
Jolena did not have the time to feel embarrassed over her ill manners. Something elseanother generous offering from more womenmade her breath catch in her throat.
"Those are for you," Brown Elk said, rising. He walked toward the entrance flap. "I will leave as you dress yourself as a Blackfoot woman should be dressed."
"Thank you for everything," Jolena said, smiling up at her father as he gave her a glance over his shoulder, then stepped outside, leaving her alone with the women.
"I shall bathe and dress you, and Moon Flow
er will braid your hair," a woman named Crying Wind said as she brought a large basin of steaming water into the tepee.
Feeling pampered and enjoying it, Jolena shed her clothes and allowed the women to do as they pleased with her. First her hair was washed in water perfumed with what smelled like pine needles. Then, as she was being washed with a soft cloth, she gazed down at the clothes that she would soon be wearing. She silently admired the smock made from tanned buffalo skins, the milk teeth of an elk fastened in a row around the neck of the dress. There was also a pair of leggings that would reach to her knees, also made of tanned skins.
The black moccasins that sat beside the dress and leggings were made from tanned buffalo skin with parfleche soles which greatly increased their durability. They were ornamented over the toes with a three-pronged figure worked in porcupine quills and beads, the three prongs representing the three divisions, or tribes, of the Blackfoot nation.
Savage Illusions Page 22
