by Jenna Black
He grinned at me through a mouthful of food. “I’d offer to share, but I think you might find this a little too spicy.”
I shook my head. “Isn’t that going to give you an ulcer or something?” Stupid question, of course. Demons don’t get ulcers—or, at least, if they do, they can heal them so fast they don’t matter.
“There’s another carton of Thai green curry in the fridge,” he said. “I wasn’t sure whether you’d be home for lunch or not, but it’ll probably still be hot enough to eat. It’s only been in there about five minutes.”
“And is this green curry going to eat a hole through my stomach lining?”
He shook his head. “I asked for it extra mild. I didn’t know if you liked spicy food or not.”
I shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. The smell of food was making my stomach rumble, and all I’d had for breakfast was coffee. But still…
“You don’t have to feed me, you know,” I said.
Saul shrugged and put his fork down, leaning back in his chair. “I know I don’t have to. I also know you want me here even less than Adam wants me at his place, so I figured I’d make myself useful.”
I pulled out a chair and sat down at the table, not sure what to say. I’m sure my face showed my surprise at his bald statement.
Saul picked up his fork again, but he merely used it to stir the food around his plate. “It’s kind of funny, if you think about it. Adam, Dom, and me, all acting like we have no idea there’s anything wrong, when we all know perfectly well what’s going on.”
I didn’t know Saul well enough to figure out whether that sound in his voice was bitterness, or just resignation. “Are you okay?” I asked, my current heartache making me more sensitive to romantic troubles than usual.
Saul dismissed the question with a wave of his hand. “I’m fine. Nothing’s really changed since I last walked the Mortal Plain. Remember, Dom and I were in the same body for a long time. I’ve always known that he loves Adam. And I’ve always known that if he had to choose between the two of us, he’d choose Adam.” Saul’s smile was wan. “But when Dom was my host, he didn’t have to choose.”
“You mean he didn’t have a choice.” Since Dom’s personality had been buried beneath Saul’s, he could never communicate with anyone except Saul. So if he was to have a romantic relationship, it would have to be with Saul—or with an illusion Saul created for him. I wondered if Saul had played the role of Adam in Dominic’s dreams. Then I shook my head at myself and reminded myself it was none of my business.
My bitchy comment seemed to have ended the conversation. Saul resumed picking at his food, and I decided that if I had food in my mouth, I’d be much less likely to say things I would later regret.
I dumped the curry Saul had brought me onto a plate, nuked it for thirty seconds, and brought it to the table. Thirty seconds was too long, and now I didn’t dare take a bite unless I wanted third-degree burns on my tongue. I stirred my food around the plate, sending up a cloud of fragrant steam.
“I’m sorry,” I said, still looking at my plate. “I have a tendency to blurt out whatever comes to my mind without thinking about it. I’ve been getting better about it lately, but I feel so shitty right now I guess I’m backsliding.”
A brief nod was the only indication he gave that he heard my apology. I’m not sure if that meant he accepted it or not, but since we’d already determined I had a tendency to stick my foot in my mouth, I decided to keep my mouth closed.
The curry was finally cool enough to eat, as long as I blew on it first, so I took a tentative taste. Despite Saul’s assurance, I was afraid it would be Thai-spicy, but it turned out to be just perfect. A bit of a kick, but not so much it was painful to eat.
There was a long silence as I ate, and Saul stirred the remains of his food around his plate, taking an occasional nibble as if he weren’t sure if he was done or not.
“My host isn’t mentally challenged, you know,” Saul said out of nowhere.
It wasn’t a topic I felt like discussing at the moment, but I didn’t have it in me not to argue. “I met him before you took him. I know mentally challenged when I see it, and Dick fit the description.”
“He isn’t brilliant, but his intelligence is normal. It’s the way he was raised that made him seem challenged. Amazing what a total lack of socialization and stimulation of the mind will do to a child.”
I flinched. “Now you sound like your father, objectifying Dick like he’s some kind of lab rat.”
He leveled me with an unnerving, level gaze. “Never compare me to Raphael. In any way. Understand?”
“Don’t sound like him, and I won’t compare you.”
His fists clenched on the table. “I was commenting on what was done to my host to make him seem mentally challenged when in fact his intelligence is perfectly normal. I’m not the one who did it to him, and I’d never condone doing that to anyone!”
I backed off. “Fine. I’m touchy about the subject is all. If you’d heard some of the cavalier things Raphael has said about the ‘test subjects’…” I let my voice trail off. Raphael was on Lugh’s side in the demon war, and he was our ally whether I wanted him to be or not. But it seemed obvious he’d never accepted the idea that there was anything wrong in Dougal’s damn breeding program.
“He’s getting better,” Saul said.
My mouth dropped open.
“Dick, not Raphael,” Saul amended quickly. “I’m not sure how much of the damage I can repair. A child’s brain is much more malleable than an adult’s. But the point is, I can make him more functional over time.”
“And what good does that do him, when he doesn’t get to function anyway?”
He gave me an annoyed look. “Do you cease to exist when Lugh takes control?”
“No, but—”
“Dick is still alive and well within me. And whether he can personally interact with the outside world or not, he’s still a person with a life. A life that will be fuller and richer if I can undo some of the damage he’s taken from lifelong abuse and neglect.”
I forced myself to take a moment to think before I blurted out something else aggressive and potentially offensive. Saul had been right in his accusation this morning—I didn’t like him. But it made no sense, even to me. He’d done absolutely nothing to justify my opinion of him.
“So you really care that much about Dick’s well-being?” I asked, trying not to sound skeptical. “Lugh said you’d had trouble getting along with hosts in the past and that your hosts had suffered. Why is Dick so different?”
He frowned. “It was just one host, and the problem was that he was a sanctimonious son of a bitch. He had no trouble inviting a demon into his body, but he thought once he invited me in, he would convert me to his way of thinking. Which was that sex should only occur between a man and a woman, that it was an abomination for the woman to enjoy it, and that anything but straight missionary position was a sin. And that foreplay was unnecessary.” He gave a little snort. “You can imagine what he thought of SM practices. Any time I wanted to partake of any ‘pleasures of the flesh,’ he let his objections be known. So no, we did not get along. And since I was in the dominant position, I did what I wanted. If he was offended, I shut him out.”
I bit my tongue to keep a retort from flying out of my mouth. I knew what it was like when a demon shut a host off from his own body. In my opinion, it was a fate worse than death.
“I’m not proud of what I did,” Saul said, “but possession is a risk, both for the demon and the host. We have no way of knowing how compatible we will be with our hosts. We are more adaptable than humans, so we’re able to bridge some pretty big gaps. But that one was way too big and the relationship was doomed from the beginning.”
“So Lugh was just being paranoid when he said a host other than Dominic would suffer with you?”
I never said that, Lugh protested.
Damn. My mental barriers were still weak enough that he could speak to me. It made
me feel like a crazy person when I heard voices in my head.
“If I understand correctly,” Saul said, “Lugh wanted to summon me into Dominic because, at the time, there was no other host available. I’m not surprised he would bring up such a possibility if he was trying to get his way. And it’s true that I’ve never had another host I was as compatible with as I was with Dominic. But whether you believe me or not, Dick and I are doing just fine together.”
I was working on a diplomatic but noncommittal reply but was interrupted by the phone ringing. I hoped I didn’t look like I was running for my life when I dashed to get it.
It was the front desk calling to tell me I had a visitor—Dominic, of all people. I told the clerk to send him up, then chewed my fingernails as I waited for him to arrive. A little evil voice in my brain said that Dominic wouldn’t have shown up on my doorstep with good news. And from the look on Saul’s face when I told him who was coming, it seemed he had the same suspicion.
CHAPTER 12
My assumption that Dominic wasn’t coming with good news was confirmed the moment I opened the door and got a look at him. I was getting pretty good at reading him—unlike Adam, Dom actually has an expressive face. My first impression was that he was uncomfortable and perhaps a bit embarrassed. Nothing good, but at least it wasn’t a “somebody died” face. With my life, that could be considered a positive.
“Come on in,” I said, gesturing him toward the living room. He and Saul exchanged nods of greeting.
“Do you mind if I talk to Morgan in private for a bit?” Dom asked Saul.
Saul looked as startled as I felt. “Anything wrong?” he asked.
Dom managed a rueful smile but didn’t answer the question. “If you hear any sounds of violence, please come running to my rescue, okay?”
Saul laughed at that and gave Dom a pat on the shoulder. “Sure thing, buddy.” He must not have been as amused as he sounded, though, because he gave me what I can only describe as a warning look before he retreated to the guest bedroom.
That almost made me laugh. I’m tall and strong for a woman, but Dom is more than six feet and two hundred pounds of muscle. If Saul thought I was capable of physically hurting Dom, he had an exaggerated opinion of my abilities.
Dom and I sat on opposite ends of my hard-as-a-rock sofa. Between his facial expressions and his little interchange with Saul, I was afraid I had a pretty good idea what had happened.
I fixed him with my fiercest stare. “Tell me you didn’t do what I think you did!”
He tried a sheepish smile. His shoulders were hunched a bit, making him look like a turtle seriously considering retreating into its shell. “That depends on what you think I did.”
“Dominic …”
“I talked to Brian.”
I groaned. Sometimes being right really sucks. I covered my eyes with my hand and shook my head.
“I figured he might listen to me when he wouldn’t listen to you,” Dom said. “And I also figured you’d be too stubborn to try to talk to him yourself.”
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hit him or hug him. Maybe he was just too nice for my own good. “I’m sure your heart was in the right place,” I said through gritted teeth, “but that really wasn’t your call to make.”
He shrugged. “I know that. But since I was in the house when Adam…” He let his voice trail off. I didn’t think he was much more comfortable with what Adam had done to me than I was. “I could tell Brian what really happened, and he’d have no reason not to believe me.”
My eyes stung with the tears I still hadn’t allowed myself to shed. “I repeat: That wasn’t your call to make.” And since it was Dom here talking to me right now, not Brian, I figured it hadn’t gone as well as Dom had hoped.
“Doesn’t matter. I did it anyway.” He gave me a piercing look of his own. “Are you going to tell me you’ve never stuck your nose where it didn’t belong with Adam and me?”
I grimaced. He had a point, unfortunately. I’d been very judgmental about their relationship when I first knew them. I’d even urged Dom to “get help” because I thought he was a “sick puppy” to stay with Adam. Since then, I’d come to the startling realization that theirs was the healthiest romantic relationship I’d ever known.
“Sorry,” I mumbled. “I was a real bitch to the two of you.”
“Was?” he asked with an ironic lift of his brow.
I leaned over and smacked him on the shoulder, though I couldn’t help smiling a little.
“Ow!” he teased, rubbing his shoulder as if I’d punched him with brass knuckles.
Half a second later, Saul poked his head out of his room. Running to Dom’s rescue as requested. Dom and I both looked at him and then at each other. We burst into laughter, and Saul withdrew.
When the laughter threatened to morph into tears, I bit the inside of my cheek and sucked in air for all I was worth. Control was hard to find, especially since Dom kept laughing. I guess he was kind of tense and needed the release. I didn’t dare look at him, or I really would cry.
So I stared at the coffee table when I said, “I appreciate the thought.”
My serious words killed the laughter, and I kind of wished I’d kept them to myself, at least for a little while. Tension and discomfort crept over both of us almost immediately, and the air felt heavy.
A waiting silence descended. I knew Dom was waiting for me to ask what Brian had said. I also knew I wasn’t going to ask. I’d already deduced that it hadn’t gone well. And really, even if it had, I wasn’t ready to face the question of whether the relationship was worth repairing.
Eventually, Dom got the hint that I wasn’t going to ask. He sighed, and I could see him shaking his head in my peripheral vision.
“You’re really going to hold it against him that he believed the story, given the evidence?” Dom asked, sounding incredulous.
I glared at him. “Imagine how you would feel if Adam believed you’d cheated on him.”
He thought about that a moment, then nodded. “I’d feel like shit. And I’m sure I’d be pretty pissed at him. But I’d also understand.”
“Well, you’re a nicer person than I am,” I snarled, even as I told myself not to take my anger out on Dominic. Yeah, I thought he should have kept his nose out of it, but he’d meant well.
To my shock, Dominic grabbed both my arms in a firm grip and turned me to face him on the sofa. I was startled enough that I met his gaze. His eyes were narrowed almost to slits.
“I’m not as nice as you think I am,” he said, and he sounded really pissed. “And Adam’s not as mean as you think he is. And Brian isn’t as saintly as you think he is. And even Raphael isn’t as evil as you think he is. Why do you always have to slap some neat little label on everyone? And then refuse to see anything that doesn’t fit under the label?”
Being yelled at by Dominic was kind of like being bitten by an adorable, fluffy kitten. It was shocking enough to really get my attention, that’s for sure. I didn’t know what to say.
He let go of my arms and slumped back into the cushions of the sofa, crossing his arms over his chest. He was still fuming, and I shook my head.
“I don’t get it,” I said. “Why do you care so much if Brian and I are together or not?”
He caught my gaze and didn’t let go. “Why do you care if Adam and I are together or not?” he countered.
“I don’t!” I snapped, but we both knew it was a lie.
I cared about them being together because they were my friends—yes, even Adam, in his own bizarre way—and I knew they were happy with each other. A lump formed in my throat.
Did Brian and I make each other happy? Sure, we had our moments. But we had a lot more moments of fighting. Didn’t there come a time when a wise person admits defeat?
Dominic rose to his feet. “I’ve never met anyone who makes being miserable such a point of pride.”
The lump still ached in my throat, so I couldn’t muster a snappy comeback. I didn’t look up
as Dominic crossed the floor. He hesitated a moment on the doorstep. I don’t know if he was trying to find the magic words to make me see things his way, or if he was hoping I’d ask him to stay. But I didn’t ask him to stay, and he didn’t find those magic words, so he stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind him.
When Dominic left, I was still in the unpleasant situation of having nothing to do. Except brood, that is. I don’t do well with inactivity in the best of times, which these weren’t, so I decided to go shopping. Window shopping, really, because I could barely afford to buy food, much less anything fun. But at least it got me moving for a while.
One of the good things about living in Center City as opposed to the suburbs is that just about everything is in walking distance. That allowed me to chew up some of the hours of the long afternoon just by getting from place to place.
I tried to amuse myself by trying on clothes and shoes in various fashionable Walnut Street shops, but it wasn’t much fun when I couldn’t afford to buy. Still, it was better than sitting in the apartment gazing at my navel. Or talking to Saul.
When I got home, I ate the remainder of the Thai food for dinner, while Saul tried to stay unobtrusive and watched TV. In my now habitual attempts to win the Good Housekeeping award, I hand-washed the dishes when I was finished, then put everything away. By that time, my feet were aching pretty bad from all the walking I’d done earlier, and I decided I’d have to spend the rest of the evening vegging in front of the TV, even with Saul there.
I had just sat down on the love seat—declining to sit beside Saul on the sofa—when my phone rang. Saul had an old Seinfeld rerun on, and someone cued the laugh track immediately after the first ring. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear my TV was mocking me.
Saul was obviously still trying to win me over with his world’s-best-roommate act, because before I mustered the energy to haul myself to my feet to answer the phone, he picked it up and tossed it to me. I caught it easily and checked the caller ID. It was the front desk. I’d been hearing from them way too much lately.
