Love for the Holidays (five book Christmas bundle)

by Noelle Adams

  “Can I join you?” She whirled around, the server gripped in her hand, and Kyle flashed a sleepy grin at her jumpiness. “Sorry to startle you. I got cold and lonely.”

  The unintended pout in his last words tugged at her gut. He didn’t seem to notice as he wrapped a warm arm around her waist and nuzzled his face into her neck. Then he took over, lifting a large wedge of cake onto the plate and gestured for her to follow him to the bed area, now bathed in the soft glow of his reading lamp. They climbed onto the mattress and sat facing each other, cross-legged, with the blanket covering their laps, the plate resting on Kyle’s knee between them. He offered her the first bite, and she closed her eyes as the tangy flavours rioted across her tongue. It was smooth and sweet, with a hint of citrus. Lemon? No, lime. Heavy enough to be decadent, but it melted in her mouth and she groaned for more.

  “Where on earth did you get this?” She plucked the last bit of ginger biscuit crust off the plate with nimble fingers. As Kyle pouted, she waved her hand to the kitchen. “Oh no! You want more, it’s out there. This bite is all mine.”

  “It’s amazing, eh? Carrie offers a limited number of take-home desserts every day. She’s a goddess.” Laney arched her eyebrow, and Kyle let out a gentle laugh. “She’s also my sister-in-law. She owns the coffee shop in town.”

  She let out a sigh of relief and the laughter grew. Dammit. “The redhead. Karen’s best friend.” He nodded, lips still twitching in mirth. “Right. I met her when I was in town on Christmas Eve, she seems lovely.”

  Kyle set the plate aside and tugged her toward him for a soft kiss. “You’re lovely.”

  “I can’t bake like this. Or at all.”

  “You don’t need to, that’s why we have Carrie in our lives.”

  He meant his family, but the inadvertent reference to the two of them as a single unit still did something funny in her chest. “It’s a bit far for me to drive just for cheesecake.”

  “There’s more for you here than just dessert.” This time the suggestion was clear and deliberate, and that funny feeling crystalized into bittersweet pain. Kyle flicked off the light and tugged her into the crook of his arm. “I don’t want to freak you out, or push you, at all. I like you, a lot, and I don’t see why this—” he waved his hand over their bodies “—needs to be a one-time thing.”

  Laney swallowed hard around the lump in her throat, and she willed herself not to cry. If she cried, she would run away, and much to her surprise, she didn’t want to do that this time. She wanted to tough out this conversation and get to the other side. “Oh, Kyle,” she said with a heavy breath. “I don’t see how it can be anything but. My life is in Chicago, and that’s not going to change.”

  “You don’t see yourself ever moving back home?” Kyle asked the big question without judgment or expectation, and a tiny fissure split the surface of her heart. Every step of her career had taken her further from Wardham, from Kyle, and now she was realizing too late that she didn’t leave an emergency hatch in the master plan. Even if they explored a long-distance relationship, her life had no room for compromise. No room for her to be the true partner that Kyle deserved. She couldn’t lead him on. She took a deep breath, and swallowed past the growing knot.

  “It would be impossible.” She shook her head. “I can practice plastic surgery anywhere, but I work with a cleft palate reconstruction team at the children’s hospital…”

  “And there’s nothing like that here.” To her surprise, Kyle nodded. “You feel really strongly about making a difference for those children.”

  “How did you…” Laney pulled her head up and stared at Kyle.

  He shrugged. “Twitter.”

  She sank into his chest. His heartbeat was slow and steady. Why was he not more shaken by the conversation? Another fissure slithered into existence and she blinked hard. His hand stroked up and down her back, calm and sure, and nothing made sense. “Kyle…”

  “Shhh. It’s okay.”

  It wasn’t, and she didn’t know how to fix it. “I wish we had more time.”

  “I’ll come and visit you. March Break maybe, or the summer.”

  Yes, please. She selfishly wanted to block off all long weekends and holidays in both of their calendars. Shame flooded her gut at the half-life she could offer him. “Is that a good idea?”

  “Is it a bad idea?”

  “There’s no happy ending for us.” Her voice cracked. “Probably easier to deal with that now and figure out a way to stay friends.”

  Kyle didn’t say anything, but he kept stroking her back as if she hadn’t just tried to break up with him. The silence stretched, and she realized he wasn’t going to respond.

  “Kyle?”

  “Laney?” She swore she could hear a smile in his voice, and she twisted around to see his face. He gazed back at her with a curious look. “Do we need to have this conversation right now?”

  She didn’t know when would ever be a good time. Never. Stop trying to break up with him. Move back to Wardham and have all of his babies. This time the fissure wasn’t so small, and as her heart split in two, she felt the first tear slip down the side of her nose.

  “No, no, no. Goddamn it, why are you crying?” Kyle rolled her underneath him, holding himself up above her body with his forearms. He nuzzled her nose with his, grabbing her gaze.

  “I can’t give you what you want.”

  “I want you.”

  “You want your own family photo to add to the collection on the fridge.” She sniffed, her breath hitching in her chest. “You want kids.”

  He thought he was prepared for any objection, but he hadn’t planned on that one. “You don’t want a family?”

  Fat tears rolled down her cheeks as she shook her head in misery.

  A lot of different words crowded to the tip of his tongue, but none sounded just right. This was too important to guess at, so Kyle just tipped his head, touching his forehead to Laney’s. He hoped she could see how much he loved her in his eyes. He wanted to tell her, but not in response to tears or drama.

  Her breath was still hitching in her chest as she tried to stifle little sobs, and he smoothed over her hair and down her cheek. “Shhhh. Sweetheart, it’s okay.”

  “Stop say..saying that.” She turned her head to the side, pressing her face into the pillow.

  Kyle rolled off her with a sigh. Nothing she could say would sway how he felt, or what he was going to do, but he didn’t want to steamroll her either. He traced lazy patterns on her back until her breathing returned to normal, trying to show her in actions what she didn’t want to hear.

  He wouldn’t trade Laney for an alternate life with children and another woman as his wife. There was no doubt in his mind about that. If she didn’t want children, then they wouldn’t have any. But she was wrong about not wanting a family. Kyle was going to be there, steady and quiet and constant, until she realized that they were a unit.

  It wasn’t going to happen overnight. He wouldn’t walk away from his job, so he had told her the truth. The next step was him visiting Chicago on the next school break. And maybe setting up some appointments with elementary school principals while he was there. He turned the plan over in his mind, pleased with himself. He opened his mouth to tell Laney in no uncertain terms that she was everything he could ever want, but the words died in his throat when her phone rang.

  She leapt out of bed with a curse. Who would be calling her in the middle of the night? Kyle followed her into the main room. She glanced at the display and swore again. Kyle’s heart sank as she answered.

  “Rick? What are you…Oh. My god, are you okay?…No, I’m still in Wardham. I told you I probably wouldn’t be home until the 30th…” She threw an apologetic look in Kyle’s direction and wandered into the kitchen.

  He didn’t bother to follow. He didn’t want to hear half of her conversation with some guy named Rick, who was familiar enough to call her in the middle of the night when he had a problem. He didn’t want to draw any unfair conclusions
about this asshole who got hear her say the word “home” and mean the city that they both lived in. They hadn’t talked explicitly about being exclusive, though, and Kyle sank to the couch. He shook his head. He wasn’t going there. Liar, you’ve already gone there.

  “…I’m almost six hours away, and I haven’t slept much tonight…That’s none of your business. I can take your shift tomorrow, though. I’ll head back later today.”

  Laney ended the call and came over to join Kyle on the couch. She laid her hand on his arm. “I have to…”

  “I know, I heard.” He couldn’t keep the hurt out of his voice. He hated that he had been so confident five minutes earlier, and one work related call tore that to shreds. How could he promise that he could fit into her life when it would be months of this before they lived in the same place? Deja vu swept over him and he realized that he’d been at this same crossroads before.

  It was the day before Laney was to leave for Harvard. She had slept over at his place the night before, but that night she was going back to the farm. The thought of not seeing her again until Thanksgiving tore him up inside. She had been telling him about her future classmates who she’d connected with already online. He had never experienced raw jealousy before, and it tore through him like bright green toxic waste.

  “Just don’t go and fall in love with any of those Harvard douchebags, okay?”

  “Kyle, don’t…please be excited for me.”

  “It’s hard to be excited about only seeing you a handful of times over the next year.”

  “We’ll talk every night.”

  “Until you get too busy with studying.”

  Each barb was a spark on dry tinder, and neither noticed until it was too late. The fight was long and drawn-out. There were many points where Kyle could have pulled back, could have apologized and saved the relationship, but he was too angry to think straight. He couldn’t remember most of what he said, but he’d never forget the last poison tipped dart he whipped at her before she walked out.

  “Med school can’t keep you warm at night. It won’t rub your feet or give you babies. I love you Laney, too bad that’s not enough for you.”

  He hadn’t thought about those words in a long time. Regret lanced through him. He had damaged more than their relationship that day.

  Now it was the middle of the night and she was needed at a hospital five hundred kilometers away. Kyle pulled Laney hard against his chest. “Go do what you have to do. Call me when you get a chance. I’ll come and visit. I’ve got Red Bull, remember? Gotta make a road trip somewhere, might as well be Chicago.”

  “I’m sorry,” She mumbled into his neck. “I thought we’d have another day.”

  He tugged her high enough to steal a kiss. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “I didn’t want to say goodbye like this.”

  “We’re not.”

  Pain twisted across her face. He wanted to ease that for her, but he knew she wouldn’t believe him. Not yet.

  “I’m not asking you for anything.” Kyle cupped her face in his hands. “I’m just saying that I’ll see you again soon. That’s on me to make happen, and I will. Promise.”

  Laney nodded and brushed her lips against his one last time. He helped her up and watched her get dressed. When she pulled on her coat, he took the zipper slider out of her hand and fit it to the opposite pin. The quiet rasp of metal teeth fitting together filled the silence for a moment, and then there was too much to say in not enough time, so he left it at that.

  Fifteen

  The empty call room wasn’t the Hilton, or her condo, but it would suffice for a nap. Laney could go home and leave the senior resident in charge until she was needed next, but chances were high that she’d be paged before her ass hit the couch at home. They had been called for consults in both the pediatric and adult emergency departments almost non-stop, and Laney had just come out of a four hour operation on a thirteen year old who just barely survived a motor vehicle accident. There was a reason she worked on the pediatric reconstruction team and at DermaNorth instead of providing regular on-service support. As a resident she had loved the rush of these shifts, but now she longed for a regular schedule with patients scheduled at least a day in advance. She liked the routine of clinic days and out-patient care.

  She tucked her arm under her head as a makeshift pillow. If only it was Kyle’s bicep. His body could be her blanket. His inevitable erection her alarm clock. Laney groaned and rolled over. She’d arrived in Chicago yesterday at noon and sent a quick text to both Kyle and Evie telling them that she was safe and sound. Then she stopped at the store to pick up bananas and yogurt, had a nap, gone for a run, written a blog post and was in bed fast asleep by eight.

  Twenty-four hours later, she still hadn’t called him. He’d sent two texts, both short and sweet. She should respond in kind, but she couldn’t summon the inner flirt right now. She was stuck in a sad melancholy. If she called, she’d probably cry. She’d tell him how much she missed him, that March was too far away. She’d promise the moon just to see him again. Maybe he could fly from Detroit, or they could meet halfway and spend the weekend in a seedy motel.

  And then real life would inevitably crash down upon them. He’d want her to come for one of his many family events, and she’d have on-service call, or a conference, or a patient flown in from overseas. He deserved to be someone’s number one priority. And then sooner than later, the conversation would turn to kids and choosing a home, and there was only heartbreak to be found there. They had fixed themselves on perpendicular trajectories a long time ago, and by some freak violation of the laws of trigonometry, they’d had a second momentary intersection. But time doesn’t stand still, and their lives would drag them apart. Again.

  Laney’s pager went off and she sat up. Doesn’t that just prove the point? Can’t even fantasize about my boyfriend without interruption.

  She was halfway down the hall to the ER before the label sank in. She shoved the freak-out deep down inside, and redirected the burst of adrenaline toward dealing with whatever was on the other side of the curtain.

  The sun was up by the end of her shift, but downtown Chicago was still bathed in cool grey shadows. Traffic was limited, and she savoured the quiet. She covered the few blocks to her condo at a slower pace than usual. The frigid air nipped at her cheeks, and she tugged her hat lower to cover her ears. Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she smiled when she pulled it out.

  “How was your shift?” Kyle’s voice washed over her, warm and interested.

  “Long. Busy. Exhausting.”

  “I’m sorry I’m not there. Are you still at the hospital?”

  “Just left. I’ll be home in about thirty seconds.”

  “I’ll stay on the phone with you until you get upstairs safely.”

  She grinned. “And then you can tuck me into bed?”

  “Something like that.” Kyle paused. “I miss you, Laney.”

  She nodded at the phone, knowing he couldn’t see her. Heavy emotion welled up in her chest and she was relieved when her doorman waved her over to the service desk in the lobby. “Hang on a second, Kyle, I have a package.” She tucked the phone into the crook of her neck and accepted the small cardboard box. It had a courier delivery label on the front, but no other identifying information. “You still there? I have a mystery box.”

  “Intriguing.” His voice filled with mischief.

  It took her a few beats to clue in, but once she did she bounced with excitement. “How did you get my address? And what is it?”

  “Your mom was helpful yesterday.”

  Laney rolled her eyes out of habit, but she was touched by both Kyle’s present, whatever it was, and her mother’s quiet acceptance of whatever Kyle was. Your boyfriend, remember? Her heart pounded in her chest, and she was relieved that Kyle couldn’t see her face flush bright red. She swallowed hard as she let herself into her condo.

  “Let me just find the scissors…okay, what did you…” her voice trailed
off as she pulled the bottles and boxes out of the box. Bubble bath, peppermint foot cream, chamomile tea, chocolate covered espresso beans, and a printed stack of IOU coupons for backrubs. Yeah, he was her boyfriend. Dammit. “Kyle, this is perfect. Oh my god. I’m totally going to have a bath before I crawl into bed. I love this. I love—”

  She cut herself off. She squeezed her eyes shut to hold back tears, cursing herself for being suddenly so damn emotional. That empty second felt like a lifetime, but Kyle took over and pulled her back. “I’m glad you like it. I’m sorry I’m not there to run that bath for you. I’d like to wash your hair. And the rest of you.” His voice caught on a gruff note and he cleared his throat. “You can give me a detailed report when you wake up, okay?”

  “Kay.”

  “Sleep tight, Laney.”

  The last thing she did before she drifted off was send Kyle a picture of herself in the bath, surrounded by bubbles.

  The winery was decked out for the holidays. Strands of multicoloured lights lit up a massive fir in the lobby and framed the windows. Glass ornaments filled bowls and mistletoe was hung in every arch. Ty must be sleeping with a decorator.

  Kyle didn’t see his friend in the bustling tasting room, so he cut across the multipurpose great room, currently being set up for the New Year’s dance, and made his way to the offices in the loft on the far side of the building. A soft moan, followed by a giggle and papers hitting the floor told him that Ty wasn’t alone.

  Jesus. He didn’t dare interrupt. They probably wouldn’t stop. He ducked down the hallway toward Evan’s dark office instead. The older West brother was away, but Kyle could use the computer. He wanted to send Laney some mp3s. The songs they danced to the other night. Maybe buy her a Faith Hill album. Anything. Fuck. He just wanted to make her happy again. Keep her constantly happy. Anything to keep her in the mood to take naughty photos, that’s for sure.

  Her mother had initially been reluctant to get involved, but when Kyle promised that he would only use the information she could provide for good and not evil, and he swore up and down that he wasn’t going to be a “weak-kneed, lily-livered, spineless little boy this time around”. Claire had made him repeat that one a few times.