by Kat T. Masen
I breathe a sigh of relief, knowing Austin is panicking about all the things I had too. Stupid things which aren’t a big deal but in the heat of the moment, where to position a crib seems like the end of the world.
But all of this could be worse. I could be pregnant with a man who I don’t even know.
“Austin, what about Lane?” I raise the topic with curiosity. “Does she know yet?”
“We’re together, and no, she doesn’t know. After you left, we had a trauma case come in, so there wasn’t a chance to think about this. Besides, I needed to process this myself before I could tell her.”
“Look, Austin. I don’t want to get in the way of things for you.”
“Ava,” he breathes, his voice instantly calming me. His hand moves to sit on top of mine, a small gesture I welcome. “You’re the mother of my child. You and this child will be my number one priority from now. My relationship with Lane is new. Yes, she’s great, but I don’t want anyone to feel less important; therefore, ending things would be the sensible thing to do. Maybe, in the future, people can come into our lives. But it doesn’t make sense to hold onto my relationship with her right now.”
To hear Austin say these words makes me think, can we do this forever? Co-parent a child yet have separate lives with other partners. Uncle Noah and Kate did it, plus they made it look easy. At least, to me, it did. If boundaries are established, why would it be a problem?
But do I really want another woman playing mother to my child?
A burning sensation spreads across my chest, forcing me to clench my teeth. God, how can I be jealous of someone who doesn’t even exist? Calm the fuck down, Ava.
I lean back into the sofa, raising my hands to my face. “We screwed up.”
Austin glances at my stomach as my tank pulls up, exposing my skin.
“You’re showing,” is all he says.
My eyes drop to my stomach. Then, in a rush, I pull my tank down.
“Yes, only this week.”
“You look beautiful, Ava,” he murmurs. “You have that pregnancy glow.”
“It’s called vomiting.”
Austin dips his head with a smirk. “Have you been taking any folic acid supplements?”
“Uh, Dr. Taylor mentioned something, but I was kind of in shock.”
“Folic acid helps form the neural tube,” he asserts with a straight face. “It’s also very important because it can help prevent some major birth defects of the baby’s brain.”
“Okay, you’re freaking me out,” I confess while rubbing my stomach. “Birth defects?”
“Sorry.” He cringes then relaxes enough to smile. “It’s the doctor in me.”
“It’s okay. It’s good to have a doctor around, and it doesn’t hurt that you’re not bad looking,” I muse.
Austin chuckles softly. “You’re a tease, Ava. Always have been.”
And then it all begins to shift, a moment, a few simple words which question whether I have it in me to last a lifetime not falling in love with the father of my child.
Austin is a great guy. He will be in my life forever.
Yet, in so many ways, it feels like he has always been in my life.
Taking a breath, I ignore my racing heart and blame my unstable hormones. Then, I remember my scan tomorrow morning before I fly out.
“My first scan is tomorrow morning,” I mention, not wanting to push him. “Sorry, I’m only just telling you. My brain is scattered and—”
“I’ll be there, Ava.” He smiles, then moves my hair away from my shoulder, causing my breath to hitch. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
I tilt my head, finally allowing myself to look at him properly and not through a side-eye. Austin has beautiful eyes and one of those faces which light up when he smiles. His perfectly straight teeth are white, making his smile endearing. Our child will be beautiful if he or she is anything like him.
“I hope our baby has your smile,” I profess softly.
“Hmm…” He rubs his chin, then breaks out into a relaxed grin. “And your eyes.”
“My eyes?”
“Emerald.”
Pursing my lips, I silently cuss myself for having a blonde moment.
“The Edwards’ gene is strong that way,” I muse.
Austin stares at me wistfully. He raises his finger to touch my cheek softly. “We can do this, Ava, okay? I meant it when I said you aren’t alone.”
His reassurance is exactly what I need. I rest my face in his hand, allowing his comforting gesture.
“You don’t know how much I needed to hear that,” I whisper.
This is far from perfect and not how I ever imagined my life to turn out. But as I stare into the eyes of the man who is the father of my baby, I can’t help but wonder if this was always in the cards.
The Universe has a fucked-up way of aligning the stars and dealing cards.
Just how far it will test me will soon be revealed.
Ten
Austin
Ava’s pregnant.
My head rests against the wall until a page goes off calling all available staff to the ER.
A multi-trauma case is on its way. A woman in her mid-twenties and two young children—a boy aged six and a girl aged four—hit at a pedestrian stop by an out-of-control driver.
There’s no time to stop and think of anything else. The team prepares the equipment with all trained staff on standby. First, we will need to examine the patients to get a better understanding of their conditions.
When the first responders arrive, each patient is rushed to a separate team. The little girl is brought to where I stand, and simultaneously while we start examining her, the first responder is informing us of her condition.
We work busily, following protocol. The child is conscious but in obvious pain as she begins to cry. The nurse administers some pain relief, then begins the x-raying of various parts of her body.
The rush continues however, at this stage, we can see she hasn’t sustained any internal bleeding. Instead, the pain she’s experiencing is from a broken leg.
Her brother is in a similar condition, only with a broken arm. According to the report, they landed close to one another as their mother tried to shield them seconds before impact.
Across the room, the team rushes the mother into emergency surgery. There is a commotion when the nurse brings in the father and what appears to be the grandmother. The two of them weep, calling out in a panic while Dr. Hanson—who is in charge today—tries to update them on the condition of the children. Both are stable but will remain in ICU for observation. As for the mother, it is too early to tell.
Hours pass with more patients admitted but thankfully—not as serious as earlier today. Before my shift ends, a nurse updates me on the mother. She has been stabilized, and they managed to stop the internal bleeding. After seeing those two children injured, I’m grateful the mother has pulled through. I can’t even imagine being a parent and going through that.
And then, the wrecking ball swings past and knocks the wind out of me, forceful with its nature and leaving me entirely breathless.
You’re going to be a father.
My feet drag as I walk to the breakout room, time lost on me though I’m aware my shift has ended. Only an hour over scheduled time today, a record if I’m not mistaken. Inside the small area, a few colleagues have also clocked off, chatting away animatedly but stop for a moment to say hello. I’m not in the mood to converse, keeping my smile to a bare minimum.
I open my locker in a daze, grabbing my things, then close the door to see Lane beside me.
“Hey, handsome, you look beat.”
I’m unable to look her in the eye, my limbs numb and unable to move. Multiple thoughts are running through my mind, only catching up now. How will it even work with Ava and me? We aren’t together, and I barely have time to take care of myself, let alone a baby. The roster at work is so hectic, and for the last few weeks, I’ve worked seven days because we are short-sta
ffed.
Then there is the huge matter of her family. I’m dead certain Lex will hunt me down and kill me. But more pressing than that is Millie’s reaction.
After all, she is the Edwards daughter I once loved and wanted to marry.
Aside from New Year’s Eve, I hadn’t thought about the Edwards family in a long while. It was a memory I buried, and it felt like so long ago.
But then my mind wanders to the night we fucked so carelessly. I swear I placed the condom right. It wasn’t my first god damn time. I just don’t understand how we defied all odds. From a medical standpoint, how the hell was she ovulating the one time we screwed around and with a condom? I didn’t even go in bareback, not for one second.
Yeah, sure, at first, I thought it was someone else’s. Ava is beautiful, and men had always bowed down to her. But I also knew she would never make up such a lie. Ava never cared for kids, not ever voicing she wanted to settle down. Quite the opposite, she repelled commitment because she wanted to do things her way. It was a joke Millie and I often teased her about—a spinster with a vast collection of cats.
And why would Ava tell me I’m the father knowing full well it will tear her family apart?
But, I reacted prematurely and doubted her. It was wrong of me, yet all of it rendered me speechless. Never in my wildest dreams did I think she’d tell me such a thing when I saw her.
“Austin?” Lane calls, her hand gently falling on my arm. “Austin?”
I shake my head, then turn to look at her. “Sorry.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Uh, no. Not really.”
“Do you want to talk now? Or over dinner?”
I forgot she organized dinner at this restaurant a few blocks over. It wouldn’t be fair to continue this charade, not when I need to sort things out and process my thoughts.
“I need to take care of something.”
“Uh, sure.” Lane forces a smile, despite my cold tone. “Do what you need to do.”
Kissing her cheek, I distance myself quickly because the guilt begins to weigh on me. There’s no way I can continue my relationship with her. It just wouldn’t be fair.
But that wasn’t front and center on my mind.
Ava deserves an apology.
I acted like a fucking jerk earlier, and she shouldn’t have been in the firing line.
The easiest route to her apartment is via the subway. It’s late and not overly crowded. There are a few questionable people, but like always, I ignore them.
When I arrive at her apartment, Ava opens the door dressed in a white tank and pink boxers. As she stands in front of me with bare feet, her stature appears much shorter. I’m quite tall, but usually when I’m with her, she’s wearing heels.
Though, that isn’t what is catching my attention.
She’s obviously not wearing a bra, so I do my best to turn away, ignoring the slight stir in my pants. Now isn’t the time to start thinking with my dick.
Ava invites me in, motioning for me to take a seat on the sofa. Her penthouse is simplistic yet warm and cozy, with her scent lingering everywhere. It clouds my thoughts, but I take a deep breath and begin with an apology. My behavior was uncalled for, and I’m ashamed I took my anger out on her.
The famous saying ‘it takes two to tango’ couldn’t ring any more true.
We both played with fire to end up right here in Hell.
The more we speak, the more I see in her eyes just how terrified she is, thinking she will have to do this alone.
Then, there’s the matter of her family.
I’ve been around the Edwards enough to know it won’t go down well. Lex is highly protective of his daughters, Ava being his favorite, but Charlie will be understanding. She always is the person you can run to for anything.
As for Millie, I honestly don’t know. I suspect her husband will have more of an issue than her. And then I think, can I handle being back in that family? They weren’t an ordinary family, not when the patriarch is a billionaire who runs an empire.
In comparison, my family is super low-key. Dad is an architect, and Mom owns a furniture store. My oldest sister, Ivy, lives in Sacramento with her husband. My younger sister, Ella, is studying at Berkeley.
We meet for holidays if convenient for everyone but still keep in contact regularly.
I’m sure once I tell them, they’ll be more excited than disappointed. My parents are never ones to voice their opinions on our relationships. When Millie and I split, they expressed their apologies but didn’t involve themselves. They knew well enough to leave the situation alone. If anything, they were more worried about my studies.
I reassure Ava it will be okay because what else can I say? The last thing she needs is me projecting my fears onto her. Then, as she vents openly, her tank rises, and I see the swell of her stomach.
Fuck, this is going to happen.
It’s staring me in the face.
The fear gnaws at me until I ignore its desperation to hold me hostage and focus on Ava’s face. She appears worn out with slight bags under her usually vibrant eyes, but her skin still has that pregnancy glow.
Just admit it, she’s fucking stunning and always has been.
When I look back at the times we hung out with each other, there were often moments when I spent more time with Ava than Millie. Perhaps, in hindsight, we’d always had some sort of connection. With Ava, it’s just easy. She always said her mind, never once holding back. Millie was different. There was always this hesitation with her. Rather than speak her mind, she bottled things up between us or deflected. To look back now, a lot of it had to do with Romano.
We never had a conversation on exactly how they ended because frankly—I couldn’t care less at the time. I was naïve to think he wouldn’t come back, and when he did—it was probably the worst time of my life. The only thing which got me through it was studying. I’m glad I persisted, never once giving up all because Amelia Edwards couldn’t admit the truth.
Ava quickly informs me of the sonogram tomorrow, apologizing for telling me last minute. Thankfully, it’s my rostered day off.
“It’s late,” I say, though my own exhaustion starts to creep in. “You look like you need sleep.”
She nods with a half-smile. “I should probably get some before I never get sleep for the rest of my life.”
I chuckle softly. “We may get lucky. A child who sleeps through the night.”
“Austin, there are so many things we need to sort out.”
“We will, but you need rest. It’s not just about you now.”
“I’m so tired I can’t even move.” She yawns, resting her head on the cushion.
It only takes a matter of seconds before her eyelids close. I grab the cream throw blanket and place it on top of her, covering her shoulders. Her face looks angelic, the natural long lashes accentuating her closed eyes. The color of her cheeks is pink, and as I watch her sleep, I quietly count the few freckles scattered across her nose.
Like deja vu, the memory comes roaring back.
I’d done this, once, before.
And I remember telling myself to stop. Only last time, we were waiting inside the cabin at Lake Tahoe for Millie and her parents to arrive.
We laughed until our stomachs hurt, threw peanuts in each other’s mouths when we realized we had no phone coverage, and tore our hair out from boredom.
Then, Ava fell asleep.
And I watched when I shouldn’t have.
This time is different. There’s to be no watching, no looking at each other differently. We have a kid to raise, and that’s all that matters.
Rising from the sofa with an odd feeling settling in my stomach, my body stiffens, and my muscles tense from the stress.
All I need to do is get out of here.
The sooner, the better, to avoid my mind from wandering any further.
“Are you ready, Ava?”
The sonographer, Melinda, smears the gel across Ava’s abdomen. Then, with the probe in
hand, she presses it gently in waves with her focus on the monitor.
My gaze is glued to the monitor, instantly noticing the baby on the screen. It’s small but enough to see its shape and body which has formed. Each time Melinda moves the probe, the image fades in and out.
There’s a burst of warmth inside my chest. A surreal feeling I’ve never experienced before. So many emotions run wild, from the urge to protect this baby I’m yet to meet to an overwhelming amount of love. This kind of love brings happiness of a different kind, but in the same breath—I’m terrified of failing and causing more harm than good.
Ava turns her head to face me. “Can you see the baby?”
“I sure can.” I point to the screen, waiting for Melinda to steady the image and welcoming the distraction from my overbearing thoughts. “See that circle on the right. That’s the baby’s head. If you follow it left, you’ll see the body and legs.”
Melinda raises her brows with a slow smile that builds.
“Austin is a second-year resident.”
“Almost,” I correct Ava. “In about two months.”
“I didn’t realize and now feel self-conscious,” Melinda muses, almost looking flustered. She turns to both of us. “Are you ready?”
Ava glances at me nervously.
And then, like music to anyone’s ears, the heartbeat echoes in the room.
Several times in the ER, there have been instances when we’d wait for a sign of life, the greatest gift possible. But this is different—this is my baby.
“Is that the heartbeat?” Ava chokes.
“Yes,” Melinda confirms, then continues to take measurements. “Perfectly healthy and happy. Now, you measure eighteen weeks along, almost halfway. Everything looks good. Did you want to find out the sex of the baby?”
“You can do that now?” Ava questions in a high-pitched voice.
“Yes, you’re far enough along.”
Ava raises her eyes to the ceiling, only to shift her gaze to me moments later. “I don’t know.”
