Eisav waited patiently as he promised her he would, except he felt every bone in his body tense.
“During my redeeming lessons with Father Joseph …” Grace began “He…” she swallowed hard “…he began to touch me and tell me how beautiful I was. He told me I should be with a pure man like him and I would be redeemed. Only I fought him every chance I got.” As Grace paused, she turned her head to glance at Eisav.
Eisav kept her gaze as tears poured down his cheeks. He remained quiet and waited for her to continue.
“He told me I was defiant and God would never forgive my sins. I didn’t believe him, of course. I tried to tell Isaac what was happening, but he told me I was a delusional young girl and that Father Joseph was trying to help our family.” Grace shook her head from side to side. She was describing Eisav’s worst nightmare. “He continued to come on to me. He tried to force my legs open on more than one occasion but didn’t succeed. I fought him hard and I promised myself I would never back down. When he realized he wasn’t getting inside me, he began to touch himself in front of me. He had a lock on the door to his office from the inside, so I couldn’t escape. He would make me watch as he made himself come,” Grace explained through a shaky voice and tears.
“Gracie … I’m so, so sorry. If I had some way of knowing, I would have returned. I should have returned anyway. I behaved like a stupid, frightened boy. I was sure that if I showed up, Isaac would shoot me on the spot. I should have come anyway. I should have brought my security team … something … I was so caught up in my own pain … I was selfish … Can you forgive me?” Eisav pleaded as he cried harsh tears.
Grace looked at him and understood how sorry he was. She read his pain. She felt his loss seeping into her own body, but that didn’t change things. Her innocence had been stolen long ago and in its place was an anxious, young, traumatized woman who never lived out her dreams of becoming an artist.
“It’s not about me forgiving you, Eisav. I’m still working through my own issues. I told Jacob one night about Father Joseph’s abuse, and he believed me. I wasn’t the only girl he abused in this town or this state. Jacob helped the prosecutor bring Father Joseph to justice about a year ago. Then we got together. He’s been there for me. He hasn’t let me down. Ever. I’m not going to leave him, Eisav. I don’t want to.” Grace stated with assurance in her tone.
Eisav’s eyes startled, and she knew her words stung but she couldn’t sugar coat it.
“Gracie, I don’t know if you’ve heard my songs, but almost every single one is about you. I never stopped loving you. I don’t think I ever will. I understand I messed up. I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through. I’m sorry for all the promises I didn’t keep. I want to make it up to you.” Eisav looked into her eyes.
“How many women have there been, Eisav?” Grace got right to the point.
He remained silent for a moment then sighed. “None.”
Grace’s eyes turned wide. That was not the answer she expected. She remembered him as a horny teenager leaving at night to score with the girls. She remembered her time with him too, how hungry he was for sex. Maybe she didn’t hear him right.
“None,” she repeated. “Really, Eisav? Three years and no one?”
Eisav’s eyes softened. “I promised you there would be no one else when we got together. I couldn’t go back on that. I’ve been celibate, although lately I’ve questioned my own sanity. I understand Jacob was a major source of support for you, but for you to fall into his bed …” His words trailed off, but he visibly cringed.
“That’s not exactly what happened. I told you I was broken. What I experienced with Father Joseph …” She paused and took a breath. It felt like her chest was constricting just thinking about it.
“I’m sorry, Gracie. I don’t want you to rehash what’s painful for you. I just need to understand, I guess.” He raked his fingers through his unkempt hair.
“I know. I understand the need for answers because I waited so long to get answers myself. I thought our promises died the day you left me behind. I … I …” Grace’s voice grew shaky. “I never slept with your brother. I can’t sleep with anyone. I think I’m broken, Eisav. The way I view sex now, after the abuse, even though he never actually touched me … he made me feel dirty…” Grace explained as she shook her head back and forth, trying to contain her tears.
Eisav reached forward and hugged her, letting out a long sigh of relief.
Grace pulled away from his embrace. “I’m sorry. We can’t be like this anymore. I’m committed to your brother. I’m not the girl you left behind. She died along with all those promises, hopes, and dreams. You won’t want what’s left of me. Trust me.” She shot to her feet.
Eisav quickly got up to his feet. “You’re wrong. I want you any way I can have you. Have you heard what I said? I’ve waited for you. Despite the odds, I waited.” Eisav’s voice broke off, his emotions clearly getting the better of him.
“I’m sorry, Eisav. I’m asking you not to make this harder than it already is. Life hasn’t been fair to either of us, but I need you to move on. Please. I need to know you’ll be at peace,” she said before stalking off. The conversation was over.
Eisav stood still in his spot as he watched her disappear into the dark night, her auburn hair flailing in the wind. He was so confused about her wanting to stay with Jacob that he felt like he was at a complete loss. He expected their reunion to be difficult and heart wrenching. If he was being honest with himself, he would have realized that his expectation of her dropping her life and falling back into his arms was unrealistic. Though to him it was completely rational. When her gaze was trained on him, he felt her real feelings seeping through. When he hugged her in his arms, he felt her heart beating in sync with his and he felt whole again. Could Grace not feel it too? Was he really crazy, living his life on the off chance she would one day take him back? These recent revelations made him realize that getting her back wasn’t going to be as easy as he originally envisioned. For the first time ever, he was scared he may have actually lost Grace for good. Then his wits kicked in and he told himself to get his shit together. He was a man that got what he wanted, and he wanted Grace. Now he needed a really good plan in order to get her back.
Eisav followed Grace from a distance to ensure she made it back to the main house safely. The house was quiet as Eisav took in the half eaten casseroles and pies brought by some of the guests on the dining room table. Eisav cut himself a chunk of casserole and ate it as he made his way up the stairs. The light coming from Jacob’s old bedroom revealed that Jacob retired to his old bedroom, and he watched Grace head for her old room. Having the knowledge that Grace and Jacob were sleeping separately gave him a blister of hope.
Feeling restless, Eisav made his way back down the stairs where he picked up the house phone to call a cab. He still had questions for his mother about his paternity, but they would wait for another night. Right now he needed to go in to town and listen to music and have a stiff drink or maybe two.
A lady from the cab company picked up on the first ring. “Hi, I need a cab sent to Sade. I know your service doesn’t extend this far, but I can pay the driver for both ways and give cash up front,” he offered the lady.
“Sure thing, sir,” she responded. Then he went on to give the address, hoping the cab driver wouldn’t get lost. He internally kicked himself for not renting a car, but he planned on drinking tonight anyway so driving wasn’t an option. He thought of his old bicycle but the thought of drinking and riding the bike didn’t entice him either. Just as he hung up the phone, he felt a presence behind him.
“Eisav, if you’re going somewhere, take me with you.” Marie, his youngest sister, said with a sad smile. She was wearing a tight pair of blue jeans and a pink and blue plaid button-down shirt. Her hair was still long and vibrant, and she still had sparse freckles on her cheeks, making her look younger than her age.
“I’m headed into town for a drink. I don’t think I’m good co
mpany. Need to clear my head.”
“That’s okay, I don’t mind. I need to get outta here, and I think we should talk,” Marie insisted.
“Okay,” Eisav threw on a jacket. April in Iowa meant the weather was unpredictable. The downpour this morning on his arrival was a reminder of that. Marie followed, grabbing her rain jacket, and they both made their way out the front door.
A good thirty minutes later they arrived at the Dirty Dog. Marie pulled out her phone to text someone, and she felt Eisav’s stare on her back. He must have seen Jacob’s name in her contacts, but in reality she was texting Grace, who had borrowed Jacob’s phone since she didn’t have her own cell phone. Marie was relieved Eisav hadn’t noticed Grace slip out of the house only moments before they left. As Eisav and Marie approached the entrance to the Dirty Dog, she lifted a brow. Her insinuation said it all. Eisav was the last one to find out the truth about his paternity and his parents indiscretions.
“The Dirty Dog, huh?” Marie frowned.
“Don’t read into it,” Eisav quipped. “I used to hang out here all the time before I knew about any of it.”
They entered the bar and ordered drinks. The ride into town had been quiet but now with the music playing in the background and the relaxing atmosphere in the bar, things began to ease up between them.
“So my brother is a superstar. How is it leading a rock-star life?” Marie grinned widely as they sat side by side on bar stools. The bar was busy with no tables available.
“It’s good. I can’t complain. I love to sing … I love to write music … you know.” Eisav’s response lacked enthusiasm, and Marie knew exactly why. She also knew that it was better to keep Eisav distracted at the bar. Marie had her cell phone in the back pocket of her jeans. She knew that if it vibrated with a text message this time of night, it would be Grace saying she was back home.
“You make it sound like no big deal. I’m proud of you, Little Brother.” Marie grinned. “I just want you to know I tried to contact you.”
With those last words, she caught Eisav’s attention. “You did? When?” He eyed her warily.
The bartender walked up to them, interrupting the conversation. “Hey, what can I get you?” She was a blonde in her twenties, wearing a sport bra tank top that showed off her flat abdomen and ample chest. “Hey aren’t you …?” She clamped a hand over her mouth and began to flutter her hands in the air. Eisav stopped himself from rolling his eyes. “I’m sorry, but can I get your autograph?” The woman spun around and ran to the cash register where she returned with a black marker and no paper. Eisav took the marker.
“Don’t you need a piece of paper?” Marie cut in quietly, clearly confused.
“Oh no, honey, you can sign these right here.” She leaned forward pressing her D cups into Eisav’s face. Eisav wasn’t surprised or taken back.
Marie felt a flush crawl up her cheeks, just watching her brother. The bartender was definitely a pretty girl, and Eisav was damn lucky.
When he was all done with his signature, she bounced up and down thanking him, which also caused her D cups to giggle. Marie was enjoying the show. Judging by Eisav’s tense posture, him not so much.
“Okay now, what can I get you to drink?” she focused on Eisav.
“I’ll have a gin and tonic.” He gave the bartender a small grin then turned his head to his sister. “What are you having?”
“A Bud Light, please.” Marie smiled. The bartender strutted off to get their order.
Eisav returned to the conversation.
“What happened? You clearly never found me.”
“It was about a year after you left. I saw an ad in the paper saying you’d be opening for a band … what was there name again?” Marie squinted her eyes, trying to remember.
“Steve Dragon Band,” Eisav responded curtly, shifting on his stool.
“That’s the one. I purchased the newspaper in town and circled the event. You were playing in Kansas somewhere. I wanted to go to the concert and somehow find a way to see you and speak to you. Grace had slipped into depression after you left, and I hated to see what Father was doing to her with Father Joseph,” Marie explained. “I also wanted to know that you were okay. Greta had been in touch with Ida secretly, and I knew she wasn’t doing well. We were all freaking out over it, but we didn’t know what to do. We mentioned it to Mother when Father wasn’t around, but she shut us down.” Marie smiled sadly.
“Go on,” Eisav urged, taking a long gulp of his gin and tonic.
“I was getting ready to leave the house. It wasn’t anything unusual. I was a grown woman,” Marie said, biting her lip. Then she let out a garbled laugh and tears began to well in her eyes.
Eisav turned on his stool and placed an arm over Marie’s shoulder. “What is it?” he asked softly.
Marie shook her head, trying to contain her emotions. “Eisav, I’m twenty-five years old now,” she began and more tears spilled from her eyes. She wanted to tell him how pathetic she was. Her father didn’t believe a girl needed an education, so he refused to send her to college. She attended a community college while working in town. While she pursued a degree in hotel and tourist management, she feared her father would get frustrated with her defiance and throw her out, but he never did. She had gone to college and attended the church of Father Joseph on Sundays while wearing only long, modest skirts in the house. That was enough to appease her father, but it also meant she was living in fear of banishment from her family. It meant that she was not really living at all. She had practiced the words a million times in her head: Mother, Father … I’m gay. Please accept me for who I am because I love you dearly. Yet she was never brave enough to stand up for herself, and now a grown woman, she felt like a complete failure to herself. An old maid as her father once put it, living at home with her widow mother. A mother that never really went out of her way to really be a mother.
“I know how old you are, Marie. Don’t berate yourself. I know what you’re getting at and yes it was fucking scary to be thrown out into the world knowing you have no one to lean on if you need them,” Eisav said, clinking his tumbler with her beer bottle.
Something about his words provided Marie with some assurance that she was not a complete loser and that maybe she had made the right decision to follow her family’s wishes. At least she had the safety of a roof over her head, and she had Greta and Grace close by.
“Thank you, Eisav.” She swiped at her tears with the back of her hand. “I needed to hear that right now. I’m sorry I’m such a mess. It’s just been a tough time you know … with Father dying and Mother telling us the sordid truth about their sins. It makes me crazy, Eisav. It truly makes me crazy.”
Eisav nodded. “Believe me, I know. He made me believe I was the fucking black sheep of the family when he was all the fuck over the place. He was a sick man. That’s the bottom of it. Now he’s dead and you’re free to live your life the way you want.”
“Eisav, I’m gay,” Marie snickered.
“I know,” Eisav retorted, shocking her.
She drew her brows together. “How?”
Eisav let out an easy laugh. “Marie you were ogling that bartender’s breasts more than me. Besides, my assistant is gay so I know how it is.”
“Your assistant?” Marie asked confused.
“Yeah, the person who basically organizes all the small details of my life. Her name is Ilana. She’s more like my best friend. Ilana likes girls so I get it.” He threw back the remnants of his gin and tonic and pointed to the bartender that he’d like another. “Do tell me why you never made it to Kansas. I really would like to know.”
Marie straightened herself out and took a napkin from the bar to dry her eyes. She felt a little lighter having revealed the truth to him. She had expected him to be non-judgmental, but still it felt like a huge burden lifted and her head felt airy. No wonder she couldn’t focus on the answers he wanted.
She cleared her throat. “Right, so when I was about to leave the house, Fathe
r stopped me and pulled out the newspaper where I had circled your concert details. He said that if I went to meet you I shouldn’t return.”
Eisav smacked a hand on the bar. “Fuckin’ asshole. I would’ve loved to see you back then. Maybe I could’ve saved Grace from everything she went through with Father Joseph. Isaac really fucked with my destiny.” He took a long swig of his drink then shook his head.
“I feel like I let you down.” Marie slumped over as she downed her beer.
“You didn’t let me down, believe me. I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of Isaac Duncan’s hatred. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I also saw what it was like to be on his good side.”
“You’re talking about Jacob.”
“Yeah,” Eisav responded, and the two siblings sat quietly, feeling the heaviness of a bleak past wash over them.
“Eisav, there’s something you need to know. Father wanted Jacob and Grace together. I heard him speaking with Jacob. Jacob asked him for Grace’s hand in marriage, and Father blessed their union before he died.”
“Was Grace aware of the conversation?”
“No, but Jacob began pursuing her after that. Jacob was her shoulder to cry on; he made sure he was always there for her. He even fought with Father and made him realize that something was very off with Father Joseph. It was Jacob’s investigation that led to the arrest of Father Joseph. He went out to battle, Eisav, and eventually he went in for the kill and captured Grace’s heart. She accepted his proposal.”
“I won’t accept it,” Eisav tsked.
“Grace feels like she owes Jacob for saving her, but I don’t think she loves him. I’m not even sure if they’ve done anything more than kiss, but I may be wrong on that … I don’t want to get your hopes up.”
Where Promises Die: A Second Chance Romance Page 14
