“Oh.” She released a breath and brought her hand up to her cheek. “Of course. I’m so silly, I actually forgot. But yes, we should go back.”
We. He was happy to hear that, but it was likely that she still wasn’t thinking straight. She didn’t need to go back.
“Not we baby. Just me. You need to be here with your mom.” He gave her hand a soft squeeze as she held his gaze. He could tell she was processing it now, and the clarity of the situation was revealing itself to her.
“Josh. I…”
“You need to be here for however long she needs you.”
She looked at their hands joined together, then lifted her gaze back up to meet his eyes. “I don’t know what to say to you. It’s so stupid that I didn’t remember you had to go back. I completely forgot that the first game is just weeks away.” A tear ran down her cheek. “There’s so much to do and organize.”
“Don’t worry about that.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll be fine. I will. And I’ll call you every chance I get.”
“You promise?”
“Of course.” He nodded. More tears ran down her cheeks and he wiped them away. Josh pulled her in for a hug and kissed her.
Then it was goodbye. He thought he’d leave quickly because prolonging his departure would be harder.
Hours later he got back to L.A. As he stepped into his empty house he felt odd. It felt odd. The life that Amy brought to it would no longer be there.
He was alone, again, and left to his devices.
It was easier to change his ways and find strength to beat his alcohol addiction when she was here. She made him a better person. She balanced him and gave him something to look forward to on a daily basis.
He wasn’t about to fall back into old habits—no, definitely not—but he didn’t know how he was going to do anything without her.
He remembered that week when Corey came by and implied that a good woman was what he needed. Josh had thought the idea of being with one woman was completely absurd. His thoughts had dramatically changed after he first kissed Amy. Now all he could think of was her.
Josh got very little sleep that night and woke earlier than normal. He’d even cleaned up the rose petals and other stuff he had lying around for the special night he’d planned for her. By the time Hilda came in there wasn’t much for her to do.
“How is she?” she asked. He’d filled her in over the weekend.
“She’s fine, and her mother should make a good recovery.” He smiled, doing his best to hide his emotions.
“How long is she going to be away?”
That was a good question. “Well um, the doctors said her mother needed ten weeks to recover, but she…um. Well, she doesn’t need this job anymore, really, I suppose.” He brought his hand up to his stubbly chin and ran it over his face.
Hilda offered him a kind smile. “But she will come back for you.”
He looked at her and appreciated her kindness. “I don’t know, Hilda. I don’t know if she sees me like that. I might not see her again.”
Hilda shook her head. “Josh, it’s Amy, of course you will.” She looked at him like the thought of that happening was ridiculous. He wished that he could see it that way. He wished he could see what Hilda saw, but right now the possibility of not seeing Amy again scared him. “Trust me. Just give her some time to get over this incident with her mom. That was a real good thing you did for her. You’re a good man, Josh. I know she’ll come back.”
He pulled in a breath and hoped for the best.
Hearty laughter rippled through the air, travelling on the edge of the warm summer breeze along with the delicious aroma of an assortment of food.
Amy brought her knees to her chest as she sat by the window in her room and gazed out at her family and friends having fun in the back garden. While Tristan and his friend, Peter, stood behind the barbecue serving burgers, Amy’s little cousins ran around with their black Labrador in tow. Alecia, the oldest of the children, had just taken Uncle Tom’s toupee, again. The kids thought it hilarious; Uncle Tom, on the other hand, was well and truly annoyed. That was the fifth time that the kids had taken his hair right off his head and he was now too tired to chase them, and the dog too. It was funny. Her family had a way of creating their own drama and entertaining themselves. Amy could see Cynthia and Larissa, her friends from high school, killing themselves with laughter.
Everyone had turned up, it was nice.
It was Sunday, and Sunday always meant a big get together at her mother’s house. This particular Sunday was special, though, because it was the first get together since her mother had gotten sick.
Her mother was doing remarkably well, and even though she still required a lot of care and support, Amy could see the massive difference in her. She’d been here now for eight weeks and had witnessed her getting significantly better each day. It was actually the healthiest her mother had looked in years. A new heart was definitely what she needed. A strong new heart that would save her and give her the chance for a longer life with all the happiness she deserved.
The whole family had turned up today for this grand barbeque her brother and cousin had done. Music played and everyone was having a real good time.
Amy, however, couldn’t join them.
She couldn’t bring herself to join in the celebration because her mind was on Josh. Having her mother look so alive and healthy was the best thing could ever ask for, but she missed Josh so much it made her heart ache.
Over the last few weeks they’d messaged and called each other as often as they could, but that probably wouldn’t last.
The football season started in ten days. She’d really wanted to be there to support him and watch him play.
Everything was different now. She hadn’t been his PA in eight weeks, so she was sure he had someone else. And…she had to be realistic, he was Joshua Mancini. She was certain he’d had someone else in other respects too. Amy wasn’t his girlfriend. Men like him didn’t have girlfriends, and if they did they’d always have someone on the side. She wasn’t like the walking Barbie doll types he’d been with, and that told her everything she needed to know. She didn’t fit into his world.
“There you are.” Her mother came into her room with a tray of food from the barbeque.
“Mama, you shouldn’t be serving me. I should be taking care of you.”
“Sweet girl, that is all you’ve been doing this whole time, and all your life.” She rested the tray on her desk and sat on the edge of the bed. Amy turned to face her.
Jill, her sister-in-law, had cut her mother’s hair so that it was now shoulder length and had what she called Farrah Fawcett flicks. Her mother looked good, younger even with the great hair style and peach summer dress that hugged her figure.
“I’m supposed to look after you.” Amy smiled.
“You do and I love you for that. But I’m supposed to look after you too. So, talk to me. I know what’s up with you, but I’m just going to ask anyway.”
Her mother’s deep southern accent was always refreshing to hear. That and the animated expressions she’d make as she talked.
“It’s nothing.”
“Nothing? No girlie, I know the look of pining all too well when I see it. I also may have been off my face on anesthetics, but when I saw your football angel I knew you weren’t just his PA.”
She hadn’t exactly told her mother about her relationship with Josh. And it seemed like she might not have to.
“I’m that transparent, huh?” Amy twiddled her fingers and looked down at the plaid pattern on her bed sheets.
“It wasn’t you. It was him.” Her mother smiled.
Amy looked up. “Him?”
Her smile brightened and her green eyes sparkled with delight. “Oh yes. So the question is what are we going to do?”
Amy didn’t follow what she meant. “I’m not sure what you mean. Things have changed a lot. I’ve been away for awhile.” And Josh most likely replaced
her in all departments. Any woman could have landed in his lap and then they’d end up doing the wild dance.
“That shouldn’t matter. I wish that I could have someone look at me like that.” Her mother looked away and Amy knew the sudden lost look in her eyes was for her father. “But my time has passed.”
“You’re thinking about Dad.” Amy was always grateful that she could be upfront and speak her mind.
“I’m always.” She looked back to her. “No one has seen him in over twenty years, but I still think of him. I stupidly thought he’d come back when I got so sick. I thought some magical force would bring him back to me.”
This was Amy’s biggest fear. Becoming like this.
“It’s time to stop thinking about him,” she told her, hating to break her heart.
“Yes. Definitely. It’s definitely time to stop.” She nodded with a soft smile. Amy was glad to hear her say that, and glad she looked so determined. It seemed like her illness was a wakeup call in every sense of its meaning. “Anyway, back to you. I don’t need you here.”
“Mama, that’s way harsh.” Amy giggled.
“Oh no, I don’t mean to be. But it’s true. Tristan will be able to help me out if I need it.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m not saying anything, I’m just telling you that I don’t need you here. You can decide for yourself what you’d like to do with that info.” She smiled.
Amy smiled back and thought about it. She’d taken many risks before.
Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to take one more.
For her it was worth a try.
Chapter 18
Josh decided to sleep in. His whole body ached and felt like a truck had run over him backwards and forwards several times.
He was going to take it easy today and stay in. It was Saturday morning and come next week they would be training every day from sun up till sun down until the first match. Coach Simpson wanted them to go in hard. He’d upped the game dramatically and changed everything up. Josh felt sorry for the Centaurs. Losing would hit them hard.
Josh felt it was going to be a game to be reckoned with and he was seriously looking forward to it.
He’d really pushed himself, really tried to focus and do all he had to do. But it was hard.
He missed Amy too much and life wasn’t the same without her. He didn’t get another PA. Instead he asked Hilda to help out and he did the rest. It just didn’t feel right to replace Amy. He’d told Zelda that she’d be back in a few weeks, even though he knew there was a chance she wouldn’t be back at all.
He tried to hold back during his calls to Amy and never reveal how much he missed her because he didn’t want her to feel bad. She was where she needed to be and he had to respect that.
When she was here Josh had always imagined her at the first game, standing with his father, cheering for him. Just like his mother and Clarissa used to.
He then imagined being with her all the time, taking her out, going on long walks on the beach, and listening to her talk about her designs.
Josh just missed her. He didn’t know if it was okay but he planned to go see her when he had a clear weekend. Perhaps when her mother had fully recovered, because he didn’t want to impose.
He went downstairs and heard the TV. He must have left it on last night, but he couldn’t remember leaving it on the Cartoon Network. That stupid Cow and Chicken show was on. He hated it and couldn’t imagine what would possess someone to come up with shit like that.
Josh made his way into the living room to turn it off but froze at the entrance. He stopped and his heart seized within him.
Just before him was the beautiful blonde woman who he saw in his dreams every night. Actually, he didn’t need to be asleep to dream about her, he thought about her all the time, so much that he swore he hallucinated her presence.
Was this what that was? Just a dream?
He watched her sitting on the sofa, munching on a piece of toast. She looked ahead at the TV just as that dreadful cow was about to eat that disgusting meal of pork butts.
Maybe he was still asleep and this was just a figment of his imagination.
Why would Amy come back?
Why would she come back to him?
Josh brought his hand to his mouth as his Amy turned and looked back at him.
“You have no cereal, and this bread tastes weird,” she stated, smoothing a lock of her beautiful, shiny hair behind her ear.
He watched her grimace at the bread but finish off the last piece anyway.
“Amy.” He said her name just louder than a whisper, more to himself than to her as he tried to work out if she really was here.
She gave him one of those sweet smiles and stood up, bringing her hands together over her gray skirt. Just like in his dreams it floated about her golden legs, luring him to stare.
Her eyes fixed on him and she looked cautious. “I hope it was okay to come here. I wasn’t sure if you were busy.” Her gaze shifted nervously to the hallway behind him then back to his face. “Or, if maybe you had company.”
God, she thought he’d been sleeping around again. He didn’t know what to say. He was too shocked to see her, and his feelings for her overwhelmed him to the point where he couldn’t talk.
Instead he moved towards her and interrupted her next words with a kiss. It felt so good to kiss her. And to hold her. She was like pure energy to his soul and he experienced this euphoric blast of vigor as he touched her.
He held her face as he pulled away to look down at her. “You came back to me.”
She nodded and smiled at him. “Yes, I came back…to you.”
“What about your mom?” He was just trying to be unselfish.
“She sent me away,” she chuckled. “She’s doing a lot better and apparently doesn’t need me. She thought I might be needed here more. For work.”
“For work?” Josh narrowed his eyes.
“Yes, it’s a busy week ahead, right? You might have needed me for filing, and doing all that PA stuff.”
This was one thing he’d noticed about her that always stood out to him. While he was very open with how he felt, it took a while for her to express her feelings. She’d dance around them as much as she could and he’d have to drag it out of her. Even when she had evidence to confirm how he felt about her, she still veered on the side of caution.
“Amy, screw the PA stuff. I don’t give a shit about files and whatever the hell else Zelda told you to do. I missed you, and you know I don’t have company. Who would if they have you?”
Her eyes never left his; she looked at him and he saw a mixture of different feelings. He saw gratitude, admiration, but also fear.
“I missed you too. I missed you a lot and I thought I was going to miss the chance to see you play.” Her voice sounded shaky like she might cry. He took her hand into his and brought it up to his lips.
“The game doesn’t matter. This does.” He moved her hand, referring to the connection they shared. “And we’re talking far too much.”
She giggled as he swooped down and lifted her up. When she kissed him he knew this would be one of those days when they’d confine themselves to the bed.
Amy wrapped her arms around Josh and allowed him to carry her upstairs. Her mother had practically pushed her through the door and banished her from coming back until she was happy.
It was more her concern and worry over her mother that kept her in Atlanta. Had her mother been well, Amy would have been running through the door herself and into Josh’s arms.
She had her own host of worries about him, her own fears about her ever-increasing feelings for him, but during these moments when they were together she forgot everything and her heart took over.
All she wanted was him.
He took her to his room instead. He’d never said why they always went to her room, but she knew it was because he felt awkward about it.
But here they were inside his room, and as he set her down on the bed she coul
d see all the changes he’d made. The bed, for a start, was new; he’d also painted the room a soft blue, replacing the previous green wall paper. Everything was pristine and tidy, and looked like it belonged to someone else.
“You changed everything,” she stated, still looking around.
“It seemed fitting.” The smile in his turquoise eyes contained a sensuous flame. She’d missed those eyes so much in the last few weeks. And the way he looked at her. It was the way he was looking at her now, like she was precious to him. She’d walk to the edge of the Earth to see and feel that look. Like always it had the ability to wipe away everything bad that had ever happened to her, and all she saw was tenderness, passion, and admiration.
“And the bed?” She was trying to compose herself. Trying to still her wild-beating heart. She couldn’t describe to anyone what she felt right now. It was too great for even her to accept and comprehend.
“The only person I want to share it with is you,” he replied.
She’d worried for nothing and blew her fears out of proportion. The way he looked at her told her she had.
He lowered to her and kissed her clothes off. Soon they were wrapped in a tangled web of passion and, like always, she felt that rush of desire course through her body. It quenched her thirst for him and sated the hunger that rippled throughout her.
That was all she remembered of reality. The rest was pure raw emotion that couldn’t be labeled. No words on Earth described how good she felt, and good was an understatement. It was just the beginning, and deep down Amy knew what she felt had no end.
They never left that bed. They made love until sleep took them and repeated the same process as the days went by.
She resumed her PA duties, but as soon as he got home from training they’d end up in bed again.
The night before the first game she lay awake, wide awake, and fully aware as truth hit her hard.
She loved him. She loved Josh.
She was in love with him, and it terrified her. It terrified her to a great degree and it made her feel quite shaky and insecure.
Shape Of My Heart Page 21
