by Amelia Grey
But today she felt unusually weepy, and long-held tears rolled down her cheeks. Instincts she didn’t know she had surfaced and she said, “Everything is all right, my child. You’re just dreaming.”
“Mama,” he murmured softly.
“Yes, I’m here.” She whispered the words she’d wanted to hear her mother say so long ago. The words that never came for her. “Rest easy, my darling. I’m here and I’m not going to leave you.”
Farley’s face relaxed. His body stilled and Loretta shed silent tears for the mothers they’d lost, the vow she should have never made, and because of it, the child she’d never have.
Loretta stayed by his side until his breathing was heavy and he was in a deep sleep. Only then did she rise, dry her face, renew her strength, and continue with her knitting.
Sometime later, the distant reverberating sound of the front door knocker startled Loretta, and she realized she must have nodded off. Had someone arrived? They never had visitors at Mammoth House. But the duke was expected tomorrow. Her head felt a little fuzzy, and she shook it to clear her thoughts. She sometimes lost track of the days. Yes, tomorrow was Thursday. The day the duke was to arrive.
But who else could it be at the door? She should go see, she thought, placing the half-finished shawl she was knitting back on the table. Still she didn’t rise. She looked down and, to her horror, saw she had on the same plain morning dress that she’d worn the last time the duke had come. Tomorrow, she’d planned to wear one of her more elegant day dresses, take care to put her hair up properly with a pretty ribbon.
Drifting through the wide corridors, she heard the muted sound of male voices. It had to be the duke and her brother. Neither Mr. Huddleston nor Arnold would come to the front door. Loretta remained still. She wouldn’t go and greet him. The duke wasn’t coming to see her. It was Paxton he wanted to talk to.
Besides, she didn’t care if it was the duke. She didn’t want to see him anyway.
A soft laugh passed her lips and she shook her head. Of course she wanted to see him. She was eager to see him again! Why would she try to fool herself? But as much as she wanted be a part of their conversation and argue her point on arranged marriages, she had to respect Paxton and allow him to have private time with the duke without her interference.
She must let them talk first.
Then she would speak to Paxton again.
So, as much as it pained her to do it, Loretta stayed in the chair, her chest tight, her stomach quivering, and she did the only thing she could do. She laid her head against the back of the chair, closed her eyes, and remembered the thrill of being caught up in the duke’s strong embrace, the taste of his lips on hers, and the feel of his hands on her breasts.
She didn’t understand why the feelings she’d had for the duke were so different from the ones she’d had for the viscount. Lord Denningcourt wasn’t an old, horrible man. While the duke was kissing her, she kept thinking that it was the way kisses were supposed to make a person feel. It was those exhilarating sensations she’d hoped would happen when the viscount had pressed his lips to hers. She would have joyfully married the man if she’d felt the same deep-in-her-soul passion for him that she’d experienced when the duke had held and kissed her.
“Miss Quick.”
Loretta’s eyes popped open. Mrs. Huddleston was standing in the doorway.
“Yes?” She cleared her throat and rose. Her housekeeper couldn’t have known what she was thinking about; all the same, Loretta didn’t like getting caught thinking about kissing the duke.
“His Grace is here.”
“I heard him arrive. That is, I assumed it was him when I heard someone at the door.”
“He was asking if you might join him and Mr. Quick in the drawing room.”
“Oh.” Her heart fluttered excitedly. He’d asked for her. So soon? Did that mean he and Paxton had already reached an agreement and he wanted her to know? No, she wouldn’t frighten herself by thinking anything like that. Paxton had told her he wouldn’t agree to the marriage. So she would wait and hear what he had to say. Inhaling deeply, she tried to calm the rapid thumping of her heart. “Thank you for letting me know.”
“Should I get Nollie to stay with Farley?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
Mrs. Huddleston turned away, but Loretta called to her and said, “Farley is well enough to be cantankerous now.”
“I noticed,” Mrs. Huddleston said.
“We’ll need to get him up and moving about soon. Will you see what you can do about getting some appropriate clothing for him?”
“I’ll be glad to, miss. I can rework something from Arnold’s wardrobe until Mr. Huddleston goes back to Grimsfield. There’s a lady there who does a real fine stitch with cloth.”
“That sounds good. And maybe you could see to it that his hair is trimmed and given a better shape.”
“Bitsy is better at that than I would be, but I’ll take care of seeing that it’s done. He’s not very friendly, but I’m glad the little fellow is better.”
“So am I. I must admit I had my doubts at times that he would make it to recover.”
“I think we all did,” Mrs. Huddleston responded.
“Maybe he needs more to occupy his mind. Would you ask Mr. Huddleston to see if he can find a shop in Grimsfield where he can buy Farley some wooden soldiers, horses, a carriage or two, or something to help keep him entertained now that he’s better?”
A wide smile crossed her housekeeper’s face. “Mr. Huddleston will enjoy finding Farley something to play with. I’m sure he’ll know the usual things a boy his age would want to amuse himself with in the evenings.”
“And before you go, did Paxton say anything about—the duke staying for dinner or for the night?” she asked cautiously.
“No, miss, but he came in a carriage this time. A big fancy one with a driver all dressed up as if he was a member of the King’s Guard. The black doors are as shiny as sunshine gleaming on water. They have red and gold crests painted on them, too.”
Loretta gasped. “Mrs. Huddleston, did you peek inside the duke’s carriage?”
“I did. Dark-rose velvet cushions on the inside that look like nobody’s ever put a rump on them. Mr. Huddleston was watching to make sure no one caught me. I didn’t touch it, though I wanted to. He’s got four big gray horses hitched to that carriage.” Mrs. Huddleston stopped, shook her head, and smiled broadly. “Can’t blame him for having that many with him after what happened the last time he came here. Guess he didn’t want to get caught having to stay overnight again in case one of his horses went lame. He has three extra ones now.”
The housekeeper turned away chuckling. Loretta laughed, too, and wiped her hands down the skirt of her dress. She then tucked some stray strands of hair into the chignon at the back of her neck while she took in several deep breaths.
If luck was with her, and Paxton was true to his word, this would be the last time she had to see the tempting duke. Paxton would turn him down, and that would be the end of it. The duke would approach a different man for his sister. The thought of that should have made her happy, but all it left her with was a cold, empty feeling inside.
Hoping to show more courage than she was feeling at the moment, Loretta walked into the drawing room with head and shoulders high. The duke was standing near the window. A slice of sunshine beamed on him. Oh, he was such a handsome man. He wore a dark-green coat and brown waistcoat that had large leather buttons. He stood tall, strapping in black knee boots and buff-colored breeches. And Lord help her, he was a feast for her eyes.
“Your Grace.” She stopped just inside the entrance and curtsied.
“Miss Quick.” He bowed.
She noticed that his gaze never left her face, because hers didn’t leave his. She didn’t understand why, but it made her feel wonderful to just see him again.
“There you are,” Paxton said, walking over to her and kissing her on each cheek as he whispered, “Don’t worry. Everything is going to be fine.”
That was what she was afraid of.
“I hope I’m not interrupting,” she said, as cheerfully as Paxton had greeted her. “Mrs. Huddleston said you asked for me.” She walked farther into the room.
“Yes, I wanted you to join us,” the duke said. “Your brother and I have finished discussing the particulars of my proposal to him.”
Loretta’s throat tightened. She looked at Paxton, who stood in front of the fireplace. He seemed happy as a lark singing from a budding tree on the first day of spring. But she couldn’t read anything into that. Her brother always appeared happy. She didn’t know how he managed to do it, but he was seldom without a smile on his face.
“Oh,” she said softly, giving her attention back to the duke.
“It didn’t take long. I asked that he not give me an answer today. I want him to think about my proposal.”
A measure of hope soared through her. Perhaps that meant he was considering other gentlemen for Lady Adele, after all.
“That’s very generous of you, but surprises me,” she said.
“I thought it might. However, my reasoning is not whatever it is that just made your eyes light up with hope that this match might never take place.”
Loretta felt like stomping her foot in frustration. His perception was too keen to be believed.
“You do like to imagine that you can decipher what I am thinking, don’t you?”
“And you like to imagine that I am always wrong.” The duke chuckled softly. “I wanted you both here so I could extend an invitation for the two of you to come for a visit to Hawksthorn in the very near future. I talked with Lady Adele a few days ago, and she’d like to meet both of you before we go any further with this arrangement.”
“That’s a most gracious invitation, Your Grace,” Paxton said, his wide smile beaming with joy. “And yes, thank you, I’d like very much to go to Hawksthorn and meet Lady Adele.”
“And you, Miss Quick?” the duke asked as much with his eyes as his words.
Loretta’s lashes lowered for a second or two before she sought his gaze once again. “Thank you for the invitation, but I must decline.”
He studied her a moment. “My sister would feel more comfortable if you accompanied your brother, and I thought you would want to be there to give him wise counsel.”
Yes, she would love to go to Hawksthorn. To be there for Paxton and to meet Lady Adele, but she couldn’t.
“If you are afraid that you won’t be properly chaperoned, I assure you in my house you will be. Our widowed cousin lives with us and she’s a force to be reckoned with when it comes to making sure everything is as it should be in our home.”
“No, that’s not the problem at all, Your Grace,” Paxton said, stepping forward. “It’s nothing of the kind. We would have no fear for Loretta’s reputation while in your care. It’s because of our uncle. He prefers that Loretta stay at Mammoth House and not travel.”
The duke’s eyes darkened, narrowed. His brows and forehead creased into a tight frown. “Ever?”
“For now, that is how it is,” Loretta answered.
“I see. I didn’t realize that.”
Loretta’s gaze stayed on the duke’s. “It was kind of you to make the offer. Especially considering the fact you know my feelings so well.”
“You know I appreciate a fair fight.” The duke turned to Paxton. “Mr. Quick, I brought a gift for your sister but forgot and left it in the carriage, or perhaps it’s in my satchel. My driver will know where to look for it. Would you mind going out and asking him to get it for you to bring back to me?”
“Not at all. I’ll be happy to. I’ll go right now.”
“Thank you.”
As Paxton was walking out with the usual buoyant bounce in his step, the duke was walking closer to Loretta. His concerned expression hadn’t changed. “Does the earl forbid you to travel anywhere for any reason?”
“Yes,” she admitted with a lift of her chin. “Or maybe to be fair I should say no. It’s not that he forbids it. Just that whenever I’ve asked to go somewhere in the past, he’s always said no. He’s never granted any of my wishes, so I stopped asking. It’s just easier not to plan anything away from Mammoth House. But I don’t mind.”
“I do.” His eyes flashed with displeasure.
“That decision is not up to you. Besides, why would your sister want me to come? I’m sure she has aunts, cousins, or someone who would be willing to come and visit with her while Paxton is there. Someone she could confide in, which I am not. Someone other than you to give her an opinion on my brother’s suitability for her.”
He stepped closer to her. “Perhaps it is me who wants you there, Miss Quick.”
His words brought curls of pleasure swirling low in her stomach. “No matter. I can’t go.”
“What kind of monster holds a young lady prisoner in her own home?” he continued. “He forces you to live out here in an empty valley like a hermit. Why would he ban you from traveling as well? That’s inhumane.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she said, defending her uncle, but why she had no idea. In truth, she would love to be able to travel. She’d asked many times to be allowed to visit London until she could no longer stand the disappointment of hearing him refuse her. “Look at this grand home. I have more books than I could ever read, a pianoforte that I know how to play quite well, and kind, sensible, and trustworthy servants to care for my every need.” She took hold of the sides of her skirt and held them out. “Though this dress doesn’t represent it, I have gorgeous clothing and fine jewels for whenever I choose to wear them. I am not treated inhumanely.”
“I will admit you are well cared for in your daily life, so why is it he won’t let you leave?”
“You know why,” she answered softly. “Not the small details maybe, but you know that I refused to marry Viscount Denningcourt.”
The duke’s gaze seemed to burn into hers. She watched him swallow. It pleased her he was so interested in her life, but it frightened her as well. He could very easily cause her to do something foolish if she wasn’t wary of him every second.
“Give me the small details, Miss Quick.”
Loretta turned away from him and walked over to the window, standing where the little slice of sun that beamed through the panes could shine on her face. The warmth that came through was comforting. She looked out on the spacious, barren grounds. It had taken her a long time, but she’d finally made peace with her life and found a measure of contentment. If she wasn’t careful, the duke could easily upset that balance and leave her starting all over again with her journey to stay sane.
She knew he could be as determined as a dog after a bone. He would probably stay after her until she told him everything. Besides, it really didn’t matter whether or not he knew it all, as long as she didn’t let it change the way she felt about her life.
Turning, she walked back to stand before the duke. “Viscount Denningcourt wasn’t an unpleasant man.” Her gaze swept up and down the duke’s face. “His hair is darker than yours. He’s shorter, a little pudgy perhaps.” She stopped and laughed softly. “I don’t know why I’m telling you what he looks like. I’m sure you know him.”
He nodded.
“Perhaps I only wanted to convey to you that there really wasn’t anything wrong with him, except whenever I thought about spending the rest of my life as his wife, I didn’t want to do it. I knew it almost from the time I met him. As horrible as it sounds, I knew I didn’t want to marry him—” She paused for a moment then finished. “—or bear his children. And yet I agreed.”
“That’s not horrible.”
“But I didn’t tell Uncle. I didn’t let him know when the arrangements were being formalized, or the wedding plans were being made. I wanted to be happy with my uncle’s choice. I thought I could be. I thought I just needed time to get to know the viscount. In hindsight, I never should have agreed to the wedding. I shouldn’t have waited until the guests arrived to tell the earl I would ra
ther live alone the rest of my days than marry Viscount Denningcourt.”
“What happened when you told him?”
“He said, either you will marry the viscount this day or you will take a vow, here and now in this church before the vicar, that you will never marry anyone.”
“And you made the vow.”
“Yes,” she said, remaining resolute. “In the church. But before I did, the earl warned me that I would never be allowed to enter Society again. He said he wouldn’t have me prancing about gaily at all the parties and balls, to be a constant reminder to him about how I’d disobeyed him and the embarrassment I caused to both him and the viscount in front of so many guests. And he has kept his word.”
“You were not the first person to ever break an engagement in such a manner.”
“No, but the first person my uncle had to deal with, and he was quite irate and firm in taking care of the matter. He said if I’d rather be alone than marry, he’d see to it that I would do just that. Live alone. And so I have. Except, of course, for Paxton, who was never forced to live here by Uncle. It was always his choice to stay with me because he’s such a devoted brother.”
“But he’s spending less and less time here,” the duke offered.
Regrettably, she had to say, “Yes. But the servants are always here. So you see, Your Grace, I knew exactly what life I would be living when I took that vow.”
“The earl is being overly severe concerning this,” the duke said with only slightly veiled disdain. “It appears he is living by the old adage, Out of sight is out of mind, no matter how unjust his reasons.”
“Perhaps. Remember, I could have married. I chose this life. I am not complaining, because there is no need, and I have made peace with my fate and harbor no ill will. I was allowed to make the choice.”
His eyes swept up and down her face. “I can see that, but I don’t think coming to that conclusion was as easy as you now make it sound.”
He was so perceptive. A chill washed over her. For a while she thought she might lose her mind. “No” was all she said.
“I’m surprised the earl doesn’t want you to marry now, so he doesn’t have to be responsible for you.”
