by Cameron Jace
“Who is it?” I asked, unable to see if it was a boy or a girl. “It’s so young. Was it just born?”
“About three days old.” Angel held it tightly, stopping me from holding it or seeing its gender. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Lady Shallot said that it’s only me who can hold it.”
“Why?” I loved kids, and I was curious about this one. I swear I could see an orange light shimmering from between Angel’s hands. A lovely light. It reflected on his face, as if he were holding a shimmering candlestick.
“I have no idea,” he said reluctantly. I knew he was keeping something from me. “It’s her rules. You wanted light. I brought you light.”
“What do you mean?”
“This baby is the…” he hesitated.
“Is what?”
“Our sun,” Angel said, as its rays shone onto his face. “The Kingdom of Sorrow’s sun,” Angel smiled.
“The sun is a baby?”
“Lady Shallot said that each world needed a sun, and that they were babies with special powers,” Angel explained. “And this one is our sun.” The way he said ‘sun’ sounded like our son for a moment. It was the first time I knew that I would die to have a child of my own; I’d die to have my own with Angel, and watch him hold it so tentatively like that.
“We only have to feed it and take care of it for a couple of days, and then there is a little ritual that Shallot taught me to perform—alone—so it will find its way up to the sky.”
“I’m a little uncomfortable with this ‘alone’ thing,” I said, even though I was happy with it. In fact, I was enchanted by the rays of light filling the castle. Angel was embracing sunlight in his arms. Would it have been possible to have our sun inside the castle? I didn’t dare to ask.
“It’s just for the ritual,” Angel cuddled the baby, golden light passing through his fingers. “You will have your sun that will light up the days for our people, and prevent crime and darkness. This way, we’ll have no more murders in Sorrow.”
I nodded.
You might not believe it, but I was feeling jealous of the sun in my husband’s caring hands. Was it a boy, a girl, or was the sun sexless? Why didn’t he want me to know?
“So who will feed it?” I said.
“I will,” he almost pulled it closer to him. “That’s part of the ritual. Three days, and then we'll have a protecting sun in our sky.”
It was a promise he fulfilled.
Three days later, we were celebrating with the peasants and the honorable people of Sorrow in the Schloss. We celebrated the sun shining in Sorrow’s skies. It was a grand event, unforgettable and most enchanting.
At first, we all had problems opening our eyes in the glaring light, or walking beneath its heat softly kissing our skin. We’d been living in the semi-dark for some time, only ushered by glittering golden apples and fireflies. Some people invented their own protective aid—like pulling down a shawl on their eyes—until they got used to it.
I had no problem staring at it for hours, knowing that behind that glaring light, there was a child, maybe tucked in its own golden cradle, bending its knees and arms like my future child would do in our royal cradle. It was a beautiful thought. I was so curious to know more about it. Was it going to grow up there, or was it going to stay a baby forever? Angel said I should never ask.
The sun proved it could protect the people with its light. No more killings under the sun, and no more crimes occurred—I had heard rumors that thieves and burglars feared it, and thought it was God’s golden all-seeing eye in the sky.
It proved to be even more beneficial for the crops and the trees, attracting birds and other magical creatures. Also, the sun had neighboring worlds, weaved by Lady Shallot, notice us because of it. We had new visitors, newcomers wanting to work and reside in Sorrow; the kingdom that was expanding and getting stronger by the light of our new sun.
I didn’t quite understand where the neighboring kingdoms came from. I just understood that there were other worlds on the back of other whales in the ocean. How many worlds did Lady Shallot create? Did she also create the other world back there on the shore? Were we safe, especially from Angel’s vicious father by exposing ourselves through our sun?
I had no answers to theses questions at the time.
What happened was that darkness in people’s hearts, although chained by the light of the sun, still found its way to the night. Darkness always found its way, believe me I know, but so did the light. It’s another universal equilibrium of sorts.
But the sun, as usual, sank into ocean, sleeping at its bed by night. And that’s when the killing, stealing, and the rise of demonic creatures threatened the nights in Sorrow—we didn’t know that many of them were creatures sent by Night Sorrow at the time.
I asked Angel if the sun could stay up day and night. He said that it needed to sleep just like us. Of course, it was human after all.
Then I suggested that we needed a moon. It was the sensible thing to ask, jut like where I grew up in Austria. Everywhere in the Ordinary World, there was always a moon. Only I had never understood the moon wasn’t there only as an eye candy, symbolizing romance. The moon had been weaved to protect the people of the night from the beginning of time. We just took it for granted.
“I will swim to Lady Shallot tomorrow,” Angel said in a confident way. I had a feeling that he knew exactly where to get a moon. “You stay here, darling. It will only take seven days.”
I hated when Angel played me for a fool—although he thought it was for my own protection. I followed him in an enchanted canoe that was immune to sinking in the ocean—I wished we'd had it when we spent seven days in the ocean. I owned one now because I had learned witchcraft from the immigrants of Sorrow, and I was good at it.
In the middle of the ocean, I waited for Angel as he left Lady Shallot’s tower and swam ahead. I followed him but the ocean grew angrier, its tides pushing at me and threatening my fall. Then I lost track of Angel.
Half a day later, I came upon a very small island. I stopped by it, and explored it a little. It was dark so there wasn’t a lot to see. However, a faint yellowish light showed in the distance. Another tower.
Once I arrived, I saw Angel inside. He was standing next to a woman sleeping in a coffin half-filled with water. I couldn’t see whether she was dead or alive. Was she his mistress? Was he being unfaithful to me?
Of course, you’d wonder how the Queen of Sorrow would feel insecure and jealous. That’s because there is so much about me you don’t know. Thanks to the Brothers Grimm.
I hid somewhere safe, so Angel wouldn’t see me.
The woman sleeping in the coffin was most probably dead—sedated at the very least. She lay on her back, her hair floating on the water, like curvy octopus arms. I couldn’t see her face, though.
Angel knelt down to talk to someone standing next to the coffin. There were a number of little children. I couldn’t hear all the conversation, but I think I heard something about the woman having been asleep for a hundred years.
After a while, two young girls entered a nearby room and came back with a baby in their hands. It was a cute girl, born a couple of days ago, I assumed. They gave it to Angel, who held it as tenderly as he had held the sun-baby before. This baby shimmered with light as well, only it was a different light. It was glowing white as it reached for Angel’s stubble.
This baby was the moon. The Kingdom of Sorrow’s moon.
Angel didn’t say much as he took it with him, and swam back to Sorrow. As I discreetly followed him, I had too many questions on my mind. I wanted to know who gave birth to these babies. Was it the woman floating unconsciously in the water? If so, who was she, and how can she give birth to the moon? And again, how come the sun and the moon were babies?
Back in the castle, I pretended I knew nothing. I didn’t want to upset Angel. I knew that there must have been a serious reason why he wasn’t telling me. I respected that—at least, I tried to convince myself I did.
He showed me the baby. Three days later, we celebrated our new moon in Sorrow—the girl who was our new moon.
As people celebrated the moon, I wondered if the sun was another girl; or was it a boy? Was I supposed to not know about it forever? It confused me.
In the middle of my confusion, I knew that seeing those beautiful babies in Angel’s arms made me want a child of my own more and more. My desire for Motherhood was consuming my soul. I knew in my heart that I was born to be a mother, and seeing Angel cradle newborns that weren't ours was agonizing.
It was time to have a child, and I wished to God it was going to be as beautiful as the moon.
But Angel didn’t want to have children. Not at all.
It seemed contradictory, seeing how tenderly he loved the baby sun and baby moon, and refused to have a child of his own. I still didn’t argue. I knew we had been through a lot, and that he was afraid someone would try to hurt our child.
There was no rush, I thought. We had overcome a lot, and we were gifted with a new kingdom of residence, a new moon and sun, and we had become king and queen at a young age. I had to cherish the moment and start living.
Each day I woke up with a smile on my face, waving at the sun, wishing it would wink back at me, acknowledging that she—or he—knew me. But it didn’t. Neither did the baby moon, who was rumored to descend late at night to fight the nocturnal creatures that threatened the beautiful people of Sorrow.
Some nights, I woke up in the middle of the night and the moon wasn’t up there. Then I’d glimpse a beautiful girl in a black cloak out in the castle’s garden playing. She had that halo light shimmering from under her cloak. Only once did she wave at me—or so I thought.
Even without a child of my own, everything was still good, until one horrible day when Night Sorrow found us.
I am oblivious to how he did it. Angel once asked Lady Shallot, and she didn’t know herself how he was able to enter the realm of our kingdom. All we knew was that he intended to hurt us.
My witchcraft skills came in handy at the time. I was taught by an immigrant woman called Dame Gothel, and I was able to enchant the borders of our kingdom with spells that prevented the Sorrows from entering. One of them was a magical thorn bush that differentiated locals from intruders by slashing at their bodies and tasting their blood. I called it the Wall of Thorns.
Later, Angel began his war on the borders against his own family. It was a war that never ended; a war that kept Angel away from me, and it drove me crazy.
I knew I had to stay strong and backup my beloved husband, but it was time he approved of me having a child.
I would write in detail how Angel finally came to say yes, but that would also take another diary. It’s not as important as what’s about to be revealed.
What mattered was that we were shocked that however we tried to have a child, I wasn’t getting pregnant. We tried everything, and every trick known to us in that period of time—science and medicine were somehow behind, and women who couldn’t bear a child were considered cursed.
In the end, Angel told Lady Shallot, and unexpectedly she wanted to see me. Alone.
I hadn’t seen her since she’d weaved our kingdom, as it always seemed that she were more interested in talking to Angel.
“She wants to talk to me?” I wondered.
“Yes. She does,” Angel said. “She says that it’s you who’s preventing us from having a child.”
“What?” My face knotted. “I have been wanting to have your child for so long. It’s always been you who delayed it for some reason.”
“I know, darling,” Angel held me by the shoulders. “And I know it’s time to grant your wish—and my desire is to have a child as beautiful as you are. It’s just that Lady Shallot says that there’s some kind of enchantment or spell that binds you from having children. Don’t worry. She says it’s easy, and she can help you.”
Unconvinced, I went to see Lady Shallot. I didn’t feel like I had been bound by a spell or something. My desire to have a child was overwhelming, and this couldn’t be.
“Nice to see you, Queen of Sorrow,” Lady Shallot said, watching me in the mirror, still weaving.
“I am honored to be in your presence, Lady Shallot,” I said, and sat down.
“I think you’re the youngest queen I have ever weaved a world for.” She turned around with a serene smile on her face. Lady Shallot was like the mother of all mothers. You couldn’t help but love her, but I had a feeling she saw something in me that she didn’t like. I couldn’t figure out what.
“I hope I am up to it,” I said. “It’s not easy being a queen at my age. That’s why I wished I’d not only be a queen but also a—“
“Mother,” she nodded. “I can see it in your eyes, the eagerness to have a child.”
“In my eyes, really?” I blushed.
“It’s a beautiful glimmer,” she said. “And there is nothing wrong with wanting to have a child.”
“Angel told me I am bound by some spell, and that you can help me have a child.”
“It’s true that I told him that,” she said. “But I only said it so I can have a talk with you.”
“Are you saying that I am not bound?”
“Not exactly,” she said. “I am saying that you and Angel are not allowed to have a child. The universe will not permit it.”
“The universe? Why?”
“The universe, remember?” she said. “The universe that saved you from drowning in the ocean, and showed you my island to grant you a kingdom.”
It was as if she was reminding me that Angel and I should have died long ago.
“So why won't the universe allow us to have a child?” I asked.
“Because Angel is a descendant of Sorrows, and you are a descendant of the Karnsteins. Sorrows are the most vicious vampires in the world, the Karnsteins are the most honorable vampire hunters. It’s not like each family chose what it is. It’s a blood thing. It runs in families from the beginning of time. Your marriage to Angel is like the marriage of angels and devils.”
“Except that he, supposedly the devil, is called Angel,” I said. “I guess the universe works in mysterious ways.”
“Calling him Angel has nothing to do with the universe,” she said. “It was Night Sorrow’s attempt to laugh at the universe.”
“So are you saying that the universe permits us to be married, but not have a child?”
“It’s not quite so,” Lady Shallot said. “You could have a child with Angel. In fact, that child could be the world’s savior from demons—or the world’s curse. But unless you fulfill one condition, you will never have it.”
“I am willing to do what it takes,” I said.
“It’s not as easy as you think it is.”
“I am listening,” I said, knowing that I was about to be asked to do something horrible, so I may have a child in return.
“The universe, as you know, demands balance,” Lady Shallot repeated. “Balance comes from opposition. A sun won’t be born unless there is a moon. A man won’t exist unless there is a woman. A day won’t shine unless there is night to darken it.”
“And what kind of balance does the universe demand of me to have a child?” I cut to the chase.
“That’s the wrong question to ask,” Lady Shallot abandoned the thread and looked at me. It was a piercing look. “You know the sleeping woman who gave birth to your sun and moon?”
“How do you know that I know about that?” my eyes were wide open.
“I see a lot in my mirror, but that’s not the point,” she said. “This woman you saw is like you. In order to give birth to a sun, she had to also give birth to a moon. In fact, they are twins. There is no telling if the sun is maybe evil and the moon is good. But in your case, you will have to give birth to both - one who is evil and one who is good.”
“You mean if the universe allows me, I will give birth to twins?” I said.
“There is a prophecy that says that your child with Angel will be a s
pecial one,” she said. “But the universe won’t allow her birth, unless the balance is granted.”
“You mean I will have to give birth to another one that is…” I shrugged. “Evil?”
“The universe sees it that way,” Lady Shallot leaned back, away from me, abandoning me to the painful decision I had to make.
“But how can I raise two different children? What am I going to do with the evil one?”
“People are made from the sum of decisions they make in their lives, and nothing is free in this world. A woman who wants a child to light her world, has to go through the pain of bringing it out to the world. The child’s first action in the world is to scream and cry. It’s all to balance the world,” she said. “It’s your choice. Either you will have no child, or you have two.”
“And all of that is because I, a Karnstein, fell in love with Angel—who’s a descendant of the Sorrows,” I considered.
“You two were not supposed to meet,” Lady Shallot said. “But now that you have, things must change.”
“If Angel and I weren’t supposed to meet, why did the universe help us? Why did you help us?”
“The universe holds its own rules, but it does not hold power over people, because it knows that there are people who are exceptions to all rules. They are few, but when they decide something, the universe tries to help them and wants them to succeed,” Lady Shallot said. “You chose each other, and with it comes consequences you have to pay. It’s unlikely that you make it. Couples try to survive this world every day. But we still want you to succeed. You’ll still have to grant the universe its balance, though.”
“I will have a child—children,” I said. “What do I have to do?”
“I’m not going to ask you if you’re sure,” she said. “I can see the determination in your eyes. So I will send you to Swan Lake. In a way, you will have your children there.”
“Swan Lake? I don’t understand.”
“You will when you get there,” Lady Shallot said, and ordered me to close my eyes. She told me to take a deep breath, and when I opened my eyes, I would be back in Sorrow where Swan Lake was located.
