by Heath Pfaff
“No.” Xandrith said the word aloud. He had to stop himself. Down that path lay the darkness he’d seen within himself. One more task, and this one was harder. He walked to Kassa and placed a hand on her brow.
“I can’t return to myself without you.” He said, and then he set his power to work. She was broken, crushed, the parts of her mind that remained were damaged to the point that Xandrith wasn’t sure how he could repair it. His power was vast, but the complexities of what had made her Kassa was far more so. He pieced her back together, and wiped away the darkness that stained her mind. It had to include the things she’d done while she wasn’t Kassa. When he was finished, he had something that might be her, but he wasn’t sure. He wouldn’t know until she took control of her body again, and he couldn’t will that to happen.
If he kept the Wellspring power longer, and something went wrong, he could try again. Xandrith cut that thought off immediately. No. He trickled a small amount of magic into himself to help him heal his chest wound, then he sat down next to Kassa’s body and tore the bone knife from his chest.
The pain of removing the knife was nothing compared to the pain of cutting himself off from the Wellspring. His hand shook on the hilt for a moment as he seriously contemplated shoving it back into his ribs. He took a few gasping breaths and then tossed the blade away from himself. He’d have to recover it later and dispose of it, but he couldn’t be around it yet. With it gone from his hand he let out a stuttering sigh and sank to the ground. He hurt everywhere, and he wondered if he could have given himself more power to heal his wounds faster. No, it was stupid to think about that. It was just another temptation of the power. He was suddenly too tired to care. He ran his fingers through Kassa’s hair, and waited for something to happen. She had to wake up. She had to.
Everything he’d done while under the influence of the Wellspring was slipping away from him. He could remember the nature of his actions, but how he’d done it was vanishing from his mind. It was as though he’d opened his own memories only to find his thoughts in another language at the time. He hoped whatever he’d done for Kassa had worked, that she’d be who she had been so long ago.
Epilogue: Shadows
Xandrith slipped quietly through the shadows, a ghost about an important task. The hallway he traveled down was so different in the dark, seething with the possibility of hidden menace. The silence of the night made it seem all the worse. After the sun fled the world for the night, everything became more sinister, even the quiet that he so enjoyed in the sunlight. As he wound his way through this strange world of shadow the assassin’s years of training took a firm hold.
A strange sound from ahead froze him in place for a moment. Xandrith paused, counting to ten slowly in his head and waiting for it to repeat, but it didn’t. He took a steadying breath and then proceeded again, this time more quickly but even more cautiously. His feet made no noise as they passed over the floorboards. He couldn’t risk making a sound. He reached his destination and passed through the open doorway before him, scanning the shadows of the corners by instinct as he entered the new room.
He stalked across the floor to the small cradle in the center of the room and peered down inside at the baby girl wrapped in a soft white blanket. She lightly smacked her lips and stretched her small arms, but she didn’t stir any more than that.
The tired father sighed in relief. Since the baby had come home from the midwife’s house the night before, Xan had been unable to stop himself from checking on her constantly. This was his fourth trip down the hall that night. She was so small, and so breakable. How was he ever going to get through her childhood? It just wasn’t reasonable that children should be born so damned fragile.
Xandrith slipped back out of the room as quietly as he’d come and returned to the bedroom. His movements were still soft and stealthy, but less consciously so. He slid beneath the sheets and sank back on his pillow, staring up at the ceiling.
“How was Lena?” Kassa asked from the other side of the bed, sounding tired but amused.
“She’s beautiful. Sleeping soundly.” Xandrith replied. “Too soundly. She should cry more so I don’t have to worry so much.”
Kassa chuckled. “If she cried more you’d just worry about that too, Xand. This is what being a father is about. You’ll get used to it.” Xan smiled at the nickname. Kassa had come up with it on her own without any prompting from him, but it was still nice to hear her say it. It reminded him of the better parts of his childhood, and of Leahn Orthis, his first and only friend from his youth. He could remember that time now without all the pain, though he did feel a poignant heartache at knowing how she’d met her end.
“I don’t think I will.” Xand replied bleakly.
“You will.” Kassa stated more firmly.
“Hmmm.” Xandrith answered with a noncommittal grunt.
Kassa reached over from her side of the bed and gave Xan’s leg a firm squeeze. “Get some sleep while you can, love. The baby will be up and hungry soon, and tomorrow Haley, Merrick, and Tilda are coming over to meet her.”
“I’ll try.” Xandrith replied, placing his hand over Kassa’s and giving it a squeeze. In a matter of minutes Kassa had passed out again. She’d been busy with Lena for the past several weeks since the baby’s birth. The exhaustion was still weighing heavily upon her. Xan was happy to have them both home, despite his constant state of worry. He’d only wished he’d finished work on their home in time for the birth, but now that everything was done it was nice for them to have a place to call their own.
He worried about Kassa a great deal. Most of the time she was fine, a wonderful and loving woman with bright eyes and an endless ability to love. Sometimes she was different. Occasionally she would go dark, her eyes slacken, and her expression becoming vacant and empty. Xandrith knew this was his fault. He’d wiped the blackness of the god-thing from her, but he’d failed in some small way to put her back together correctly. Most of the time she was the woman he loved, but sometimes she was broken and cold. She never did anything harmful to herself or others when she got like this, though at times she would neglect to eat and take care of herself. Xandrith wasn’t worried she would become dangerous, but he couldn’t get over the fact that she was like this because of him.
Often times after an episode of darkness she would be morose for days, and was never able to explain it. No matter what he did, he couldn’t help her out of those dark spells. He knew that was a guilt he would live with for the rest of his life. He only hoped that Lena wouldn’t be negatively affected by it as she grew up. She deserved to have the Kassa that should have been, the mother that Kassa would normally be. Xandrith put a hand on his wife’s shoulder. She was alive. She was mostly happy. He couldn’t do any more. Even as a god he hadn’t been able to get everything right, and it was really pointless to dwell on the dark times. He had a lot to be happy about, and he was looking forward to seeing the kids.
Haley had pretty much promised Xandrith she was moving in once he was finished with construction of his home, so maybe it wasn’t only going to be Kassa and Xandrith’s home, but Xan was fine with that. Haley was sixteen years old and had grown into a compassionate and intelligent young lady. She’d been spending a good deal of time with Merrick as they grew up together. They hadn’t officially become anything more than good friends, Xandrith could see the affection in the young man’s eyes when he looked at Haley. He was in love, and Xan suspected Haley felt something for the mischievous Crow as well. He had turned out to be a better man than Xandrith could have hoped for, and he’d helped with much of the construction of the new house.
Tilda was as warm hearted as ever, and she was still working in the healing line. Crow had saved her when he’d dived from the mountaintop after her. He’d caught her and used his blade’s ability to blink them back somewhere on their trail up the mountain. Tilda had lost a few of her fingers to frostbite in the mountains, but that hadn’t dampened her spirit. As she was fond of putting it, “I’d already lo
st two, what’s a couple more?” All three of them were the best of people, and Xandrith was happy to have them in his life.
The ships with the people from Forge Haven had returned not long after the fall of the trolls, and together with the mechanna Xandrith had spent the interim two years rebuilding what was left of human society. The ghosts of the short and vicious war were everywhere, but it was getting easier to forget. Time healed all wounds eventually, even those that cut to the very soul of a person. Xandrith’s mind looped back around to Kassa on that point, wondering if he dared hope she’d get better, or if she’d just get worse with age.
At times Xandrith was still haunted by the faces of those who’d died beneath his knife. Sometimes too the Wellspring would call to him from its buried pit up in the mountains, but he had other priorities now. He had his wife, and his new daughter, and his life amidst the village he’d helped build. He hadn’t even worn his knives in over a year.
In a way it was like the troll god had won the war. Everything was new. The world of old was all but forgotten, and the world of the future seemed brighter to Xandrith. Finally, when he thought of himself, he didn’t think of Shade the Assassin. He only thought of Xan the husband and now the father. That, he realized, was the best fate he could have ever hoped for.
Table of Contents
Prologue - Whoa
Chapter 1 - Waking the Dead
Chapter 2 - There and Back Again
Chapter 3 - Wagons North
Chapter 4 - The Many Imprisonings of Xan
Chapter 5 - Lofty Heights, Lofty Goals
Chapter 6 - Treacherous Paths
Chapter 7 - Where is My Mind
Chapter 8 - Beyond the Wall
Chapter 9 - That Was Heavy
Chapter 10 - The Place of Endings
Chapter 11 - The Fall of Shadows
Shadows Epilogue
