by Maggie Way
“What are you talking about?”
“I'm talking about ninja style kickboxing, football tackling, grand slam ass kicking. That's what I'm talking about.”
“Back up. Who kicked who's ass?
“Vivi did. She stopped some kind of mugging or sexual assault in progress.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. She went out shopping. Shopping! This city's not that dangerous, is it?”
Gil shrugged. “Didn’t used to be, but if she's any measure, the crime around here is off the charts now. One of the guys had a knife too.”
“A knife? Are you saying Vivi stumbled across some kind of knife fight and waded right in for some action?”
“Sounded like it.”
“Unbelievable. To think, the whole way over here I’ve been trying to think of how to break it to you that this whole surprise wedding might not work out.
I paused, but he didn’t respond.
“Why you might ask?”
“Okay, I’ll bite.”
“Vivi’s having second thoughts, about August mind you. Not tomorrow. She doesn’t even know about tomorrow. Even so, she actually told me if the wedding was this weekend, she’d walk away. Those exact words.”
“Shiiiiit. You’ve got trouble.”
“Hell yeah I do. And it isn’t going to get any better if she doesn’t find a way to stay out of trouble for just one damn minute.”
How am I supposed to handle this? “Everything inside me wants to tie her to a chair and leave her somewhere safe each time I leave, but it wouldn’t work, and, more importantly, she won't stand for it. Just last night we had this long conversation about how she needs me to know she can take care of herself.”
“Well, apparently she can.”
Tell it to the heart attack ripping through my chest and the aneurysm threatening to rupture in my brain. “My God, how do married guys on the teams do this?
“I’m guessing it comes down to trust. She's done pretty well for herself so far.”
“Until the next time someone tries to drug her drink.”
Gil shook his head at me.
I was over the top. “Okay, yeah. That's what she says too. How can I show her I get it? She’s a badass and can sort out her own problems.”
“What you can’t do is go all ‘This is for your own protection’ on her.”
A quick scan through my mind resulted in everything I wanted to do being crossed off the list. Which left me with… nothing.
Desperation chewed at me, making my skin itch.
Then it struck me. “I’ve got an idea. Do you think your sister will help me?”
Gil raised a brow. “What kind of idea?”
“The kind that wins me points for listening, and for trying.”
“Sure, Delphine will be thrilled to interfere. I mean, help. Let's go find her.”
Con
Vivi received the flowers and called to thank me, but she kept it short. Almost like she had more to say, but was holding it back. Which wasn’t good.
“Marianna, Lexi, and I are attending an FBI awards dinner tonight with Gabe. He’s being awarded a Medal for Meritorious Achievement.”
Of course he is. I had plenty of badges of my own, but SEALs kept it low key. Rarely were there fancy award dinners or a public announcement when they were handed out.
“My invitation said the FBI Medal for Meritorious Achievement is awarded for ‘extraordinary and exceptional meritorious service in a duty of extreme challenge and great responsibility.’ Gabe still hasn’t told me the full story, but I’ll get it out of him tonight.”
So there I was, pinned down in a penguin suit and watching from below while Diaz stood on the stage accepting his award. When the pinning was complete, he turned and faced Vivi — my Vivi. He tipped his hat to her in a grand gesture.
I looked at my fiancée’s smile, as wide as the Mississippi, staring right back up at her friend. Friend. He damn well better be only a friend. The formal ceremony dragged on a bit, but once it broke up I pulled him aside.
“Diaz, what was that? What the hell do you think you're doing with my girl?”
“First, she's her own woman, not yours. She may choose to marry you, but when it's all said and done, she’s better without you.”
My blood boiled. Who the hell did that schmuck think he was? A decorated police detective, to be sure, and he might've known her longer than I, but she loved me and I loved her. A fact that left no room for him. Vivi and I were getting married, and as soon as possible we’d be moving her from Houston to San Diego where we’d live together for the rest of our lives.
The attack in his ugly tone shocked me. “You can't protect her, man. Two times in as many days she's been attacked. And where were you? Nowhere in sight, that's where. And that was while you were right here, in the same city. When you're off in some foreign land fighting dictators and terrorists, saving ambassadors and reporters, and helping spies and soldiers out of tight spots, she’ll be home alone holding down the fort, raising your kids, doing her job — without you. Is that really fair?
“You SEALs are a special breed, I’ll give you that, but at the end of the day it's your women who bear the cost. They live in fear that you'll never come home, or in pain when there's no one to hold them. I could give her more.”
I stepped close, right up in his face. “I knew it. I knew you were making a play.”
“This isn’t a play, it’s not a game or a challenge. This is love. I've loved Vivi my whole life. It’s never been the same for her and I knew one day this might happen.”
He shook his head at me before tipping it back to look skyward. But not for long. In no time he pinned me with his steely gaze.
“When she met you, I realized I might not have a chance. But knowing your career demands and your lifestyle, I can't live with myself if I don't try. She needs someone better, someone who can be home with her, to support her through good times and bad. I can be there. Can you?”
“You need to back the hell off, and worry about finding your own girl. She’s mine, and she won’t be changing her mind, or giving you a shot.”
Diaz was already in motion, leaving me with the echo of that word in my mind — shot.
What if she’d been shot? One of those guys today might have had a concealed handgun. She could have been killed and left to die in some grungy alley. The chicken Marsala they’d served tonight summersaulted in my gut, and my ears rang. That altercation, the one Vivi was so proud of, could have gone deadly in a flash.
How am I going to travel and fight, while incessant worry for her drains my energy and my mental focus like a blood leach on my jugular?
I stood to the side, leaning against a gigantic, elegant column and watched her and Marianna dance. Song after song. Cop after cop, all the men lined up to spend even a moment in my girl’s light. She loved every minute.
I hated it.
The four words Diaz had said pounded through my skull in the slow mechanical rhythm of ordinance releasing, flying then wreaking havoc and destruction.
You can't protect her.
You can't protect her.
You won't be here and you can't protect her.
The bourbon in my hand did nothing to dull the roar of the words as they cut deep. I knew they were true. This weekend had proved it. The glass of my house had shattered when she was hurt, and while I stood and watched her dance and laugh at that party, the shards of my soul shattered around me.
Chapter Seven
Con
I left the awards dinner early and stopped by Pat O’s to interview the last of the potential witnesses. Frustration and anxiety battled within me as all three bar employees proved to have no new information. The veil was gone. I’d have to tell Vivi tomorrow, when I surprised her with the wedding. We had the backup hair things the wedding consultant came up with. One of those would have to do.
If there’s a wedding.
What had seemed so certain when I’d hatched this plan was now a distant memory, weighed down
by fear and worry and dissent.
I waited in the dim room until the elevator dinged. Maybe that’s her.
“Just because you remember know how to nae nae and wobble doesn’t mean everyone does.” A deep male timber came through the hotel door.
Then I heard Vivi.
“You just didn’t want to try, spoil sport.”
The key disengaged the lock with a click and then the two of them were there — Vivi and Diaz. The two of them were laughing and happy and having fun.
I wanted to kill Vivi’s childhood friend.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
Vivi shot me a warning look, but I was past the point of reason with this guy. Friend or no friend.
“I think you should leave.” I dropped all expression as I would in a combat situation.
Diaz didn’t scare easily.
I persisted. “Vivi and I have some things we need to talk about.” I’d never acted this way before and she wasn't sure why, but she was about to find out.
As soon as the door clicked behind Gabe's departing back, she swung around. “What was that?”
Her harsh demand turned my spine to steel and my jaw to iron. “That was me getting rid of the guy who wants to be with you. He wants to date you, or marry you. Hell, I don't know.”
She glared at me.
I returned the favor. “You know what he told me tonight? He loves you. How am my supposed to take it when I find him with you every time I turn around?”
She turned her back and stepped towards the bathroom.
I kept at her. “On top of that, today I heard through another third-party that you were in some kind of a knife fight. Care to explain that?”
She stilled, but didn’t look back.
“Today… it wasn't like that.”
“Like what? There was a knife and multiple guys, right? Exactly how the hell was it, Viv?”
She turned to where the crystal vase holding the two dozen fuchsia and yellow gladiolus I’d sent her lit up the center of the mahogany sideboard. A pristine linen stock card stuck out from within the blooms. She pulled out the handwritten note.
Her voice mocked me as she read aloud. “ ‘I listened I heard. You're strong, baby. I love you.’ ” She swung back, glaring at me. “This.”
She stepped closer to me and waved the offending card in my face. “This is your answer. It's not enough to say you listen, Con. I didn't call you about the incident today because I was fine. But also because I knew what would happen. I was certain that on top of what's already happened this weekend, this was going to trigger you. I didn't want to hear it. Not even one more lecture, one more argument, one more statement that you need to protect me.”
“You better believe we were going to have a talk about it. Were you the one attacked today? No, I didn't think so. From what I hear, you walked into that knife fight. You put yourself in the middle of a potentially lethal situation. New flash, baby, most people just call 911. You should have called 911.”
“We did call 911, but someone had to stop them. I was there, and, frankly, I handled it.”
Fire shot from her eyes and defiance screamed from every pore in her body. “Two guys whacked out on drugs, one with a knife, and I took those bastards down. So don't tell me I need protection.”
I nearly growled, but bit it back when she continued.
“Do I want to fight for my life, or even for what I believe in every day? No — absolutely not. But I’m not going to stand by and watch another person be victimized. Hell no. I'm not going to and you wouldn't either.”
“We’re not talking about me, we’re talking about you. How can you expect me to go back out on mission when I’m constantly worried about you getting involved in some kind of gang war or gun violence? The next thing I’ll hear about is you running into a freaking burning building.”
“Oh my God, you're not even listening. I don't do those things. Yeah, it's been a rough couple of days but nothing like this has happened in the year you’ve known me, and it's not going to keep happening. Or maybe it will. All I know is I don't have some hero complex. I do, however, believe in helping, and you're going to have to be okay with that.”
“I'm not okay with that. I'll never be okay with that.”
I wanted to retract my words immediately, but it was too late. They hung between us baring us from finding middle ground.
A sob coughed up from her chest, but she cut it short.
“I guess that's it then, this is where we crash and burn, because I can't promise you I'll run from every battle. I can't promise you I’ll stay one hundred percent safe and hide. Not when others are getting hurt. Honestly, Con, if you don't know that, you don't know me. If you can expect me to walk away just because I'm your girl… well if that's true… I don't know you either.”
The hum of the room’s air conditioner buzzed in the back of my skull and the overhead light flickered as my vision tunneled. I stood frozen before her.
“I think we need to stop it here, because right now I can't picture a future in which we are married. We're not on the same page at all. I thought our values aligned and our vision for our future fit, but maybe they don't.”
Before I could stop her and say anything else to convince her to stay, she turned and walked out the door, ripping my heart from my chest and hauling it out the door behind her.
I watched as she slid the ring from her finger and laid it on the table. The soft ping of metal on wood sounded like the crack of a SCAR-L assault rifle. The result of the ring’s tiny metallic sound — total annihilation.
Con
I sulked at the bar, taking up Gil's seat. I’d slammed back two fingers of bourbon straight up before I'd settled into a nice slow rhythm of sipping. A sour stomach wasn't going to solve anything. My brain ran scenarios.
Apologize.
Commit to change.
Beg for mercy.
There were things I could have done and should have done. Anything to eliminate the possibility of being here now.
I ran through the conversation with Vivi again and wondered where I'd gone so terribly wrong.
“Hey man. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be enjoying your last day of carnal bliss as a bachelor — with your fiancée, of course.”
“There's going to be plenty of single days ahead.” I gulped down the last of my drink and knocked the glass down on the bar.
“The hell you say.”
I pulled the ring from my pocket, the one I’d dropped a year’s savings on, and placed it on the bar.
Gil stared.
“Since when is failure an option?” his harsh words mocked me.
A rage like I hadn't felt in years surged through my system, but I rallied and put my training into play, dialing it back. “She's out. We fought, and she's out.”
Ice settled in my gut, and I wondered if I’d ever thaw again.
“If you tell me you're done because you don't love her or she doesn't love you, I'll walk away. We all will. I don't think that's what this is. If you’d get your head out of your ass, you wouldn't either.”
“I don't know how to fix this. It's not like a mission or an op. It’s not breaking in or breaking out. It's not stealth and silence and invade. It’s just love, and we broke it.”
“You broke it.”
I turned and glared at my buddy, the one man in the world I’d take this kind of crap from.
“Okay, yeah, I broke it. She told me what she needed. I mean she was crystal clear. There I was thinking I had the easy fix,” I laughed. “How stupid was I? Flowers? My woman was asking me for something crucial for her, something from deep within her core of stability, the very root of her emotional well-being… and I offered her flowers. And I topped it with a sorry ass attitude.”
“So what does she need? What do you need? And more importantly, why weren't you willing to give it to her?”
“I don't know. I think it might be about control. That and my elephant sized ego.”
&nbs
p; The bartender came by and refilled my glass, leaving again quickly. My guess, he wanted to stay out of the emotional shit-storm that roared around me like a cat five tornado.
“She thinks it's trust,” I said. “But it's actually control. I’d trust that woman with my life, just like I trust you or Hop or Lucky… hell, even Boomer. I guess I just needed to know that I was the stronger partner. I was stuck on the idea that I was the warrior and, by God, I could defeat any big bad that came our way.”
Gil raised his glass in salute. “So now you know. What you going to do about it?”
Chapter Eight
Vivi
I was exhausted. I’d been up most of the night. I’d taken three baths and cried an ocean of tears. I loved him, my stubborn hardheaded man, but I couldn't back down. His job in the Navy forced a sort of unnatural structure on their lives and the only way it worked was together, with trust and mutual dependence.
I arrived at The Belle Alexandrine and found Marianna already waiting for me in the corner booth of the upscale restaurant, Bontemps.
“You look like shit,” Marianna minced no words. “What's the matter?”
I cringed. “Last night I broke it off with Con.”
“Oh no.” She reached her hand to me, automatically offering support.
“Yeah, well, it’s not going to work. Not if he doesn't see that I'm not some fragile princess who needs to be protected by the big brave hero. I live in the real world and so does he. I thought we could do that together.”
My face heated and I struggled to control the tears seeping out of my eyes, but they dripped down my cheeks and my nose.
Marianna wiped them away and pulled me in for a tight hug. “Oh, honey.”
I could tell she wanted to say more, you could always tell with my friend, but then Gil was there, standing in front of our table.
“Ladies, I wonder if you could join me upstairs for a few minutes.”
“This really isn’t a great time, Gil,” said Marianna, waving her hands towards my no doubt beet red face.
