by Janice Lynn
Her heart ached with missing him, but it was better things had ended sooner rather than later. The longer their dalliance had gone on the more difficult their demise would have been. The harder on Carrie.
The harder on Natalie.
She didn’t think she could handle much more than her current devastation. She missed him so much. Missed Carrie so much, too. Not that she was admitting it to anyone. Not to Monica, Suzie or Dr. Luiz, who’d stopped by to question her about what had happened between her and Matthew.
Nothing. Nothing had happened.
Nothing ever would happen.
The University of Florida had contacted her about a research opportunity for a new surgical device they hoped to bring to the market and needed someone to head up the project. They’d requested she come for an interview.
An interview she was considering.
She wouldn’t have to see Matthew anymore. Wouldn’t have to think of him anymore. Would be able to forget he’d ever existed.
Nor would she have to wonder about Carrie. Wonder how the little girl was healing, how she was coping with having her arm in a sling.
She didn’t want to think about Matthew, or Carrie.
She’d go to the interview. What would it hurt to find out more?
“Have you seen Carrie?”
At Matthew’s barging into her office, Natalie jumped, startled at his interruption and frantic appearance. “What? No, why would I have seen her?”
The hopeful expression on his face fell, replaced by one of pure wreckage. “She’s gone. She was in the yard at preschool, there one minute and gone the next. Video surveillance shows her on a computer, then sneaking out. They’ve already got the police out looking for her.”
Panic filled Natalie. The girl was only four. So many things could have happened.
He glanced around her office as if still hoping to spot the child. “I think she overheard me talking to Elaine about arranging for her to go and live with them.”
Shock reverberated through Natalie. “What? Why would you do that?”
“Because I thought she’d be better off without me.” He sighed, raked his fingers through his hair, turning quickly to leave. “If you hear from her, call me.”
Standing, Natalie nodded. “Can I help look for her?”
He paused, his shoulders sagging, and nodded. “There are officers on their way to talk to me, get photos of her, et cetera.” His pale eyes lifted, full of pain. “Liz told Elaine that Carrie had been talking about taking a trip. I think she’s run away because she thinks I don’t want her anymore.” His voice broke, then he sucked in a deep breath. “The police are checking the airport and bus stations in case she made it that far.” His eyes bereft blue pools, he met her gaze. “What am I going to do if I don’t find her?”
Despite everything wrong between them, Natalie couldn’t help herself. She walked to the other side of her desk and wrapped her arms around him tight. “I’m so sorry, Matthew. I know they’ll find her soon and you can tell her how much you love and need her.”
He nodded, then seemed to realize he was standing still instead of looking for Carrie, and extricated himself from her hold. “I’d better go. The police are coming to the house.”
Natalie would have offered to go with him, but he left her office as quickly as he’d burst into it.
Carrie was gone. She had possibly run away. Had possibly overheard Matthew talking to his sister about letting Carrie live with her family. Had she felt the same abandonment Natalie had when she’d been shuffled from one foster home to another?
Walking around to her desk, Natalie closed out her computer program. Her brain was shot. She wasn’t going to accomplish anything until Carrie was found. The sheer terror she felt at the thought of the girl being on her own couldn’t begin to compare to what Matthew must be feeling.
Especially as he was blaming himself.
She wanted to be with him. To comfort him. To help him look for Carrie. But she had no right. He’d only come to her, asked if she’d seen the child because he’d been desperate and had thought Carrie might have reached out to her. If only.
Natalie pulled her phone from her scrubs pocket and checked it, hoping it would magically ring and Carrie be on the other end. Nothing happened, of course.
Restless, she flipped through her messages. One in particular caught her eye.
An alert from Memphis Zoo.
Heart pounding, Natalie grabbed her keys and purse.
* * *
Natalie searched the crowd in front of the giraffe exhibit at the zoo. Not an easy feat as the pending birth of Zoie had captured more than just Carrie’s heart and people were everywhere, waiting to catch their first glimpse of the giraffe. The weather was just windy enough to have folks bundled up in light jackets and hats.
Please be here, Natalie prayed. Please. Please. Please.
Continuing to make her way through the big-screen spectators, Natalie was just about to decide she’d been ridiculous to think she’d known where the girl was when a familiar voice called out.
“Natalie! I knew you’d come!” Carrie beamed, jumping up and down in her excitement. “Isn’t it wonderful?”
Finding her was the most wonderful thing ever.
Natalie collapsed to her knees and pulled the girl into her arms, being careful not to jar Carrie’s left arm, safely tucked into its sling.
“Carrie,” she breathed against the child’s head. “Never run off like that again! Thank God you’re okay.”
When she pulled back, the girl was eyeing her curiously and giggled. “I’m not the one having a baby giraffe.”
If not for the seriousness of the moment, Natalie would have smiled at the child’s logic. “Everyone is looking for you. We were scared something had happened. Your Uncle Matthew is beside himself.”
A sheepish look came over Carrie’s face. “I’m in trouble, aren’t I?”
Still not quite believing she’d found her, Natalie nodded. “You really scared him, your family, me,” she added, pulling her phone out to call Matthew. “You shouldn’t have left without telling anyone where you were going.”
“But I wanted to see Zoie be born and I was going to go back to school before time to be picked up!”
Natalie’s heart pounded as Matthew picked up on the first ring.
“I’m with Carrie,” she rushed out, wanting to ease his worry as quickly as possible. “We’re at the zoo.”
Matthew’s breath whooshed out over the phone. “The zoo? She’s okay?”
“She’s fine. I found her at the giraffe exhibit. They have a big screen set up as Zoie is about to be born. She wanted to be here.”
“Thank God.” He disconnected the call to notify his family that he’d found Carrie.
“Is he mad?”
Staring at the child, Natalie nodded. “You gave him a bad fright. He loves you very, very much.”
Carrie nodded, then looked uncertain. “I make his life,” she paused, sounding out the word, “complicated.”
Which must be part of what she’d overheard with his conversation with his sister.
“Don’t worry about that now, okay? Your Uncle Matthew would do anything for you, Carrie. He wants you to have the very best in life.” Carrie nodded as if she understood what Natalie was saying, but Natalie wasn’t sure the child did, or even could at her young age. “Why didn’t you just wait and ask him bring you to the zoo after preschool?”
“It might have been too late. I might have missed Zoie being born!”
Unsure what to say, Natalie hugged the little girl, then sat down on the pavement next to her to watch the screen along with the dozens of others who were there. When Carrie scooted next to her, Natalie automatically pulled her into her lap and wrapped her arms around her. Carrie laced their fingers and leaned back against her as if it was the
most natural thing in the world.
This, Natalie found herself thinking again. She wanted this.
Was that why she’d run from the hospital? Because of how much she wanted Matthew and Carrie as her own? Because of how it had hit her, scared her?
On the big screen, they watched as little Zoie came into the world, and cheers sounded from all around. Natalie and Carrie cheered right along with the others.
Carrie cocked her head, grinning up at Natalie with a look of pure awe. “That was amazing.”
It was.
Sharing the moment with Carrie had been amazing, too.
She might have said more, but her phone rang.
“Where are you? I can’t spot you in this crowd.”
Helping Carrie to her feet first, Natalie stood, spotted Matthew and waved.
“There. I see you.”
He disconnected the call.
Carrie’s hand slipped into hers. “I don’t want to leave until Zoie takes her first step! Make Uncle Matthew promise!”
“I’m not sure I can stop him.”
Carrie looked up at her with big, trusting eyes. “Just ask him to stay and he will. He’d do anything for you.”
Natalie wasn’t so sure.
“Carrie.” Matthew scooped the child into his arms, hugged her close, kissed the top of her head. “I have never been so scared in my whole life.”
“Sorry,” came the muffled reply.
He set her down, knelt to her level. “What you did isn’t okay, but we’ll talk about it when we get home.” Holding on to Carrie’s hand, he stood. “Thank you so much for finding her, Natalie.”
Carrie gave Natalie a pleading look.
“You’re welcome. Can Carrie watch with me a few more minutes?” At Matthew’s look of complete confusion, Natalie added, “Please. It would mean a lot if Carrie could watch Zoie’s first steps with me.”
“Please, Uncle Matthew?” Carrie said, giving him a big-eyed look. “It would mean a lot to me, too.”
He glanced down at the girl, tugged at the hair that poked out from beneath her cap. “I’m not sure you get a say at the moment. I still can’t believe you did this. You’re not going to be playing with that tablet computer for a long time.”
Carrie hesitated at that, then cranked up the volume of her big brown eyes. Matthew sighed.
“But, since we’re here, it would be a shame to miss Zoie’s first steps.”
* * *
After Matthew had reassured his family that Carrie was okay yet again, bathed the child and put her to bed, he turned to the woman who’d been with him all evening. He’d expected Natalie to leave right after his arrival at the zoo, but she hadn’t.
Probably because smart little Carrie had used her as a shield from how upset he was at what she’d done. They’d had a long talk and the child had promised never to pull a similar stunt again.
“I’ve been meaning to ask—how did you know she’d be at the zoo?” he asked when he went back into his living room.
Natalie shrugged. “After you left my office, I pulled my phone out and saw the alert that Zoie was about to be born.”
“Thank God you did. Anything could have happened to her.”
“You have to admit, what she did was quite impressive for a child that’s not quite five. You’re going to have your hands full when she hits her teenaged years.” Natalie averted her gaze, then asked a question so soft he barely heard. “I heard you talking to her in her room. Did you mean what you told her?”
“About how foolish I was to think I could ever let her go live with anyone other than myself?”
Natalie nodded.
“Every word. She’s mine. For better or worse, she’s stuck with me for the rest of her life. I was a fool to think I could let her go, that she’d be better off elsewhere.”
“Good. She loves you. Not that that doesn’t mean she’s not going to give you a run for your money at times.”
“That she will,” he agreed, sinking onto the sofa next to her. “You going to help me keep her in line when she does?”
A look of guilt passed over her face. “Who knows where either of us will be when Carrie’s older?”
Then he knew. Natalie planned to leave Memphis.
A new wave of panic swept over him. Different from the one that had hit him when he’d learned Carrie was missing, but one that ripped at his insides all the same.
“When?”
“When what?”
“When are you leaving?”
“I’m sorry.” She went to stand. “I didn’t mean to stay beyond my welcome.”
He grabbed her wrist, pulled her back down beside him. “That isn’t what I mean and you know it.”
“I can’t give you an answer on where I’ll be in ten years.”
“Or even in six months?”
Another flash of guilt contorted her face. “I’d rather not discuss it.”
“Because you’re leaving Memphis Children’s?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t say you weren’t.”
She dropped her head back against the sofa, closed her eyes. “It would be better for both of us if I left.”
Matthew was suddenly struck by the memory that Robert had always said someday he’d meet someone and know exactly how Robert had felt about Carolyn. Matthew hadn’t really believed his friend. What Robert and Carolyn had had wasn’t what most people had. It wasn’t what anyone else Matthew had ever known had had. They’d been best friends and colleagues as well as lovers.
He finally understood what his friend had been telling him.
Understood and wanted all it had to offer.
He took her hand into his. “I want you, Natalie. In my life. In Carrie’s life, helping me with her. Because I’m falling for you.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
NATALIE WAS SURE she’d misheard. Matthew couldn’t have just said he was falling for her. Why would he say that? Why now?
But she knew. The scare with Carrie had him overly emotional tonight.
“I think you’re just grateful I helped you find Carrie and that’s why you think you want me.”
He laughed. “You think how I feel toward you is gratitude?”
“That and that your friends died and you have a void in your life, Matthew. A void you’re trying to fill and I just happened to come along at the right time.”
“Robert dying gutted me. He was my best friend from my earliest memories. But you and I have nothing to do with any of that.” He stood, paced across his living room. “But if that’s what your thoughts are when I tell you I’m falling for you, then I guess that says everything, doesn’t it?”
“I suppose so.” She stood, knowing it was past time she left. She should have gone long ago. Or not have given in to Carrie’s request that she come home with them in the first place.
She might not have, except she’d been so worried about the girl, felt so connected to her, and wanted to make sure Matthew reassured her that he wasn’t ever going to leave her.
He wasn’t. Natalie knew that in her heart. Carrie would always be loved and cared for.
* * *
“Thanks for coming, Dr. Sterling. I’d thought you’d want to be here.”
“You thought right.” At the call from Dr. Robards, Natalie had dropped what she was doing and scrubbed in for surgery. Cesarean sections weren’t her thing, but she did want to be there for this particular one.
“I wish we’d had longer before Delaine went into labor.”
“Me too, but I couldn’t get the labor stopped and can’t delay any longer without worrying the baby is going to get into distress.”
“A month is a blessing,” Natalie assured, following him into the surgical suite where Delaine’s baby would soon be born. “I just hoped for l
onger healing time prior to birth.”
“As did we all.”
Natalie glanced at Matthew. She should have known that Dr. Robards would have called him, too. Actually, the room was filled with neonatologists and specialists, all ready to jump into action when Delaine’s baby entered the world.
Natalie avoided meeting Matthew’s gaze. What was the point?
They’d said what needed to be said.
Two weeks had passed since Carrie’s zoo trip. Two weeks in which Natalie had missed Matthew and the little girl, but knew she was doing the right thing in staying away.
She’d flown to Florida the previous Friday, met with the execs who had the power to extend the generous package she’d been offered. It was a wonderful opportunity, but she’d yet to make her final commitment.
“Witnessed many births?” Dr. Robards asked.
Natalie wasn’t sure whether he spoke to Matthew or to her, but Matthew was who answered.
“I delivered a few babies during med school, but the only one I’ve been in on for the past ten years is my goddaughter’s.”
Dr. Robards made a cut along Delaine’s bikini line close to where she’d been cut for last month’s surgery on the baby’s heart. “Nothing like witnessing the miracle of life. Been in on thousands, but each one never fails to humble me.”
Within seconds, he was pulling Delaine’s baby from her womb, handing her over to the nurse, who brought her to the waiting incubator and neonatologist.
The neonatologist worked rapidly on the premature baby, doing a quick assessment, clearing the airway and inserting a breathing tube.
While monitors and lines were attached, Natalie and Matthew performed an ultrasound on the baby’s tiny heart.
“We have good flow,” Natalie said, relief filling her. Delaine’s baby was early, but, at thirty weeks, had a fighting chance. “Just look. Her little heart is working.”
* * *
Matthew tried not to let Natalie’s joy get to him, but was happy with what he was seeing, too. The baby’s chest, although scarred, looked great for a month out from surgery. As they’d predicted, healing had been accelerated in utero.
