“No, Lizzie, don’t be sorry. You did the best you could.”
That only made her feel worse. “I could’ve done better.”
“How?” her mother replied, blinking, her expression earnest. “You were a child.”
“I was eighteen.”
“That’s what I said. Your world had just collapsed on you as well. Your father was no help. He was off living his new life. You saw that I needed help and tried to give it, best you could.” She took another drink of wine. “My new doctor has been a miracle worker. Got me off the crap Henderson was giving me and actually listened. I tell you, Lizzie, even though the new medication takes a few weeks to have an effect of any kind, I felt immediately better just being acknowledged.”
“And Dr. Henderson didn’t acknowledge you.”
“I think he thought I was making it up.” Mom rolled her eyes. “In the beginning, I saw Dr. Shumaker—that’s my new doctor—twice a week for twelve weeks. Your aunt and uncle helped pay for it. I didn’t want them to, but they insisted. After that, we moved to weekly visits and a couple calls. This is actually the longest I’ve gone without checking in with her, but we’re going to resume visits after the New Year.”
Elizabeth pressed her lips together, and despite her attempts to keep them at bay, she felt the familiar sting of tears behind her eyes. But dammit, she wouldn’t cry. Her mother was better—for the first time since the divorce, she was herself. This was all that mattered.
“The best thing you could have done for me was leave when you did,” her mother continued. “It felt like abandonment at the time, but…your leaving forced me to start living on my own for the first time. That first week, I was a mess, but it was exactly what I needed. I needed to learn how to live without depending on others, and I don’t think I would have been open to that if I hadn’t been so desperate without you to lean on. When your aunt came to see me and suggested changing doctors, I was willing to do just about anything. And that was best decision I’ve made in a long, long time. And things are good now. Really good. I will admit, Benito helps, but he’s not the reason. He’s just a perk.” Her mother blinked, her eyes going a little glassy. “I am glad you came down, Lizzie. I’ve missed you.”
Elizabeth swallowed. “I’ve missed you too.” And those words hit her like a ton of bricks, because she had missed her. A lot. This version of her mother whom she’d forgotten existed. Hell, the woman had always been her own kind of crazy, but the past few years had taken them out of sitcom territory and into a fresh hell. That her mother had any other setting but batshit had almost faded from her memory.
But there was this version, or something like it—the woman who had played with her growing up, cornered her into tickle fights, let her lick the cookie dough off the spoon. The person her mother had been before she’d had her breakdown. Before things had gotten so bad a simple phone call had the power to zap Elizabeth’s energy.
“Now,” Mom said after the waiter had placed their salads in front of them, “you tell me what’s going on with you. I’ve let you stall enough.”
Elizabeth felt her cheeks go hot. “It’s nothing.”
“Lizzie…”
“Really. It’s…dumb. My problems aren’t problems.”
“If they are causing you trouble, then they are problems.”
“Compared to what you’ve been through?”
“Honey, take it from someone who knows…comparing yourself to others is going to get you nowhere fast.” Her mother took a bite, then waved her fork in the air. “Homelessness.”
“What?”
“Homelessness is a big problem. Much larger than anything I went through, right? I always had a roof over my head, no matter how bad things got. But does that make my problems less real?”
“All right. Point made.”
“So.” Her mother leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. “Tell me.”
So she did. She started with the party she and Jane had attended before the start of semester, and once the words were out, a nuclear blast couldn’t have stopped them. And hard as it was, she found a part of herself felt lighter as she unloaded. Reciting the story from the beginning was freeing in ways she wouldn’t have imagined, and by the time she wound down to the call she had received from her father, she felt lighter than she had in weeks.
The only part she omitted was the specifics of Will’s email. That wasn’t her secret to share.
“Hmm.” Her mother pursed her lips together, considering. “If I’d known your life would be this interesting, I would have had you followed by one of those reality television camera crews.”
In spite of herself, Elizabeth barked a laugh. “Thanks. Any other pearls of wisdom?”
“That Wickham person should have his penis cut off.” She made a face and shook her head. “I can see now why you leapt at the opportunity to track me down. By the way, I’m paying off your credit card.”
Elizabeth blinked. “Huh?”
“And your first full year at Meryton.”
“Mom—”
She held up a hand. “I won eight hundred thousand dollars. I will do with it as I see fit.”
“You…what?”
“I told you this.”
“You did not tell me this.”
Her mother blinked, frowning. “I’m sure I told you. That was how I met Benito.”
“You said there was a slot machine incident.”
“Well, yes. That was the incident.”
“The incident is you won eight hundred thousand dollars?” The words sounded so damn bizarre—the concept alone too monstrous to consider. It would have been more believable had her mother announced that she was actually from Neptune and her people were coming to collect her any day now.
Good god, when did my life become an actual soap opera?
“I wanted the money in cash,” her mother continued conversationally. “Apparently casinos don’t provide cash payouts over certain amounts. And Benito came down to talk to me. That’s how we met. And now I’m using that money to do any number of things, including paying for your college and wiping the balance off your credit card.”
Elizabeth didn’t know how to respond to this. Her brain was still trying to reconcile with the jackpot shock. Leaping ahead to tuition and credit cards required concentration. “You didn’t even want me to go to college.”
“I didn’t want you to leave me. It was selfish and wrong. You need your education. And to be self-sufficient. Exiting college with debt is no way to do that.”
“Mom, Meryton isn’t cheap.”
“I know. But I can afford it. I can also afford to pay back my sister, and lawd I am looking forward to that. You know how she can hang things over you for years.” She smiled and straightened, then started rummaging in her purse. “I was going to wait until after dessert to give you this,” she said, pulling out a thick envelope, “but now seems appropriate.”
“What are you—”
“I’d love it if you could stay with me and Benito this Christmas, honey,” she said, slipping the envelope across the table, “but I’m afraid he’s taking me to Madrid to meet his family.”
“…His family?”
Mom nodded. “We’re getting married in the spring. Isn’t that wonderful?”
God, she was going to have whiplash. “Isn’t that fast?”
“When you get to be our age, my dear, nothing seems too fast. And when you know, you know.”
“Mom—”
Her mother cut her off with a wave. “I know this seems reckless. And maybe it is. But I promise you, Lizzie, I am thinking clearly. I see things very differently these days.”
“But how can you get married?” Elizabeth blurted. “After…after what Dad did… What happens if Benito does the same thing?”
“If Benito and I don’t work out, we don’t work out.”
“Just…just like that?”
Her mother shrugged. “Well, I certainly hope we do. I believe we will, otherwise I wouldn’t m
arry him.” A pause. “Lizzie…you need to understand something about me and your father.”
Elizabeth inhaled a deep breath, bracing herself. She didn’t know how many more bombshells she could take.
“I knew he was going to leave.”
The world went crooked. This was so fundamentally against everything she knew, her immediate response shot well beyond shock and landed firmly in Camp Anger. “No,” she replied, heated, “you didn’t.”
“Sweetheart,” her mother replied, tone patient, “I knew he was going to leave for years.”
“But… No. No, that’s not right. I know it wasn’t perfect, but you were so happy. And he left and it…” Elizabeth’s vision went blurry again. “How could you seem so happy and not be?”
There was nothing for a moment. “I pretended for me, and he pretended for you. But pretend can’t last. I did love your father very much, and losing him and our pretend happy life was very hard. But pretend is all it ever was.”
This was a bit large to unpack. Elizabeth didn’t think she could get to the other side all at once, and her brain hadn’t recharged enough to give it a try. “And you’re okay with…with chancing that again.”
“It’s different with Benito.”
“How?”
“Because he knows me. In just a few days, he knows me better than your father ever did. I am my real self with him.”
“But it could still end.”
“Yes. That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
“I don’t understand that.” Especially when she, Elizabeth, wasn’t okay with risking it at all. And hell, might as well put that out there. “The thought of going through any of that terrifies me. So much so I decided that it wasn’t worth it. I’ve dated here and there, but only safe guys. Guys I wasn’t all that invested in. I knew what I was doing, too. It wasn’t subconscious. It was a very deliberate choice. To avoid… Well, to avoid.”
Her mother shook her head and patted Elizabeth’s hand again. “You’re smart enough to know that’s not a way to live.”
“It was a way to survive. For me.”
“But does it make you happy?”
Elizabeth opened her mouth, but she knew her answer was a lie. The past few months avoiding her feelings for Will hadn’t brought her much beyond confusion, self-hatred, frustration and a few other things. She’d been so desperate not to want him that she’d allowed herself to believe a story that was incompatible with the guy she knew because it was more convenient for her if it was true. Well, not entirely convenient, because she’d still all but thrown herself at him, but she’d done so while thinking the worst of him and herself as a result.
And no, it had made her the opposite of happy.
Thankfully, her mother didn’t push her for a response. Instead, she drew back. “I am happy,” she said. “For the first time in years. And that’s what I want for you, darling. Whatever it looks like. Whatever gets you there.”
Elizabeth was quiet for a moment longer. At last, she offered a watery smile. If nothing else, she could be happy for her mother. “Good. Though Benito better be warned I am a force to be reckoned with if he hurts you.”
“Oh, believe me, he knows. If nothing else, your hopping on a plane to hunt me down convinced him not to underestimate you.” Her mother grinned. “I appreciate and love you so much, Lizzie. Never doubt it. And I think after the months you’ve had, you should treat yourself for Christmas.”
She lowered her gaze to the envelope between them and nudged it closer.
Elizabeth had nearly forgotten it was there. “What’s this?”
“Your Christmas present.”
“Mom—”
“Retroactive from the past few years, plus interest.”
“I don’t think that’s how Christmas works.”
“Darling, I’m marrying a multi-billionaire. Yes, billion with a b. Christmas officially works the way I say it does.” Her mother sat back, her grin even wider. “You need a break. Why don’t you take some time on the way back? There are some fascinating historical sites around here. Have you ever wanted to tour Civil War battlegrounds? There are dozens in this area.”
“Yeah. That sounds Christmassy.”
“Well, I know Derbyshire is gorgeous this time of year and it’s not too far from your school. Even if you don’t want to tour anything, Benito has told me they have a lot of holiday-themed events in that area.”
Derbyshire. The name sounded familiar, but she couldn’t place it in the moment. “I don’t know.”
“Some of these tourist places have wonderful holiday celebrations planned,” Mom continued. “Take some time for you. That’s what I want you to get me for Christmas.”
Elizabeth arched an eyebrow.
“The knowledge that my daughter is taking care of herself,” her mother clarified. “Please don’t argue with me. I can always just put this into our joint account before I remove myself as a signer.”
“You’re removing yourself as a signer?”
“Yes. Likely sometime next week, before we leave.”
“Hey, if you won all this money, why didn’t I see it when I signed into the online banking?”
Mom batted her eyes girlishly. “I told you, Benito and I met because I wanted the payout in cash.”
“And—”
“I had to sign some tax forms, but in the end…” She lifted a shoulder. “It’s in his safe until I open a new account. And whatever’s left in the old one is yours as well.”
“Mom—”
“Lizzie, I am not taking no for an answer.”
Elizabeth was quiet a long moment, fingers tapping the envelope as she attempted to estimate just how much cash she’d find in there once she was in a place to count. Certainly more than she’d ever had before, and that knowledge both made her nerves come to life and filled her with guilt. Walking away with this in her purse seemed criminal.
“Elizabeth.”
She looked up.
“Take the money and run,” her mother said. “I want you to.”
“I…” Elizabeth swallowed. At her best, her mother had always been open and generous. And mule-stubborn. She wouldn’t take no for an answer.
There was no use in trying.
Elizabeth blew out a breath, relaxing her shoulders. “Okay,” she said.
“Okay? You’re not going to argue?”
“No, but if you want to give me the speech you have prepared, I don’t mind.”
“You knew I had a speech prepared?”
Elizabeth shrugged. “It’s something I would do.”
“And you are nothing if not my daughter.”
An odd sense of serenity encompassed her, warming her from the inside. Elizabeth studied her mother for a long moment, overwhelmed with something she couldn’t name.
“Yes,” she agreed finally. “Yes, I am.”
28
“You’re where?”
Elizabeth flopped back on the bed, gripping her phone tightly to avoid dropping it. “Some place called Derbyshire.” A place that still sounded way too familiar to her brain, but she’d somewhat given up on finding out why. “It’s gorgeous here. The streets downtown are actual cobblestone. Hand to god. I might never leave.”
“But how did you get to Derbyshire?”
“By car.”
“Lizzie…” Jane sighed. “You can be so difficult at times. You know that?”
“I’ve been told,” she replied dryly, rolling onto her stomach. “My mother—”
“Is she all right?”
“Did I not tell you?”
“This is literally the first I’ve heard from you in seventy-two hours. Last I knew, you’d landed and were in line to rent a car.”
Elizabeth winced. “Oh.”
“Yes, oh. So your mother’s all right?”
All right wasn’t quite the term she’d use. Downright giddy, maybe. Lucid for the first time in Elizabeth’s adult life—quite possibly. And her favorite parent at the moment.
“Lizzie?”
“I don’t even know where to start. I guess with…my mom’s getting married.”
“She’s what?”
“And she won eight hundred thousand dollars at a casino.”
A beat. “Huh?”
“And she’s…happy.”
She could practically see Jane’s scowl. “Well, let’s start with the money. Eight hundred thousand dollars?”
Elizabeth grinned and launched into the story, which sounded even less plausible coming out of her mouth. She kept waiting to spy evidence of a camera crew, but since she’d made it out of Florida without being asked to sign a talent release form, she had no choice but to believe everything was true.
Plus, she’d met Benito. And she’d Googled the hell out of him. He was the real deal—self-made real estate mogul with a fat wallet and a dopey-ass smile that spread across his face every time he looked at her mother. He’d tried to buy Elizabeth a car before she’d left St. Augustine, insisting it was his pleasure now that they were practically family. But that had been the line—money from her mother she already felt a little guilty for accepting. Extravagant gifts from a virtual stranger were a completely different beast, regardless of the fact that said stranger was on the fast track to becoming her stepfather.
By the time she finished relaying this to Jane, her throat was scratchy and her mouth was dry. And there was nothing but silence on the other end of the line.
“Jane?”
A breath.
“Jane? Can you hear me?”
“Lizzie…” Another breath. “Your life is…weird.”
She couldn’t help it—she burst out laughing. “Noticed that too, huh?”
“Kinda hard to miss,” Jane agreed. “So, where is this Derbyshire place?”
“Pretty close to Meryton, actually. The entire town’s done up for Christmas. Seriously, garland around lampposts—they actually have lampposts—and ribbons and everything. The whole place is a Hallmark holiday special come to life. Except it’s in the mid fifties and I doubt we’ll have a white Christmas.”
“Are you at a hotel?”
A Higher Education Page 31
