“No. There’s too many germs here. I’m not handing him around to all these strangers.”
“He’s Mei Ling’s and Dave’s, Mom, and they want to introduce him to his extended family. That’s what the party is about. That’s why they gave you the pamphlet on the red egg and ginger tradition.”
“A baby shouldn’t be around this many people, Ashley. It’s just not done.”
“If they could do this in ancient China and the babies lived, Davey will survive his red egg and ginger party at Ping’s. They’ll give him a nice, cleansing bath when he gets home. A baby spa.”
“You’re not a mother, Ashley. You don’t understand.”
My regular reminder. “I’m not a mother, but Mei Ling is.”
“But she’s a new mother. There’s a difference.”
“Mom.”
“All right, but you’re responsible if he gets sick.”
Me? How exactly am I responsible? Mom’s lips flatten, but eventually she hands me the baby. He coos and grins at me, and I smell his fresh-baby scent. Now I don’t want to hand him over myself. He’s the most beautiful baby, like a porcelain doll, with big brown eyes and straight black hair hanging down over his forehead. He has Mei Ling’s beautiful coloring and Dave’s chipmunk cheeks. I take in a deep breath and approach my mom on the next subject. “Tomorrow after church, we’re finalizing the location of the wedding. Do you think you can come with us?”
“Ashley, we’ll still have relatives in from the party, so I doubt it. This wedding of yours is very badly timed for us. It’s so good that Kevin’s sister is here to help you.”
My eyes start to well up as I look into Davey’s wide, innocent eyes. “Of course. I’m sorry. I forgot about the relatives.”
I kiss the top of Davey’s head, hand him to his mother, and walk back toward Kevin. Without explanation, I put my hands around his waist, and my tears start to sting my nose. One falls down my cheek.
“Ashley,” I hear him whisper in my ear. “What’s wrong?”
The manager of the restaurant approaches us. “You have more people here than planned. It will be $32.95 per person extra. Just want to keep you posted, as your credit card will be charged. Your relatives opened a bar tab as well.”
This sends me into a full-blown tearfest, and I didn’t wear waterproof makeup.
“Ashley, pull yourself togethah,” Emily hisses. At that moment, I just want to forget I’m a Christian. I’m ready for a good Dynasty cat-fight, Alexis versus Krystle in all her well-padded glory. Looking at her scowl, I lose my cool.
“Just stay out of it, Emily. I’ve had about all I can handle of you, and it’s none of your business anyway. If I want to cry, as the old song says, it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to!”
“Emily, that’s enough,” Kevin whispers loudly.
“Enough? Keh-vin, I haven’t even begun. This weddin’ is barely off the ground, and we’ve got a long flight ahead of us. If your fiancée is goin’ to be cryin’ as though she’s not the happiest bride in the world, well, I’m just at a loss. We just don’t do that in the South.”
I close my eyes, willing all of this to go away. When Kevin and I were just dating, none of these nightmares plagued us. I’ve always known the fact that my family is strange. The difficulty now lies in adjusting to a whole new kind of weird.
“Emily, we’ll discuss it tomorrow.”
She opens the portfolio for her brother’s full approval. “Let’s see. Tomorrow we’ll be finalizin’ the location. Keh-vin, I must be certain this is what you want before the big deposits go out.” She runs her manicured finger down the Martha book, and something in me snaps.
I rip the Coach portfolio Emily is carrying out of her hands and shake it right in her face. “Why do you carry this everywhere? To taunt me that I’m too inane to plan my own day? This isn’t your wedding, Emily. It’s mine. Oh, I may not be Mensa material, but I can pick out my own wedding gown, and at least it won’t be a fashion flashback. It will be classic, not some, some—”
“Ashley!” Kevin says, his eyes wide and incredulous.
I’m not proud of this moment. It’s not one of my better ones. I look at him, my eyes still pooling. “Yes, Kevin.” I’m breathing so heavily I’m about to explode.
With my attention diverted, Emily grabs for the notebook in my hand. As I clutch it tighter, everything happens in slow motion. I see the waiter come in, his tray full of pork buns and short ribs, and I hear myself say, “Noooo!” like Luke in Star Wars. But it’s too late.
The Coach portfolio collides with the tray, and when time starts again, there are little mounds of pork buns making a polka-dot design on the carpet. Emily looks victorious with the Coach portfolio back in her clutches, and I drop my face into my hands. “I don’t even want to think what that’s going to cost me.”
“Ashley Wilkes Stockingdale,” my mother shouts as she marches across the room. Oh sure, let’s make my joy complete here. “What do you think you’re doing? This is your brother’s party, and you’re fighting like a common street hoodlum?”
“I’ll handle this, Mom,” Dave says. “Stay here!” He pushes Kevin in the chest and yanks me out onto the restaurant’s front porch. “What the heck? Are you all right? That was hardly my respectable lawyer sister in there. You want to explain why you’ve suddenly decided to lose it at Davey’s party?”
How does one explain acting completely freaky? It’s not like I can make everyone understand. If I was at Nordstrom’s Half-Yearly Sale clutching the last pink cashmere sweater, people might understand, but attacking a Chinese waiter with a Coach leather folder? Not so much.
I’m really crying now over what a mess I’ve made of things, but I’m more angry than sad. “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m not handling in-laws-to-be very well.”
“I guess,” he says.
“I shouldn’t have even come. I knew there was disaster written on this night as soon as I saw Emily’s football-player-sized shoulder pads. She’s like Mommie Dearest come to life.”
“Ashley, Mei Ling acted just like this when we were planning our wedding. You’re just stressed.”
“She attacked somebody?” I sob.
“Maybe not just like this.” Dave laughs.
I try to smile through my tears, but I know it’s more of a grimace. “I’m not just stressed. I’m mad. Really mad. That woman thinks this is her wedding!”
“Grandma always said dogs get mad; people get angry.”
“Grandma never met Emily Ann Novak.”
“Can you imagine? Grandma would have told her to get the bee out of her bonnet.” Dave laughs. “Why does she get to you, anyway? I would think if you could live with Kay, someone like Emily would be like a fly you swat away.”
“I don’t know why she gets to me. That’s part of the frustration, I suppose. I don’t like that I react to her, even when I know that’s what she wants.”
“Well, you’ve got a choice to make, I suppose. Kevin’s a package deal.” “Emily is one gift-with-purchase you can keep! She’s like a bad lipstick color in the Estée Lauder set. Completely useless to me.”
“Come on, let’s go back in. Davey wants his auntie. There wouldn’t be a red egg party without you, even without your credit card.” He puts his arms around me. “What could be so bad about your fancy lawyer life? The TT giving you trouble? Plumbing problems at home?”
“Getting married is more mental stress than I thought it would be. Maybe getting married is not for me.”
He pulls away. “What?”
“You just said I had a choice to make. Kevin’s family is a bit psycho.”
Dave starts to laugh. “I got news for you, Ash. Our family is psycho too. It’s all a matter of degrees. Comparing whose family is more psycho doesn’t really start until after you’re married. That’s when the real fireworks begin. You love this guy, right?”
“What’s not to love? But Mom doesn’t even want to help me plan the wedding, and—” I try to finish, but my emotion g
ets the best of me. “I feel like Mom is saying, in her own way, that she doesn’t think I’ll go through with this. She doesn’t want to get her hopes up like she did with Seth.”
“Then ask Mei Ling to help with the wedding. She’d love to help you, and you know she sews better than any fashion designer on your list. Did you see what Davey is wearing tonight?”
“I did. He’s darling. Mei Ling is a miracle worker—just being married to you proves that.”
He slaps my arm. “I resemble that remark.”
“Anyway, how can you be sticking up for Kevin’s family? The only time you met them, they put your wife down for plastic surgery and you for a job dragging their golf clubs around the course.”
“Because before you first met Mei Ling, you asked me if I met her at the immigration department. Do you remember that?”
I cringe here. Yeah, I did say that. Definitely not one of my brighter moments.
“People say stupid things when change is brewing. People don’t like change, and they don’t understand differences.” He takes a swig from his Dr Pepper. “Every family is different, even if you grew up on the same block. Consider this your own personal Tower of Babel.”
“You’re a bus driver. What do you know?”
“See, it’s comments like that, Ashley, that I will generously ignore because it’s your ignorance speaking.” He laughs. “I’ve met people from more countries on that bus than you’ll ever dream about seeing on your business trips, and I understand them better too. You have to give the prom queen a break. Emily’s been around people just like her for her entire life. How do you expect her to act? In her world, women aspire to being in Southern Living magazine. Or to be Miss Peachtree or something.”
“I expect her to act like that in Georgia where she belongs, fanning herself and drinking sweet tea at the country club.”
Dave and I look at each other, and we both laugh. “You’re wicked-cruel.”
“Aren’t we all?”
“No, but if it makes you feel better, Ashley, you go ahead and justify your bad behavior. On Monday, you’ll call Mei Ling about the wedding plans and quit dropping pork buns all over expensive Chinese restaurants.”
“Mei Ling’s busy with the baby, Dave. Just like Brea, she doesn’t have time to do petty wedding stuff. Emily has nothing but time.”
“You’re just using that as an excuse. You’re whining! You want to know what I think?” Dave asks.
“Not really. Let’s just agree to end this conversation. The last thing I need is advice from my little brother.”
Dave shrugs. “No skin off my nose, but I have to say that for years you preached at me about a loving and forgiving God. Now go back into that restaurant and do some penance, will you? Prove to me it wasn’t all jawing? She’s just Kevin’s harmless little sister.”
The idea of showing an ounce of grace toward Emily is more than I can bear, which doesn’t make me warm to myself. I pray for God’s filling, because I tell you, if given the choice, I’d go for the Dynasty brawl here. But my brother is walking with the Lord. His wife has helped him along, and they’re bringing up their baby in the Lord. I have so much to be grateful for, and yet there’s Emily . . . I always focus on the negative.
As I start to enter the restaurant, Emily and Kevin come walking out. I just noticed Emily has bits of BBQ pork on her shoulder pad, and I’m embarrassed at the small thrill this gives me. Offer to pay for her dry cleaning, Ashley!
“Where are you going?” I ask as gently as my heart will allow.
“I know you are a bride,” Emily says. “And from my experience, brides do not act in their normal realm of maturity. So I am goin’ to give you the benefit of the doubt. Keh-vin’s takin’ me home. I shall see you tomorrow for location scoutin’, and we shall forget this ever happened.” She marches toward the car. “I’ll wait for you in the car, big brothah,” she says over her shoulder pad.
Forget it happened? I was just wishing it was on videotape so I could watch the BBQ pork splatter on that big shoulder pad. Ugh. Forgive me, Lord.
Kevin looks at me, his eyebrows arched. “You’re certifiable, you know that?”
“I don’t have my Mensa membership yet. Do you want to translate?”
“Crazy, Ashley, but I love you.” Kevin kisses me on the lips. “I’ll be happy when the two women I love are on opposite sides of the country again.”
Trust me, can’t happen soon enough. He kisses me again, and I’m lost in the moment. “You make all this worthwhile, you know,” I say dreamily.
“If I can’t overcome my own family, I figure I’m not ready to get married.”
I try to laugh. “I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you too, and don’t forget, Monday night we have another marriage class at Brea and John’s.”
“Marriage class.” Kevin shakes his head. “If there’s a class that tells a man how to be married to you, I definitely need it. A master’s in loving Ashley Wilkes Stockingdale, now there’s a degree I can get into.”
“You’re all Southern charm; don’t think I’m not on to you,” I say threateningly, but it’s scary how much I love this man. His sister is nothing next to the notion of spending every day of my life with Kevin. But marrying into the Southern Golf Mafia still seems like an awfully big hurdle I have to overcome.
12
After signing off on my credit card for nearly $3,000, I go home to a “Reasons” party at the house. The Reasons consist of our church singles group, most of them over thirty-five, with various reasons why they haven’t gotten, or can’t get, married.
They’re here with their feet on the coffee table watching Shrek 2. Maybe this getting married stuff isn’t so hard. Clearly, my options aren’t as wide as I remembered.
“Hi,” Kay says from the couch. “Are you hungry?” Kay is in her glory tonight. The house is clean. The friends are here to eat. Life just doesn’t get any better than when she’s in complete control.
“I’m not hungry, thanks. Hey, Tim, Jake, Jim . . . Sam,” I say like Newman on Seinfeld. Sam is Seth’s sidekick. You know how the AV guys always traveled in pairs? Well, here they are in living grown-up color. Sam always seems to be present where there’s free food and a sofa spot. Silicon Valley is home to the extremely ambitious, so Sam sticks out like a sore thumb. I think he’s sort of become the Reasons’ mascot, like if everyone takes a little responsibility for Sam, the job will get done. I know I sound heartless, but I got in the way of Sam’s sofa spot at Seth’s, and I have no idea what he did to get rid of me. I don’t trust him as far as I could throw him. Which wouldn’t be far. Maybe I’m paranoid, but the coincidences are uncanny.
“Ashley, where ya been?” Sam asks. “We thought after Seth dumped you, you’d be around more.”
“I’d rather not talk about Seth if you don’t mind.” Said extremely casually, mind you.
“I just figured it’s been long enough you could laugh at it, ya know?”
It’s only been since this afternoon that I’ve seen Seth, so I’m not exactly ready to break out the stand-up at my expense. Am I touchy because we split up? Absolutely not. Because he won’t disappear from my radar screen? Absolutely.
“Seth’s working at Gainnet, so it hasn’t been quite as long as you think.”
I start to walk up the hallway when I hear Kay come after me.
“You know Sam. He doesn’t mean anything by it. I think seeing Seth upset made Sam realize you meant more to him than just a standard girl.”
“So now he knows I’m the Yoko Ono of Seth’s life. What a coup. It sure would be nice if I could move forward at some point. I feel like everywhere I turn reminders of Seth are taunting me. By the way, do we charge Sam room and board for the chips he goes through?”
“Ashley. Don’t take this out on Sam. You’d think you still cared about Seth.”
“I don’t!” I scream, practically stomping my foot. What is it with ex-boyfriends in the church? I cradle my head in my hands. “Kay, I’ve had the worst day. I’m
sorry I let Sam get to me. He’s your guest.” Though why, I’ll never understand. “I keep trying to move forward, and you know me, I just have no ability whatsoever to make matters better. I just screw things up to enormous capacity, everyone gets mad, then I usually lose my job and my home. I’m like the American Arafat. Only he kept his job.”
“You’re not losing your home as long as I’m around, and you got your boss your job, so I’d say you’re exaggerating this one. You do have a habit of doing that, you know. I believe ‘drama queen’ has been used to describe you more than once before, Ashley.”
“I know Sam is your friend, but I’m just not ready to strike up the band for his presence, okay? I feel like because my fiancé is not part of the singles group, neither am I. Since my fiancé is lost at work and spending time with his visiting sister, who also keeps me on the defensive, I just am not exactly giddy. Brea’s busy with kids, my mom’s busy with Davey, you’re busy with the singles group—”
“I thought that’s what you wanted, Ashley. To be getting married, leaving these Saturday night movie nights in your history.” Kay shows her frustration by shaking her head and tightening her ever-pursed lips into an even thinner line.
“Why does everyone have to take Seth’s side? Emily’s side? Isn’t it possible they’re wrong?”
“No one’s taking Seth’s side. He’s not here. Considering I ran off with Emily’s date last night, I’m certainly not taking her side. I don’t understand why you think the world’s against you, Ashley.” Kay bends over, picks up a doggy squeaky toy, and hands it to me.
“Let me slow down. You got Seth a job, Kay, at my office. Purvi seems to think he’s brilliant, and I can’t exactly move on when I’m mired in the past here. You’ve got his best friend sitting on my couch! I feel like Seth is everywhere, looming like a gray ghost. He wouldn’t stick around when I wanted him to, and now he won’t go away when I need him to.”
“It’s your imagination,” she says as she lifts Seth’s jacket off the hall tree.
“Where did that come from?”
With This Ring, I'm Confused Page 11
