by Jade Kerrion
Bettina shook her head. “But how could you leave her when you knew she needed you?”
“She didn’t need me. I wasn’t making any difference in her life, and she was wrecking mine.”
“You kept her from hurting herself.”
Sean stared at her. Guilt lodged in his heart, warring with the deeply ingrained resentment. “It’s not my job to keep Romina from hurting herself. It’s not my responsibility to make her whole. After I left and had time and space to think about it, I realized the problem was bigger than Romina. I called you. I told you to get her evaluated.”
“She was fine with you around,” Bettina said stubbornly. “There was nothing wrong with her. You hurt her when you left.”
“It wasn’t me, and it wasn’t really her fault either. She needed help, far more than I could give.”
Garry slammed his hand on the table. “That is not true. My daughter—she’s not a crazy woman. She doesn’t need drugs pumped into her—”
“Sean?” Romina’s weak voice was scarcely audible.
Sean glanced at the bed. Romina’s eyes were open. Her hand moved weakly against the sheets.
He went to her bedside and grasped her hand in his. “Why did you do this?”
“So glad to see you.” Her hand stroked his cheek. Her touch was lighter than a feather. “I missed you so much.”
“Romina, why did you take the drugs?”
“I called you. Why didn’t you call me back?”
“We broke up. We weren’t good for each other.
“I missed you. I just wanted to hear your voice. I knew this would bring you back.”
“What?”
“I knew you’d come back.”
“You overdosed deliberately to bring me back?” He yanked his hand from hers as if burned. “You’re a—”
Brian’s firm grip on his shoulder steadied him. “Not now. We’ll handle it later.”
“But—” I hated—absolutely hated—my life with her. I’m not going to get sucked back. I can’t, or I’ll go mad myself.
A soft knock drew their attention to the door. Sean’s eyes widened. “Debra?”
She stepped into the room, her brown-eyed gaze darting over everyone present. “Jack said you were called away by an emergency and told me where you were. Hospital food isn’t the greatest, so I brought dinner. It’s probably enough to go around—”
Garry stared at Debra and then turned to Sean. His hands clenched into fists. “Is this who you left her for? The other woman?”
“No, I—”
“Thank you for bringing the food.” All smooth charm, Brian stepped forward to take the package from Debra’s hands. He set it on the side table before ushering Debra from the room, closing the door firmly behind the both of them.
“Who’s she?” Garry demanded.
“It’s none of your business. She has nothing to do with this.”
“Of course it has everything to do with this. It’s why you haven’t answered Romina’s calls. It’s why you haven’t come back.”
“Leave her out of it. I left Elkins, and I stayed away. I was my choice. It had nothing to do with Debra.”
Romina’s voice quavered. “You love her. I’ve lost you.” She sucked in deep breaths. Her body shook hard.
The machine monitoring her heart rate suddenly screeched an alarm.
Outside the hospital room, Debra spared a quick glance back at the closed door. Willpower kept her voice steady. “I guess I came at a bad time.”
“Not great.” The man who had escorted her from the room agreed. “I’m Brian. Sean’s brother.”
“Oh.”
“He’s told you about me.”
Debra shook her head. “Not really.”
“No need to spare my feelings. He thought he had every right to hate my guts, and I thought I had every right to hate his.”
“I don’t understand.”
Brian gestured to a chair, and Debra sat, her emotions numb, her thoughts swirling.
“I started dating Romina about seven years ago. The relationship wasn’t great; we fought a lot, and when I was drafted into the pro leagues five years ago, I told her we were done as a couple. I would have to move away, anyway, but she said she wanted to come along. I refused, and she dropped a bombshell; she said she was pregnant and that the baby was mine. I did the math and realized she was lying. I couldn’t have gotten her pregnant when I was away at the trials. So I dumped her and left.”
“And Sean stepped in.”
Brian nodded. “I thought he was the father. Why else would he have stepped into the spot I vacated?”
“Because he was your brother. Because he wanted to do the right thing. He would never have slept with your girlfriend.”
Brian tilted his head. “You know him well enough to come to his defense.”
“I’ve known him for less than three months, but I know Sean. He’s a good man.”
Brian nodded. “I should have trusted him more. Anyway, I thought he got her pregnant behind my back, so I didn’t talk to him. He thought I had abandoned my pregnant girlfriend when I made it big, so he didn’t talk to me.”
“Why did he leave her?”
“You’ll have to ask him. I haven’t spoken to him in five years. I don’t think I’m qualified to explain his actions.”
Footsteps rushed down the hallway. Nurses raced past them and pushed into Romina’s room. Without a word, Brian ran after them, leaving Debra alone in the waiting lounge. She drew a deep breath and felt it tremble in her lungs. What was she supposed to do? Hang around and wait for news of her boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend—the woman who had been calling Sean incessantly for months—or go home to her son?
Her chest aching, she rose slowly and walked toward the exit.
“Debra!”
She turned. Sean ran up to her, but stopped short of throwing his arms around. Instead, he shoved his hands into his pockets and stared down at his feet before meeting her eyes. “Thanks for coming. For dinner.”
She shrugged. “It’s just a small thing.”
Sean shook his head. “It’s not. Your kindness—the way you take care of people is not a small thing.”
It didn’t seem right talking about herself when another woman was in the ER. Debra’s gaze flicked to Romina’s room and the small cluster of family and friends standing outside it. “How is she?”
“She had trouble breathing. The doctors are working on her and wanted everyone out of the room.”
Debra managed a tight smile. “I hope she’ll be okay. I should get back home. Leslie’s watching Aidan, and I told her I wouldn’t be away long.”
“Debra—”
“You’re needed here, Sean.”
His teeth clenched so hard she could see the veins pop in his neck. “We broke up. She needed more—much more—than I could give. It didn’t seem to matter how much I gave. It just vanished into some kind of black hole. I couldn’t make any difference in her life.”
Debra went cold. “So you left looking for appreciation?”
Sean’s head jerked up.
Pride kept her head high. She had been the rebound affair—the woman who had unwittingly met Sean’s gaping emotional needs in exactly the right way. The happiness of the past two months had been lucky coincidence. Ice and acid mingled in her voice. “I suppose I should be grateful then that I’ve told you how much I’ve appreciated having you around. Otherwise you might have left me too.”
“No, it’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like? Maybe it’s the seven years I have on you. Maybe because I’m a parent, but you need to know that life doesn’t come with thank you cards. Aidan grunts and grumbles through his day. I don’t think he’s ever told me that he loves me. He doesn’t appreciate the vegetables on his plate or the fact that I make him eat his protein before dessert, but I’m not walking away from him. I can’t. Not because I’m his parent, but because I love him.”
He frowned as if she were speaking a foreign
language. Debra’s heart cracked. He didn’t understand. Of course he didn’t, or they would not have had the argument they did yesterday or that morning, or that they were having at that moment. “It’s not responsibility or appreciation that keeps people together, Sean. It’s love.”
The confusion in his eyes told her she had lost him somewhere along the way. She hugged her handbag close to her chest. “I’ve got to go. Aidan’s expecting me to put him to bed.” She looked past Sean’s shoulder at the closed door of Romina’s room. “I hope she feels better soon.”
She left Sean because there was nothing left to say.
Chapter 11
Debra did not see Sean all weekend. She did not hear from him either, despite calling him once and leaving him a message. One call. One message. He knew how to reach her if he needed to talk. She was not going to chase him down the way Romina did. One clingy female was more headache than any man needed. He didn’t need two.
In her mind, she braced for him to walk away from his rebound affair. The happiness they had shared over the prior two months had transformed from a solid platform to mist wafting in the breaking dawn. Yet, in her heart, she wanted him to stay. Happiness was such a precious thing; even if it was transient, how could she deliberately let it go?
She was surprised however when he walked into the café on Monday morning. “Five black coffees,” he said, as if she hadn’t been preparing five black coffees for him for the past three months.
“When did you return to town?” she asked as she filled his order.
“Friday night.”
He had been in town all weekend and he hadn’t contacted her or Aidan?
But then again, how could he have known that Aidan had repeatedly asked for him? Debra concealed her hurt behind a smile as she rang up the bill. “How is Romina?”
“Her funeral was on Friday.” He grabbed the drinks and turned away.
Oh my— Debra stared at his back as he walked out of the café.
Old Mrs. Smith who had been waiting next in line patted Debra’s hand. “You better go after him. I’ll watch the counter.”
Debra dashed out of the café. “Sean!”
He stopped and turned, his face an expressionless mask.
Debra’s mind fumbled over the question she really wanted to ask, and instead opted for the coward’s way out. “What happened?”
“The doctor managed to revive her that time, and the second time. But not the third. She passed away late Wednesday night. I hung around in Elkins until the funeral on Friday.”
“I’m sorry. How are her parents doing?”
Sean grimaced. “Her mom’s a wreck. Her dad’s not doing too great either.”
“And your brother and you?”
“Brian’s fine. He checked out years ago. And I—I thought I’d checked out until you told me I was a selfish bastard.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“You implied I was an appreciation-hunting hog.”
“I said nothing of the sort!”
“That’s what I heard. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I was looking for appreciation. Maybe I was looking for some kind of indication that I was doing some good in her life, because I sure as hell wasn’t doing anything good for me or for anyone else around me. Do you have any idea what it’s like lying awake at night after night, staring at the ceiling, wondering if everything you’re doing is pointless? That was me. The first year we were together—the first year after Brian left—I didn’t doubt I was doing the right thing, but nothing changed with Romina. I couldn’t cheer her up. I couldn’t open the windows on her life and shine light into her world. I couldn’t do a damn thing.”
“It wasn’t your responsibility to change her.”
“Then why are her parents acting as if it’s my fault she’s dead?”
“They’re hurting. They’re looking for reasons and someone to blame.”
“I didn’t love her. I never did. The only reason I was there was because I was trying to fix something I thought my brother screwed up. But I couldn’t. She didn’t want change. Maybe she couldn’t. Maybe her problems were more than sunshine and a positive attitude could fix, but we’ll never know now. I just knew that I couldn’t hang around anymore. She was dragging me down with her, poisoning my life until I found myself hating her and hating myself. After five years of emotional hell, I finally told her I was leaving.” He shook his head. “She clung to me and begged me not to leave. She said she was pregnant.”
“Was she?”
He shook his head. “I hadn’t touched her sexually for months before that. If there was a baby, it sure as heck wasn’t mine.”
“She did the same thing to your brother.”
“Yeah. Stupid me, I didn’t see the similarities in our situation until last night.” He sighed, his shoulders sagging. “Anyway, it’s over. All in the past now.”
Except that the past had collided with the present. She drew a deep breath. “Why didn’t you let me know when you got back to town on Friday?”
“Because what you said made sense. I like helping people. God knows, I managed to talk myself into a completely unhealthy relationship and stayed in it for five years, trying to help one person.”
“There’s nothing wrong with helping people.”
Sean chuckled, a bitter sound. “No, I guess not, unless you can’t tell the difference between the emotional high from helping others and the emotional high of being in love.”
Debra stared at him. Not just a rebound affair. I’m tangled in a rebound affair with a man who has a deep, intrinsic need to help others. A man who would have helped me—helped anyone—without feeling a shred of affection or love, just because he’s a good man, just because he’s made that way.
He glanced away before returning his gaze to her. “I came to Havre de Grace, and managed to find a woman and her son who might have needed a bit of a nudge to get their lives into a better place. I provided it, and in return, I’m in a happy place—emotionally and physically.”
“But you don’t know if it’s love?”
“With my track record for rescuing people and strays, who knows? After five years with Romina, I probably needed the affirmation that I could do something right for myself and for others.”
“And I provided it,” Debra completed. The bitterness that infused Sean’s voice had crept into hers.
“It wasn’t deliberate. I didn’t seek you out intentionally.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“I don’t think I can say anything that’s going to make you feel better at this point. I wasn’t ready for a relationship of any sort. I’m sorry I dragged you into my mess.”
Debra sucked in a deep breath. Her voice trembled, but only slightly. “Okay, I get it. What would you like me to tell Aidan?”
A stricken expression crept into Sean’s eyes. “The truth, I suppose.”
“The truth is overrated, especially for a child who has found a hero. I know where we stand, but it doesn’t have to impact Aidan. You want to help? You can, with Aidan. He’s opened up to you. He enjoys spending time with you. If you can keep bringing Jewel over—it doesn’t have to be every day; perhaps a few times a week. I don’t want him to lose his hero and his dog at the same time.” She swallowed through the lump in her throat. “And if you need to pull away completely, do it gradually, for Aidan’s sake. Please.”
“I don’t think we can go back to where we were, evenings at your place, dog training—”
“We can go anywhere we want to, Sean. That’s the beauty of it. You haven’t made any commitment to me except friendship. I’ll even feed you dinner.” Her smile stretched tightly on her face, but she managed to blink back her tears.
“Debra, I—”
“It’s okay. Mistakes happen. We overstepped. I overstepped. You were just looking to help, and I was looking for more. I mistook empathy and compassion for love. You have a lot to give, Sean, and one day, I’m sure you’ll figure out the differenc
e between helping and loving.” She took a few steps back from him, her head held high.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“I know. Will we…” She cleared her throat. “Will we see you tonight for dog training and dinner?”
He hesitated. “Maybe tomorrow. I’ll let you know.”
“Okay. Is it all right if Jewel stays over another night, or should I have Aidan bring her back to you tonight?”
“Yeah, of course. Keep her there.”
“Okay.” Debra hated that word, but it was all she had left in her vocabulary. Sean had made it clear that there was room for nothing else but friendship, and perhaps not even that. He had given everything he had been capable of giving, but she had interpreted it to mean more than was intended. It was not his fault.
No fault. No blame.
Just a heck of a lot of pain.
Debra spent the next few days serving coffee, tea, and cappuccino with a smile locked in place despite a raging headache and the sharp ache pulsing through her chest. Holding the smile steady when answering Aidan’s repeated questions of “Where’s Sean?” was a great deal harder. “He’s busy,” was the only answer she offered. Sean had stayed away for an entire week, but in her heart, she still hoped that she hadn’t destroyed Aidan and Sean’s friendship, even if she and Sean were done.
She glanced up as the café door opened. She forced the smile into a grin. “Hey, look who’s here, my regular Americano.”
The young man who passed through Havre de Grace once a month chuckled. “Right on schedule.”
Debra proceeded to fill his order. “I could almost set my watch by you, if I wore one. What brings you through town?”
“Oh, I live up near Westchester, New York, but my girlfriend is at medical school in Baltimore.”
“Long distance, huh?”
“Yeah, it’s been tough, but we’re making it work. She’s graduating next month, though.”
“That’s great.”
“Yeah,” he said, but did not sound particularly excited.
Another relationship headed for the rocks. Debra bit her lip. I’m just oversensitive today. Tonight, I’ll go home, and after I put Aidan to bed, I’ll have a nice soak in the bath.
