“How many times did you come?”
“Three,” I answer sheepishly. There’s no point in denying it.
She whistles low and long. “That’s a lot for you.”
“I know.”
“I don’t know how I feel about this. I always expected you to get back with Danny. Get married and all the rest.” I wince when she says his name.
“I guess I’m really over him this time.”
There is another long pause. “Good. No, really, that’s good. I do only want you to be happy, you’re my best friend, Sarah.”
“So you’re not annoyed with me for having sex with Ethan when you warned me against him?”
“Fuck no! He’s hotter than chili sauce.”
I laugh.
“But just remember, Sarah, chili sauce has a nasty habit of burning you after you’ve finished eating it. Don’t get serious.”
I take her warning as a friend looking out for what’s best for me, but nothing more. I know Ethan has the potential to break my heart if I get too serious with him. And if that’s the case then I won’t. I won’t let myself fall into the same mistakes I’ve made in the past. If he finds me easy to fuck, then I will damn well be easy to fuck.
Because the truth is, he’s easy to fuck too. He’s the first man that has made me feel desirable and sexy, and the only one that has given me three orgasms in such a short space of time.
Why would I want to mess that up?
“I’ll be careful. I’m just having fun. I deserve that, don’t I?”
“Yep, you do. If you promise not to fall for him, I hereby give you my permission to fuck his brains out.”
Not that I needed her permission.
Chapter 14
I wake up to the smell of pancakes and I’m immediately reliving moments of my childhood when we had Sunday morning breakfasts as a family. Ethan is cooking again and I’m starving. I hope I’m not being too presumptuous that he’s making a plate for me as well as himself.
“Morning.” His tone is light and friendly, as if nothing at all awkward happened between us yesterday.
“Strawberry pancakes?” I pull out a chair for myself and push it against the counter as if I’m sitting at a diner and he’s the short order cook.
“You missed dinner. I thought you’d be hungry.” He hands me a bottle of syrup and turns back to the stove to attend to the pancakes.
“I’m ravenous.” I almost drool as he flips the pancakes onto a plate and slides them in my direction.
“How are you this morning?” He pours more batter into the pan and it sizzles as it hits the hot skillet. “You look rested.”
He’s being so nice. I feel stupid from having my weird panic attack last night and making things tense. I wonder if I should bring it up or pretend it didn’t happen at all. “I’m feeling really good actually. Really good.” I try and emphasize the last words so he knows I don’t regret sleeping with him.
He flips the pancake and looks at me. The corner of his bottom lip twitches slightly and I can tell he wants to say something but I don’t know whether it’ll be good or bad.
A knot forms in my stomach and I turn my attention to the pancakes and take a bite. I was so caught up in my own insecurities I didn’t stop to think whether he was annoyed with me for bailing out of the shower so quickly.
“Are you going anywhere today?” He places his pancakes onto a plate and then turns off the stove. He sits opposite to me and pours syrup onto his breakfast.
“Maybe we should do something?” I ask hopefully. “You mentioned your bike last night. I’ve never ridden on a motorcycle before.”
“You haven’t?” He takes a bite of his food and I can’t help stare at his gorgeous mouth and remember it all over my body.
“I haven’t really done much of anything. I’m super boring.” I’m not fishing for a compliment, I truly don’t think I’m worthy to be anywhere near someone like him, but at the same time, I secretly hope that he’ll tell me he finds me interesting or fun. I’d even settle for easy to fuck again.
“Boring is better than dead.” It’s an odd thing to say but I nod anyway.
“I’m starting to take more risks. So far they’ve paid off.” I grin and try to meet his eye so he knows I’m talking about him, but his attention has drifted somewhere else.
He’s deep in thought and I wonder if it has to do with me or something else. “Don’t change on my account.”
“I’m not.” I’m instantly defensive. It’s obvious that he’s annoyed with me now. I need to fix this fast. “I’m working on being a better version of myself, and I need to push myself if I want to grow. That’s all.”
He places is fork onto the plate and I realize he’s finished already while I still have most of mine to eat. He looks serious and thoughtful. “I mean, don’t try and be someone you think I want. I like you the way you are. Sweet, naive, and hot as fuck without realizing you are.”
The words catch me by surprise and I blush. “Thank you, Ethan.” I reach over to touch his hand. “That means a lot.”
“I was in love once with a woman who was wild. She took a lot of risks.” His tone is calm and has no hints of regret in his voice.
I try and picture what this woman would be like. Someone wild and dangerous is exactly the woman I picture Ethan with. Not someone like me.
“She’s gone now.” He says it matter of factly like he’s reading it from a newspaper article, not talking about someone he knew and cared for.
“Dead?”
He nods. “Stabbed through the heart.”
I gasp. “How did it happen?”
His voice goes quiet but he still doesn’t show any emotion as he looks off into the corner of the room. When he looks back, it’s like he’s realized something that has only just occurred to him. “I guess she fucked too many men. One of them got jealous.” He quickly adds. “I wasn’t there.”
“She got murdered by a jealous lover?”
He nods once.
I shiver as I think about the poor woman he’s talking about. Sadness and fear from such a brutal attack threaten to overwhelm me. It’s a lot to wrap my head around. I don’t care how much you hurt someone emotionally, no one deserves that. Even though I didn’t know her, I hope she didn’t suffer. “How long ago?”
“Six months.”
Six months ago? If that happened to someone I loved six months ago I’d still be an emotional wreck, just talking about it now is making me sad. Hell, I’m an emotional mess most days and I haven’t had anything tragic like that happen in my life. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
His jaw clenches and he narrows his eyes. “Boring is safe. Risky will get you dead.” His voice sounds distant and cold and I realize he hasn’t quite worked through it. Perhaps his strategy is to push it away and put up a thick wall so the emotions don’t get through. It’s this moment that I realize that Ethan Collier won’t ever be able to love me, as he’s shut himself off from that. Whatever he feels for me, and I don’t doubt that he does like me in his own way, has to remain easy and uncomplicated.
All I’ll ever be to him is someone who is easy to fuck. And if I want him in my life, I have to be okay with that.
Chapter 15
“Hold on, Sarah. Hold on tight.”
He doesn’t need to tell me twice. I’m sitting on the back of Ethan’s motorcycle with my arms wrapped tightly around his waist, gripping him so tightly that I doubt a crowbar could separate us. My heart is pounding so wildly I can almost guarantee he can feel it against his back. When he suggested that we go for a ride, I thought it would be fun. Now I’m simply terrified and we haven’t left the parking space yet.
He starts the motor with one jump and immediately the vibrations coming through the seat unsettle me. I should never have agreed to this.
“Are you ready?” he turns his head and I see the sparkle of excitement in his eyes. I can tell he lives for this. I, on the other hand, am convinced I’m about to die.
Befo
re he waits for my answer, he’s riding out into the street and away. I clench my eyes shut. I don’t want to look and see my impending doom.
I was never the one at the amusement park that enjoyed the roller coaster. Give me a nice safe carousel any day. My friends would scream at the thrills and excitement with adrenaline rushing through their veins. I held their bags.
A heavy gust of wind whips my hair onto my face as we round a corner. It stings my cheek and the shock causes me to open my eyes again.
We are on the coast road heading out of town. I look out at the sea in the distance, keeping my focus on where the sky meets the water. If I concentrate on the peaceful landscape perhaps, I can pretend I’m not teetering close to a cliff face on a tiny vehicle with two wheels. Of course, it doesn’t work.
“Just up ahead,” yells Ethan.
I don’t know what’s up ahead, nor do I want to move my head and look. I only want to hold on for dear life until this crazy death trap I’m on comes to a halt so I can get off and find a safe way home. Not even Ethan Collier is going to get me back on this thing again.
Ethan slows the bike and turns up a tiny dirt road. Now that we are going slower, I feel more confident and I look over his shoulder to see where we are headed. There is a small house up ahead. At least I think it’s a house, it’s disheveled with peeling paint, cracked windows and a wooden porch with missing boards. A shack in the middle of nowhere.
He parks the bike out the front and helps me off. My heart is still thundering against my chest, but now I’m back on solid ground I can breathe again.
“Your dream home?” I say teasingly as I look around the area, trying to calm my nerves. I’m confused why he has bought me here.
He cocks his head to the side. “One day it will be.” He takes my hand and leads me around the other side of the building and it makes more sense. The beach is partly visible through two large bushes. If the overgrown vegetation was cleared it would be a nice view.
“You own this?”
“It was given to me.” He doesn’t say who by, and I don’t ask. If he wants to tell me the story then he will.
I turn back to the house. It’s got no electricity and I doubt it has running water either. I step onto the porch and the wood creaks under my weight. “Is it safe?”
He unlocks the door and leans back against the side watching me carefully. He nods his head. “It’s safe.”
I go inside. It’s one big room. No bathroom. No kitchen, save for three shelves on one wall that houses a few cans of food, two plates and two mugs.
A large empty fireplace dominates the area and I can see the appeal of camping out here on a cold night, a roaring fire warming the room, wrapped in a cozy blanket. We could even toast marshmallows.
I sit down on the only sofa in the room. It’s threadbare and the pattern is all wrong, but it’s comfortable.
Ethan sits beside me and takes my hand. “I come here a lot to think.”
I don’t blame him. It’s a great place to come and think to get away from the world. It’s like how I go to the beach near our apartment to escape my problems. Maybe we are more similar than I thought after all. “It’s perfect.” I mean every word.
He lifts my hand to his lips and places a kiss on the back. “I knew you’d like it.” He pulls me close to him and holds me for a moment as he brushes my hair back from my face. His hand moves across my cheek and toward my chin. He turns my face to his and brushes his lips against mine.
It doesn’t take long before his kiss becomes more urgent and I find myself responding.
He pulls away. His voice is deep and filled with desire. “I didn’t bring you here to fuck you, Sarah. I only wanted to show you this place, but now that you’re here, it’s all I can think about.”
It’s all I can think about too.
Maybe this is why people like adrenaline filled rides, because they make you feel more daring. I certainly feel more daring right now. I lean back against the back of the sofa and look up at him. “Then what are you waiting for? I want you to fuck me, Ethan.”
Chapter 16
My arms reach up high as he lifts my top over my head then undoes my bra. “Don’t move. I want to take you in.” His gaze glides over my bare breasts as he sucks a deep breath in through his lips. “Fuck you have good tits.”
He leans toward me and grazes his teeth against my exposed nipple. The sharp bite makes me gasp and I instinctively pull back but he won’t let me budge as he sucks the sensitive bud into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the puckered flesh.
“Turn over.”
I move as he instructs and he pulls down my jeans and my underwear in one move and discards them on the floor. I’m now completely exposed while he’s fully clothed. It’s not fair and I begin to protest, but groan instead as his tongue circles around my ass.
“Spread your legs. I want to see how wet you are.” His voice is getting deeper and breathier with each command. It’s turning me on and I do as he says. All fears about the ride here have been replaced by pure desire.
“Ethan,” I moan as his mouth moves lower. “Let me suck your cock.” It’s the one thing I haven’t done with him yet, and something I want to do. Ever since I saw it I’ve wondered what he tastes like.
“I want you to come first.” His tongue flicks against my clit as he parts my folds with his hand.
“Oh god, yes.” He’s going to get his wish any second. I marvel at how he’s able to bring me from zero to ready to come so quickly. I know I need to temper my excitement so I can hold on to this feeling for longer. But, goddamn he’s good.
“Touch yourself.”
Touch myself? I hesitate. I’m not sure I want to do that in front of him. He takes my hand and places it over my clit, moving my hand until I take over. It feels so raw and primal that I would be doing this in front of him.
“That’s it,” he says. “Keep doing that. I want to watch you.”
He moves back and sits on the ground. He’s not touching me anymore, just watching me. I feel vulnerable as his eyes caress every part of my body. I continue to glide my fingers over my folds and around my clit.
“Make yourself come, Sarah.”
Make myself come? I want that to be his job. I want his hands on me, his cock inside me. I ache for him to pleasure me right now, but I continue to do what he says. I bend over further so he can see all of my sex. Maybe I can tempt him into fucking me, because I can’t believe how much I want him inside me right now. I’ve never wanted anything more.
I take a sharp breath as I place a finger inside myself. If I close my eyes and imagine that it’s him, then it won’t take me long to bring myself to climax.
“That’s it,” he encourages. “Fuck yourself. Get yourself off.”
“I want you inside me, Ethan. Please.”
“Soon.”
I whimper when he moves closer, willing him to touch me. But all I feel is his breath on my skin. I only have to move an inch back and make contact. Instead, I turn around and sit on the sofa with my legs spread as I pleasure myself in front of him.
He undoes his jeans and pulls out his hard erect cock. I think it’s because he’s finally going to fuck me, but it’s not. Instead he runs his hand up and down it’s thick shaft as he continues to watch me.
“Tell me how you feel, Sarah.”
How I feel? “I’m so turned on. I want you so badly right now.”
“You want my thick cock sliding into you, don’t you?”
“Yes,” I say breathlessly. My fingers press harder on my clit and I groan. “Yes, I want your cock inside me.”
I can see the precum glisten on the tip of his dick and I want to lick it off. He continues to move his hand up and down his length. His eyes are glazed and I can tell he’s getting off on this.
“Let me suck you, Ethan. I want your cock in my mouth.” Having him in front of me, yet not touching me. It’s driving me crazy. “Please, Ethan.”
“Fuck you’re hot, Sarah. You’r
e gorgeous.”
He’s not going to touch me. I know it. Well, if he wants me to come, then that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I close my eyes and rub myself harder as I fantasize about his cock inside me. I pretend he is fucking me. Pretend his tongue is flicking against my clit.
“Oh god,” I cry out as I bring myself to a shuddering climax. He moves forward and kisses me as my body quivers into a spent mess of ecstasy.
Chapter 17
I still can’t believe I did that in front of Ethan. For as long as I was with Danny, not once did I masturbate in front of him. I didn’t even talk about it with him, yet here I am putting on a show for a guy that I’ve only known for a few weeks.
I’ve never met anyone like Ethan before, someone so confident and intense, yet there’s a vulnerability about him that’s raw and primal. He’s bringing parts of me out that I never knew existed, parts that both scare and excite me.
“Let’s swim.” He stands up. His dick is still erect and sticking out the top of his jeans. He rubs his hand over it, before pushing his jeans and underwear off and removing his tee.
“Naked?” I ask, as my eyes wander over his body. “Won’t someone see us?” Not that I mind because no one will be looking at me if his muscled body is next to me. My desire is already returning as I think about touching him.
He shakes his head. “Never seen anyone here.” He takes my hand and pulls me to my feet.
“Don’t you want me to do anything for you first?” I glance down at his still erect cock.
“You’re always in such a hurry. Why is that?” A small grin forms on his lips and I immediately feel embarrassed.
“I don’t know.” I really don’t. Obviously my inexperience and lack of confidence is showing through. I decide that I’m going to take his lead from now on until I’m more sure of myself.
He leads me outside and I look up and down the sand expecting crowds of people to be waiting ready to laugh at us. Two naked people heading toward the water. They forgot their swimsuits, isn’t that funny. But there is no one around.
Hold On Page 5
