"Claudia's not here," I told him, a little defeated. "It was a long shot, I know, but I thought she would be here."
"We'll find her, don't worry," he said, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me close. I tried not to smile at his moves. "She'll probably turn up in the one place where we never thought she would be, and she may need a bit of time, but she'll be okay. You'll see."
"Love," I said, leaning against his shoulder anyway. God, I have become such a sap. “Has made you really corny. And a little bit boring, to be honest."
"Meanwhile you're hiding out here like an emo kid while everyone else is searching high and low for your best friend," he answered, and I had to chuckle before I shoved him in the ribs with my elbow. He and I were never going to stop bickering, were we? We'd be one of those couples that fought over the smallest things, but still get along so well. I was very obviously getting ahead of myself, and yet in spite of that, I was pretty happy where we were, in our little corner of the library.
But seeing him here reminded me of something had had bugged me the whole afternoon.
"I heard about your resignation," I said tentatively, letting my hand naturally rest on his thigh. "Don posted about it on his Twitter page, he replies to anyone who asks what happened. Plus, he’s all over on it on Facebook, it’s actually a little annoying."
I wanted to see if Ben would roll his eyes, but only caught him looking at me with wide-eyed surprise. He gasped and placed a hand over his chest.
"Beatrice Noble, are you on Facebook now? And Twitter?" he asked, and I rolled my eyes. Of course he would focus on that, the dork! So I was reluctant to accept social media when it first boomed. But I run a stationery company in the year 2015. Obviously a Facebook account was involved somewhere (and Claudia set it all up for me). "I'm offended that you haven't added me on either of these platforms!"
"As if I would want you on my feed…thing," I answered, and his face turned from a small grin to something dark, grim and hurt. I squeezed his hand to pull him back.
"Don's a bastard," he said simply. "Don't worry about the website, I can find you a programmer to finish it up, I still have all the designs with me, but it may take a bit longer than we said it would—"
“Ben—” I began to say, but he still kept talking.
"And I looked at Liberty London's website, they're making their search for designs an open call," he continued. "Obviously you guys will get it, because your art's amazing and— "
I sighed internally before I leaned forward, grabbed his face in my hands (hello, dimples). I kissed him, and finally, finally he stopped talking. Oh he was a good kisser; he always had been. But there was something different about it this time. Like we knew what we were doing now.
We did get kicked out of the Library of Congress again, but that was nothing new. I was just about to walk to my car when someone called Ben's phone. He glanced at the name and answered the call right away. I vaguely wondered who was on the other line while we walked to his car, my arm wrapped around his. He kissed the top of my head. I have to admit that I missed this.
"Hey," he said quickly. There was a pause, then Ben stopped walking. I looked at him with confusion and he looked at me with wide eyes, flapping his free hand as if he didn’t already have my attention. "Where? Okay. Okay. I'll let them know. See you."
Then he hung up and started looking for a name on his phone. I asked him what was going on as he waited for the person on the other line to pick up. Ben shook his head to dismiss me, but kept the smile on my face. I could only hope this meant good news.
He must have seen me scowling at him, so he explained what was going on.
"That was Hiro," He said, still waiting on the phone. "He says he thinks he knows where Claudia is, and that he wants to apologize to her."
"No, no way," I suddenly said firmly, shaking my head. Suddenly my entire body was going on overdrive at the thought we might find her, and although my relief was palpable, it irked me slightly that Hiro had come up with the answer. I bounced up and started jogging towards my car. "He can't just apologize and make things okay. We have to go."
I didn’t notice Ben trailing behind me, or the way his expression changed when I said that.
—
Benedick was quiet the whole ride to Claudia's hiding spot, but I was too busy to notice, since I was on speakerphone with Leo. He was the one Ben had been calling when we were outside the library. He asked me to update him if we find her, since he was at home with his son. We were still on our way when he called me back to say that he just got off the phone with Hiro, who didn’t ask for Leo’s forgiveness, but just to reassure him that Claudia was in his line of sight at the place Ben and I were driving to.
“Okay we’re here, Leo. I’ll make sure she comes home,” I said, pulling the car up at the parking lot.
“You’re a godsend, Beatrice. I love you,” He said. I resisted the urge to laugh, but I couldn’t help the rush of bubbly happiness that fizzled up my body.
“Love you too, Leo,” I said, hanging up the phone, still smiling. Suddenly everything was back in place. Leo said he loved me, Claudia was back (although I still had to deal with the big half-Brazilian pest at her side) and Ben and I were…
I turned to him to say something, and that was when I realized that he was frowning. What was going through his head? Was he trying to psych himself up to beat up Hiro? Because while that was admirable, there was no way that he could match up to Hiro’s size.
But he didn’t look like he was angry. He looked more sad than angry, and his frown was the only thing on his face that seemed to want to defy his sadness by being angry instead.
Something in the back of my mind told me I should acknowledge him, but I chose to ignore it. Ben and I turned to the place where we had parked. I had to smile at the familiarity of it all. Even Ben looked slightly nostalgic.
"When was the last time you were in here?" I asked as we walked into The Pub. We both needed a second to breathe it all in. I remember spending most nights of my college life here, sitting in booths, dancing with Claudia on the sticky floor after hours, choosing only our favorite songs from the jukebox. Hiro and I talking about our favorite TV shows until the wee hours in the morning because Claudia and Ben were way too competitive to stop trying to see who was the better beer pong player…Ben and I sitting on the bar after hours, talking about art, our plans, our favorite movies. Ben and I not sitting on the bar after hours…
Uhm. Anyway. The place hadn't changed a bit, except now they were playing some summer anthem I hadn't caught on to through some music streaming site. The trusty old jukebox was dead and silent in its corner by the door, and I stroked it affectionately as we passed it.
It was six pm on a Monday, and the place was just starting to fill up for the evening rounds. I spotted Hiro’s massive frame in one of the booths in the back. His face was stern and solemn, his eyes focused on everywhere but the lithe blonde sitting in front of him. I steeled myself and balled my hand into a fist. I didn’t really care if he was going to flinch or if I was actually going to break my hand, but someone had to stand up for Claudia being slut-shamed by an asshole who didn’t have all the fact with him. I marched towards him. Once again I failed to notice Ben following behind me.
“Hiro Umeda, you and me, let’s go, outside!” I bellowed, marching right up to him.
I was so ready for a fight. I could feel my anger in me, bubbling up to the surface as I saw them. Hiro was going to get it, because Claudia had no fight in her. I could tell. I took a deep breath, and was just about to yell at Hiro again to step away from my friend when I saw him slide his hand across the dirty bar table, squeezing Claudia’s hand with so much affection that it showed in that gentle, loving touch. She didn’t seem to protest, in fact she welcomed his hand. She smiled at him, and it was like nothing had ever happened between them.
All the fight whooshed out from me then, and I was left standing there, watching an intimate moment between my best friend and Ben’s bes
t friend.
“Wait, what?” I asked, the question coming out of me so fast I barely had time to register it. Claudia turned her blonde head at me like she knew I had been there all along, and smiled.
“Bea!” She exclaimed, shuffling closer to the edge of her seat to give me some room. Hiro did the same for Ben. “I’m so sorry I disappeared like that. Obviously I needed some time to think, and my phone ran out of battery and I ran out of gas.”
“Or you just wanted to disappear for six hours,” I said, shaking my head. What the hell was going on here? “You had us totally worried, not to mention Leo!”
“I already called him, don’t worry,” she said, leaning her head on my shoulder. “No harm done.”
“Yes, harm done!” I exclaimed, jumping backwards and glaring at Hiro, who seemed surprised at the amount of ire I had managed to build towards him in such a short time. At the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Ben roll his eyes. “He broke your heart, Claudia! What if something happened to you, or , or if you…” I didn’t want to say it out loud. It wouldn’t have been the first time Claudia hurt herself in the face of upsetting news. “How can you just forgive him so easily?”
Claudia and Hiro exchanged looks. I had seen those looks and silent conversations before. My parents had them all the time. Were they both so connected to each other now that they could do that? I felt like I was missing a big moment between them, something that Ben and I didn’t catch. It felt so odd for me to be out of sync with Claudia, especially at a time like this.
“I haven’t,” she confessed, looking back at me. “Not completely. But I’m giving Hiro the chance to fix it, because I love him.”
What?
“And I love her,” he said. Sometimes when Hiro spoke, it felt like the first in a long time that I had heard him. He spoke so rarely.
“Still?” I asked, directing my question more to her than to anyone else in the room. “After what he did? This isn’t a fairytale Claudia; you can chuck him if you wanted to.”
“Oh, but I don’t,” Claudia assured me. “We talked, and I consulted my therapist, and Hiro talked to her too. We talked about…” she glanced warily at Ben. “Everything. And properly too.”
“Ben was right,” Hiro piped up. “Listening to Don was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. I thought he was right, that he knew how to handle this situation, but like Ben said, I was wrong too. But I can’t undo what I did, so I came here and begged for her forgiveness.”
They said it like none of those words were hard at all. How could she know that Hiro was never going to do anything that stupid again? How could Hiro know that Claudia wasn’t going to punish him for the rest of their relationship for what he had done? How could Claudia know that Hiro wasn’t going to exploit his knowledge of her depression?
“But…why?” I asked.
“Because I don’t want to give up on him,” Claudia explained to me. “What kind of love would it be if it crumbled to pieces over one accusation? If it doesn’t endure, then what’s the point?”
They didn’t know the answer to all the questions I had. A voice in my head told me, it was part of their choice. You decide to love someone, and every day you make that choice again and again until you can’t make it anymore. You don’t quit when you’ve hit a tiny speed bump. When you’re with the right person…working through it is worth it.
You go together. Wherever that may take you.
The sounds in the bar suddenly rose. I completely forgot where were were. I felt dizzy and slightly disoriented, my eyes everywhere but on the three people in the booth with me. I didn’t understand it at all. I thought…. I think…
I looked up and caught Ben’s eyes, and it was like I was looking at him again for the first time. I lost my breath. Since this whole thing began, I complained that he was making me crazy, turning my world upside down, and it was still so true.
After all this time, there he was. He was still sitting across from me in the same bar lights, with that same hair, tiny dimples and light brown eyes.
Why was he looking at me like I had hurt him?
“So,” Claudia said, her voice muted. She and Hiro would still have to talk to her therapist a few times, and she would have to work on her issues slowly, but she would make it work. I knew she would. “I see you came here together.”
“Yeah,” Ben said, and all the sounds faded away completely to give way to his. He looked down at the tissue paper he had ripped up on the table. “She’s completely in love with me.”
I took a deep, sharp breath. He was using that same tone he did when he was being annoying.
I didn’t understand. He was upset with me, sure, but there was a moment, when we were alone that I thought…I thought it had been real.
Well. Two could play that game, Padua.
“No, I’m not,” I said immediately shaking my head. Liar, liar, liar. “Not like that, anyway.”
I couldn’t bear to look at Ben’s expression, but from the corner of my eye, it was a vague cross between a disappointed puppy and a surprised hamster. I stiffened my shoulders and looked away.
“That’s not what these guys and Don said when they talked about it,” Ben said, nudging his head towards Claudia and Hiro, who put on such an exaggerated look of shock that I knew they were fibbing. What was going on here?
“Aren't you supposed to be in love with me?” I asked him, reminding him that he was the one who first brought up the subject. Didn’t he?
He sputtered, leaning back in his seat and shaking his head like he was trying to fight off a cold. If denial was a river in Egypt, then this guy would be drowning in it.
“Nooooooo…?” he said, his voice lowering and rising again as he tried to find the answer to my question. What was his problem? First he said all these things, that he loved me more than…more than anything. Did that mean nothing to him at all?
“Claudia said you were!” I exclaimed, and I gave my best friend another look of accusation. She raised her hands to feign innocence. Oh my god. My world was spinning, and I wasn’t sure why. I’ve never been one for dramatics, but I felt like an idiot. Ben was still looking at me.
“They said you were totally crazy for me,” he pointed out.
“They said you were dying for me,” I retaliated.
Something in his face changed then, and I knew I had crossed a line. He started it! There was no way that he was ever going to get a rise out of me. I knew better.
“So you don’t love me,” he said.
“No,” I answered right away.
He was hurt. I could tell. Ben straightened his back and cleared his throat, and everything was cleared up. I bit my lip and fought the urge to call him back.
But it was too late, he was gone. Hiro and Claudia exchanged a look (ugh, they really had to stop that), and Hiro scrambled out of the table to follow his best friend.
Suddenly I felt like a small mouse in a lion cage. Claudia turned to me with a disappointed look on her face.
“Bea, what the hell was that?” She asked me, shaking her head. “It’s like you didn’t hear me and Hiro when we talked about what happened to us.”
I straightened my back, slightly confused. Were Ben and I that transparent? What if this entire thing was as set-up?
Claudia rolled her eyes. “Before you go thinking that everything that happened today was a set-up, it wasn’t. Hiro and I have some things to sort out, but I know we’ll be okay. It’s you and Ben that we’re worried about.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but Claudia knew me well enough to dismiss whatever it was I had in mind. She shook her head to stop me from talking.
“You and Ben are perfect for each other, and I think you know that already,” she said. “Don’t let your pride get in the way. Sure we started out by fibbing about him being in love with you…”
“I knew it!” I interrupted, but Claudia silenced me with an icy glare.
“But everything that happened between you since then was real. Ben’s been la
ying his heart out there for everyone to see, and you keep trying to push him away, and for what? Because he didn’t write you letters while you were gone? Because he was dumb enough to listen to Don?” Claudia asked, and each question made my heart twist in my chest. We both knew that it was true. I never really forgave Ben for what happened between us before. That was why he was so hurt when I came after Hiro with my fists. He was the first one to make a mistake, and I wasn’t there for him. He must think that I didn’t want to be with him after being reminded of what happened.
“Oh god,” I said, the color draining from my face. “Claudia, what am I going to do?”
I’ve turned into one of those girls who were utterly lost at the behest of a man. My teachers in the Women’s Studies department would have been so disappointed at my dependence.
“You’re gonna have to do something,” she said. “He put his heart out there. What are you willing to do?”
Benedick
I am done. I am done with Don, with Hiro, Claudia…with Noble Crowne and their stupidly pretty store and the stupidly pretty girl who paints the things, and I am done with everything. What was the point of trying so hard when clearly I was never going to be forgiven? Her pride was just…and I didn’t…
I ended up heading home with Hiro after he followed me out of the Pub. The big guy seemed a little clueless at how to make me feel better, but I had to appreciate that he seemed so willing to try. But Bea had already spelled it out for me, didn’t she? One word, two letters. It stung me like a motherfucker.
“Ow!” I exclaimed, dropping the knife I was using to chop up some vegetables after I cut my hand. I just couldn’t catch a break, could I?
“Dude, are you okay?” Hiro asked, immediately coming in to the kitchen. I nodded as I ran my hand under cold water. BAD IDEA.
“Fuck!” I exclaimed, recoiling as I gripped my injured hand. Hiro took over the vegetables and tossed me the new kitchen towel we had jut bought from IKEA to replace the last one I bled into.
“You know you only become clumsy when you think about…you know who,” Hiro pointed out as I frog marched to the bathroom to dig out the first aid kit. Like the kitchen towel, it was also new.
We Go Together Page 8
