She propped herself up on one elbow and pulled at the ribbon lacing the front of her overdress. A second tug and the soft fabric slipped down off her shoulders, revealing the curve of her soft, creamy breasts.
He might have been able to resist a moment longer if she hadn’t smiled up at him and reached out to take his hand, pulling him toward her when their fingers touched. Any thoughts of resistance evaporated when he drew close and her hand slipped up behind his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair. He fit himself on top of her and his lips eagerly sought hers.
He meant to go slowly. He meant to savor every moment of their first coupling. But Annie destroyed those good intentions when she pulled up his shirt and ran her soft hands across the contours of his back, inciting trails of flame where her touch traveled.
Instead of a slow savoring of the woman beneath him, he desperately fought his way through the battlefield of fabric separating them and buried himself deep inside her heat. Her moans of encouragement only drove his frenzy, hurrying him to his completion.
When he was done, he held her in his arms and rolled to his back, her face pressed against his shoulder, her breath hitting his hot skin in short, quick bursts. As her heart pounded against his chest, a new heat rose in his body, settling in his face. The heat of shame for having lost all sense of the moment. The heat of shame for having let both Annie and himself down. For all the control he demonstrated, he might as well have been an untried lad bedding his first woman.
“I never meant to…” He struggled to find the words he needed to say. Swallowing his pride, he tried again. “That’s no’ the way I imagined our first time together.”
Annie rose up to look at him, her eyes twinkling as she tipped her head to one side. “You’re not trying to tell me that you’re done for the night, are you? Surely a big, strong Highlander like yourself is good for another go at it, right?”
His ego rose to the challenge immediately.
“It goes without saying, wife.”
Her smile broadened. “In that case, I’d say our first time together isn’t over yet. You have at least until the sun comes up to show me what you imagined this night should be like.”
The shame he’d felt only moments before melted like snow in late spring as he watched Annie lift her shift over her head and toss it to the floor. This woman, his woman, was meant for him in a way no other had ever been meant for him before. Had he searched the world over, he could have found none better. Their lives together spread out before them, filling him with a joy such as he’d never known before.
This was life as it should be and, no matter what the future had in store for them, nothing could ever take the joy he felt at this very moment away from him.
Chapter 19
Three days. No, three glorious days, Annie corrected herself, wanting to laugh out loud as she strolled through the garden.
She’d been a wife for three glorious days and she’d never been happier. Had she only known marriage could be this wonderful, she wouldn’t have run from it so hard. Of course, marriage to anyone other than Alex wouldn’t have been like this.
If she had any complaints at all, it was that the warm summer days this far north were much too long and the nights much too short. And since the rising and setting of the sun controlled the tempo of life in this time, she and Alex had far too little time together.
“But you just wait until winter,” she whispered, giving in to the urge to chuckle.
Come winter, that would all change, giving them short days and long, dark nights to spend together, snuggling in Alex’s cozy bed.
She bent down to break off another spring of balm to add to her basket, smiling again at the chore she’d been given this morning.
“Would you mind gathering the sweet herbs?” Lissa had asked at breakfast. “It’s time to change them out in all the bedding. It’s been my task for years, but I find the bending and crawling around on my hands and knees to be tedious.”
Mind? Annie couldn’t think of anything she’d rather do. Well, nothing she’d rather do in the daylight! It gave her time to think, to remember, to savor the joy of her life.
Again she chuckled aloud, following the trail of balm where it had spread into the trees, gathering fresh green sprigs as she went.
It was there, on her knees in the orchard, surrounded by the soft, lemony scent of the herbs, that she heard the first sounds of the conversation between Alex’s friends.
“We’ll need to decide soon, you and me, what it is we do next.” Jamesy’s words floated to her from the other side of the big trees. “Because you know as well as I do, everything has changed now. The plans we made before are as dust in the wind. You know how Alex is. Once he’s committed to a path, even a path like this that he would never have chosen for himself, his honor will no’ allow him to step away.”
“Aye,” Finn agreed. “And a filthy shame it is, at that. Still, it should be no surprise to either of us. He’s never been like us, no matter what he wanted. His life was never his own to do with as he chose. He only fooled himself in thinking that he could ride away with us to live his life as if it were his own. He’s the firstborn son of an important man. His lot in life is to do what is expected of him. And Alex, good man that he is, would never let his family down.”
“You speak the truth, of course, but that still does no’ make it right,” Jamesy complained. “Of the three of us, he was the one who most wanted to make a name for himself fighting the English. Instead, he’ll be forced to live out his father’s plan for him, tied to Dunellen with the heavy anchor of a wife hanging around his neck to weigh him down.”
“A wife no’ of his own choosing, at that,” Finn added. “Though I’ve no’ a doubt that he’ll make the best of it. That’s the kind of man Alex is. Always seeing to the happiness of others and never to his own.”
The conversation continued, growing fainter as the men’s steps carried them farther away, but Annie heard no more. It was as if her ears had shut down, plugged up by the intense pressure inside her head, a pressure that began somewhere in the vicinity of her heart and spread out from there. She dropped the basket she’d held and wrapped her arms around her middle, rocking back and forth, as if by her movement she could erase what she’d heard.
A wife not of his own choosing.
The words bounced around the inside of her head like a steel pinball, slamming their way from one point to another, robbing her of the happiness she’d felt only moments before. It wasn’t that she didn’t know Alex hadn’t asked for their marriage. Neither of them had. But they’d been so happy since they’d wed, she’d assumed none of what came before had mattered.
Or was it just that she’d been so happy, she’d chosen to ignore the obvious? Alex’s father had forced him into marrying her and, exactly as his friends had predicted, he was making the best of the situation over which he had no control. A situation he’d never wanted. A wife he’d never wanted. A wife that weighed him down like an anchor around his neck.
Worse yet, in making the best of it, Alex was sacrificing his dreams, giving up everything that was dear to him, in order to do what was expected of him.
She should have known. It all made sense now. He’d even tried one last time to back out on their very first night together, asking her if she was happy. If she felt trapped. Instead of giving him the out he’d sought, she’d tied the ropes of responsibility even tighter.
She might be little more than a burdensome responsibility to him, but he was more than that to her. Much more. If she’d learned nothing else while she’d been here, she had learned what love was. Real love. The kind of love she thought she’d shared with Alex. And though he might not love her, that changed nothing about how she felt. She loved him with all her heart, and because she did, she couldn’t be responsible for taking his dreams away from him. She wouldn’t do that to him.
Fighting the pain in her chest to catch her breath, she forced herself to stand and pick up her basket before turning her steps
back toward the keep. Head bowed, eyes fixed on her feet, she tried to figure out what to do next. One foot in front of the other, she had to keep moving. Because life kept moving, even when it hurt like hell.
She’d think of something. Somehow she’d find a way to set him free, even if it meant breaking her own heart to do it. Disappearing was likely her best option. Alex could only be free to follow his own dreams if she was completely out of the picture. She’d grown so used to escaping from her problems, she wasn’t sure she knew of any other way to deal with life anymore.
“Running away,” she whispered. “Again.”
“Talking to yerself, are you, my sweetling? Is this what being a wife has done to you?”
Annie’s head snapped up and she found herself staring into the eyes of the man she loved with all her heart.
The man who wanted nothing so much as to be rid of her.
* * *
Alex hadn’t seen Annie so lost in thought since her first days at Dunellen. As she walked toward him, mumbling, he’d spoken to her. When she’d looked up at him, the pain in her eyes cut straight to the center of his soul.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, scanning the area for the culprit responsible for upsetting her. “What’s happened?”
“Alex,” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. “I didn’t expect to see you out here.”
From the looks of her raw emotions on display, he doubted she’d expected to see anyone.
“You dinna answer my question, wife. What’s troubling you?”
“Nothing,” she said, a forced smile lifting the corners of her mouth. “Were you looking for me?”
He shook his head, reaching out to brush a finger down her cheek. Her eyes closed and she leaned into his touch, and, for just a moment, he doubted his sense that something was wrong. But only for a moment. When she opened her eyes again, the pain was still there.
“I was hoping to catch Jamesy and Finn,” he said, watching her closely. “We were to head to the lists for a bit of sword practice, but it appears I’ve missed them.”
“No, you haven’t,” she said, pulling back from him. “I heard them talking only moments ago, just on the other side of the trees. If you hurry, you’ll catch up to them.”
He started to go, but turned back, unable to shake the feeling that something was wrong.
“Are you sure? Would you rather I stay here with you?”
“No!” she said quickly, clutching the basket of herbs she carried to her chest. “No. You go do your thing. I’ll see you later.”
Her words, odd as usual, brought a smile to his lips, and he stayed only long enough to brush a kiss to the top of her head.
“As you say, my sweetling. Until later.”
He took off at a jog, into the orchard and through to the other side, not slowing until he spotted his friends just ahead of him.
“There you are,” Jamesy called out, lifting a hand in greeting. “We thought you might have changed yer mind and no’ be joining us in practice after all.”
“Why would you think that?” Alex asked, falling into step next to his friends. “Do I ever shirk the chance to spar with the two of you? Where would you be without me to remind you of how a sword should be handled?”
“Be that as it may, you’ve little enough need to hone yer weapon skills for staying here at Dunellen.” Jamesy exchanged a pointed look with Finn. “And that is what you plan to do now, is it no’?”
He would not lie to his friends.
“It is.”
“A loss to you and to us,” Jamesy grumbled. “A sin against man and nature, it is. A warrior should be able to do what his heart leads him to do, no’ what his family forces him into.”
Oddly enough, staying at Dunellen was, for the first time in his life, exactly what Alex wanted to do, though he doubted he’d be able to explain that to his friends. Their hearts were still free and their minds set upon adventure.
“There is no sin here, my friends. Yer mistaken if you think I’m upset by my marriage. In truth, I find myself rather looking forward to this new season of my life.” He chuckled, the smile he couldn’t seem to rid himself of returning to his face. “Life with Annie is no’ the adventure I’d planned, but I feel certain it’s an adventure nonetheless. An adventure I’m more than willing to experience.”
“May the Lord have mercy on his soul,” Finn said. “I do believe our lad is smitten.”
“I do believe you have the right of it, Finn,” Jamesy answered, a grin lighting his face. “Who’d have thought our number would dwindle so quickly, and all at the hands of a mere woman?”
“Halldor O’Donar,” Finn said quietly. “He predicted as much when he told us our fates were in the hands of the Faerie, Elesyria. He told us she’d cast an enchantment that would touch us all.”
“Yer daft,” Alex argued, though his heart was not in the denial. “You both should be so lucky to find such companionship as I have found.”
Finn snorted, one hand idly scratching the head of the big dog always at his side. “I’ve all the companionship I need in this life.”
“We’ve neither of us any room in our lives for a woman,” Jamesy added. “If this Faerie enchantment Hall spoke of had to fall upon one of us, it’s best that it should be you, Alex. At least you’ve a home to offer a wife. As for me and Finn, we both settled long before we left Edinburgh that it’s a warrior’s life for us.”
Alex accepted a slap on the back from his friend, returning their smiles. But in his heart, he felt only pity for the men who’d become as brothers to him. Pity that they so freely rejected what he knew to be the greatest joy of his life. A joy that would carry him through the rest of his life with his Annie.
Chapter 20
“What’s happened to you? Yer as white as Da after one of Master Montague’s bleedings.”
Annie stood in the open door of the bedchamber she had shared with Lissa until three days ago. The emotions she’d held so tightly inside as she’d come here from the gardens would be contained no longer. She held out a hand toward her friend, unable to answer the question without bursting into tears.
Lissa rushed to her, taking her hand and leading her to sit by the unlit fireplace.
“Tell me. What is it? What’s happened to you?”
“I’ve made such a horrible mistake,” Annie whispered, covering her face with her hands as if shutting out the world might also shield her from the pain of what she’d just learned.
It didn’t.
“It canna be as bad as what you say. Tell me everything,” Lissa encouraged, sitting close and wrapping an arm around Annie’s shoulders.
“Worse,” Annie confirmed, hating that she couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I was so wrong in what I told you before. It’s not marrying a man you don’t love that’s worst of all. It’s marrying a man who doesn’t love you.”
Lissa patted her shoulder, making small shushing noises before she spoke again. “Then you’ve nothing to fash yerself over, sister.”
“But I do,” Annie insisted. “Alex doesn’t love me. He didn’t even want to marry me. He was forced into it. Forced into doing what was expected of him, just like he always has done.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Lissa said. “And even if it were true, Alex is a good man. He’ll get used to being wed and he’ll make a fine husband.”
“But I don’t want to be married to someone who has to get used to being wed to me. I want a husband who loves me. Who wants to be with me. I can’t be married to a man whose heart is off on an adventure with his friends. I can’t be married to a man who’s given up his dream in order to do what he’s supposed to do. I won’t do that to Alex. I won’t be the one who stole his dream from him.”
“Yer speaking nonsense,” Lissa protested.
“No, I’m not. I heard them. I heard Jamesy and Finn talking about how being forced into marriage to me has cost Alex what he always wanted to do. They know. They’re
the ones who share his dream of adventure and glory. Them. Not me. I’m just the anchor hanging around his neck, holding him back from doing what he really wanted to do with his life.”
Lissa took a deep breath and placed her hands in her lap, knitting them tightly together. “I’m no’ saying that I accept any of this rubbish as the truth. But for a moment, let us assume it could be. It if were, what could you do to change things? Yer his wife now and he’ll no’ go off and leave you. Yer his responsibility. And you ken as well as I do how seriously my brother takes responsibility.”
“I don’t want Alex to be responsible for me. I want him to live the life he dreams of living. If he can’t do that with me as his wife, then I have to change things so that he can. I have to leave here. I have to disappear so that he’ll be free to get on with what he intended before I showed up.”
Just saying the words felt like a knife to her guts. Leaving Dunellen now, leaving Alex, would be harder than anything she’d ever done.
“Where would you go? Back to yer own time?”
If only she could.
“I don’t know where I’ll go. Only that I have to go somewhere. My own time isn’t a possibility. I can’t go back without the heart-shaped stone that set the whole process in motion, and that’s gone. No.” She shook her head, sucking in a trembling breath. “I’ll have to figure out somewhere else.”
“A heart-shaped stone,” Lissa murmured, rising to her feet and crossing the room to the chest at the end of the bed. She lifted the lid and dug around inside for a moment and then stood, holding out her hand. “A stone like this?”
The air froze in Annie’s lungs. “Where did you get that?”
“That first day in the arbor. I saw it lying beside yer body, so I picked it up and put it in my pocket while they were getting you out of there.”
Annie was on her feet now, her hand extended, but Lissa dropped the stone back into the chest and closed the lid.
“I think yer wrong about Alex. You must promise me you’ll speak to him before you do anything foolish. If he confirms what you believe, I’ll give you the stone without a word of argument. But you must ask him first. I’d have yer promise on it.”
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