Susannah’s heart broke for the pain she could see he was in. “Has this happened to you with someone you love?”
Gabe exhaled. “My parents,” he said wearily. “The night they died.”
Chapter Nine
“I don’t understand,” Susannah said in bewilderment. “I thought your parents died when a water heater exploded and the house collapsed in on them. That you and your siblings weren’t home at the time.”
He never talked about this. But maybe she did need to understand the depth of his remorse. “Not at that moment, no, but we were all in the house that night when the thunderstorm hit and our roof got struck by lightning and caught on fire.”
The color drained from Susannah’s face. “Oh my God. Gabe,” she whispered, aghast, “that must have been so terrifying.”
It had been. The fear he had felt then came pouring back in a rush of adrenaline. “My parents got all eight of us kids out safely and across the street to the neighbors.”
Her brow furrowed. “Then I don’t understand what happened.”
He took her hand and led her over to the sofa. Sat down next to her. “While we were waiting for the fire department to arrive, the pouring rain put out the flames. Or so we thought.”
Susannah’s hand mimicked the ice in his gut.
“My mother was worried about the stuff in the safe in the den, and she wanted to go back to retrieve it,” Gabe recited numbly. “My dad wouldn’t let her go alone, so he went with her. They thought it was okay, and maybe it would have been if the sparks from the fire hadn’t ignited the gas water heater, which was located in the attic. But it did, and there was an explosion, and the house went up in a giant fireball,” he said, ignoring Susannah’s gasp of horror, “while we all watched, and then the house collapsed in on itself.
“If there is any blessing in it, it’s that my parents were killed instantly. The fire marshal told us they never knew what hit them.”
Susannah wrapped her arms around him and hugged him, hard. Then drew back, her eyes shimmering with tears. “Oh Gabe...” she whispered, “I am so sorry.”
“Yeah, well that’s not the worst part.” He began to tear up. Having gone this far, he figured she might as well know the worst. “The worst part is that my brothers Cade and Travis saw what I didn’t.”
Susannah sat back, listening.
Gabe forced himself to go on. “They instinctively knew it was a bad idea and tried to stop my folks from going back across the street. But I had such complete faith in my parents,” he recollected bitterly, “that they knew what they were doing and were invincible, that I intervened. Played the oldest sibling card and told them to let Mom and Dad do what they had to do. And I held them both back when they would have physically stopped them.”
She jerked in a ragged breath. “How old were you?” she asked empathetically.
Gabe rubbed the knee of his jeans. “Twelve. Cade was ten, Travis eleven.”
Susannah shook her head and covered his hand with her own, stilling its restless motion. “Everyone must have been so devastated.”
An understatement. “They were. And angry at me,” he related miserably, owning up to the aftermath of the mistake. “As they had a right to be. It was because of me that my parents perished.”
Susannah tightened her grip, shaking her head in gentle disagreement. “You were just a kid, Gabe. A kid who was just trying to do what was best in the moment. You had no way of knowing...”
“I let my emotions get in the way of good judgment.”
Never again, he promised himself.
Susannah gave him the space he needed and let go of his hand, then sat back. “What happened after that?” she asked quietly.
Gabe let out a rough breath. “My parents were both orphans, and we had no family who could take us. Social services didn’t have any place to put us all, so they had to split us up, starting that very night.”
Susannah made a soft, empathetic sound.
Gabe plunged on. “We were scattered across six foster homes in southwest Texas. It was two years before Carol and Robert Lockhart could foster all of us together, and a while after that before they were able to formally adopt us all.”
Susannah’s voice quavered. “That must have been so hard on you.”
“It still is.” For once, Gabe made no effort to camouflage his sorrow. His voice caught at the unbearable pain of that memory. “I don’t think I’ll ever get over the grief and the guilt my actions caused my whole family.”
“You can’t let one mistake ruin your life,” she told him fiercely.
“It hasn’t.” He echoed her firm tone.
“Really?” Susannah countered. “Because I think that’s what is behind your constant need to be on the move and the long years you’ve spent away from your family and everyone in your hometown who really cares about you.”
The unexpected accuracy of her intuition stung. “I go where I’m needed,” Gabe said brusquely.
She looked him in the eye, long and hard. Seeing far more than he preferred. “What if you’re needed here more?” she challenged, even more softly.
If she was talking about her and her children, he could see that was true. His heart took on a slow, heavy beat. But there were difficulties with that she still knew nothing about.
Her eyes softened, everything about her inviting him in. “Isn’t it time you let yourself be close to someone again?”
Funny that she would be the one to sense that. “Oh, princess.” Gabe exhaled. She was so smart on so many levels, and so naive on this one. He shook his head at her, stood and moved away, then told her what he knew she would not want to hear. “There’s only one way I want to be close to someone,” he confessed. And she was not cut out for a brief, meaningless affair. Which was the only kind he had. Where it was all about the sex and nothing else. And hence destined to end as soon as it began.
“Then be close to me,” she urged sincerely, returning to his side.
If only it were that simple. But he didn’t want to hurt her. “You don’t know what you’re asking, Susannah.”
She arched a dissenting brow.
His heart twisted in his chest as his conscience intervened. “I’m never going to be the lover you want and need,” he told her sorrowfully. “Never going to let you in...” And if the forbidden happened, and he were really close to her, he’d never be able to keep his promise and protect her...
She stood her ground, looking incredibly determined. “Actually, Gabe,” she declared, shocking the hell out of him by stepping close enough to align her body with his, wrapping her arms about his neck and pressing her lips to his. She sighed softly, wantonly. “I think you’re exactly what I need right now.”
* * *
Susannah couldn’t explain what propelled her into Gabe’s embrace, never mind so impulsively. Except...the adrenaline of the day...the sense that life was fragile...the fact that their previous kisses had demonstrated to her that she had never been wanted like this, or wanted anyone in return...all combined to conjure up a reckless passion within her unlike anything she had ever felt before.
But damn if it didn’t feel good, she thought as she felt his pulse skitter and jump and his body hardened all the more, and she wasn’t about to let it go without exploring it further. Because if today had taught her anything, it was that moments like this could not be wished into reality...they happened or they didn’t. And right now, as he began to kiss her back, deeply and evocatively, this was damn well happening, and she wanted to enjoy every single delicious second of it.
Gabe knew this wasn’t what Brett or Belinda’d had in mind when they had asked him to watch over Susannah in their absence. He also knew, given the many barriers she had erected around her heart, that getting more intimately involved with her was the only way he would ever be able to fulfill that promise.
The fact she w
asn’t looking for forever from him complicated things, to be sure. But he also could tell by the way she was melting into his embrace and kissing him in return that she needed this kind of intimate physical contact and emotional connection, however fleeting, every bit as much as he did right now.
And that knowledge gave him the will to continue. When she unbuttoned his shirt, he slid his hands beneath her top. And the caress of her hands on his bare skin heralded the touch of his hands on hers.
He’d thought the first couple of times he had kissed her had been amazing. Sweet, hot, tempting beyond all reason. But those times were nothing compared to this. Her lips were soft and warm and sweet, and she kissed him with absolutely nothing held back. The blood thundered through him, and he reveled in the soft surrender of her body against his. “My bed okay?”
She grinned against his mouth. “Bed’s good.”
He danced her backward down the hall to the guest room, kissing her all the while. He loved the sexy, feminine scent of her, the way she opened her mouth to the plundering pressure of his.
She splayed her hands across the hardness of his chest, stroking and molding. Both of them were trembling as they made quick work of undressing each other and their clothes fell all the way to the floor.
He was hard and throbbing with need. She was flushed and gorgeous, her skin silky and delicate, and her curves every bit as womanly as he had imagined.
“My scar,” she murmured shyly, her hand going to the line that started just beneath her navel and disappeared into the nest of honey-blond curls.
He moved her fingers, tracing the place where, with the help of the doctors, her babies had emerged to meet the world. He bent to kiss it, too. “You’re beautiful. Inside and out. Don’t ever let yourself think any different...”
Her hands sifted through his hair. She held him close as he claimed her as his. Exploring, loving until she was drunk with pleasure, whimpering and quivering.
Rising, he wrapped his arms around her and brought her close. The softness of her breasts nestled against the hard wall of his chest as his hands explored the silky-smooth softness of her inner thighs, the rounded curves of her buttocks.
And still they kissed. Their lips and tongues mating. Until she rocked against him, leaving him with no doubt about what she wanted. Needed.
He found a condom. Together, they rolled it on, then tumbled onto the bed. He hardened all the more. “Let me,” she whispered, her lips and hands moving over him with utmost care. Tantalizing. Tempting. Drawing it out. Until they were almost there.
Then his hands were on her shoulders, and she was on her back. His gaze locked with hers as he pulled her legs to his waist and slid between her thighs. Her muscles tensed as he used his fingertips to pave the way before he slid home, claiming her as his, letting her claim him in return. And then their bodies melded in boneless pleasure. Yet still they kissed and touched. Rocking together. Rising to greet each other. Their union incredibly sensual, hot and wild. He took his time, possessing her with excruciating slowness, going deeper, harder, until she gasped his name and they both finally went spiraling over the edge.
Long moments passed as they clung together, both in awe at the abandon they had shown.
* * *
As they caught their breath, Gabe rolled so he was on his back and Susannah lay with her arms and legs still wrapped around him, her head against his shoulder. Raw emotion rocked through her. And thoughts. So many thoughts...
“What are you thinking?” Gabe asked quietly. He kissed the inside of her wrist, her elbow, her shoulder.
She turned to him, mischief in her eyes. “That even though this was incredibly reckless of me, I’m not sorry it happened.” His sensual lips curved, encouraging her to continue.
She shrugged. “I can’t say whether it will happen again or not.” She kissed his shoulder, too, loving the solid male warmth of him. “All I know right now is that I needed to be with someone tonight, and so did you and we were here for each other.”
He surveyed her, again seeming to like what he saw. “It’s really that simple for you?”
She tingled in response, much the same way she had when they’d made love. “It hasn’t been in the past.” She frowned. “And I realized today when I was at the hospital that this has become a problem.”
He sat up against the headboard. “How so?”
Aware their time together was dwindling, Susannah rose and began to dress. “I’ve had no difficulty taking risks when it comes to other areas of my life,” she admitted as she shimmied into her panties. Pulling her bra over her breasts, she turned around so he could help her with the clasp. “When Brett and Belinda died and I inherited the embryos and I wanted a family of my own, I leaped into the IVF process.”
His fingers brushed her skin as he fastened the bra.
“And when I was unhappy in my career as a graphic designer in Houston, I quit, moved to Laramie County and started a small business as a pet portrait artist.” Susannah snatched her clothes up off the floor and stepped into them. “But when it came to my love life, I refused to settle for anything less than anyone who was perfect for me in every way. That hasn’t worked out so well.” She turned her back to Gabe again. “It’s left me lonely and alone.”
He obliged her with the zipper on her skirt, too. “So now you’re ready to settle?”
I’m ready to take a chance. On you. Even if it means an intermittent affair. But knowing Gabe wasn’t ready to hear that, Susannah tidied her hair with her fingers and admitted practically, “I decided I need to start taking some chances in this area, too.” Drawing a deep breath, she continued, “I want to be with someone who can help me be more present in my life.”
Gabe rose and began to dress, too. “Like me.”
She sat down on the edge of the bed and slipped on her flats. “I’m so used to being responsible, to being focused on the chaos of the moment in the wake of the kids. I’ve got no time for pleasure. No time for an evening like the one we’re having now.” Rising, she straightened the folds of her skirt. “Maybe it’s selfish, but I want to enjoy this part of my life, too.”
His gaze locked with hers, Gabe buttoned his shirt and tucked it into the waistband of his jeans. “Even though I’m leaving in a few months.”
Susannah shrugged, aware this was the point where she would have cut him out of her life completely in the past. Now, she didn’t want to do that. She held her hands wide. “All the more reason for us to take the here and now and enjoy it to the max...”
He studied her, his own feelings inscrutable. Worried he might be about to end it, already, for both their sakes, she went up on tiptoe to deliver another kiss. Sweet and persuasive this time. “It doesn’t have to be forever. It just has to be right, in the moment, and tonight it was...” she kissed him again, even more persuasively “so...right...”
Gabe gazed down at her for a long, thoughtful moment. “Promise me,” he told her gruffly. “Whatever happens, there’ll be no regrets.”
Susannah gazed up at him resolutely. “Not. A. One.”
* * *
“As much as I’d like to stay awhile longer,” Susannah remarked shortly thereafter, “it’s time for me to collect my van and go and pick up my kids.”
Regret shimmered through Gabe, along with a flash of guilt. How could he have forgotten about the quintuplets? Another sign what a bad bet as a lover and potential family man he was? Or just a sign at how right he and Susannah were for each other, that they had temporarily managed to shut out the entire rest of the world...even if it had only been for an incredibly enticing and satisfying half an hour? “I can go with you.” He put on his shoes, rose.
She paused. “I don’t know if that’s wise.”
He couldn’t let her go thinking a onetime hookup was all this was or would ever be. Not when they had just glimpsed the potential of their future. “It’s late. They’
ve got to be tired.” He watched her hesitate. “Just wrangling them into your van could be a challenge.”
“Good point. But just so you know, what happened here tonight doesn’t change anything. I’m not expecting anything from you because of this. You don’t have to date me or even call me again about anything but the portrait. I know this was a crazy day, and both our emotions are running high.”
He fell into step beside her as they headed out to the truck. “You think that’s why this happened?”
“Don’t you?”
She was right. He was leaving. She was staying. There were five kids between them that could be hurt by this. Bottom line, the two of them couldn’t be more wrong for each other in the long run. And yet, in the short run, over the course of the summer, he wanted it to work out. He wanted them to be able to bring happiness and passion to each other, for as long as they could. Even if it meant parting would be difficult in the end. And just how insensible was that?
* * *
“You’re half an hour earlier than we were expecting,” Mitzy greeted them at the backyard gate. “And you look a lot more chill than I expected you would.”
Probably because she’d just made love. Trying to hide that, Susannah said, “A nice leisurely dinner with an adult will do that for you.”
Mitzy studied her with a smile. “I’m just glad to see you and Gabe are finally getting along.”
“Mommy! Look!” Levi shouted. “We’re blowing bubbles while we wait for the fireflies to come out!”
Susannah looked at Mitzy. “Thanks for jumping in today.” She reached out and caught Gretchen, who stumbled with fatigue. “I’ve really got to get them home.”
The other woman watched her four boys try to play an overly boisterous game of leapfrog while waving their bubble wands. “Ours are fading fast, too.”
Susannah motioned for her crew to gather round. “We’re going to have to catch fireflies another evening,” Susannah told the kids.
His Plan for the Quintuplets Page 12
