by Kat T. Masen
Millie: Sorry, I was just having a moment. I got my period.
My knees turn weak, forcing me to sit down on the sofa before they give way. A thickness forms in my throat as I mentally curse myself for being so stupid. Not only did I sleep with Austin, but I also have the one thing Millie is so desperate for.
And the worst part is, I would trade places in a heartbeat. Being pregnant was not part of my life plan. It’s not that I disliked kids, I’m just selfish and will admit it. I enjoy luxurious holidays, spending money on designer clothes, and drinking martinis on private islands while being pampered.
Now, not only am I going to raise another human being, but I have to do it all alone.
There’s no response worthy of forgiveness. So, I quickly think of the only thing which comes to mind.
Me: I’m sorry. Maybe next month xx
The door buzzes with the doorman informing me of the arrival of the car service. I grab my things, ignoring the constant heaviness inside my chest, and try my best to forget I’m pregnant with my sister’s ex-fiancés baby.
The Bahamas photoshoot is nonstop. Eric chose the entire flight to map out this year’s business goals from the moment we boarded the plane. The irony is that I participated like nothing at all in my life will change. A few times, I opened my mouth to admit the truth but retreated with fear each time. Thankfully, many of the things scheduled aren’t photoshoots as we are focusing on my product line for loungewear and jewelry.
The shoot itself begins in the early hours of the morning on a gorgeous beach with pristine blue skies above us. The sun burns my skin, more so than usual, leaving me extra sensitive. I make a conscious effort to suck in my stomach when needed, scared someone will notice.
When the shoot is over, I breathe a sigh of relief. The swimsuit part is complete, and tomorrow is less revealing with the attire being photographed.
Thankfully, there’s time to stop for anything. Even though we’re in the Bahamas, this trip is far from relaxing. The other influencers are demanding with my time, all wanting to talk business. Eric schedules video conferences and meetings, which were initially planned for this week. Then there are the dinners which are like mixers with liquor served. I politely take a cocktail but end up throwing it in the bushes hoping no one sees it.
While there are moments that distract me from reality, the pregnancy makes sure to fight for attention every second I’m alone.
And the most critical thought is telling Austin.
The three days intended for this trip extend to six through no fault of my own. When a reminder comes up on my phone about my dinner with Lochie, I have no choice but to cancel. I send him a text, stating I’m caught up with work and now isn’t a good time for anything. It sounds cold, but what else can I possibly say to let him down? He never responds, and frankly, I don’t blame him.
I’m sure I’ll never date again.
Who the hell wants a single mother with a baby?
Back in Manhattan, reality is unavoidable. I toy back and forth with the idea of not telling Austin, but when my thoughts become too much, I run to the only person who, at this moment, I can trust entirely.
“Hey, short stuff, haven’t seen you in a while?”
Andy extends his arms as I fall into his embrace. Against his muscular chest, I close my eyes while he squeezes me tight. I wrap my arms around him, not wanting to let him go, desperate for the comfort he provides me.
“Is everything okay?” he asks, kissing the top of my head. Andy towers over me, so it isn’t unusual for him to do that. “You’re kind of not letting go of me.”
I shake my head without a word, then pull away slowly.
“Can we talk?”
Andy draws his eyebrows together, extending his arm to motion for me to come in. “Always available for you.”
There’s something about Andy’s studio that feels like home. The exposed brick wall is the feature of the small space, rustic yet appealing to the eyes. Hanging on the wall are framed black and white photos which Andy has taken over the years. Beneath it sits a tanned leather sofa with a plush white rug and a coffee table with a stack of books. Andy has always been a reader, his love for books inherited from Uncle Julian.
The color palette is earth tones with an artistic vibe which sums up Andy perfectly.
I take a seat on the sofa, allowing my body to sink in while I grab a cushion and hug it for comfort.
Andy sits beside me, watching with a curious gaze. For my entire life, Andy has been a big brother to me. Our families did everything together, and there isn’t one memory without him being a part of it. Dad has a special bond with him, treating Andy like his own son. It’s why I consider him a brother more so than a cousin.
When he moved to Manhattan along with Millie, it felt like I lost my entire world. I’m two years younger than them, always falling behind as they moved on with life. Yet over the years, the tides shifted. Millie moved back to LA, and Andy stayed in Manhattan. After graduating from NYU, he began traveling the world. I admire him for following his passion, and just like his father, he’s always trying to do good in the world.
Andy Evans-Baker isn’t like any other man I know. It’s one of the many reasons why girls have always lusted over him. He is a good-looking man who is just happy doing his thing and doesn’t get caught up in the drama.
“How have you been?” I ask, caressing the faux fur of the cushion with my palm.
“Good. Great, actually. I’ve got an assignment in London which I’m excited about.”
“Photographing the Queen’s Corgis?”
Andy’s mouth curves upward, a loose chuckle escaping him. “Close, but not quite. It does involve a celebrity.”
“Hmm, nice. You going to visit Jessa?”
Andy shuffles uncomfortably, making it obvious I’ve struck a nerve.
“Not likely…”
I shift my gaze back onto Andy, knowing the last time they spoke was months ago before she moved to London. With everything going on in my life, I haven’t had the chance to catch up with her either.
“What’s going on? I haven’t spoken to her in months.”
“Nothing’s going on, Ava,” he tells me firmly. “She’s in London living her life.”
I sense more, but Andy being a typical guy, doesn’t give me much.
“So, why aren’t you there with her? Cut the bullshit, Andy. You’re in love with her. You have been for years.”
“You cut the crap, Ava. What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out.
I almost feel relieved as it leaves my mouth, my shoulders falling as I let out a breath and throw my head back against the sofa.
“Congratulations?” Andy quips, unsure. “Is that what I’m supposed to say?”
“You might want to reconsider when you know the whole story,” I profess, sucking my stomach in then exhaling. “I need you to not judge me.”
“When have I ever judged you? I’m not Millie.”
I nod in agreement, then fall quiet.
“Ava, c’mon, it’s me. You can’t do anything wrong in my eyes.”
My mouth opens, but then it falls shut. I must tell him because I need a male perspective, and keeping this secret is killing me.
“It was New Year’s Eve. I was a mess after Miami. Then I walked in on Olivier. In my entire life, I’ve never felt as insecure and insignificant as I did that night.” I swallow the lump in my throat, finding the courage to continue. “I went to this Irish pub because, well, I don’t know why. I just didn’t want to be around the same usual crowd. So, I drank, and then Austin walked in…”
“Austin?” Andy tilts his head. His blue eyes fixate on me. “Millie’s Austin?”
“Thanks for the reference.”
“Sorry,” he quickly mutters. “So, Austin walked in?”
“He was having a bad night at work, and well, we drank, then one thing led to another…”
As my words trail off, Andy lets out a
huge breath then rubs his face with his hands. “Ava… ” he murmurs, “… are you telling me Austin is the father?”
“It was just one night, Andy.” I almost choke.“I haven’t seen him since.”
“He doesn’t know?”
I shake my head, keeping quiet.
“And Millie? Does she know about that night?”
My eyes fall to the floor as I shake my head again. “I fucked up, Andy. I don’t know what to do.”
Andy places his arm on my shoulder, bringing me in for an embrace. My chest hitches, the wave of nausea rearing its ugly head again. I practice my breathing, not wanting to hug the toilet bowl since I can’t think of anything worse.
“I don’t have any advice for you,” Andy confesses, his voice low. “The truth is, this baby will come whether you accept it or not.”
“I know, but, Andy? If you were a guy in this situation, would you want to know?”
Andy takes a moment to ponder my question. Given the complexity of the situation, I don’t push him while he thinks.
“Honestly? Yes. This isn’t the child’s fault, and every child deserves to have a father.”
His answer is nothing less than what I expected from him, especially since he lost his biological father so early on in life.
“But Austin has this great career,” I argue softly. “He worked so hard to become a doctor, and I don’t want to ruin it for him.”
“Ruin it for him or you?”
I narrow my eyes, distancing myself while turning to face him. “What does that mean?”
“You’ve always been independent, and if we’re getting real here, you struggle with factoring men into your life. You do what you want when you want. If you were to raise this baby on your own, you could do things your way. But if Austin knows, I’m certain he will want to be a part of the child’s life. That means you’ll need to factor in his needs too.”
I’m offended Andy says such a thing even though I considered moving to LA for a split second to be closer to Mom and Dad, yet quickly squashed the idea. My life is here. My work is here.
And Austin is here.
“What about Millie?” I can barely say her name without the guilt riddling me. “Or even Will. They’re going to know.”
“Ava, this isn’t going to be easy. The quicker you swallow that, the quicker you move on and rip the band-aid off.”
“I’m terrified it will tear my family apart,” I choke, barely able to admit the truth.
“Family is for life. Sure, at first, there may be some battles, but never forget the power of love. You know, if you want more advice, maybe talk to Mom? She went through this when she started seeing Dad.”
From the bits we knew, Aunt Adriana’s relationship with Uncle Julian caused major conflict when they came out as a couple. Dad was on the warpath, disowning his sister and blaming Mom. But according to Mom, Uncle Julian saved my life. There was no elaboration to that story, so that’s the extent to what I know.
“I think I might,” I agree. Aunt Adriana knows Mom and Dad well enough to help guide me through this.
Andy’s phone rings, and in sheer coincidence, he lifts the phone, so I can see the video call coming in from Aunt Adriana. Even he looks surprised.
Wow, Universe, you’re on some roll.
“Hey, Mom.”
‘Hey, kid,” Aunt Adriana greets, all cheery as usual. “Dad just reminded me to remind you about the phone conference in an hour. He had to step out because Willow's damn dog ate something in the garden and started throwing up all green.”
“Thanks for the reminder, Mom, and gross about the dog.” Andy glances my way. “Actually, I’m here with Ava.”
Andy moves the screen over as Aunt Adriana waves.
“Look at you. You’re gorgeous as ever!”
“I’m pregnant.”
Aunt Adriana’s mouth falls open as her facial muscles turn slack. “Well, I didn’t expect that… ”
“Austin is the father,” I reveal.
“Austin?” she repeats in a high-pitched voice. “As in Millie’s Austin?”
I clench my jaw, annoyed at the reference, then nod. Just because they were once engaged doesn’t make him hers.
“Okay, you need to talk me through everything.”
Andy excuses himself, giving me a chance to speak in private. I begin with exactly what I told Andy, starting from Miami but reveal more about the morning after. Aunt Adriana and I have always been close, and at times when I felt I couldn’t share something with Mom, she has always been someone I can be honest with. When I finish, she lets out a long-winded breath.
“I need help,” I plead, trying to remain calm. “I don’t know how to tell my parents, let alone Millie.”
“In my experience, if you can control how it comes out, the better. Don’t let it slip through the grapevine.”
I nod with a deep breath. It makes sense. “Right, okay. Anything else?”
“We love you, honey. Your parents love you. Sure, Lex might act like an asshole, but you know him… let him cool off, and he’ll come around. We’re all here to support you, and you don’t need to do this alone.”
“But Millie…” I barely whisper.
“She’ll be angry. But she’s your sister, and if Lex can forgive me for marrying his worst enemy, Millie can forgive you.”
“Uncle Julian is Dad’s worst enemy?”
“Not anymore, but at one point, he was,” she confesses. “He had everything Lex wanted.”
Perhaps this situation is different. After all, we’re sisters. We share the same blood. We came from the same womb.
But there are so many band-aids to rip off, and which is worse is yet to be determined.
All I know is that Andy is right. Austin deserves to know. I’m about to change his life forever.
Though no matter how hard I try to find the courage to call him, it’s never enough to reveal the truth. I need to see him, and time is of the essence.
This baby isn’t going to stop growing.
And soon, the whole world will know exactly what I’ve done.
What we have done.
Eight
Ava
The automated doors open upon walking toward them, and a deep breath escapes me.
Stepping inside the main entrance, I’m immediately confronted by the sterile environment. The pungent smell of cleaning supplies or possibly sanitizer engulfs my senses, but I do my best to ignore it despite my queasy stomach.
As I walk to the reception desk, a few people are waiting in line. It moves quickly, and when it becomes my turn, I smile politely at the older lady behind the Perspex glass.
“I’m here to see Dr. Austin Carter,” I say, trying to remain calm. “Could you please tell me which ward I can find him in?”
The lady types in her computer, barely acknowledging me.
“Dr. Carter is in ER. You’re best to head over there. Turn left, then follow the signs down the hall.”
I thank her before turning left to follow her directions. Without even realizing it, I lower my head to avoid making eye contact with people. I’m not fond of hospitals, and then it hits me—five months until I am here pushing a baby out of my vagina.
My breathing falters, the air surrounding me becomes stifling hot. Finally, I stop in my tracks, retrieving a water bottle from my bag to take a long sip. Instantly, my temperature stabilizes, allowing me to continue my hunt for Austin.
The ER has a completely different vibe. Everything is fast-paced with First Responders in and out of the large doors. A woman lying on a stretcher is brought in with what appears to be some sort of neck or back injury if her neck brace is anything to go by. I thank my lucky stars she isn’t covered in blood because I would have fainted on the spot.
The waiting room is full, though I try my hardest not to stare at patients sitting miserably in plastic chairs. No one is waiting at the reception, so I quickly make my way over and ask for Austin.
“If you walk down this corrid
or, there’s a small desk on the right. Jennifer can help you locate him.”
“Thank you,” I tell her.
The corridor isn’t as long as the other one. I continue to walk down, and just when I spot the desk, my attention is drawn to laughter ahead of me.
My glance shifts toward Austin conversing with a woman. They are both wearing scrubs, laughing at something together. I suspect it’s his colleague until he raises his hand to brush a loose strand of hair away from her face before whispering something in her ear.
Avert my eyes momentarily, I try to ignore the tightness in my chest while struggling to find the courage to go through with this. But unfortunately, the temptation to run in the opposite direction sounds more and more like the easiest thing to do until it becomes too late.
His deep hazel eyes have locked onto mine.
And something inside of me shifts, almost freezing me on the spot.
“Hey, Austin.”
Forcing a smile, I place my hands in the pockets of my jeans. The waist is a bit too tight, and I’m certain this will be the last time I wear them. I chose to wear a loose white blouse to be more comfortable with a pair of yellow Manolo Blahniks I’d only bought last month. Soon, gorgeous heels like this will mock me from my closet.
Austin raises his brow as the woman beside him glances at me. “Ava? What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you in private. Is there somewhere we can go?”
“Yes, of course,” he responds, still perplexed as to my visit. Then, after a few awkward seconds, Austin shakes his head as if he forgot something. “Sorry, I should’ve introduced you to Lane. Lane, this is Ava, an old friend of mine.”
Lane extends her hand. “Nice to meet you, Ava.”
There’s nothing at all bitchy nor stuck-up about her. Her ginger hair, and chocolate-colored eyes, make her look simple, but not in a bad way. In a natural, there’s-nothing-fake-about-me way. Although I’ve requested to speak to Austin—who appears to be her boyfriend—in private, her smile doesn’t waver.
“How about we take a walk outside?” Austin suggests, his smile still lingering. “I was just about to go on a break.”
