hard to intercept his call to his little dealer and find out
where he was meeting him to make his purchases.”
It was all clear now -- all the puzzle pieces were
finally in place.
“Why don’t your children want you back into their
lives, Yvonne?”
“They blame me for everything that’s happened in
their past, unfortunately. They don’t understand that
everything I’ve ever done has always been for them. My
hope, Lieutenant, is that someday they will finally see
the light; and for that to happen, I have to be free. I’m
sure you can see why you and your friend here cannot
leave this house alive.”
#
Mike Howard was glad Kathy’s number was still
programmed into his mobile phone, although he
suspected that if he didn’t, Alexis probably had it
committed to memory. He dialed the number and waited
for her to pick up, a little concerned about being able to
keep a straight voice despite the knot in his throat
threatening to choke him. When Kathy answered, his
heart pounded at the beat of shame.
“Kathy, this is Mike Howard. How are you?”
A little surprised to hear his voice, but eager to
know how Alexis was faring, Kathy replied with
excitement and disbelief intertwined into a near-whisper.
“I’m doing well, Mr. Howard; how are you?”
“We are doing well, now that Alexis has been found.
She ran away to catch a bus headed to North Carolina.”
Worried by the possibility of being accused of this
latest evil, Kathy raised a hand into the air as if silently
trying to stop Mike in his track with her gesture. “I
knew nothing about this, Mr. Howard. I complied with
your wish and interrupted all communication with
Alexis when you asked me.”
“I know, Kathy, and I am calling to apologize for
my rude behavior. I was very upset that night, and to tell
you the truth, I was scared to death. Tracey wasn’t my
biological daughter, but I loved her as if she were; I was
already grieving her loss when I felt threatened by the
possibility of losing another child to emotional
withdrawal.”
The words coming from the phone weren’t making
things right, but they helped Kathy accept the reasons
behind Mike Howard’s behavior; as a parent, she felt
empathically connected to him, and right now she could
feel his pain and wanted to cry.
“I understand. You don’t owe me any apologies.
You only did what any caring parent would have done in
your place.”
“No Kathy. A loving parent should have cared
enough to listen to what his daughter was trying to say,
and I don’t know that I will ever be able to fully forgive
myself for not having been there for Alexis when she
needed me most.”
Kathy was a little taken aback by this open-heart
admission – what was Mike trying to say?
“You did the best you could, Mr. Howard.
Unfortunately, it is very hard to accept certain things
that aren’t part of collective knowledge.”
“You are right, and that’s why I should at least have
listened to people who had that knowledge, or at least
owned the ability to keep themselves open. When we
were still in North Carolina, Alexis told me about a
cigarette lighter which I had misplaced – she knew
exactly where it was because Lily told her. Lily also told
her about Tracey’s pregnancy and about the fact that
more than one person was involved in her sister’s
murder, and of course, I didn’t believe any of it. I
blamed it on her overactive imagination and left it at
that.”
Kathy was holding her breath, eager to know where
this conversation was heading and hungry for any
additional words coming from Mike.
“A couple of days ago I found that cigarette lighter,
Kathy. It was in the exact place Alexis told me about; of
course, I suppose it is possible she could have seen it,
but Alexis never goes into the garage on her own
because she doesn’t like insects very much, and
furthermore she wouldn’t have gone to look into my
toolbox. When I found my father’s cigarette lighter, I
also thought about what Alexis said concerning her
sister. She couldn’t have known of her pregnancy, and
the fact that she did made me very uneasy, even the first
time she mentioned it. I don’t think I even processed it
in my mind that night – I just chose to brush it under a
carpet of ignorance in favor of things I could tangibly
accept.”
Kathy was crying openly now, her tears running
unchecked down her cheeks, and her chest rising
violently to contain the sobs that wanted to burst out and
be heard.
“As you can see, I do owe you an apology Kathy. I
wanted to believe that our daughter was slipping away
because of some strange influence you bestowed on her;
I was looking for a scapegoat.”
“Alexis never wanted to upset anyone, Mr.
Howard,” Kathy said in between sobs, “she was just
trying to help. She has a gift – an unusual one, I grant
you – but a gift nonetheless. It has often been speculated
that children’s imaginary friends are spirits that find a
way to communicate with them because children don’t
pass judgment and are able to remain open to unknown
things. Lily is a spirit, Mr. Howard. I don’t know who
she is or why she chose to connect with your daughter,
but I believe that she was there to support Alexis
through her painful ordeal.”
“I understand that now, and Lily will never be a
forbidden name in our home again. Please forgive me
Kathy; I can only pray to God that Alexis will find it in
her heart to forgive me someday, too.”
“I have no doubt she will, Sir. Alexis loves you, and
nothing will ever change that.”
Mike Howard was doing his best not to burst into
tears, and Kathy heard someone else talking to him on
the other end of the line.
“Alexis would like to talk to you, Kathy. Is it okay
if I put her on the line?”
“Of course! I would love to talk to her.”
When Alexis’s tiny voice came through, Kathy felt
as if someone just injected her with a dose of sunshine.
“Alexis! How are you Sweetheart?”
“I am doing well, Kathy. How are you?”
Kathy wanted to respond that she wasn’t doing well
at all, and that she was worried sick about Tom, but
Alexis wasn’t the right recipient for that kind of talk –
this poor little girl had been through enough.
“I am doing great, Alexis, thank you for asking. I’ve
missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too, Kathy. I have your lighter, the
one you kept on your desk at the studio; I think I
accidentally put it in my backpack when I packed my
things. I was trying to bring it to you, but I could
n’t.”
“Oh, Alexis…don’t worry about that lighter. I think
someone left it at my studio, and you can keep it if it
reminds you of your time here.”
“Really? I will treasure it.”
Kathy wanted to hug her through the phone. “But
tell me, Alexis, how are you feeling?”
“I am feeling great now that mom and dad believe
me. They understand that Lily is real; did you talk to
them about that?”
“No, I didn’t; they understood on their own, and
you should really appreciate the effort they are making
with this.”
Oh, I do! And you should see how big Petey is
getting!”
“Petey? Who’s Petey?”
“Petey is my kitten. My grandma gave him to me.
He sleeps with me.”
“That’s wonderful, Alexis. Kitties make great
friends, don’t they?”
“They sure do!”
“I need to let you go, Alexis. Thank you so much
for calling me. I hope you will continue to stay in
touch.”
“I will Kathy, but I haven’t told you the most
important thing I need to share with you.”
“What is it, Alexis?”
“The girl who killed Tracey…she is really mad, and
she is going to kill your boyfriend.”
Kathy froze. “Did Lily tell you that, Alexis?”
“Yes. She said that this woman is mad because her
babies don’t want her, and she thinks Tom is an
obstacle.”
Kathy’s head was spinning. Who is this woman
threatening Tom? Is she trying to kill him now? “Did Lily give you a name, Alexis? I know it is a lot
to ask, but please try to ask her.”
“She already did, Kathy. She said that her name is
French or something…it starts with a ‘Y’…yes! Yvonne
– that’s what she called her.”
“I have to go, Alexis. Please ask Lily to pray for
Tom and for me.”
“I will Kathy, I love you.”
“I love you too, Sweetie. I will talk to you soon.”
She clicked off the call and tried to call Parker, but
his phone rang without an answer. Frustration and fear
embraced one another inside of her and she burst into
sobs so violent her whole body was shaken by them.
Tom was in danger. Lily had said so, and Lily didn’t lie.
#
Rose Howard drove in front of St. Francis Catholic
church several times before she could make up her mind
to stop and go inside. She hadn’t been to church in many
years, even if as a child she was very active in her home
church. The hypocrisy and the underlying corruption she
had detected over the years had gradually eroded the
foundation of her beliefs, and once she moved from
New York City, where not going to church on Sunday
was equivalent to social suicide for a young Catholic
girl raised in the Famiglia mentality, her days sitting on
a pew were numbered. Yet, even after all these years,
she still could tap into the feeling of peace her young
heart experienced when she walked through the doors of
a church. Right now she needed to rekindle that sense of
peace, and most of all she needed to bury her feelings of
guilt in regards to her dead children.
She finally parked and looked into the rearview
mirror to check her appearance before getting out of the
car – an old trigger probably buried deep in her
subconscious from her childhood, when her mother
overly fussed about looking one’s best when preparing
to meet the Lord.
She walked through the heavy wood door and
immediately went to cross herself with holy water, then
curtsied in front of the crucifix over the altar and filed
into one of the pews toward the back of the chapel. She
sat for a long time, her eyes taking in the perfect beauty
of her surroundings and her soul lulled by the quiet
peace reaching out to her like the hand of a loving
mother. For the first time in many years – and especially
since the horrible storms that had ravaged through her
life the last few weeks – Rose felt like she had finally
come home.
She closed her eyes and tried to process the feeling
– waves of different emotions washed through her and
she was flooded with love pouring straight from her
heart.
Our Father, which art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy Kingdom come,
thy will be done,
in earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen.
“…deliver us from evil.” Guilt is the second evil
after fear…it was time to let everything go – her guilt
over aborting Lily, and her fear of having caused
Tracey’s death by not protecting her enough. She knew
that tradition calls for confession to deliver one’s heart
from sins, but she had become comfortable enough in
her own personal relationship with God over the years
to feel confident about unburdening her soul without the
help of a stranger.
“Please forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have
allowed a moment of panic to write the story of my life
for many years. I ask forgiveness for not bringing Lily
into this world. I know a life is always precious, even in
the direst of circumstances, but at the time I was scared
and I didn’t feel that I could be a good parent. I am
human and I make mistakes, but I am not a bad person
and I have beaten myself down long enough. I trust in
your divine wisdom and I ask for forgiveness. If I know
that you have forgiven me, I will be able to forgive
myself. I fear now that my sense of guilt was the trigger
to bring upon Tracey’s murder – I didn’t want the first
child, and the second child was taken away from me. If
your judgment is against me, Lord, I am prepared to live
with that pain forever, but I am humbly asking you to
grant me healing.”
She stood up, unaware of the tears that had freely
washed down her face and went to light a candle
beneath the statue of the Virgin Mary.
“This candle is for you, Lily. I am sorry I wasn’t
ready to be your mommy. Fear ruled my thoughts and I
never thought of the wonderful opportunity I was
granted to bring such a bright angel into this world.
Please forgive me, and thank you for being there for
your sister when she needed you most. Mike and I, we
didn’t understand, and we chose to keep our minds on
shut-down to push away the pain when Alexis needed to
be comforted. But you were there for her, and I don’t
think I have words to express my gratitude to you. I
wish I could keep you here with us, but it isn’t right –
&nbs
p; you’re an angel, and like all angels you should not be
bound to this earth. I love you Lily, and I hope that if
you ever choose to come back to Earth, you will be
happy and free.”
As her words ended, Rose felt a weight lift off her
soul. Until that moment, she had no idea how heavy the
chains she had been carrying were. She remained on her
knees in front of the Virgin Mary, her eyes closed to
allow the final debris of those old feelings to leave her
heart, then reached into her pocket for more money to
buy another candle.
“This one is for you, my beautiful Tracey. You had a
whole life ahead of you, and I will never know what it is
like to hold your children and to see you grow older; for
that I am sorry, but I am also grateful for the time I had
with you. You were one of the brightest angels, and even
if you were only in my life for a very short time, you
have given me more joy in those few years that many
receive in a lifetime. Go in peace my love, and rest
among the most beautiful stars.”
Rose’s chest shook with sobs as she let go of her
daughters. The tears came furiously and copiously and
she lost track of the time she was in the church. When
she stood up she felt light-headed but her heart was at
peace; she had suffered an unimaginable loss, but her
living daughter was still here for her to take care of, and
she pledged to dedicate the rest of her life to her
happiness.
She picked up her purse from the floor and wiped
her eyes, then slowly walked outside. The sun was
bright and she instinctually brought a hand over her
brows to shield away the excessive light. Across the
street, she saw a young woman with blond hair reaching
her hand out to a younger girl wearing piggy tales. Rose
watched them walk away together, smiling and talking
before turning into a side street she never before noticed
when driving through the area. She crossed the road and
came upon the street, but when she looked up she saw
that it led to nowhere – what looked like a street from a
distance was instead a curve a few feet deep bordered by
open woods. Rose stood there for a while, knowing in
her heart that the two girls were rushing to meet the
light of the sun filtering through the trees.
#
Alexis sat at the desk in her bedroom rubbing
Petey’s silky fur, and she smiled when he pushed his
Killer in Sight (A Tom Lackey Mystery) Page 29
