by Skye Genaro
"You mean he saw how you felt?"
She gave my shoulder a squeeze. "It's not all bad. This can be a magnificent time for you. Once, when your dad…"
"Oh my god." I jumped out of my chair. "My most private feelings will be out there for everyone to see, and I'm supposed to be happy about this?"
A series of loud thumps and knocks erupted in the kitchen as though someone were hitting the walls and ceiling with a hammer. I buried my face in my hands. I'd refused to talk about it after that.
I got out of going to the retreat, but the next two weeks were the worst of my life. At first, I was paranoid about having any emotion. This made things worse. I was a cauldron of suppressed anger, resentment, confusion, sadness, and embarrassment. As I paced through the house, determined to hold everything in, books flew off their shelves. Curtains whipped as though caught in a hurricane wind. Small fires erupted in garbage cans.
Soon I began to see patterns in the activity and started to think offensively. If my temper was rising, I knew I needed to watch out for flying objects and discreetly keep other people out of their path. When sadness settled in and the electricity became erratic, I'd try to stay clear of appliances. Problem was, the poltergeisting was getting stronger.
*****
The back door to the house slammed and something pinged against the outside of the shed. I rolled off the mat, opened the stained glass window, and looked outside.
My nine-year-old brother, Ram Dass, smirked at me from below and loaded another stone into a slingshot he'd fashioned out of who-knows-what and strung up between two small trees. My parents had named him after the spiritual guru they revered, and seemed to be grooming Ram to be the planet's next great mystic. Unfortunately, they were blind to the obnoxious, stone-throwing, stick-wielding beast he'd become.
"Hey, Spook, dinner's ready," he called out, and he prepared to launch the rock at the shed. I squinted at the contraption. Pink. Floral. A tiny bow in the middle.
"Ram Dass, I told you to stay out of my room!"
He abandoned his mission and tore into the house.
My parents and brother waited for me at the table. "Did you see what he did to my bra?" I asked my mother.
"Mom said I could use it," Ram interrupted. "It's for my project on creative usability. Besides, it was way too big for you."
I huffed. I really didn't want to have this conversation at the dinner table. Not with my dad sitting across from me.
My mom toggled between my brother and me, explaining and scolding in one long breath. "I gave him permission to use whatever he could find around the house. Without getting into your sister's things, Ram. To be fair, Summer, I did overestimate your size. If you don't grow, we'll go shopping for you."
My dad gave me a quizzical look and busied himself with spooning vegan gravy onto his Tofurky steak. I wanted to die.
The phone began to ring, and my cheeks started to burn. The gravy dish began to quake, and gravy sloshed onto the table.
"Oh honey, does this conversation make you uncomfortable?" My mom asked.
"Maybe it's a telemarketer, okay?" The phone rang again, but no one got up to answer it.
"Ten bucks says Spook is doing it."
"We do not gamble money, Ram Dass, and stop calling your sister Spook," my mother said.
"Fine, but if I'm right, I get to use the bra with the squishy cups. It'll hold bigger rocks."
"Can I please be excused?" I stood up and everyone's silverware clattered off the table and onto the floor.
My dad sighed and leaned back in his chair. "All right, everybody settle down. Ram Dass, stay out of your sister's room, and that's the last I'd better hear about a slingshot. Summer, finish your dinner and stop splashing the gravy."
"I can't help it."
"Summer, you have no idea how long this is going to last, so you may as well learn how to manage it. You can't go destroying everything around you."
*****
Days passed since I'd talked to Joshua. My next work shift wasn't until the following week, so rather than risk more public humiliation, I hung around the house, reading, listening to music, and trying not to strangle Ram.
"Summer," my mom called from the first floor, "I'm going to pick up your brother."
I bounded downstairs and cut her off at the door. "I'll do it," I said and held out my hand for the car keys. I was dying to get out of the house, even if it meant listening to Ram Dass complain about his Youth Conflict Mediation class. Besides, cruising around town was the perfect activity. I'd get some fresh air and stay out of the public eye. Why didn't I think of it sooner?
"His class doesn't finish for an hour. I want you to stop by the co-op and pick up a few things."
I grumbled and waited while my mom made out a list. This was ruining my plan, but if I said anything, she'd only argue.
Fifteen minutes later, I was driving my parents' electric car down Anapamu Street, the windows rolled down and the wind in my hair, enjoying a perfect California afternoon. I parked in front of the co-op and darted inside.
The store was empty except for the hippie dude who ran the register. Once I reached the far aisle, I slowed my pace and strolled in blissful solitude. I dropped items in the grocery cart, feeling like a normal teenager. I was in such a good mood that I even bought a box of Mary's Gone Crackers to share with Ram Dass on the way home.
I was loading the last bag of groceries into car when a passing Jeep honked and slowed in the far lane. Next thing I knew, Joshua hopped out the passenger side. He dodged traffic and jogged over to me.
My jaw dropped. All the effort I'd made to avoid familiar faces and Josh shows up, tall and tan and thoroughly discombobulating. A million little pinpricks gathered in my nerve endings and threatened to cause a scene. But the image of Josh asking for Audrey's number flitted through my memory. The prickling faded.
"Hey, just the person I want to see," he said. His smile was shy and he shoved his hands in his pockets.
"Well, here I am," I muttered. "But I really gotta go."
"I jumped out of a moving vehicle to talk to you."
I resisted the urge to look over my shoulder. "Me?"
"Yeah. You want to…" he looked up and down the street. His eyes settled on Café Dulce. "…grab some coffee?"
I studied his awkward stance, the hopeful look on his face. Had he changed his mind about calling Audrey? He hadn't asked her out yet or she'd have told me. She and I may not see eye to eye on a lot of things, but she was no backstabber. Audrey would have declined his offer or asked for my okay to date him.
"If you want to know more about Audrey, maybe you should give her a call?"
His brow crinkled. "Why would I want to talk about her?"
"The other day, you were all about, you know, ‘is she seeing anyone?' "
"That was for my brother. Audrey's into older guys, right?"
"She is."
"He might ask her out. But he's kind of a flake, so no promises. So, you want to hang out?"
The little pinpricks returned. They skittered up the back of my neck to the top of my head. My greatest fantasy was being handed to me, along with a ginormous problem. The guy of my dreams was asking me out, and I was without Audrey, my usual cover. I swallowed, hard. I could do this. I had to do this.
"Coffee would be great," I beamed.
While Josh ordered lattes and sweets, I scanned the café for the safest place to sit. A table in the back held the most promise. The windows were bare and the surrounding spaces were empty. I took a stack of newspapers—already ruffling and falling onto the floor—and dropped them in the recycle bin on the opposite side of the room.
Josh set our order and a few napkins on the table. I tucked the napkins under my cup and hoped for the best. Talking to Josh was easier than I'd dared to hope. At one point, I fell into a dreamy haze, mesmerized by the way his teeth flashed when he smiled and said my name. For all the time I'd spent dreaming about him, I never imagined that we'd hit it off this well.
I looked into Josh's eyes, and he held my gaze. A heartbeat passed, two, then three. That proved to be my tipping point. Our table started to shake. I grabbed it and held it still.
"Whoa, that was creepy," he said.
"Uh, that was kind of weird," I said innocently. A tingling sensation twitched in my nose. "Hey, do you smell smoke?"
Our eyes dropped to the table.
"Oh!" I said. The unused napkins were smoldering. Flames flared up.
Josh calmly grabbed a rag off the counter and tamped the fire down. He laughed and leaned in with a conspiratorial grin. "I'd say that's proof that this place is haunted."
"No kidding?"
"That's the rumor. Some guy died in the building a hundred years ago, and strange stuff has been happening ever since."
I knew for certain it was no ghost interrupting our date, but I was happy to run with his theory. "So, you believe in that sort of thing? Ghosts and, I dunno, paranormal stuff?" I casually finished my drink, acting like my every hope didn't hinge on his answer.
Joshua pressed his lips together and seemed to consider how to reply. "Yeah. It'd be cool to see one. That doesn't make me too much of a geek does it?"
I had to bite my tongue to keep from bursting into a goofy grin. "I think it's cool, being open to weird stuff."
"Oh, so you think I'm weird?"
"No, that's not what I meant," I laughed, and my cheeks flushed.
Joshua laughed, too, and I relaxed. I was pulling this off.
Another latte and two scones later, he leaned across the table and took my fingers in his hand. Adrenaline coursed through my veins. I held the table down with my free hand, just in case.
"So," he said, "I'm going to Carey's party tonight. If you want, I could pick you up."
"Yes!" I blurted. But a second later, I dreaded my impulse. What if I lost control while I was surrounded by classmates? On the other hand, if I turned down this date, who knows if I'd get another chance? "That would be great."
"Excellent."
"Excellent," I agreed.
We added each other's numbers into our cell phones and made plans for the party while he walked me out. I was dancing on clouds, and I'm sure my energy was spazzing out, but there was nothing on the street for it to disrupt. Josh opened my car door for me and nodded at something on the seat. "Hey, I love those."
I followed his gaze. It was the Mary's Gone Crackers that I'd bought for myself and Ram Dass. Ram Dass!
"Uh, I'll see you tonight. Okay? Okay. Good." I closed the door before he could say another word. I resisted the urge to punch the gas pedal and smoothly slid into traffic. Josh's face in my rearview mirror showed me he'd be watching until I was out of sight. The anxiety from running an hour late, combined with the elation from our date, had turned me into an emotional Krakatoa. I had to put space between us before the inevitable happened.
"He asked me out!" I cranked the music and began dancing in my seat. "And Ram is going to kill me!"
My knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel. My aura pulsated inside the car. The radio's volume rose to deafening. I turned it back down and watched as the groceries rose out of the bags in the back seat. Crackers, tofu, organic grapes, and super grain bread swirled through the car like a swarm of angry birds. I had three blocks to go. I batted a bag of snap peas out of my line of vision and kept driving.
By the time I got to the Center, the parking lot was empty and the doors were locked. A loop around the building gained me nothing. Ram was gone. I drove home, taking the route that Ram would most likely walk, and searched for a boy wearing a dress shirt and slacks, carrying his good shoes in one hand and a stick or a rock in the other. He was nowhere.
I walked into the house, expecting to hear him clattering about in his loud, boyish way.
My mom stuck her head out of the studio. "Where's your brother?" she asked.
Oh, no.
A hollow banging erupted from deep inside the walls.
"Summer…" she said, her eyes narrowing.
I told her what had happened.
"You have no idea where he is?" Her voice was shriller than I'd ever heard.
I shook my head.
"Someone could have grabbed him off the street, and you didn't call to see if he made it home?" Her voice rose even higher. "Get on the phone to his friends and see if you can find him." She swiped the car keys from my hand.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"To drive the area between here and the Center. If you hear anything, you call me immed—"
The front door slammed. Ram Dass walked into the studio.
"I waited forever," he scowled at my mother.
"It's my fault, Ram. I was supposed to pick you up. I'm sorry."
"Well. I got bored and walked to Mark's. We hung out, and his dad brought me home. It was highly embarrassing," he said. He punched me in the arm on his way to the kitchen.
"Ow!" So much for mediation training.
My mom whirled around and pinned me with an angry gaze.
"You're grounded. Two weeks," she said.
I didn't think I'd heard her right. "I've never been grounded in my life. It's against your principles."
"New policy, Summer. You misplace your nine-year-old brother, you start to lose privileges."
"But I have plans tonight."
"Not anymore."
I ran to my room and slammed the door.
"I can't take this anymore!" I raged at the top of my lungs.
In one loud Fwap-thunk! the contents of my room—the bed, the lamp, the piles of clothing I'd been meaning to hang up—flew eight feet in the air and slammed back to the floor in a jumbled mess. I'd have been terrified if I wasn't already furious-frustrated-despondent-overwhelmed.
I flopped on the floor. What was I going to do? Joshua was going to pick me up at eight.
There was a knock at my bedroom door.
"No!" I said. I didn't care to hear the question.
The door opened and my mother's eyebrows rose when she saw my room.
"You have ruined my life," I told her.
"Well, that's obvious. I only came to see what the noise was. Please have this cleaned up by dinner."
"If it's okay, I would like to not be bothered for the rest of the night," I said through gritted teeth.
"Suit yourself." She retreated and closed the door.
I lay there fuming, my arms lashed across my chest. In spite of everything, I'd gotten a grip on this affliction, at least enough to get a date with Josh. My summer was about to hit a high point, and now she just took it all away.
Ram Dass was perfectly able to take care of himself. She could enroll my brother in conflict-resolving classes until the sky dropped, but he would always find outlets for his aggression. If anyone tried to abduct him, good luck! The kid could scream at a thousand decibels. He could knock teeth out with one punch if he needed to. God save the guy who tried to stuff Ram Dass in his van.
My parents' expectations were way out of whack. They were repressing Ram from being the kind of kid he wanted to be. And they were forcing me to be someone I wasn't. This was despotism. Tyranny!
I got up and rummaged through my clothes. Pulled out a pair of jeans. A strappy top. My purple wedges. I tossed this, my favorite party outfit, on the bed. I found my phone beneath my overturned desk and dialed Audrey's number. She picked up on the first ring.
"Have you been blowing me off?" she answered.
"No. And I need a favor."
"What's up?"
I filled her in on my day—the good, the great, and the ghastly. She squealed and laughed and gasped like a good friend should.
"So I need you to pick me up at the corner of Magnolia and Barker and take me to the party," I said.
"You naughty girl! You're sneaking out of the holistic homestead."
"I'll tell Josh to meet me at Carey's. But what if he really wants to pick me up?"
"Tell him I'm having a nervous breakdown and need ad
vice on institutionalizing myself. That ought to throw him off the trail."
*****
At seven-thirty, I crept into my parents' room and looked out their window into the backyard. My mom was reading a book on the patio. Dad and Ram Dass were practicing the calming moves of Tai Chi.
I went back to my bedroom and inched the door closed. I'd locked it from the inside and left a lamp turned on. The paper clip in my pocket would allow me to trip the lock when I got home.
I'd never had to sneak out of my house, but darned if I didn't feel like a pro. I carried my shoes and tiptoed down the stairs, exhilarated and way more scared than I'd expected. If I got caught, I'd be grounded for eternity.
Once out the front door, I bounded through the garden. At the front gate, the azalea shrub sensed my excitement and reached for me. I swiped it away. "Bug off," I said. It shrank back and dropped a flower.
Audrey waited at the corner and revved the car engine when she saw me. "Perfect little Summer, going delinquent," she said when I slid in.
"Drive, woman," I said, and glanced down the block toward my house.
I'd been going to Carey's parties since middle school. His parents had a huge house with an in-ground pool where dozens of kids from my class flocked every summer weekend. Kids used to go there to swim, but as they got older, they went there to hook up. Carey's parents had built a pool house and shortly thereafter, our high school class had a spike in teen pregnancies.
There was no way I'd go that far with Joshua. God, not this soon. That was way out of my league. Still, I imagined him pulling his t-shirt over his head and what he looked like underneath. I bet he was really muscular.
"Whatever you're thinking about, it must be good," Audrey's voice snapped me out of my romantic fantasy. "But knock it off before you take too much mileage off the odometer. My parents are going to think I drove to the party in reverse."
Her eyes darted to the car's dashboard. The gauges were going crazy, and the odometer was rolling backward. This was another reason I had to be careful about what I did tonight. I had no idea how I'd react to intimacy. If Joshua were to take his shirt off in front of me, my aura might blow the roof right off the house.
