by Delisa Lynn
“What do you want from me, Ellis?” I ask, turning my head.
“Don’t you fucking get it? I want you. I want us. This friend shit is getting old. I know you feel it too. We have something, something I’ve never felt with another woman. Ever.” He grabs the back of his head and grumbles, “Fuck, Ansley. You have my mind running in circles. You’re all I can think about. I’ve spent the last week away from my son because I wanted to make sure you were fine. I need you and you need me.”
“You’re a wonderful man and father. I know you will make some woman happy, just not me. You aren’t what I’m looking for,” I lie, my words hurting me just as much as they’re hurting him. He flinches as I continue. “We can’t be just friends, and you know that.”
I see his knuckles turn white as he clenches his fist. “Sit on the bed,” he orders.
“No, I’m going to go,” I say, looking around the massive room for my bag.
“I suggest you sit. We need to talk. I’m not letting you walk out of my life. There’s a reason why you walked into it, so there’s no goddamn way you are getting away that easily.”
I sit on the edge of the bed. I notice I’m fidgeting with my hands in my lap just as my mom was doing the last time I saw her. I stop and place my hands under my thighs. Looking into the eyes of a man that has captured my heart, I ask meekly, “What would you like to discuss?”
“Us,” is all he says before kneeling in front of me. My heart is racing. We’ve laid together all week. He’s been close to me, but this time we are face to face. My legs are open and his body is between them.
“Ashton, you and AJ deserve so much more than me. I can’t be a mother figure to him. I just can’t.”
“Why? You’re smart, beautiful and have a huge heart. I’ve never wanted anyone as bad as I want you. I’ve been in your bed, you’ve been in mine. I haven’t tried anything with you. Would you like to know why?”
Shaking my head, I whisper, “Why?”
“Once my lips touch yours, once I have you, you’re going to be mine. No one else’s. You’ve said you aren’t ready. That’s why. But today, today that all changes. I want you, Ansley. All of you—not just today, but forever. I’ve fallen hard. Feel this,” he says, grabbing my hand and placing it on his chest. “That’s my heart. You captured it that day in the bar. I knew, that moment, I couldn’t be with anyone other than you.”
Trying to swallow the huge lump in my throat, I gasp as he grabs my head with both hands. His lips brush mine in one swift move. Suddenly, I’m on my back and he is hovering over my body. His tongue pushes through my lips, fighting to find mine. Once my tongue touches his, I hear a groan escape his mouth. I feel how aroused he is. I can’t focus. Everything he just said to me has my mind going around like a Ferris Wheel. I don’t know if I’m up or down. This is one ride I’m not sure I’m ready for.
“Tell me to stop,” he says. “I want you so bad, all of you, but I will stop if you tell me to.” He nibbles at my bottom lip.
“I want you too. Take me. Please don’t stop,” I say. My mind isn’t agreeing with my heart. My heart wants me to get up and never look back. My mind wants me to let him fuck me like I’ve wanted him to since I laid my eyes on his sexy body.
“Once I take you, there’s no turning back. You’re mine.” He grunts and lifts himself up onto his knees. He places his fingers on the button of my jeans. “Tell me to stop, Ansley.”
“I’m scared,” I whisper.
“I would never hurt you, baby,” he says, pulling my pants down.
“I know.” I turn my head, licking my lips. I taste the saltiness from my tears. “I’m scared of me hurting you.” I whimper as he jerks my pants down the rest of the way.
“Goddamn.” he sighs. “Fucking beautiful. I’ve wanted to kiss you right here for months,” he says, placing his mouth over my satin thongs. I know he can feel how wet I am. “You want me. I can smell your arousal.”
“Please,” I whisper.
“Please? Please what, Ansley?” he asks as he slides my shirt up. Lifting up, I pull it over my head. I’m glad I wore a matching satin bra.
“Ashton,” I say as he unfastens my bra. He slides it down my shoulders and throws it to the side. I’m lying in his bed, almost naked. All that is between us is my soaked thong. He places kisses around my belly ring, up to my chest. He stops and flicks my rose-tipped nipple before capturing it in his mouth. While running his tongue around it, I feel his other hand slip inside of the waist of my thong. He kisses up my neck and slides my thong down.
“You are...what I want...what I need...what I desire...” he says, licking my neck.
“Please, I need you Ashton,” I say, holding back the tears that are threatening to spill. I do need him. I want him so bad. I spent so many nights dreaming of him kissing me, touching me, telling me he loves me. He pushes my legs apart with his knee. I can feel his length against my heat. He’s so hard. I can’t help but grind my hips into his body. I need him. I want him, all of him.
“Look at me,” he orders. I blink. My eyes meet his. “You’re beautiful, shorty. I’m going to taste you now.”
Moaning as I feel his tongue circle my clit, I come instantly. He dips a finger in my heat as he sucks my swollen bud. “Ashton,” I moan.
He retreats his mouth and mumbles, “You’re so tight, baby. You taste so fucking sweet.”
He slides his finger out, replacing it with his tongue. He fucks me inside out with his tongue, then dips two fingers inside as his tongue darts back to my clit. I grab a fistful of his hair as I bring my hips up, trying to match the rhythm of his tongue’s thrusts.
“Oh God, Ashton. Please take me. Make me yours. I need you,” I say breathlessly. He continues moving his tongue through my folds. I can feel my orgasm building. It’s ripping through my core. “Holy fuck, I’m coming,” I scream as my walls clench around his fingers.
He kisses my clit as my body calms down. He slides up my body. When he places his lips on mine, I can taste myself on him. He groans in my mouth as I deepen the kiss. Reaching down between us, I shove my hands down his pants. I rub the pre-cum that’s dripping from him. He pulls his pants down so I can have full access.
Stroking him from tip to base, he groans, “Fuck.” He sits back on his legs, and I get a full view of his beautiful body and his rock hard cock.
“It’s my turn now,” I say, crawling on my knees toward him.
I start by kissing the tip of his dick and running my tongue along his piercing. I hear him growl as I take all of him inside of my mouth. I suck as hard as I can. I lick his shaft and take his balls in my mouth. I feel his hands get tighter in my hair. Making my way back up, I make a humming noise to open the back of my throat so I can take him deeper.
“That’s it, baby, right there. I’m going to come in that beautiful mouth of yours.” I feel him swelling as I suck. He pushes my head further onto his dick. I feel his hot juices shooting through my mouth. I swallow proudly.
Pulling away from his dick, I see the smile on his face. I need him. My pussy is on fire. The things I want this man to do to me makes me come thinking about it.
“I hope I didn’t disappoint you,” I say shyly as I wrap my arms around his neck.
“Never, shorty. That was fucking amazing.” He chuckles before kissing me. I scoot closer up his body. My legs are now wrapped around him. His dick is hard again and rubbing against my heat.
“Take me. I need to feel you inside of me,” I say, looking into his eyes.
“Once I enter you, there’s no turning back. This is my pussy now,” he says, rubbing himself along my entrance. “You on the pill?”
“Yes.” Then he enters me and all I can get out is, “Oh. My. God. Ashton.”
“This is my pussy. I don’t want anything between us, ever!” He leans back, his legs laid out and mine wrapped around him. He grins as he holds onto my hips. “You’re in charge, baby. Come on, ride me.”
I rock back and forth. The feeling of him inside
of me is like no feeling I’ve ever felt. His piercing is hitting my G-Spot. It’s fucking amazing. He grips my hips hard as he grinds into me. Wrapping his arms around me, he leans me back, his dick still inside of me.
Now I’m lying under him. He’s staring into my eyes, moving slowly in and out of me. He places kisses along my neck before his mouth finds mine.
“You feel so good inside of me.”
“I love you,” he says, kissing a tear that slides down my cheek.
Fighting back the rest of the tears, I manage to say, “Love you back.” I haven’t said those words to anyone other than Morris and he betrayed me.
“I know you do. Now, I’m going to fuck you hard. Tell me if you need me to stop.”
“Fuck me,” I say as he pounds into me, his Prince Albert slamming into my special spot. My walls clench around him as his balls smack into my ass cheeks. “Oh God, harder, fuck me harder, Ashton,” I scream as he grabs my hips. He lifts my ass up, thrusting in and out of me as we both climax together and become one.
“Lay still, I’ll clean you up,” he says. He rolls away from me and heads into the bathroom. I smile, but it fades quickly as I remember we haven’t talked. Once I tell him, he’ll hate me, that’s for sure. I could have run the day I let Craig Butler change my world, but I chose to stay and go through with it. It’s as much my fault as my parents.
“Hey, what’s up with the tears?” he asks, handing me a bottle of water. He opens my legs, running the warm cloth between them.
“We still need to talk. There are things, things no one knows except Nina,” I whisper.
“Come here, don’t cry. Look at me.” He pushes my hair back, holding my head with both hands. “I love you, Ansley Dolce. Nothing will change that.”
“Let’s shower and then I’ll explain everything.” I kiss him.
“Good idea,” he says, leading me into the bathroom.
***
After shower sex, we finally clean up and make it back to the bedroom. I open the door to see a playful Sal staring at me. I pick him up and kiss him behind his ears.
“Don’t get too comfy, little guy. He’s going to dump us real quick,” I whisper.
“Okay, let’s go get some food in you and talk,” Ashton says from behind me. We walk down the stairs and into the kitchen and I see that there is breakfast already on the table.
“Did you do all this?” I ask.
Smiling, he says, “Lila must have. She texted me this morning to check on you and I told her we were sleeping in.” He winks.
“Oh God, what if she heard us?”
“Baby, they’re all going to know we have sex. You’re my woman now.”
I start to panic. I didn’t want them to find out. I just want to tell him the truth and go. They’ve all been so nice to me, but I want to forget that I met all of them. This is killing me to tell him, but he has to know. He has to know why I would be a terrible step-mom.
“Ashton, my parents were demented. They treated me like shit half my life. No, scratch that, all of my life. Drugs and alcohol consumed them once my brother died. They lost both of their jobs and lived off the state and my aunt and uncle.” I swallow hard. What I’m going to tell him next is going to crush him.
“I’m so sorry, baby. They were idiots,” he says, grabbing my hand.
Pulling my hand back, I shake my head. “That’s not all. My dad’s friend, Craig, was a big time drug dealer and my dad owed him money. He was always creepy. He would stare at me when he was around. Then, a week before I turned eighteen, on the day of graduation, my mom tells me that they’ve arranged for me to lose my virginity to Craig.”
I blink back the tears and focus on his facial expression. His eyes full of sadness, he reaches for me hand.
“They did what?” he growls.
“Let me finish,” I say, holding my hand up. “As promised, I met Craig on my birthday. He deflowered me in a motel. I didn’t fight him much. I knew what he was capable of and, considering my parents owed him, I knew I’d better do it. I went back home and told my mother goodbye and that they’d have the rest of their money later. I went to my uncle’s house to collect my inheritance from my aunt. They were my saving grace. If it wasn’t for them, I would’ve never gotten out of that place.”
“I’m going to kill him!” Ashton says. “They had no right to auction you off to the highest fucking bidder, Ans.”
“That was eight years ago. Hell, they’re all probably dead from overdoses. I need to walk outside before I finish. I’ve never said this aloud.”
“Take your time. You don’t have to finish.” He hugs me.
“I will. Sit with me,” I say, sitting on the lounge chair. Staring out at the ocean, I take a deep breath. I continue with my story. “I got accepted into college in Arkansas. I moved there the day of my birthday. I drove nine hundred and twenty miles in my little clunker. I stopped for gas and to use the bathroom. I was scared, but after what I’d just been through, I didn’t think it could get worse.”
“You drove all that way alone? Goddamn, I’ll fucking kill them,” he says into my hair. Choking back my sob, I wipe my cheeks.
“I got to Little Rock and met Nina. She’s awesome. She came from money, so it was never an issue for her. We roomed together and I got a job at a bookstore. Things were perfect until two months later. I was sick and couldn’t stop throwing up. I knew I was clean; I had every test possible ran after Craig, but I guess the one that wasn’t accurate was the pregnancy test.”
I could feel Ashton tense up next to me, my words cutting through him, hurting him just as I thought they would. He clears his throat. Sounding pissed, he says, “You were pregnant?”
“Yes. I couldn’t abort the baby. It wasn’t her fault that she was conceived in an arranged sexual encounter. I carried her for nine months, then, on March 5, 2006, I gave birth to a healthy eight-pound baby girl. She was beautiful. She had my eyes and nose. Nina was by my side. I signed all rights over. All I have is a picture. I look at it every now and then. It was a closed adoption. They don’t live in the area. That was my only request. I never wanted to run into them.”
“She was beautiful. I saw the picture in your closet. It fell when I grabbed your bag.”
“I never told a soul. I went back to school and work and acted like it never happened. I met Morris. We connected and dated. I graduated three years later. We got married and he never mentioned children and neither did I. So, that’s my fucked up story. See, that’s why I can’t be a part of your family, because of the two dates in this world that I hate. June 12, 2005 and March 5, 2006.”
“June 12 was the night I met you at the bar.” He kisses me. “I love you and I’m sorry you went through that. They’ll all pay, trust me. We can celebrate that date from now on. Never hate that date anymore.”
“Why?”
“That’s the day I fell in love with you.”
Chapter Thirteen
Ashton
I’m so fucking pissed right now. It’s taking everything I have not to fly out to Pennsylvania and strangle every one of the bastards that hurt my woman. She’s been through so much, and it hurts me to hear all that she had to endure because of those people. No way in hell am I letting her walk away from me and my son.
I know we have things we will have to work on, but we will overcome them as a couple. Looking into her baby blues and seeing the hurt and shame in her eyes is enough to make me cry. When she said she was hurt and broken, I never thought she’d tell me something like this.
I hold her close to me and rub her back, trying to calm her as she weeps in my arms. “I need to go home so you can think and I’m sure AJ misses you. How long as it been since you’ve seen him?”
“You’re not going anywhere yet. I’m sure he’d be happy to see you too,” I say, kissing her forehead. “You do know that he really likes you, right?”
“Yeah, I like him a lot too. He is one of the brightest seven-year-olds that I know. Is it strange that he and my daught
er are close to the same age? Do you think that’s ironic?” She sighs. “Nina and I never spoke of the baby after I gave birth. I was in the hospital for two days. Nina stayed right there with me. She never left my side. She was my strength. I put on a huge front on the outside, but I am so damaged. Our outer appearances sometime hide the true inner self.”
“Ansley, I can’t make any of this go away, but I can give you a future of happiness. I can give you everything you deserve. We can have a house full of kids if you want.” I rub circles along her back and say the words she needs to hear. “You are a rare gem. You’ve been pushed back so far that no one could see how you shine, but I can. I see you, all of you, flaws included. Please, stay with us. Be a part of our family,” I whisper.
“How? I gave my child up. Do you really think I’d be a good mother? How can you love me after everything I’ve just told you?”
“You’re a good mother. You gave your baby a chance. She has a life because you made sure she would. Giving her up for adoption is the best thing you could’ve done for her. Never think that you failed her.”
“Why are you so perfect?” She buries her head in the crook of my neck.
“We are destined to be together. Fate brought you into our lives.”
“Thank you,” she whispers.
“No thanks needed. Remember, you can talk to me about anything. I mean it.”
***
Ansley
We spent hours sitting and talking. He told me more about AJ’s mom and the things she’s done. He told me about Liam’s parents and all about their high school rivalry over Lila. We made love on the deck, then cleaned up and went to check on AJ. I knew Ashton already told Liam. Lila hugged me as soon as we walked in.
She whispers in my ear, “I’m so glad y’all are together. He loves you, doll.” She pulls away.
“I love him too,” I admit.
“Hey, Miss Dolce. You look nice today. Are you still sick?” AJ asks, hugging me.
