But when I looked back down at Hannah laying there against my chest, my heart surged with happiness.
Maybe it would be worth it.
“All right. Need to get up,” I groaned.
I slowly shifted Hannah to the side and got myself out of bed. One day off, and my brain was already considering some sort of massive life-event change.
“This is why I don’t take days off,” I murmured to myself.
Hannah rolled over onto her stomach and buried her face into my pillow. And while it made me smile, it also made me turn away. I was getting too attached too quickly, and I didn’t need to be pulling that shit. Cooler heads—and cocks—needed to prevail. This woman still wasn’t safe. And if I didn’t watch it, I’d be the reason she got herself killed.
Stay focused, Ash.
Hannah’s snores filled the room as I pulled my leather jacket up my arms, and it made me smile so big my cheeks hurt. Most people didn’t like snoring, but I found it to be a compliment. If someone snored in the same room with me, it meant they felt safe. Safe enough to entrust me with their most vulnerable state. That brought me a great deal of pride, being able to give that to someone. And because of that premise, I stole one more glance at my sleeping Hannah.
She’s not yours. Stop doing this to yourself.
I sighed as I made my way into the kitchen. I threw on a pot of coffee and put some toast in the toaster, readying the quickest breakfast I could. Not showing up for work yesterday meant I had to put in twice as many hours to make up for things. And I needed to be at the Iron Horse by noon. That meant scooting by the storage shed and squeezing seven hours’ worth of work into three before speeding over to my office at the crew’s main bar.
“Gonna be a long ass day,” I sighed.
“Mmmm, something smells great,” Hannah murmured.
I peered over my shoulder to tell her to go back to bed until I saw her wearing my shirt. The massive piece of white fabric hung off her body, with one of her shoulders exposed. My mind forgot about the toast. My stomach forgot about the coffee. I perked up, as well as my pants getting tight. I ran my eyes over her curves, drinking in every inch of her. She looked outstanding in my shirt, especially since I still got a glimpse of the underside of her ass cheeks.
Bouncing with every step she took and jiggling with every move she made.
“Wow,” I murmured.
She giggled. “What do you say to some scrambled eggs, hmm?”
I swallowed hard. “I’d say ‘fuck the eggs, let me have you.’”
She winked over her shoulder at me. “And to that, I say ‘come get me, big boy.’”
A growl bubbled up the back of my throat, but I swallowed it down. All I wanted to do was fist her hips, hoist her onto the kitchen counter, and take her. Right there. Without stripping either of us down. I wanted to bend her over the kitchen table and eat her out, pussy to ass, until she begged me to stop. I wanted to pin her against the wall while our goddamned eggs burnt on the stove and set off the fire alarm.
Just so water would pour from the fire alarm spouts and drench that white shirt of mine she wore.
I need some cold water.
But I resisted the urge. Because I knew if I started, I’d never stop. I knew if I took her, I’d miss another day of work doing nothing but fucking her around my place. I’d lose myself in her. Lose my identity, and my life. I’d lose the dedication of my crew because I’d prioritize her over everything else, and that meant I wouldn’t have the means to keep her safe. I wouldn’t have the backing of my guys, our weapons arsenal, or our connections in the police department. And that was completely unacceptable.
I had to make sure she was safe before I lost my mind to her.
Or my heart.
“Ash? You there?”
I cleared my throat. “Won’t have time for eggs. Toast and coffee’s fine with me. But feel free to make yourself some.”
She shrugged. “I’ll whip you up an egg just in case, okay? Eggs on buttered toast is always good, especially with a bit of cheese and ketchup.”
I paused. “Ketchup?”
She giggled. “I can’t wait to cook for you more often. I’ve got so many things I’m sure you haven’t tried yet that I think you might like.”
I wanted to plan that kind of a future with her. My soul wanted it more than anything in this world. But my brain knew better. My brain knew what had to be done first. So, I chose not to respond to her comment. I chose to keep my mouth shut as I spread peanut butter on my toast and poured myself a big mug of coffee. I sat down at the kitchen table and Hannah wasn’t far behind. And of course, she chose the chair right next to mine.
Distracting me with the lingering scent of her womanhood.
“So! How’d you sleep, handsome?”
I chuckled. “Just fine. You?”
She sighed with relief. “Like an angel. Thank you for yesterday.”
“Of course.”
“It’s the best day I’ve had in a long time.”
“I bet.”
“And it was wonderful to spend it with you.”
She laid her hand against my forearm and I stared at our connection. I watched goosebumps cascade up my arm as her fingertips traced mindless pictures against my skin. I pulled away from the strokes, though. A shiver worked its way down my spine as I scooted my chair over a bit, trying to put some space between us.
I felt her staring at me like I’d grown a third head.
But I knew I was doing what was best for her.
“Well, anyway. Got any plans for today?” Hannah asked.
I took a massive gulp of my coffee. “Got work all day.”
“Oh? What time will you be home?”
I shrugged. “When I’m done.”
She snickered. “Ash, look at me.”
I did as she asked. “Yep?”
She narrowed her eyes. “What’s happening right now?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why are you putting distance between us?”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. You’ve physically scooted away from me. And you’re acting like yesterday never even happened.”
I chuckled. “Trust me, I’ll never forget that yesterday happened.”
“But it won’t happen again. Right?”
I blinked. “I--uh…”
She stood. “You’re just like the rest of them. I should’ve known.”
I reached for her. “Hannah, wait.”
She pulled away before I could reach her. “Thought you wanted space, Ash.”
I swallowed down the pain I felt as she gathered her things and made her way for the stairs into the basement. She didn’t even look over her shoulder as she disappeared, and I could’ve sworn I heard her sniffle. I cursed beneath my breath as I stood from my chair. I shoved a piece of peanut butter toast into my mouth, then washed it down with the rest of my coffee. I had to get out of here. I had to get away from her. I had to get out of her life before I made things worse.
You never should’ve entertained the idea of yesterday.
“Fuck you,” I murmured.
I gathered my things and stormed out of the house, making my way for my bike. I slung my leg over the leather seat and cranked up the engine, ready to tear through the woods to get to the storage shed. I couldn't help but look back, though. My eyes fell to the line of windows at the bottom of the facade of the house. The windows that looked into the basement. I wanted to see if Hannah was peeking out at me. Watching me or waiting for me. Anything to tell me that she wasn’t as angry as I thought she was.
But there was nothing. No silhouette, no fluttering curtains, no gorgeous eyes staring back at me.
“You’ve really done it this time,” I whispered.
I tore away from my double-wide and set my sights for the shed. I arrived and promptly got to work, inventorying the new stuff we had faster than I’d ever done it before. By the time I was done taking inventory and organizing the damn place, I stil
l had an hour to spare. So, I took the long way to the Iron Horse, trying to get some fresh air.
And settle my mind.
The second I made it into my office, though, I didn’t have a moment’s peace.
“Hey, Ash. You got a sec?” Sly asked.
I turned on my computer. “Sure. What’s up?”
He perched on the side of my desk. “The Golden Jags have been way too quiet for weeks now.”
“I’m aware, yes.”
“You think that’s a bad sign?”
I shrugged. “You clearly think it is. So, why does it matter what I think?”
“I mean, I’m not the only one thinking this way, though, right?”
Knuckles sounded at the door. “Nope. I’m right there with you.”
I groaned. “Guys, I really have to wo—”
Knuckles interrupted me. “I don’t like how quiet they’ve been. Especially since we hit them hard in order to get those girls back. They’re planning something. I know it.”
Sly snickered. “That’s what I’ve been saying. But Link and Bowser keep brushing me off like it’s nothing.”
Knuckles chuckled. “You know they’re balls-deep in their women right now. They’re distracted. It’ll take some time for them to come up for air from between those pairs of legs.”
I spun around in my chair. “Hey! We don’t talk about our guys that way. Or the women of this crew. Ever. got it?”
Sly’s eyebrows rose. “Fine, fine. Whatever.”
Knuckles furrowed his brow. “You good, my dude?”
I sighed heavily. “Just a lot on my mind.”
Sly patted my shoulder. “Is it Hannah?”
Knuckles groaned. “Don’t tell me you got a side bitch now.”
I glared up at him. “Don’t make me remind you of the morals of the club.”
Sly chuckled. “Yep. It’s Hannah.”
I looked over at him. “And no, it’s not Hannah. Though, I am worried that her cousin’s warning has merit.”
Knuckles blinked. “What? Some backstabbing idiot whose cousin you stole suddenly rides into town to let you know that her ex is after her? How do you know it’s not just a ploy to get Hannah back to Hillridge Springs?”
Sly pushed off my desk. “He’s got a point. Right now, the last person we can trust is the one who orchestrated the backstabbing.”
I nodded. “Maybe so. But she seemed pretty serious, didn’t she?”
Knuckles paused. “Do we know what happened with Slash after we kicked her out of the bar that afternoon?”
The three of us looked around at one another before another knock sounded at my door.
“Come in!” I called out.
And when her voice fell against my ears, my heart stopped in my chest.
“Ash? Can we talk?” Hannah asked.
I spun around to face her. “What are you doing here?”
She blinked. “To have a drink. Maybe get some food. And hoping we could talk. Think you can make that happen?”
I shook my head. “I just got here, Hannah. I have to—”
Sly gripped my shoulder. “I’m sure he can take a lunch break. Right?”
Knuckles slipped past Hannah in the doorway. “He’s all yours.”
Sly winked at me. “And don’t do anything I wouldn't do.”
I clicked my tongue. “Which would be…?”
He blinked. “You’ve got a point there.”
I shoved him away and he laughed before he exited my office. Then, Hannah and I were alone. She slipped into my office and closed the door behind her, so I decided to get to my feet. The last thing I needed was her sitting on my lap, standing between my legs, or sitting next to me and trying to feel up and down my leg.
Come on. She’s not a horndog.
Then again, her nipples were hard through her shirt.
“Is something wrong, Hannah?” I asked.
She nodded. “You’re damn right there’s something wrong.”
“Can it wait until I get home?”
She scoffed. “Why the hell do you think I put on pants and stormed all the way down here?”
I blinked. “Are you not even wearing a bra?”
“Oh, come on. Of course, I’m wearing a bra. I’m not some whore for bikers, Ash.”
“I never said you were. I just—”
She took a step toward me. “Why did you push me away this morning?”
I gripped her shoulders. “This conversation can wait.”
“It can’t wait. Not for me.”
I spun her around. “Well, it’s going to have to. I’m not wasting my lunch break talking about something that can be—”
She turned back around. “Oh. So, I’m a waste of time for your lunch break? Is that it?”
I rolled my eyes. “Hannah, please don’t do this. I can’t—”
She pointed up at me. “I thought you were different, Ash. I thought you were one of the good guys. The day we shared yesterday? The best of my entire life. I felt cherished and beautiful. I felt loved, Ash. And you made me feel that way.”
I reached around behind her and closed my office door.
“Can you keep it down a bit?” I asked.
Her eyebrows stitched together. “Why? Are you embarrassed at the topic of conversation?”
“No. Not embarrassed. I’m just—”
She raised her voice. “Are you scared people will find out we slept together? Multiple times?”
I leveled her with a stare. “Go home, Hannah.”
She swallowed hard. “Why are you doing this to me?”
I stalked toward her. “Go home and stay in that basement. You can’t be here. You can’t come here. And you sure as hell can’t drop in on me at work whenever you feel like it. We don’t have that kind of relationship.”
“Yeah. Just the kind where you feel you can fuck me and forget about me. Did you never discover masturbating into a sock?”
I ripped my office door back open. “Go back to my place and hunker down. You have to stay under my roof, so I know you’re safe.”
“I’m not safe anyplace where you’re not, and you know it. The safest place for me right now is here. With you. At your side.”
I narrowed my eyes. “No. The safest place for you right now is in my basement, with the security system armed down there in order to alert me to when someone crosses into the threshold of the property I own.”
She blinked. “Wait, you have something like that?”
“Yeah. I do. So, get the hell out of here and get back there so I can arm the system again. And don’t you dare leave unless you tell me where you’re going first, and I approve.”
“Who the fuck died and made you king of my life?”
“You. The second you decided to come with me to seek a better life here in New York. Now, do as I ask, or you won’t have this crew’s protection anymore. It’s your choice.”
She gnashed her teeth at me. “I hate you, Ash. I hate you so much I could puke.”
And as I watched her storm off down the hallway, my biggest fear was that she meant those words.
At least the security system lie worked.
12
Hannah
I stormed out of the bar and slammed myself back into the rust bucket of a vehicle Ash called a “car.” And as I sat behind the wheel, I tried my best not to curse his very existence up and down. How dare he feel he could talk to me that way? How dare he think I was some slave to his very presence? What the hell was so bad about me coming to visit, anyway? I mean, did he not know that the safest place for me was around him? Did he not realize that!?
“You’re an idiot, Hannah,” I murmured.
As I sat there with my eyes closed, I wondered if I had misread things. Was yesterday nothing more than a way to pass the time? Had I been nothing more than a fun little romp around in bed? That was how I felt right now, and I didn’t appreciate it. Yesterday meant something to me. Being with Ash like that meant something to me. I didn’t think I’d e
ver be with someone else after what I went through with my ex. I didn’t think I’d ever have it in me to take that risk again, especially with another bad boy. Yet, here I was, falling for another man in a nice leather jacket.
“Yep. A real big idiot,” I hissed.
So stupid.
I cranked up the engine of the car and peeled out of the parking space. Bike horns honked and a couple of men yelled at me, but all I did was roll down the window. I shoved my hand outside and flipped them the bird, not giving a damn in all this world about who I pissed off in the process. If this was how Ash was going to treat me, then I could do better all by myself. I didn’t need him, his basement, his help, his money, or anything else for that matter. I had recuperated from heartache and fear before and come out stronger on the other side. I’d led my life without my sister’s influence, our parent’s influence, or anyone else’s influence and been just fine.
Minus the Skeleton thing.
“I can do this,” I murmured to myself.
And I was going to do it.
I was going to carve out a life for myself in this town, whether Ash wanted me to or not.
And it started with me moving out.
I blazed a trail onto the road and headed back for Ash’s place. I needed to stay there until I could find my own place. But, once I did? I was gone for good. I didn’t need these assholes watching over me anyway. I didn’t need their help in any way. I was a strong, independent woman. Always had been. Life forced me to be, and I didn’t know how to live any other way, really. And while it made for a lonely life sometimes, it never let me down.
Minus the Skeleton thing.
“Stop beating yourself up. Everyone makes mistakes,” I murmured.
Though, sometimes I felt like I made more mistakes than most.
You’re psyching yourself out. Don’t do it. You don’t need anyone. Don’t let them make you feel that way.
I gripped the steering wheel as I came to a stop at the last intersection. I gazed down the road, eyeing the dirt trail that tore off to the left to get to Ash’s wildflower meadow paradise. I had to admit, I’d miss the scenery. Ash lived in a beautiful place, with an almost ethereal feeling to it. I’d miss taking my coffee out to the porch and gazing over the small pond. I’d miss waking up to the smell of wildflowers trickling through the air conditioning vents. I’d miss the soft buzzing of bees as they hopped from flower to flower, pollinating and eating and enjoying their lives.
Ash (Dragon Riders MC Book 3) Page 8
