by KT Webb
“Well, there’s this guy, but it’s complicated. Like, really complicated.”
“Ooo intrigue, tell me more.”
“He’s a great guy, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t know if having a relationship with him would be in either of our best interest.”
“We both know I’ve been there. Where did you meet him?”
I hesitate for a few moments. “I met him through a friend.”
There. That seemed safe enough.
“You’re not usually the type to hold back, CeCe. I see through your bullshit.”
“What would you do if I told you I was confused about my feelings for Miles?” I wait for her to lose her shit.
“I would tell you that it wouldn’t surprise me. In fact, I’m pretty sure he’s been confused about his feelings for you for a long time.”
Wait, what? That was not what I expected to hear from her at all. I figured she’d be grossed out, tell me I was certifiably insane; anything other than telling me she thinks he feels the same.
“When were you going to tell me that tidbit of information?”
“I didn’t think it was important. You didn’t have any interest in him, so why should I make things awkward between the two of you by telling you that I think my brother has a crush on you? So, tell me what’s been going on?”
I tell her about Chelsea and how Miles defended me. I tell her about my father showing up and how Miles insisted that I move in with him until we knew if it was safe for me to go back to the brownstone Liv and I once shared. I tell her about cooking together and late-night television binges.
“It sounds like you’re smitten. I seem to remember you telling me to go for it with Isaac. What’s holding you back?”
“Seriously? He’s like my brother. Isn’t that weird. What if we did give it a try and things didn’t work out? I’d lose your family because things would be too weird.”
“That’s just asinine. You will never lose our family. My parents would be just as protective of you in that relationship as they would be of Miles. Plus, if you were going to choose between any of the weirdos and sleezeballs you’ve been into in the past and Miles, I would suggest you choose my brother hands down.”
“Hmm. You’ve made some valid points. But, there’s more.”
“Is this when you tell me you can either have Miles or a brand new car?”
I snort. “No. There’s something I haven’t told anyone yet because I don’t know if it really matters.”
“You have my undivided attention, so spill it.”
“I’ve been accepted to Harvard.”
Olivia screams at the top of her lungs then covers her mouth. She jumps up and does a ridiculous happy dance before tripping over a couch pillow and sprawling across the floor. There she is. My uncoordinated best friend.
“O-M-G. CeCe, that’s amazing! I am so happy for you. This is incredible. You’re going to do so well!”
“I haven’t decided if I’m going to go yet.”
“What? Why the hell not? Harvard is a fantastic school. One of the best law schools out there.”
“The second best according to my research.”
Olivia takes her seat next to me on the couch again. She’s giving me “but” face; she knows there’s something that’s keeping me from jumping up and down to celebrate with her.
“I just don’t think I want to be so far away. You guys are getting married and Ava is going to graduate next summer. Then there’s this. . .thing with Miles.”
“There it is. See, everything else you can just hop on a plane for. But that is a little trickier. I’m going to tell you something that I know you would tell me if our roles were reversed. . .and Miles wasn’t my brother,” Olivia shudders slightly at the thought. “If thinking about missing out on a relationship with him makes you pause in your decision to go to Harvard, you owe it to yourself to find out just how serious those feelings are.”
I sigh. I hate it when Olivia is right. If I can’t get over the idea that he’s like my brother, then I’ll know it was just a weird infatuation. But, if he returns my feelings and things feel right, I’ll have to figure out a whole new level of crazy in my life.
“I think you need to talk to Miles.”
“Fine. Can we change the subject?”
“Okay, tell me about your dad coming back. Have you heard from him again?”
I don’t really want to talk about that either, but at least we’re done talking about Miles.
“No, I haven’t heard from him again. But, I did leave my apartment and forward all my mail to the office. I can’t see him showing up at the law firm owned by the man I told him has replaced him as my father.”
Olivia can tell I don’t want to discuss it further, so she switches on the television and we watch a Sandra Bullock movie. We drink some wine and Olivia bakes some chocolate chip cookies. It feels like such a normal and natural night that I forget all the things that have been troubling me. Hours later, we both fall asleep on the couch, and I don’t even wake when she leaves early in the morning to head home to Isaac.
Chapter 5
Millennium Park is beautiful in the summer. I take a deep steadying breath and glance at Miles. I convinced him to go for a walk with me even though he is still hungover from his night out with his friends. I have decided to take Liv’s advice and talk to Miles about Harvard. But first, I need to get the air cleared between us after what happened with Chelsea yesterday.
“I’m sorry about your break-up, but I’m not sorry she showed her true colors. She was a total bitch.”
Miles looks a little surprised at my choice of topic. “I’m only sorry that she insulted you. I feel terrible.”
“Eh, you don’t need to feel sorry for me. I can take care of myself.”
“She upset you. You were crying.”
“I was fucking pissed. I found myself in a situation where I needed to be friendly but really wanted to scratch her eyes out.”
Miles laughs at that. I have never been the type to sugar coat things. I see a hot dog stand and offer to buy Miles lunch. He vehemently refuses and instead steps up to pay for both our dogs before I have a chance.
We sit on a bench near Cloud Gate and admire the view. Call me a crappy Chicagoan, but I really hate it when people refer to the reflective sculpture as “the bean”. I bite into my juicy hotdog and enjoy the relish, onion and mustard mixing with the warm grilled flavor of the dog.
“So, are you getting excited to start school at Northwestern?”
I swallow the bite in my mouth and wonder if now is the time to tell him about Harvard. I guess I shouldn’t put it off any longer.
“Can I tell you something I haven’t told anyone yet? Except Olivia of course.”
“Absolutely.”
“I got an acceptance letter for Harvard about a month ago.”
Miles chokes and sputters. I smack his back and ask if he’s alright. Is it really that shocking that I would be accepted to Harvard?
“Sorry, I just. . .are you going to go?”
“I don’t know yet honestly.”
“I don’t think you should.”
“Oh really? And why is that?”
Miles shrugs and stands up. It’s clear that he’s uncomfortable talking about this. I wonder if it’s because he’s feeling the same thing I am. Then I wonder if he’s jealous. I know he had been an Ivy League hopeful but had ended up attending Northwestern University like his father before him. There’s nothing wrong with Northwestern, it’s a great school, but given the choice between the two I don’t know if I can turn Harvard down. I stand up and follow Miles as he wanders away from the growing crowd of tourists.
“Miles! Wait up, what’s wrong?”
“I just don’t think you should go. I think it’s a bad idea. You might have been top of your class here, but Harvard is the real deal. Do you know how hard that’s going to be? And you won’t know anyone.”
I grab his arm and force him to stop and look at me. “What
the hell is your problem? First you’re standing up for me and apologizing for the way your girlfriend treated me, now you’re putting me down and saying I’m too stupid for an Ivy League school?”
“That’s not what I. . .I just mean you would probably be better suited to attend Northwestern is all.”
“Yeah, so you think I can’t handle Harvard? Obviously Harvard thinks I can.”
I glare at him for a moment longer before I take off walking. I don’t have any interest in spending time with someone who thinks so poorly of me. I am not that desperate for friendship or family. Maybe Miles really did tell his blonde bitch of a girlfriend that I’m just some charity case his family took in. I can practically feel my body vibrating with anger and frustration.
“CeCe, where are you going?”
“Why the fuck do you care?”
Miles recoils slightly before his face scrunches in frustration. “Because, if you’re trying to avoid me, you should at least have a different location in mind than the apartment we share.”
I know he’s right but I refuse to relent so quickly. “I’m just going to walk around the park if that’s alright with you.”
“God, do you have to be so stubborn?”
“Do you have to be such an arrogant prick?”
I realize our volume has increased to a level inappropriate for a public place. Miles is glaring at me and I’m certain the same expression is reflecting back to him.
“I’m going to walk home. I think it’ll help clear my head. I’m not interested in being around someone who clearly thinks much less of me than I do of them.”
“Give me a break, CeCe.”
“How about you give me a break, Miles? You act like you’re this super great guy and most of the time I believe that. But right now, I’m pretty sure you’re as shallow as they come.”
Miles looks as though I’ve slapped him across the face. He sputters as he tries to form a sentence. I can tell I’ve hurt his feelings but I can’t bring myself to give a shit.
“What is this, Miles? Are you jealous? You couldn’t get in so now you’re turning a bit green over your sister’s best friend getting into your dream school?”
“Who said I didn’t get in?”
“You went to Northwestern.”
“It’s a perfectly respectable school. And my dad’s alma mater. Maybe I just decided not to go to Harvard.”
“Rich boys like you don’t just decide not to go to fancy schools.”
“Look who’s being judgmental now.”
I cross my arms and give him a death glare. I know he’s right, but I refuse to give in. Miles lets out an exasperated sigh and sits on a bench. He silently waits for me to join him. I relent because we’ve already made enough of a scene by shouting at each other through a public park.
“I got into Harvard. I chose not to go. I never even told my parents.”
“So, tell me about it. Why did you decide to stay?”
“I just wanted to stay close to home. Olivia had just gone through all that shit with Jeremy, you had just gone to jail for defending my sister and Ava was still pretty young. I didn’t want to be away from my family.”
I notice that he’s looking at me as though he’s begging me to accept what he’s saying. I can’t help but feel like there’s more to the story, but I know how difficult it was for him to see his sister in the hospital after what Jeremy did to her. I feel my stomach turn as I remember walking into our dorm to find her broken and helpless as Jeremy stood over her. I saw red. I couldn’t even tell anyone exactly what I did because I let the rage take me over. I beat the shit out of that worthless scumbag and I didn’t even remember most of it.
“Okay, I get it. I can understand why you would have chosen to stay close to home. I’m sorry for being so judge-y.”
Miles laughs and puts a hand on my shoulder. “Let’s go home. We can order pizza tonight and just stay in with Netflix and ice cream.”
“Do I have to witness you wallowing?”
“No wallowing. Just sounds like a nice way to spend the day.”
“Are we going to build that fort?”
He chuckles at that and casually puts an arm around me. I can’t tell what this gesture means. It doesn’t feel like the brotherly hugs he’s given me in the past. I’m not really sure what to think. It feels nice, but he drops his arm too quickly. We make it home and both immediately change into comfy clothes. Miles orders the pizza and I grab the blankets to build a fort.
Chapter 6
The apartment is dark. We’ve got the windows covered to keep the city lights from breaking through. I have my laser tag vest on and am hiding behind the kitchen counter waiting for Miles to show himself. I have no idea how I let him talk me into playing this ridiculous game again, but I have to admit I’m having a blast.
I peer over the counter top and see Miles disappear down the yawning hallway. I follow after him but can’t see a thing. I don’t think he saw me, so I have the element of surprise. As I hug the wall, I feel the doorway to the hall bathroom and know his bedroom is straight ahead. I hear a rustling ahead of me and take off toward his doorway.
I crash right into his muscular form. His strong arms wrap around me to help me stay upright. I feel an unfamiliar current rush through my body at his touch. I realize we’re still in each other’s arms and start to remove myself from his embrace. I can feel his breath on my face, it causes goosebumps to run all over my body.
“Are you alright?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
Neither of us has moved and things are starting to get awkward. I’m scared shitless because I’ve wanted to be in this position for weeks, but now that I’m here I don’t know what will happen. Feeling his arms encircling me is a welcome sensation. I find myself wanting more. We’re still standing in the darkness of the hallway and it’s intoxicating. I feel him lean slightly so I tilt my head up, expecting to feel his lips brush mine. His heart is beating as wildly as mine.
“CeCe. . .,” his voice is questioning.
Before I can answer, he’s crushing his lips to mine. I feel the fire start in my belly as I return his kiss fervently. This is so strange. I shouldn’t be doing this, but it feels right. Miles keeps one arm around me while grabbing a fistful of my hair with the other hand. I groan into his mouth and allow him to deepen the kiss. I don’t know what’s come over me, but I want him. I reach a hand under his shirt and run it along his chiseled chest. It’s his turn to groan. He lifts me up so my legs are wrapped around his waist and carries me through the darkness.
We bump into the bed and he lowers me down. I can think of nothing but how much I want to take his clothes off. I drag his shirt over his head as he removes my tank top. I pull him to me again as he kisses my neck, leaving a hot trail down to my breasts.
He lands on top of me and we continue our hot make-out session. I bite his lip; he moans in response. Miles reaches down to remove my pants but I stop him. He doesn’t protest or try again, he just redoubles his focus on my lips. I suddenly realize the situation I’ve gotten myself into and I panic. I push against his chest to get him away from me. Miles doesn’t hesitate, he withdraws and looks into my eyes.
“CeCe? Are you okay?”
“I don’t know. I mean. . .not that it wasn’t amazing, but what just happened?”
Miles rolls onto his side and gingerly wraps an arm around my waist. His touch calms me but I’m still feeling confused.
“Miles, what are we doing?”
“Cuddling?”
“You know what I mean,” I say with an exasperated huff.
He traces his fingers along my arm. “I think we’re changing our relationship status.”
“Oh please, we both know you’re not a relationship status kind of guy.”
“I think we both know this is different.”
I shift so we’re both lying on our sides facing each other. “How?”
“You’re different. You’re not just any girl to me.”
“
Oh, no?”
“No. CeCe, you know I wouldn’t have crossed this line with you if it didn’t mean something.”
I think about waking up in his arms, the content smile on his face as he held me. I decide to press him to tell me more. “What does this mean to you? If we’re being honest with each other, what we just did is a turning point. We’re either moving forward with this, or we’re in for some extremely awkward holidays.”
