by CJ Bishop
“Yeah, I understand.” A thickness strained Dane’s voice.
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” Dane smiled softly. A tragedy had been thwarted that day and Caleb was still with them, strong and healthy and in love with a man who made his life full and happy. “It would be a shame for Nick to miss out on the joy of standing by your side on your wedding day.” He blinked and cleared his throat. “That is truly a place of honor. One reserved for someone who has made such an impact on your life…and your heart.”
Caleb frowned, a smile quirking his lips. “Are you getting at something, Sensei?”
“I am,” Dane chuckled quietly, then gazed at Caleb. “It was no secret to anyone that you quickly set up residence in my heart as soon as you showed up at the club. And I can’t deny that I was a little jealous of Samuel that he had your affection and your heart. But it didn’t take me long to see that he was your soulmate, as Angel is mine.”
Caleb sat in silence, giving him room to sort his thoughts and words.
Dane continued. “I had never felt anything so deep and strong before I met you,” he murmured. “Things in the distant past…I think it caused damage to my heart that even I wasn’t aware of. But I saw something in you that made me want to open up, take a chance. And even though it hurt to lose out with you, I think it was God’s way of preparing my heart for the love Angel would bring to me. The love that would ultimately…heal me.”
A light film of tears glistened Caleb’s eyes; he had taken part in the healing process as well, aiding Angel in bringing Dane out of the darkness and back into the light…once and for all.
Dane reached over and took his hand, squeezing with deep affection. “You will forever own a piece of my heart, Caleb. You will never stop being special to me. And the beautiful thing about this family…we’re all woven through each other’s hearts and we understand that about one another, and that it’s what ties us together, makes us stronger. I know there for a while you didn’t think you were as deep in our hearts as Abel and Angel, but you couldn’t have been more wrong.” His vision swam and he blinked it into focus. “And I hope that what I want to ask you will prove to you how special you truly are…especially to me.”
Caleb stared at him through a thin gloss of tears. “What did you want to ask?”
Cupping his hand in his palms, Dane said, “I want you to be my best man, Caleb.”
Caleb just looked at him, his heart crawling up into his damp eyes. “You…you do?” he whispered.
Dane kissed his hand and smiled. “Absolutely, baby.”
♦
Grid couldn’t say if he was shocked or not when Tommy and Gavin convinced Jamie to do a little floor dance with them to tempt the customers. Walking over to the bar and taking a seat beside Samuel, Grid watched the three boys, a smile on his face.
“You know…” Samuel leaned over. “He’s quite the natural. Seth better watch out or the club boys might induct him into the family and keep him.”
“Lucky Jamie,” Grid chuckled.
Samuel drew back and quieted a moment while he took a couple drinks from his glass. He cleared his throat and touched Grid’s arm, drawing his attention. “Caleb told me that Seth was asking about Nolan, if he was gay or not.”
Grid tensed a little but didn’t speak.
“Was that…for you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Was he asking for you?”
“I didn’t tell him to.”
“But…” Samuel eyed him. “It was still for your benefit?”
Why deny it? Grid nodded. “Yeah, I guess it was.” He looked at Samuel anxiously. “I wasn’t going to try and make a move on him or anything,” he laughed low. “I don’t know what it is. I guess I just find him…” He smiled. “Sexy as hell.”
The look on Samuel’s face felt like a gut punch to Grid.
“What?” Grid asked quietly. “Is he totally straight?”
Releasing a controlled breath, Samuel mumbled, “I was beginning to think he wasn’t, but…” he rubbed his mouth. “I just found out today that he has a fiancée. I had no idea he was even involved with anyone; he’s never mentioned it. At the bachelor party he even said he had no use for relationships. Granted, he was drunk. But even so, it just totally floored me when I found out. I don’t even know where this woman came from. It’s like she just appeared out thin air.”
You’re not my type.
What is your type?
Female.
In his drunken state, had that been Nolan’s attempt to tell Grid he was involved with a woman?
“Honestly?” Samuel said. “I was really hoping that he was gay. And that you two would hit it off.”
Grid sighed and shrugged, an unexpected sinking feeling hollowing out his chest. “I guess those are the breaks,” he mumbled and turned his eyes back to Jamie and the other boys. “Even if he were gay, I doubt I’d be his type.”
“I don’t know,” Samuel murmured. “More often than not, people don’t know what their type is until they meet it. They think they know, but when loves strikes…you really have no say in the matter.”
Grid released a short, heavy laugh. “It was hardly love. I didn’t even know him.” So why was this news of the fiancée starting to make him feel sick and knot up his throat. Why did it feel like he’d just been dumped by the man of his dreams?
“Yeah, well, I was hopeful,” Samuel told him.
So was I, Grid thought with an empty heart. His gaze drifted to Ricky and Levi who had taken to the stage and considered again the invitation to their party. What was there to stop him now? The only reason he might have turned them down was for Nolan. But that was in the shitter now. The guy didn’t just have a girlfriend—but a fucking fiancée. He was getting married. Whatever notions Grid had had about coaxing him across that “line”…were dashed. Nolan was no longer a possibility and he had better get it through his head.
He watched Ricky and Levi…their lean, sexy bodies swaying and curving…hips rotating, rocking…asses shaking in tempting lure, beckoning come play with us. And Grid let himself become hypnotized as the invitation swam around his mind.
Why the fuck not?
Chapter 10
Nolan sat down on the bed and his head sank into his hands. He wasn’t an overly religious man but for the last few days, he’d found himself talking to the man upstairs more and more. Not so much “talking” as appealing, and questioning, and at times shouting and demanding to know the method in His seeming madness. Then he had his moments when he had to consider that God was a twisted jokester who delighted in screwing with His creation. Or maybe there was no one “up there” and life was merely random and chaotic.
“Fuck…” Nolan whispered and slid his fingers through his hair. He thought about the night of the bachelor party, the excessive drinking, and…Grid. That he had remembered. Why not the other?
Maybe because what happened with Grid…you “wanted” to happen. Maybe something you’ve wanted to happen for a long time but was waiting for the right man.
The thought felt foreign to his mind. He wasn’t gay. He couldn’t be. Nothing in his life allowed for it; especially now.
He closed his eyes…and felt Grid’s lips on his mouth…the intensity of his touch. Nolan squeezed his eyes tighter and gripped his hair harder. Get him out of your fucking head! He had just made the most important decision of his life; a decision that was about to change life as he knew it. And there was no room in that decision for a wild card like Grid.
The pressure that knotted his chest caught him off guard. Why did it twist him up inside when he thought about walking away from all possibilities of Grid? How could he walk away from something that he had never truly approached?
Two ships passing in the night, that’s what they were. Except Grid hadn’t passed on by. He was still in the “harbor”, lingering…waiting?
Set sail, Nolan thought hollowly. There’s nothing here for you.
Nolan raised his head and o
pened his eyes, startled to find the bedroom distorted and blurred. He rubbed his eyes and discovered the presence of tears, which troubled him more deeply. Nolan left the bedroom and went into the kitchen, rummaging for something strong enough to drown the disturbing emotions churning within. All he came up with was a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon; not nearly potent enough to render the proper damage to his senses. Nolan had never been a hard drinker, thus didn’t stock liquor in his home. The night of the bachelor party was the first time in almost five years that he’d indulged himself in the hard stuff.
The Phoenix Club. It had what he needed.
Are we talking drink—or something else?
Why did he need to go to the club for liquor? Why not go to the store instead if he was serious about drowning his problems?
Maybe you’re hoping to run into someone.
Nolan gripped the edge of the counter, his vision swimming. No, that wasn’t it.
Maybe you want one wild—free—night before you’re locked down for the rest of your life.
Nolan sniffed and wiped his eyes.
Maybe he did.
♦
After dinner, Abel and Devlin sat down with Noah in his bedroom.
“Tomorrow morning,” Devlin said. “I have you scheduled for a complete physical exam. We’ll also be taking x-rays of your leg to determine the level of damage you sustained in the accident.” He looked at the boy. “Are you okay with all that? There’s nothing to be nervous about. Most of it is simply a routine physical.” He smiled. “It won’t hurt, I promise.”
“I’m not nervous,” Noah said quietly. To Abel, he appeared sincere and reasonably relaxed…until Devlin’s next question.
“Noah…” Devlin murmured. “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable by asking this, but because you were in an abusive situation, I feel I must…just to be certain.” He glanced at Abel then asked as gently as possible, “Did Jim ever touch you…sexually?”
The boy immediately tensed and averted his eyes, his arms curling around his stomach. He didn’t answer.
“Noah,” Devlin continued carefully. “If he did, you don’t have to feel embarrassed or ashamed. It isn’t your fault and no one is going blame you.” The boy didn’t respond, just stared at the floor, his eyes glazing with tears.
Abel scooted closer, his voice soft and low, “I was sexually assaulted when I was thirteen. It went on for two years. I didn’t tell anyone because the man said if I did, no one would believe me and he would hurt Savannah. I felt helpless…alone…and so scared.” He swallowed thickly and blinked back a rise of tears. “It was the most awful feeling in the world. But if it happened to you, Noah, you don’t have to feel that way. We’re here for you—the whole family—and more than one of us have been the victims of sexual predators, so we understood how frightening it is.”
Clearing his throat, Devlin wiped his eyes and added, “You’re safe now, Noah. Jim can’t hurt you anymore. He will never touch you again…in any way. Nothing you tell us will make us feel badly toward you.” He touched the boy’s shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Noah bit his lip and shook his head, his tears thickening.
“All right,” Devlin murmured and rubbed his back. “You don’t have to right now. I know it isn’t an easy thing to talk about.” He kissed his head. “You should get some sleep. The appointment at the hospital is early in the morning.”
When Devlin stood up, Abel looked at him. “I’ll be along in a minute,” he said. “I want to talk to Noah about something.”
Devlin nodded then spoke to the boy. “Have a good night. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Looking up tentatively, Noah whispered, “Good night.” When Devlin was gone, Noah asked quietly, “Is it true?”
“What?”
“That…” Noah swallowed and mumbled, “That it happened to you?”
“Yeah,” Abel murmured. “It was the most terrifying experience of my life.”
“Did you run away from him?” Noah asked quietly.
Abel fell silent. He didn’t think that now was the time to tell him the complete truth of how he made the abuse stop. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I took Savannah and we ran away.”
Noah ducked his head and hugged himself tighter. “Sometimes…that’s all you can do, isn’t it?” He looked up, tears thick on his lashes. “Is run away?”
“Sometimes it is,” Abel agreed. He cupped the boy’s head. “Were you going to run away from Jim?”
Noah lowered his eyes and nodded.
“You don’t have to think about that anymore,” Abel said softly. “You’re safe here. No one will ever hurt you like that again. If they tried…” He pressed his lips to Noah’s hair. “…the cowboy would hurt them real bad.” He sighed and kissed his head again. “We all would.”
Noah’s chin quivered as he raised his head. A tear rolled down his cheek. “This is really my home…forever? You’re really my…my family?”
“Yes.” Abel smiled, his eyes glossy. “To both.” He leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees. “In fact, to show you that you’re really my brother and one of the family, I’d like you to be a part of our wedding ceremony. As perhaps…” His smile stretched. “…my best man?”
Noah stared at him. “Your best man? That’s like…a really important thing, isn’t it?”
Abel laughed softly. “Very important.”
“Are you sure you want me?” he asked quietly, uncertain.
“Positive.” Abel nodded. “I would be honored to have you stand up there beside me. But you’re not obligated. So don’t feel like you have to do it if you don’t want to.”
“I-I do,” Noah replied quickly, then smiled. “I think it would be cool.”
“Definitely cool,” Abel chuckled. He stood up. “You should get some sleep. Tomorrow, after your exam, Devlin will get you the proper pain medication for your leg.”
“I like him,” Noah murmured.
“So do I.” Abel grinned and ran his hand over Noah’s head. “So much so, I’m going to marry him.” He smiled and walked to the door. “Try to rest. Good night.”
“Good night.”
♦
Grid found his way back to the club when Seth took Jamie out, courtesy of dinner reservations on Horatio and use of his limo. Grid had excluded himself, allowing them to turn the evening into a romantic date. Sitting in the company of two people in love all evening soured Grid’s stomach. It was ridiculous, he thought, that he was having such a dejected reaction to the news of Nolan’s engagement; it wasn’t as if something had started to develop between them after their restroom foray.
“Don’t tell me you’re having a bad time on your first visit to the Big Apple.” Carl slid another chilled bottle of beer across the bar to Grid. “We can’t have that.”
Grid chuckled. “Nah. It’s great. I love it here.” He twisted the bottle on the bar, going quiet.
“You kind of look like you just lost your best friend.” Carl leaned on his elbows. “Everything all right between you, Seth, and Jamie?”
“Oh yeah,” Grid murmured and took a drink. “It isn’t anything like that.” He sighed and looked at Carl. “Have you ever fallen for someone the instant you met them?”
“Love at first sight?”
“Well, I don’t know about love,” Grid said low. “But definitely infatuation at first sight.” If it was just infatuation, though, why the hell was it affecting him this way?
Carl nodded. “I basically experienced the same thing with Lex. More so at second sight, but it was still powerful.” Carl raised one eyebrow. “Is this someone I know?”
“Yeah,” Grid murmured. “But I can’t name names. He’s…attached to someone else.”
“Not one of our couples here at the club…”
“Huh?” Grid looked at him. “Oh…no. No, of course not. This guy’s involved with a woman.”
“So he’s not gay?”
Grid shrugged and chugged more beer. “I d
on’t know. Apparently not. I thought for a minute that he might be, but…” He sighed and shrugged again. “Guess I was wrong.”
Carl glanced down the bar as a couple men took a seat. “Excuse me a minute while tend to these customers.”
Grid nodded and tipped up the bottle again then twisted around on the stool. The club was full, though not packed. Ricky and the boys were kept busy with the customers on the floor, and on stage a boy that Grid hadn’t met was stirring up the crowd with some very sexy, skillful moves on the pole. Grid watched him for a long moment, his body warming to the sight of the stripper’s tight ass, glossed with sweat and glitter oil, shaking and gyrating to the beat of the music. His lean, shapely legs curled around the pole, spinning him in a flowing arc.
Out of the blue, Grid imagined fucking him right there on stage…with everyone watching. The notion swarmed him with a rush of heat that grew hotter as, in his fantasy, the dancer transformed into Nolan as they put on a show no one would ever forget.
His face flushed and he blinked. His eyes slid from the stage and caught the stare of a customer sitting alone in a booth at the far side of the club. It took only a moment for Grid to recognize the man—and his heart catapulted into his throat, beating wildly.
Nolan.
He was hallucinating. He had to be. The fantasy was messing with his eyes.
Nolan stared back at him and slowly traced his thumb across his lower lip. A few empty shot glasses were lined up on the table before him and even from across the room, Grid recognized that heavy look of intoxication.
What the hell are you doing? he questioned himself when he stepped off the stool. Better question – what the hell was Nolan doing—here?
And why was he looking at Grid like he wanted to devour him inch by hard inch?
Grid felt it his duty to his throbbing crotch to find out. He set his beer on the bar and walked across the club floor toward what he could only hope would turn out to be one hell of a heavenly encounter.
