Screaming makes me angry.
Anger makes me feel lonely.
Loneliness makes me want to fell in love.
But love leads to a broken heart,
and a broken heart screams until there’s only silence.”
Melody Manful
I spent Saturday with Tristan, talking about places we’d been and things we’d seen. Later that day, we joined my friends for pizza. Sarah went on and on about her Tristan likes me theory, and although I kept telling her Tristan and I were just friends, she didn’t believe it.
When I came home, my mother asked me about Tristan, too, and thanks to Sarah, who kept texting me about him, my mother had something to base her suspicions on. I told her like I told Sarah, that Tristan was just a friend, but she didn’t believe it. She kept telling me how I lit up when I talked about Tristan. I couldn’t tell either Sarah or my mother what was in my heart, so I decided to let them carry on with their theory.
Sunday was all about my mother and me. We spent the entire day together. We cooked, watched a movie, and read some news about us on the gossip sites and laughed at the ridiculous rumors. It took some time, but it finally seemed as if the deaths of my father and Felix were now fading aches, and my mother and I were a functioning family again.
When Monday morning arrived, I felt all right. I hadn’t thought of Gideon once during the whole weekend, so I knew I could put him and his angel world out of my mind—possibly forever.
“Napoleon not only—” Mr. Bernard started, but he was distracted by the class door creaking open.
I didn’t have to look at the door to know who stood behind it, because my heart started pounding. Even though he had been far from my mind, my body still reacted wildly to his close proximity.
“Mr. Chase,” Mr. Bernard said, looking at his watch, “you’re late.”
I wished a million other people stood at that door other than Gideon.
“Traffic,” Gideon answered. I refused to look at the door and see him.
“See me after class,” Mr. Bernard said, and then he continued teaching.
I didn’t move my eyes away from my desk during classes that morning. I forced myself to think about anything but Gideon. When the bell rung for lunch, I started packing my books and supplies to get ready for the next class.
“Gideon,” I heard Jake calling, “man, where have you been?” he asked. “We missed you.”
“I took a sick day,” Gideon responded.
“It was more like a sick week,” Sarah said, and still I refused to look at them.
I could feel Tristan, who was sitting beside me, looking at me. I knew he wanted to say something from the way he stared, but he didn’t.
“Lunch time! People, are you coming?” Danny asked.
Tristan stood and walked over to my friends. I was sure they were gathered together with Gideon. I kept my eyes focused on my hands as I finished packing my bag.
“Abby, you coming?” Jake asked from beside me.
I looked at him. “Hmm…actually, I’m not feeling so well. I’m going to call Ben to come take me home,” I said and took out my phone and dialed Ben.
“You’re sick?” Sarah asked. She put her hand on my forehead as if trying to measure my temperature. “But, you were fine before.”
“And now I’m sick,” I pulled my school bag over my shoulder. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” With my head bowed, I rushed out of the classroom.
When I stepped outside, Tristan was already there.
“You don’t have to leave. He won’t hurt you. I won’t allow him to,” he assured me.
Answering him would mean talking about Gideon, which I didn’t want to do, so I said nothing and stared at my feet. Tristan walked with me outside and stood beside me until Ben pulled up to the curb. Tristan waved as the limo drove away with me tucked safely inside.
When I entered my room, Tristan was there, too. He didn’t say a word, and I said nothing in return. To make myself busy, I decided to do some of the homework I’d missed from the days I wasn’t in school.
I reached into my bag, and when I saw my history book, memories of Gideon came rushing into my head. I remembered the first time he addressed me and how annoyed and scared I was of him.
I found myself smiling at that memory, and when I realized what I was doing, I became angry with myself. I threw the book across the room. It hit a portrait of my mother and me, knocking it down. I crossed the room to pick it up.
The frame was cracked. I placed it back on my night table, beside the rose Gideon gave me. Thanks to Tristan, the rose was still as beautiful as it was the day it was given to me.
When I saw the rose, I became angrier. I was angry at Gideon for making me trust him and at the way he hurt me. I grabbed my bedside clock, clutching it tightly in my fingers.
“Abigail, stop!” Tristan shouted, taking the clock away from me. When I looked around me, everything that had been on my table was on the floor, and the glass covering a picture frame of my parents and me was shattered.
“Just leave me alone!” I reached for the vase holding the rose and dropped it on the floor. The vase shattered into a handful of pieces, and then I reached for the perfect rose. With frenzied fingers, I started tearing it into pieces.
“Abigail!” Tristan pushed me away from the pieces of the rose and vase on the floor. “Calm down,” he said, looking straight into my eyes. “You’re fine.”
“No, I’m not!” I shouted, pushing away from him. “I’m not fine. I hate myself!”
“You hate yourself?” His voice was full of surprise.
“Yes, I hate myself.” My heart beat like a violent drum inside me. “I ruin everything. I just can’t get anything right. I killed my father. And it’s because of me that those innocent people were killed the day of the concert. Gideon was trying to kill me and—”
“You didn’t hurt those people,” Tristan said quietly.
But everything happening around me seemed to be my fault. If I hadn’t sneaked out to that concert, those people would still be alive. If I hadn’t shouted in the car, my father would still be alive.
“Because Gideon said he killed them?” I asked, annoyed. Shivers ran through my body at the mention of his name. “Then why do I feel like this? I’m supposed to hate him. Believe me, I’ve tried to hate him, but…I can’t.”
“But I thought you said—”
I cut him off. “I know what I said at the graveyard.” I remembered the pain from that terrible storm after I called Gideon a killer and a murderer and said I never wanted to see him again because I hated him.
“Then why are you—?”
I couldn’t let him finish. “I don’t hate him, Tristan!” I shouted, finally letting go of the terrible secret that seemed to burn a hole in my chest. I wanted to hate Gideon—I thought I did—but I didn’t. I couldn’t. All the anger I felt was for me, not for him. “I tried to hate him and pretend that he didn’t exist. I tried to tell myself to forget him, that he’s a monster.” With every word I said, I inched closer and closer to the point of no return. “I did everything I could, but I don’t hate Gideon…I’m in love with him.”
KRYPTONITE
*Gideon*
“I swear it! I didn’t do it!
Falling in love was all him!
It was my stupid heart! He did it all on his own!”
Melody Manful
I knew now how it felt to be lonely.
Seriously, why weren’t evil people born with an immune button so they could shut out the feelings they didn’t want?
“So what have you got to say for yourself?” Valoel seemed to be everywhere nowadays. Right now, she was staring me down like a schoolteacher. “Why are you doing this—killing every single creature you see here in Grands?” She shook her head sadly. “Do you really think you can get over Abigail by taking innocent souls?”
I frowned and flew out my window without answering her. She could have
my room, just like I had given Earth to Abigail. They could have everything I had. I just wanted my life back, my normal life—the life I had that made me not care, the life that didn’t make me long for a human, especially one who hated me.
Yes, I knew how it felt to be lonely. To feel like if I were to yell in front of a crowd, they wouldn’t hear me. I hated that feeling, but I couldn’t get rid of it. Falling in love was one of the most ridiculous experiences that had ever happened to me.
Wait a minute…it was the only ridiculous thing that had ever happened to me.
“I’m guessing you’re not going to answer me,” Valoel said from beside me.
“Stop following me!” I stopped flying. I may not have known where I was going, but I was one hundred percent sure it didn’t involve my little sister.
It had been two weeks since I last saw Abigail. I did go back to school today, but it didn’t count because I didn’t even get to see her face due to the fact that she fled upon my arrival. I didn’t blame her for telling me to leave her alone or for not wanting anything to do with me, because in spite of everything, my actions led to her father’s death. I went to Earth this morning to tell Abigail that I loved her.
Yes, I said it. Sue me!
But now it seemed like it had been a bad idea.
“It wasn’t a bad idea,” Valoel said. “I’m sure she misses you.”
“She hates me,” I whispered. “She faked being sick and left school today because of me. If that’s not hate, I don’t know what is.”
“Just keep trying, I am sure she—”
I cut her off, saying, “Val, she hates me.” I spread my wings and continued flying. I flew to the Underworld to see D, since she was the only true friend I had. I would have had a guy friend if I’d been born centuries ago, when Basligon who was said to be the evilest angel before me was alive, but since Basligon died a century ago, I was stuck with D.
“D, let’s go kill something!” I shouted, standing behind the gate of the Underworld. I didn’t remember how I got there, but there I stood, yelling at the darkness in hopes that D would hear my voice and come out to play.
Luckily, she appeared.
“I was about to grab some lunch. You may join.” D pushed her hand under my arm. She was talking about Earth. I knew that was where she was going. I wanted to tell her I resented that place, but I didn’t want her to know that I had a weakness, and it wasn’t Tristan: it was a human.
I was sure D and I killed someone when we went to Earth, but I couldn’t remember how we got there or what we did. All I remembered was it was around four in the afternoon when she said she needed to go to work, leaving me by a roadside. I heard the sound of an ambulance, but I still couldn’t discern what was happening around me.
I wanted to fly back home, but I didn’t want to leave without at least seeing Abigail and knowing just exactly how much she hated me. So I flew to her mansion and invisibly entered her room.
“It’s ruined,” Abigail was saying as she fell down to her knees beside torn petals from the rose I gave her. I should have left when I saw the petals on her floor, but I didn’t. I stood there, wanting to know why she looked so sad.
I wondered what had happened as I glanced around her messy room. I almost asked Tristan, but for once, he didn’t seem to notice me. I watched him walk over to Abigail and sat beside her on the floor.
“It’s not ruined,” he said, waving his hand over the petals. The rose magically came back together, the petals falling into their places. It was beautiful, just as it was meant to be.
“I hate feeling like this.” Abigail took the rose from Tristan. “He killed my father, and I shouldn’t be feeling his way.”
I felt the stirring of a strange emotion. Was it regret? No, it couldn’t be, because I was sure I didn’t know the feeling of regret—just like I told myself I couldn’t possibly fall in love with anyone!
“Everything is going to be all right,” Tristan promised. Even I, who didn’t believe him, felt like he was talking to me. “I promise you.”
“Why couldn’t I have fallen in love with you?” Abigail asked, looking into Tristan’s eyes, and then I took a step back as jealousy flared inside me like a struck match.
Fallen in love with him? She was in love with Tristan?
“Well, didn’t you?” Tristan asked quietly.
I felt like I wanted to hurt Tristan, at least tell him to leave her alone, but I was frozen. I just stood there, looking at how fragile both of them seemed. Honestly, I didn’t want to hear Abigail’s answer. I didn’t want to hear that the girl I was in love with was in love with someone else, and that someone happened to be Tristan.
“Does it matter?” Abigail asked as Tristan pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her.
I wanted to be the one comforting her, telling her how much she meant to me, but looking at her and Tristan, I saw what I had been too blind to see all along. Although she was sad, she was safe with Tristan.
And who was I kidding? She and Tristan had looked perfect together since day one. And as much as I hated to admit it, Tristan deserved her more than I did. As a matter of fact, if there was anyone in the bloody universe who deserved happiness and love, it was Tristan.
Watching Tristan and Abigail, I decided to go home. I wanted to call some friends, grab a six-pack of beer, order pizza, and then head off to a nightclub. That would have been what I’d do if I had any friends, a hankering for beer, and any dance skills.
I was only able to take one step toward the balcony when Abigail asked, “What do you want, Gideon?”
I turned around quickly because I was positive she couldn’t see me since I was invisible.
“Gideon? Is he here?” Tristan looked around him until his eyes met mine.
“He’s here,” Abigail whispered, looking around her as well. “I know it because I can feel him.”
Tristan stood, took Abigail’s hand, and pulled her to her feet.
I made myself visible. “I forgot you could do that,” I whispered, remembering that whenever I was near, Abigail’s heart pounded. Whether that was a good or a bad thing, I didn’t know.
BRIDGES AND WALLS
“Until now, I never believed when they said
love could get away with murder.”
Melody Manful
“What more do you want, Gideon?” Abigail asked. This time around she looked over her shoulder, and her eyes met mine. The moment our eyes connected, I knew I was the reason for the pain in her eyes, and it made me weak. Abigail looked beautiful as always, except her expression looked empty.
“Call me if you need me, Abby,” Tristan said and disappeared. I was sure he wasn’t far away. He was far enough to give us some privacy, but close enough to save Abigail if I decided to hurt her.
I approached Abigail but stopped when I was two steps from her. “I know you told me to stay away,” I started. I took a step closer, but she took one back. “I’m not going to hurt you, Abby,” I whispered, my voice trailing off.
“I beg to differ,” she said coldly.
Looking at her, I knew she didn’t want me around. As much as I wanted to stay and talk with her, I knew I had to leave.
“I’ll leave,” I turned to walk away.
“Wait!” Abigail called, and I stopped immediately. “Why did you come back?” she asked.
“I tried to stay away like you wanted, but I couldn’t.” I could hear the sadness in my own voice, and it sounded different to me. I took another step closer to her, and this time she didn’t move.
She whispered, “It’s only been two weeks.”
“But it feels like centuries.” I took another step forward.
“I’m trying to forget you, Gideon,” she whispered with her eyes on mine. “And I can’t forget you if you never leave.”
I took her hand and said, “I can’t stay away from you, Abby. I tried, and it hurts. I can’t take the pain anymore.” I knew if I didn’t say what was on my mind, I’d
never get a chance to. So I decided to let it all out. “I know you hate me and—”
She cut me off. “I don’t hate you,” she said, looking down at our hands.
I didn’t understand why she would say this. I hated myself for the pain I had put her through. Why wouldn’t she hate me? I tilted her chin up and said, “You should hate me, Abigail. I deserve to be hated.”
“That’s just it, Gideon!” Abigail shouted angrily, letting go of my hand and stepping away. “I don’t hate you. I love you!”
I was speechless. I looked at Abigail in shock. She loved me? She loved me! Wait, what? I didn’t understand how she—or anyone, for that matter—could love someone like me. I was evil. I didn’t deserve love, especially not hers. I wanted to believe that she meant it, but how could I?
Looking at Abigail’s beautiful face and hopeful eyes, I wanted to say it back; I just didn’t know how.
“Abigail, I…” I paused, not sure of what to say. Although the words were on the tip of my tongue, I couldn’t tell her I was in love with her; they wouldn’t come out. “You can’t love me,” I said, I was a monster. How could she love a monster?
“Why not?” she asked sullenly. “Do you want me to stop loving you?”
I shook my head. “No,” I answered honestly. “But…I’m not who you think I am.” I was evil. I wasn’t supposed to be happy, not with Abigail. She deserved better. Yes, I was talking myself out of happiness; it was my job.
“I know who you are,” Abigail said. “Tristan told me everything, and I don’t care who or what you are, Gideon.”
I didn’t understand her. She knew what I was, and she still loved me?
“I know you’re the most…” she paused, fighting her words. “I really don’t care.”
Surely she didn’t mean what she was saying. “Abby, don’t say…” I was somehow happy that someone told her the whole story, but how could anyone be fine with what I was? “Don’t do this,” I begged.
“I tried to be scared of you. These past days I’ve been angry at you. I thought I hated you because of what you did and who you are.” She looked sadly into my eyes. “But it turns out I just hated myself for asking you to leave.”
Dominion Page 18
