“Ah, maybe we’ll catch up there. I’m meeting Lydia and Mary at the library after my last class today so we can get caught up on the group project.” But if Jane didn’t plan on being in the dorm tonight, that meant Elizabeth might be able to focus on her other work after that meeting. “So no on calorie-laden goodness, but if you find yourself in need of a caffeine boost, I’ll likely head to the Mudhouse before the library between two and three.”
“You just want to make sure I’m not in pieces about Charlie.”
“That plus coffee.”
Jane grinned and shifted her backpack. “I’ll probably swing by. For coffee. Which I really need to leave now to get if I want to be on time.”
“Of course.”
Jane opened the door and had almost disappeared on the other side before pausing and sliding it open again. “And Lizzie? Might hop in the shower before you head to class.”
Elizabeth snickered at the door and shook her head. Like that wasn’t already going to be her first stop. She needed to wash last night the hell off her.
The thought made her stomach knot all over again.
She had to end it with Will. Had to. This entire thing had gotten so far out of control she didn’t recognize herself anymore. The person she’d been just a few short weeks ago had morphed into someone who was all too happy to throw her convictions out the window in exchange for physical pleasure.
But it wasn’t just that—maybe the sex thing alone was something she could reconcile. But there were feelings. Feelings that prevented her from doing the right thing, the smart thing. Feelings that kept latching onto him and pulling him back when she thought the end might be in sight. He’d as much as said so yesterday before she’d sucked him off, and he’d been right.
She liked arguing with him. Talking to him. Seeing him get ruffled. Liked the way his eyes flashed with challenge. Liked the way he didn’t hold back.
But he was a guy she could never trust, relationship embargo or no. Will’s genuine self was someone who would frame a friend—even if this was years in the past, it spoke to a level of deceit that she’d sworn she’d never tolerate. That she’d let herself overlook that at all over the past couple days made her feel like shit.
Even so, they should have an honest conversation. One in which she clearly broke things off. He deserved at least that much.
They just needed to have it on neutral territory.
Public territory.
Where there were no closets around.
* * *
Will spent the morning being forcibly reminded that he was not the type of person who could function on little sleep. He also spent the morning reliving the better parts of the night before, which only added to his inability to focus. Still, even though he could only claim to be around halfway present for his classes, he managed to solider on, motivated by the promise of coffee at the first opportunity.
That was another thing. If he was going to stay up to all hours, he needed a handy IV of caffeine. As it was, Caroline’s lecture had set him back several minutes, which had made him late to campus and ultimately resulted in getting his morning hit of coffee hours behind schedule.
As he entered the Meryton Mudhouse, he immediately caught sight of Elizabeth, nestled in a corner booth. The table was scattered with books and her laptop and at least three cups of coffee. Will’s spirits picked up almost at once and he found himself moving toward her before he realized she wasn’t alone.
Of course she’d be with Jane. Just yesterday, Charlie had announced that he’d gone through with the breakup, which meant Elizabeth was likely in full supportive-friend mode. Jane didn’t look bad, per se, but she was definitely a far cry from the normal, smiling version of herself.
Will didn’t realize he’d stopped to stare until the guy behind him in line gave him a hearty shove.
“Dude. Dude! You’re up.”
Will blinked and shook his head. He turned to nod his thanks and flicked his gaze back in Elizabeth’s direction before he could help himself.
Their eyes met and a pleasant shiver shot down his spine. He flashed her a smile, but she looked away, as though embarrassed. His smile faded, but he refused to lose spirit. They obviously had talking to do, and he needed coffee before he did any more thinking for the day.
After he had his steaming cup in hand, though, Will didn’t know what to do. Well, he knew what he wanted to do—join Elizabeth, see if he could get an idea as to how she was doing now. What was going on in her head. If she was as preoccupied with thoughts of the night before as he was. And, most importantly, when they could do it again, preferably after coming to some sort of understanding about their relationship.
With that thought, he swallowed the lump that had climbed into his throat and began negotiating his way between tables toward her.
“Hi Will,” Jane said kindly as he approached. “How are you?”
“Well, thanks.” He nodded, thought for a moment, then decided it would be more awkward if he didn’t address the elephant in the room. “I…umm…I was sorry to hear about—”
Jane spared him and held up a hand. “It’s nice of you to say so, but you don’t have to. I know it’s weird when you run into a friend’s ex.”
Will cut a look at Elizabeth, who was steadfastly not looking at him.
“It is,” he said at last. “Are you… How are you doing?”
Jane smiled—a perfectly lovely smile that made her eyes brighten. “I’m well,” she said, and he believed her. She was the type of person he couldn’t help but believe.
And she was good. Jane was a good person, of that he had no doubt. He also didn’t doubt that she had cared for Charlie in her own way, but that smile paired with the warm sincerity of her words went a long way in assuaging the doubt he had entertained ever since he and Caroline had confronted Charlie about their concerns.
Well, not that he’d had much hand in the confronting part. He’d sort of stood there and watched it happen, chiming in when appropriate. Still, he knew that Charlie would never have ended things with Jane on Caroline’s testimony alone. So yes, Will felt culpable.
Though Elizabeth had done a phenomenal job of distracting him from this.
“Say hi to Caroline for me,” Jane said, edging around the table. “I gotta run.”
Will didn’t know what he expected once he and Elizabeth were alone. A coy smile, perhaps, or a warmer greeting. An invitation to sit and join her for coffee. Basic eye contact. Whatever it was, he didn’t get it. Instead, he ended up standing there like an idiot, watching as she packed her computer and the last of her books into her bag. She had just turned her attention to the trash on the table when he couldn’t stand the silence another beat.
“How are you?”
Yeah, that was lame.
Elizabeth, for her part, didn’t even look up. “Late,” she said, fastening the straps on her laptop bag.
“Elizabeth—”
“Really, Will, I’m late.” She slid her phone out of her pocket and checked the time. “I was supposed to meet Lydia in the library about ten minutes ago for the Ethics presentation next week.”
“Look, I just wanted—”
“I need to go.”
“Fine. Can I come by later? I really think we should talk.”
For a horrible moment, he thought she was going to blow him off. The thought seemed to cross her mind at least, from the long look she gave the door. But then she turned to him, something tender flashing in her eyes.
“Yeah,” she said at last. “We can talk. We should. You’re right.”
Excitement and relief burst through him. So accustomed to fighting her it took a moment for Will to find his footing. “Umm, do you wanna grab dinner, or—”
“Sure. I guess. Yes. We can. With food.” She broke her gaze from his, cheeks going pink. “I’ll be back at the dorm around six.”
“Then I’ll come by a quarter after, maybe? Or does that not give you enough time?”
“No, that should b
e fine.” Elizabeth looked at him again, hiking her bag higher on her shoulder. “So… I need to go.”
“Of course.” Will hopped aside. “Tonight, then.”
“Tonight,” she agreed, and bolted out the door without a backward glance.
Leaving Will grinning like a fool after her.
19
Elizabeth couldn’t concentrate, because, of course she couldn’t concentrate. She’d already read the same paragraph seven times and the eighth time didn’t seem likely to be the charm.
Her mind kept dragging her back to the Meryton Mudhouse. To Will’s face. To the script of what she had to tell him when he came by tonight.
Somewhere deep down, he’d had to expect this, right? After all, she’d told him she was off relationships. Granted, that had been before the sex, but the conversation itself had been a memorable one, and she knew she’d never given any indication that she’d changed her mind.
Except, again, for the sex…but sex didn’t equal a relationship. If nothing else, Will had to know that. It was one of the cornerstones of guydom.
Hell, maybe she had it all wrong and Will just wanted to tell her that he was through, though he wouldn’t be adverse to one for the road.
Attempt to read number nine.
This was ridiculous. She’d snapped at Lydia and all but commanded her to leave the premises on the pretense that she was too chatty to get anything done.
Thirty minutes and the same damn paragraph later…
“Oh my god!”
Elizabeth started and looked up. “Wickham,” she said, closing her book.
“I can’t believe it!” he continued, slapping a dramatic hand against his chest. “Could it be that I am in the presence—breathing the same air—as the elusive Elizabeth Bennet?”
Warmth tickled her cheeks. She blinked and looked away, licking her lips. “What are you doing here?”
“Glad you asked.” He welcomed himself to the seat across from her. “I’ve heard the most amazing rumor you could imagine.”
Elizabeth met his gaze again and arched her eyebrows in invitation.
“It turns out,” Wickham continued in a stage whisper, “that you can actually take these”—he waved at the textbook—“keepers of knowledge back to your dorm room without taking out another student loan. Something free on campus? I had to see it with my own eyes. Lo and behold, I find two miracles in one day.”
She snorted at that. “Miracles? Really?”
“You don’t think unfettered access to generations of knowledge is a miracle?”
“Well, when you say it like that…”
“And,” Wickham continued theatrically, “when you throw in a genuine Elizabeth Bennet sighting, you can’t help but think that perhaps we aren’t alone in the universe.”
“How thick are you planning to lay it?”
“Just thick enough to be cute without being obnoxious. How am I doing?”
Elizabeth made a see-saw motion with her hand, and Wickham clasped his chest again, his head lolling back.
“All right,” she said, laughing in spite of herself. “You’ve officially crossed into obnoxious territory.”
Wickham peeked an eye open, a lazy grin spreading across his face. “Well, the important thing is I tried.” He righted himself and folded his hands primly on the table. “Madam, I have a bone to pick with you.”
“Madam? Really?”
“Too much?”
“The use of French or this whole conversation?”
“Now you’re just being mean.”
“Yeah, but you like it.”
Wickham’s grin widened and he waggled a finger at her. “You’re not wrong there. Okay, so what is up with this?”
“This what?”
“This you not calling me thing.”
Elizabeth tilted her head, the weight that had made itself at home on her chest lifting for the first time all day. “And here I could have sworn I gave you my phone number. We’ve texted and everything.”
“Yeah, but you’re a twenty-first century girl. I kinda thought you’d want to do the asking.”
“Oh really?”
“Don’t pretend you haven’t seen me lurking outside Prentiss Hall hoping to bump into you again.”
“I haven’t.”
“Then you haven’t been looking.” Wickham glanced down, at once looking almost shy. “The truth is I think you’re pretty awesome and entirely out of my league. And I thought I might have scared you off with all the…Will talk the day we met.”
Elizabeth didn’t have much of a poker face, so she could only hope she looked composed. “I didn’t know what to think, really. I mean, I couldn’t believe it. Just with…he’s so…”
Wickham nodded wisely. “Nice?”
“Well, yes.”
“Yeah, I don’t get it either.” He made a face. “Seriously. It’s like a Jekyll and Hyde thing. Or a…humans and Cylons thing.” He paused. “Tell me you got that.”
Elizabeth smirked and quoted, “’So say we all.’”
He released a long whimper. “Smoking hot, smart as hell, and a nerd. I knew you would be trouble.”
“Thanks. I think.” She released a long breath. “Actually, I didn’t mind at all, you opening up about Will. I’d rather have found out that way than another way.”
Hell, the feelings she had for Will were bad enough knowing what she did. If she’d let herself go with the flow, who knows what might have happened?
Wickham flashed her a grin, which faded almost as fast, as though he was remembering something. His gaze went sideways and fixed on a point over Elizabeth’s shoulder. It didn’t last, whatever it was—in a blink, he had snapped back to himself and scrubbed a hand down his face.
“It’d be easier if I knew how he does it,” he said after a moment. “I don’t know. Sometimes, part of me thinks I imagine all of it. Or maybe I was wrong or remembered something that didn’t happen. I think I’ve landed on the idea that Will believes he genuinely is a good guy so much so that he can be when he wants to be. And hey, maybe he regrets what happened. It was a long time ago and things have changed dramatically for him. But…I’d just like an apology, you know?”
And this is the guy you chose to lose your shit over, Bennet. Strong work. “I take it he hasn’t.”
“Are you kidding? The guy won’t even talk to me.” Wickham sighed heavily and shook his head. “When you come from a family like the Darcys, it’s easy to crack under pressure. I understand that. And it’s easier still to pin shit on poor kids. After all, who’s going to believe them when they’re against a team of lawyers that could get Mussolini acquitted? If that was what it was…if he just said something…”
She pressed her lips together to keep herself from doing something stupid, like screaming or throwing her book across the floor. Every bad thing she’d thought about herself since she’d stumbled out of Netherfield Heights came soaring back with a vengeance, only now Wickham was leading the charge.
Will might regret everything—regret the drugs, regret lying, regret sending Wickham up a creek. That narrative fit the Will she’d come to know. Except she wasn’t sure she knew Will at all, or if she knew some phantom version of himself he brought out whenever he wanted to play the hero. Wickham had hit the nail on the head—Will could be a nice guy. Nice in an aloof, superior kind of way that drove her nuts but also, apparently, really worked for her when it wasn’t pissing her off. And from the first night on campus, she also knew he could be combative, insulting, rude and sexist, but tell that to her dumbass body.
Having these thoughts at all was indicative of the colossal mistake she’d made last night. And truly, what the hell had she been thinking? Show up at a guy’s dorm in the middle of the night and be surprised when he took her presence for a booty call? And yeah, she could have pulled back and said no at any time, but she hadn’t.
If he hadn’t kissed her, she wouldn’t be in this mess.
“Elizabeth?”
She blinked
slowly and turned back to Wickham, who was studying her intently. “Sorry,” she said. “I drifted off there.”
He nodded. “Everything okay?”
“Just a lot on my mind.”
His face fell. “I did it again, didn’t I? Bringing up Will? I made things weird.”
“No. Well, he’s not… It doesn’t matter.”
Wickham leaned forward. “Is there…something going on between you two?”
“No!”
That came out a bit too eagerly and carried far enough down the row of tables to earn Elizabeth a reproving shh from the librarian.
Wickham didn’t look convinced.
Gee, go figure.
“It’s okay. He’s a charming guy. When he wants to be. And he has a lot of money—”
“I don’t care about money.”
Wickham spread his hands. “Wouldn’t blame you either way.”
“But I don’t. And Will and I are not involved.”
“But you kinda go funny when I mention him.”
She shrugged, hoping like hell she looked nonchalant. “You know why I know him. My best friend was dating his best friend. They broke up yesterday. I share exactly one class with Will, but I doubt I’ll have to see him again after the semester wraps up.” Especially after tonight.
“Well,” Wickham said, leaning forward, “I might as well bite the bullet. Here’s the thing, Calculus. I like you a lot and I’d like to see if maybe we could… I dunno, meet somewhere intentionally, perhaps at a predetermined time for an activity of some sort. Say for food. And maybe some form of entertainment to follow.”
Elizabeth tilted her head. “Are you setting up a really complex math problem or asking me on a date?”
“Can’t it be both?”
She pressed her lips together and considered. The healthiest, safest bet would be to say no. The last thing she needed was to add more to the tire-fire that was her life at the moment.
But he wasn’t Will. He was the anti-Will, and the fact that he did little for her in the engine-revving department made him feel nice and safe. Hearts couldn’t be broken over guys who you weren’t invested in. And try as she might, she just couldn’t muster a twinge of anything for Wickham.
A Higher Education Page 22
