by Margaret Way
JOEL REACTED violently when Nicole found the courage to ask him about his visits to Jacob Rosendahl. She could keep quiet no longer. Joel had no right to keep that sort of information to himself.
“Who the hell told you?” Her question had robbed him of all attention. The Toyota hit a succession of deep, bone-jarring corrugations.
“Watch the road, would you?” she exclaimed in alarm. “I’m asking a simple question, Joel, so what’s the problem answering? I understand perfectly you felt the need to speak to a professional. Dr. Rosendahl knew our story.”
“Who told you?” Joel repeated, teeth gritted, his gray, green-flecked eyes narrowed in anger. “Was it McClelland? I’ve got the feeling something is going on between you two.”
“Would it be any of your business if something were?” she snapped, tired of his jealousy of Drake.
“How can you say that?” He shot her a look full of reproach. “Since childhood we’ve told each other everything.”
“So why, then, didn’t you tell me you’d been seeing Dr. Rosendahl, instead of keeping it to yourself all this time? Why didn’t you confide in me when I told you he’d been killed? For that matter, why didn’t you tell me what was troubling you? Maybe I could have helped.”
“You’re the last one who can help,” he said bitterly. “Anyway you aren’t here most of the time, remember? You make your escape to New York.”
“I’m here now. Can’t you confide in me?”
He swung the four-wheel drive off the rough track and into the shade of a stand of bauhinias decked out in bridal white.
“Answer me, Nikki. Was it McClelland?” He turned off the engine. The hot silence was complete.
“Is that an order? I don’t take orders from you, Joel.” Her temper was rising. “Drake knows nothing about it.”
“Make sure you keep it that way,” he warned, two vertical lines between his eyebrows. “So who was it? That sanctimonious little bitch, Shelley Logan? Brock must have told her. Couldn’t keep his mouth shut.”
“Why couldn’t you?” she challenged. “Brock Tyson didn’t need to know your private affairs.”
“I didn’t tell him.” The knuckles of the hand resting on the wheel were white. “I’d had too much to drink and it just slipped out. He was bloody quick, because I know I shut up like a clam. Why are you starting this, Nikki? I’ve got one hell of a headache.”
“I’m sorry, but you’re the one getting upset. Is the problem so private you can’t tell me?”
“Ah, it was nothing,” he said dismissively. “I was having a few nightmares.”
“About what?”
Joel swept off his akubra and ran a wretched hand through his sun-streaked hair. “You’re not blaming me for going to him, are you?”
All of a sudden she was full of pity. “Joel, dear, of course not.” She squeezed his arm, thinking he looked thin and hollow-eyed. “I’m your friend always. We’re cousins. We share a strong bond.”
“I love you, Nikki,” he said with fervor, totally without embarrassment.
Nicole was suddenly very conscious that their faces were only inches away. “Of course you do. And I love you.”
“Don’t ever leave me.”
That hit a raw nerve. “Stop it, Joel. We’re in each other’s lives.”
“For always. That’s our destiny. I’ll never let you marry McClelland.”
“What a break for him!” she said, hoping to make Joel veer off in another direction. “What makes you think Drake would want to marry neurotic old me?”
“He’d be a bloody fool if he didn’t, and he’s no fool. It’s only a matter of time, Nikki, before he sets the scene for the big proposal.”
“What makes you think I’d say yes?” she snapped, her nerves fraying.
“You wouldn’t let him take advantage of you, I know. You’re too smart. But you’re going to need every ounce of your resolve. He’s after you because he’s after Eden.”
“Whatever!” She made her voice falsely bright and uncaring. “He’ll never get it.”
“That’s my girl.” He lifted the hand nearest him and kissed it tenderly.
“Quit that,” she said sharply, snatching her hand away. “Joel, I want to get someone in to help you. Look at you! You’re working yourself ragged. I don’t like to see that.”
“What are we talking about here?” He looked at her suspiciously. “Not someone over me?”
“No way!” She shook her head. “I said someone experienced and capable to help you. You manage the station. He’ll be your offsider, your overseer.”
He gripped her hand again. “Why are you saying this, Nikki? Aren’t you happy with the way I’m running things?”
This time she had to wrench her hand out of his grasp. “I think we can do better, Joel. The operation is too big for just you. Siggy isn’t getting any younger. Your father never does anything but take it easy. Surely you can see it’s for the best.”
Joel gave her one long look. “As long as he’s not over me.”
“You have my word. You’re family.”
“You’re a businesswoman, aren’t you?” He smiled.
“Granddad showed me the ropes.”
“The old bastard never showed me.”
“That’s not true, Joel. Please don’t call our grandfather a bastard. I don’t like it.”
“He’d have moved heaven and earth for you, Nikki. Never me.” Joel’s voice was flat, cold.
“I have sympathy for you, Joel, but Granddad was never unkind. I never heard him raise his voice to you.”
“He didn’t have to, to get things across. Good old Sir Giles, God bless him! He sure gave Dad a rough time.”
“Dear God!” Nicole groaned, staring with exasperation out the window. “Your father has never had to lift a finger. I wouldn’t call that a rough time.”
“I mean, Grandfather despised him. You could see it in his eyes, the smooth way he had of talking to Dad.”
“Granddad didn’t despise him enough to send him on his way,” Nicole answered fierily. “Neither did your father drum up the pride to go.”
Joel shook his head slowly. “We aren’t your kind of people, are we, Dad and me?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Joel. You’re fine. I get on well enough with your father. He doesn’t really bother anyone.”
“It’s guys like McClelland you admire.” Joel’s voice was as much desperate now as angry. “McClelland, Outback Baron. Hell, he was made for the part.”
“Why are you so jealous of Drake?” she asked quietly.
“Good God, don’t you know?” He stared straight ahead through the windshield, not meeting her eyes.
“You feel dreadful I inherited Eden, is that it? Drake inherited Kooltar from his father. Granddad left Eden to me. It isn’t fair, is it,” she said sadly.
Joel plunged back into anger. “I don’t give a damn about Eden. I wish to hell I’d got out of here years ago. After your mother…I should have gone then.”
She shook her head as if to clear it, for a moment unable to speak. “Is this what you wanted to talk to Dr. Rosendahl about, Joel? You’re tortured by your feelings? You’re at war with your environment? You don’t want to be a cattleman? Who cares! I guess Granddad knew you didn’t really want it—but he left you rich. You’re not stuck here without money dependent on me or anyone. You can do what you like. Go anywhere.”
“Away from you? You still don’t get it? I would die away from you.”
Her voice held all her deep dismay. “Joel, please don’t say that and in that way. It’s so extravagant. It smacks of obsession. We’re not joined at the hip like Siamese twins. You’ll get married, raise a family. Hopefully when I get myself together, so will I. Why didn’t I realize you were so full of resentments? They’re so destructive. It’s a wonder you don’t hate me. You don’t hate me, do you?” she asked softly, trying to draw him out of his intensely emotional mood.
“Sometimes. Just a little.” He gave her his attractiv
e lopsided smile.
“What can I do to make it up to you?”
“Let me go.”
She stared back at him, breathless with shock. “Joel, I’m not forcing you to stay here on Eden. I want what you want. You’re free to leave tomorrow if that’s how you feel.”
His voice turned harsh. “God, you never get it! Why is that? Are you blind?”
Nicole’s stomach started to churn. She had to make a move to cut Joel’s dependence on her. But how? “I think I’m going to be sick.” She opened the passenger door, lurched out onto the fiery sand covered with tufts of burnt Mitchell grass.
Within seconds Joel came around the hood to join her. He put an arm around her, his eyes holding a depth of concern that was almost fierce. “It’s the heat,” he said, staring at her pale face. “Why were we talking in the car? It’s too bloody hot. Sit down for a moment, Nikki. I don’t know what I was thinking, upsetting you so. I’ll get a drink of water from the canteen.”
“Thanks.” Nicole lowered herself dizzily to the ground. Spent bauhinia blossoms rained on her head, on her shoulders, fell to the scorched earth. She was reluctant to face it, but Joel’s attachment to her was starting to become more than a burden. It was becoming a threat.
Joel was back within seconds. “Drink up,” he said, his voice still filled with anxiety. “As soon as you feel better, I’ll take you home.”
“Good idea.” She stared past him at the crystal mirage. The mirage was a phenomenon of the desert, creating beautiful and terrible illusions. She had lived with it her whole life just as she had lived with her cousin, Joel. They were siblings—that was how she saw them. Now she had to face the hard fact that Joel had far more than brotherly feelings for her. Had she ever really known him, or had it all been illusion? Whatever the answer, she appeared to be central to Joel’s life.
Didn’t that put him in direct conflict with Drake?
NICOLE FOUND HERSELF driven to question Siggy privately, try to determine if Siggy had known about Joel’s visits to Dr. Rosendahl, with both deciding to keep it from her.
Siggy’s reaction was amazement, then outrage, as though the questions constituted extreme harassment.
Her third reaction was betrayal. “How dare he?”
“Calm down, Siggy. What do you mean, how dare he? Joel doesn’t need you to grant permission.”
“I’ll be damned!” Siggy struck the kitchen table where she’d been writing up menus for the dour Mrs. Barrett, who just happened to save her job by being a great cook. “Aren’t your kids supposed to tell you things? All right, he’s no kid, but surely to God he can come to me with his problems. I’m his mother, after all!”
“You can’t tell him I told you, Siggy.”
“The son of a bitch!” Siggy swore from habit, her tone flinty.
“That’s great, seeing as you’re his mother.” Nicole gave her a wry look.
“You’ve upset me, Nikki.” Siggy dropped her head into her hands.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to upset you, but Joel upset me.”
Siggy glanced up, eyes firing. “Now, that I find very distressing. It has to be for the first time. I mean, he has you way up there on a pedestal.”
“Where I absolutely don’t want to be,” Nicole said in extreme exasperation. “I hope you’re not blaming me for it. The big trouble is, Joel’s had no one else to put there.”
“You really don’t think so?” Siggy drew herself up, looking affronted.
“Lord, Siggy, I remember a time when you called him dopey on a regular basis.”
“It was nothing personal.” Siggy had the grace to color. “He was always forgetting things.”
“I never heard you call your husband dopey. The occasional ‘darling.’ I used to wonder about that.”
“Leave Alan out of this,” Siggy warned.
“I wasn’t under the impression he was ever in it. I’m worried about Joel. And that’s the truth.”
“Sure,” Siggy agreed miserably, “I’ve been worrying about Joel for most of his life. If I didn’t know better, I’d say I never bore him. Don’t think it’s easy being married to Alan, either. I swear he’s never loved me.”
“Shoot him,” Nicole suggested lightly.
“It’s tempting.”
“Better yet, divorce him.”
Siggy shrugged. “Might as well. I’ve got nothing better to do. He fell in love with Corrinne the instant he laid eyes on her. It wasn’t a case of Corrinne stealing him away. Corrinne had men falling in love with her for most of her short life. She never even saw them. No one was important to her but David. She was David McClelland’s girl.”
“It’s just that she ran off with Heath.” Nicole gave her aunt a bewildered glance. “That’s one hell of a bad joke, Siggy. How is Heath? He told me he was okay.”
“He’ll go when he gets the call,” Siggy said with quiet fatalism. “He seems to be at peace. He’s very grateful to you for letting him stay here.”
“How would I clear it with my conscience if I didn’t?” Nicole said. “To get back to Joel. Have you any idea at all why he’d go to Dr. Rosendahl? He only told me he was having nightmares.”
“Nightmares,” Siggy said, “have been happening to me for most of my married life.” She started to laugh, then abruptly stopped. “Joel’s bedroom is too far away for me to hear him if he yelled. Actually, I find myself disputing that. Joel’s like his father. He sleeps like a log. He slept through all the furor that dreadful morning your mother didn’t come home. My understanding is Joel didn’t rate psychological testing very highly. Or the persons who conducted them. That included Rosendahl.”
Nicole rose to the doctor’s defense. “Jacob Rosendahl was a man of immense presence. Much wisdom and understanding. He was a complete person.”
“Listen, that’s okay. I agree with you, but Joel was absolutely livid whenever he was obliged to talk to him back then. Maybe I’ll confront Joel. I want to get this straight. See what we’re dealing with.”
Nicole shook her head vigorously. “Don’t do that, Siggy. You’ll be exposing me. In any case, Joel doesn’t have to explain himself. If you went to him, it would get his back up.”
Siggy gave a bark of a laugh. “Joel has a very nasty habit of always getting his back up. He has a chip on his shoulder as big as Ayer’s Rock. What’s your problem, anyway? You always were a little snoop.”
“Make that sleuth if you don’t mind. All the secrets in the family made my life hard. What I want to know is, what does it all mean?”
“Why ask me?” Siggy said forlornly. “The older I get the less I know. At a guess I’d say nothing.”
“You’re not so dumb, Siggy.” Nicole studied her aunt with affection.
“Thank you.” Siggy gave her a ghost of a smile. “Tell me again when these visits took place.”
Nicole leaned closer. “The last not long before Dr. Rosendahl was killed. The first possibly a year before that.”
“And we never knew?” Siggy looked deeply troubled.
“What did you think he was doing when he took himself off to Sydney or wherever he said he went?”
“Drawing on my knowledge of the world and my limited knowledge of men, I had the feeling it had to be sex. Women. Parties, dates, whatever. Think about it. It’s pretty tame out here. There are plenty of pretty girls in Sydney. He’s single, he’s good-looking, he’s got money. I figured he was having himself a good time.”
“It’s possible he was.” Nicole nodded. “But there must have been something very pressing on his mind to seek out Dr. Rosendahl.”
“Well, he did something right.” Siggy’s tone was laconic.
“So why deny it?”
“I would.” Siggy drained her coffee and grimaced, although it had been particularly good. “If I chose to see a shrink, I’d keep my big fat mouth shut. Just like if I chose to hire a private detective.”
“And have you?” Nicole asked, thinking this wasn’t just Siggy being Siggy but somehow con
nected.
Siggy laughed harshly. “That, my dear, is a long dirty story.”
“If you were checking up on your dear husband when he’s away on his jaunts, I could understand it.”
“I told you—my lips are sealed. You can’t possibly think Joel might have had something to do with Rosendahl’s death, do you?”
Nicole stared at her. “Now, there’s a bizarre idea! Are you saying he was in Sydney at that time?”
“I only said it because he has an alibi.” Siggy slapped at a lone fly that had had the temerity to breach the gauzed door. “And it would save you time.”
“Has he really got an alibi?” Nicole looked at her aunt hard.
“Can you hear the two of us?” Siggy said evasively. “Can you hear what we’re saying? What’s happened to you, Nikki?”
“I haven’t lost my mind, if that’s what you think.”
“Well, that’s a lucky break.” Siggy touched two fingers to her aching eyes.
“Something very bad happened here on Eden all those years ago, Siggy. Two people died. My mother—your sister—and David McClelland. I don’t think they drove off the escarpment into Shadow Valley. I think they were forced off.”
“No.” Siggy made a low despairing sound.
“Yes, Siggy. The worst part of it is, it was someone we know.”
“Then it was Heath.” Siggy raised her head. “Who else? He was a violent man. Corrinne was unfaithful, making a fool of him. Heath is the only one who makes sense.”
“I wouldn’t say that. Wasn’t my mother planning on sending Joel away?”
Siggy leaped to her feet. “Be careful, girl,” she warned, head shaking slightly as in the early stages of Parkinson’s. “Joel and I may not be great pals, but he is my son. My son. Do you understand what that means? Of course you don’t!”
“Siggy, calm down. I’m sorry if I shocked you. Let’s leave Joel out of this. What about Alan? You said yourself he was in love with my mother.”
Siggy snorted. No angry display of emotion for her husband. “Alan can’t do anything more strenuous than crack his knuckles. Forget Alan. What about that kook, Callista? I’d jump out of my skin if she clamped her tiny hand on my shoulder. Or some other nutcase in the area? Someone who spent the last ten years in jail and felt like pushing the Land Cruiser off the cliff for spoiling his view. Nothing’s too dreadful for a psychopath. No, Nikki, we’ll never make sense of it. It was either a tragic accident or they decided to end their lives together. This family is cursed.”
