It was all just confusing right now, and she needed time to sort it out. She needed to be sure she was making the right decision, so she would tread carefully—and she wouldn’t tip off the No Brides Club about what was going on, no way. She wasn’t a woman who liked to break promises.
But then again, she wasn’t a woman who ever expected to meet a man like Zander Riley, a man who just might change her mind about everything.
Chapter 14
Zander
Lilacs.
He now knew lilacs were her favorite flower. He knew that before the play started, she repeated a poem called “And Still I Rise” by Maya Angelou, her favorite poet, to remind her to stay brave. She loved Milky Way candy bars the best, and she was a sucker for a romantic comedy.
Zander Riley knew more about Rachel Winters than he ever thought possible in just a few weeks. And still, he wanted to know more. He wanted to be more for her.
He wanted her, all of her, and to be honest, it still sort of scared him.
Then again, it didn’t. When he met Rachel, he realized how sleepy his life was before her. The same old routines, the only thing bringing him a sense of joy was his work. But work shouldn’t be life, and he realized that after building up his career, he’d left so much building aside. He’d forgotten the power of having someone beside you, with you through the good and the bad. He’d forgotten what it was like to want to share your life with someone.
But Rachel had reminded him.
He hadn’t been sure at the beginning if he was ready, and Rachel was certainly unlike any girl he’d ever known. She was both kind and sassy, outgoing and quiet. She was this crazy concoction of all sorts of traits that somehow, when rolled together, created this beautiful, zany, yet also thoughtful woman who just seemed to get Zander.
No one understood him like her. No one pushed him like her.
And it was crazy because he hadn’t wanted to feel like this. He hadn’t been looking, hadn’t even been open to the possibility when she fell from the balcony and stuck herself to his heart without even knowing it.
Here he was, though, thinking about her, calling her, craving her even when they weren’t together. She’d consumed so much of him that he knew it was too late.
He was all in, whether he was ready or not. He would have to put the whole scenario with Sheila behind him. Rachel wasn’t Sheila. He’d been unlucky in that relationship, but things were different now. Rachel was different.
Rachel reminded him love didn’t always stop your dreams. In fact, sometimes the right person could incite you to chase your dreams more readily. She’d given him the contact information for the local theater group, something he’d been, in honesty, too afraid to pursue. He’d felt like it was foolish, like his ship for acting had sailed.
Rachel, though, made him feel differently. Suddenly, the paper passing from her hands to his, his eyes were opened to the possibility. He’d called and attended a meeting earlier this week. They’d put him on the stage immediately, casting him as a minor role in the production they were organizing to perform at local nursing homes and hospitals. The group focused on using theater to give back to the community, something Zander was on board with.
Being on the stage, it was like his dream had come back to life. He realized how much he’d missed that part of him. More importantly, thanks to Rachel, he realized his dream didn’t need to die. He had time to chase it. He had time to make new dreams.
She’d reminded him of his passion and most importantly, given him permission to pursue it.
Zander smiled to himself at the thought, rushing to the meeting spot. He’d seen Rachel plenty of times in the past few weeks, but every time, he still got those butterflies. He still got that rush when she stood before him.
And most of all, he still felt like every kiss they shared was the first stolen kiss. When their lips met, something magical happened. There was no denying the chemistry or the fact that from the moment they met, their hearts brought each other to life.
The play was letting out, Zander realized as the front doors to the theater gushed out a crowd of rowdy people. They look exhilarated by the experience, and Zander smiled at the prospect that good theater could do that. He smiled at the thought that Rachel had reminded him maybe someday, this would be his job. It wasn’t too late; she had proven that to him. He could still get everything he wanted. There was still time.
He walked through the doors, flowers in his hands, wondering if the ushers would give him a hard time. He’d told Rachel he would pick her up after her evening performance if she was up for it. He wanted to take her out for drinks at a small bar down the street that somehow managed to stay quaint in the middle of the city’s chaos. He loved the energy of the city, but sometimes he craved quiet and simple. He was thankful Rachel agreed.
He waited in the front of the theater, where Rachel had agreed to meet him. The time ticked by, and slowly their meeting time passed. He figured she was just busy, cleaning up or doing whatever they did after a performance. He was patient. He could wait.
He leaned on a wall, taking in the sight of the beautiful architecture, wondering what it would be like to call this his work. He let his mind wander for a while before his legs followed suit. The theater now empty, the staff was starting to clean up for the night. He ambled to the doors, craving a peek. No one seemed to mind, surprisingly, all perhaps too busy with their own tasks. He slipped open the door, feeling like a little bit of a rebel.
And, as he took in the sight at the front of the theater, that’s when his whole world changed. That was when his heart cracked into a million pieces and he realized sometimes things didn’t change at all. He studied the sight for several minutes, making sure he wasn’t mistaken.
In the pit of his stomach, though, a familiar feeling resurged. The lilacs crumpled to the floor, rage surging in his veins, as he did what he should’ve done from the start.
He walked out, forgetting all about this crazy love business and the thought of forever.
He’d be okay alone. He’d have to be. Because the alternative, well, it just didn’t ever work out for him.
Chapter 15
Rachel
She was mid-hug with Jonathan when she saw him, purple lilacs in hand. The smile starting on her face instantly turned to confusion, however, as she watched the lilacs crumple to the floor. She didn’t understand what happened when he shoved the door open and flew out of the theater. Her body stiffened in reaction, fear creeping into her heart.
“What’s wrong, love?” Jonathan asked when she pulled out of his grasp, his gorgeous accent wrapping her in concern.
“I don’t know,” she replied honestly. She kissed him on the cheek. “I have to get going. See you tomorrow? And thanks again for those lozenges before the show. They were a lifesaver.”
“Anything for my favorite costar. Catch you tomorrow,” he said, winking.
Rachel willed her legs to carry her faster, wondering what he was doing. There must be some mistake, some emergency. Why would he act like this? She stepped over the lilacs now crinkled in an impromptu grave in the aisle as she headed to the street to find Zander.
On the street, seas of tourists floated about, and she realized finding him would be an impossible task. She glanced left and right, panic rising as she wondered what could’ve possibly happened.
And then, to her left, she saw him, furiously pacing near the corner of the building.
Confusion still building, she walked over. “Zander?” she asked.
At the sound of his name, he turned. She could see anger in his eyes, and, as she got closer, in the way he tensed his jaw. She hadn’t seen him like this, and to be honest, it scared her quite a bit. What was going on?
Her mind raced to the worst.
“Zander, what’s wrong?” Crowds of people parted around them, the noise of the city echoing about as she closed the gap between them.
He stood, silent, hands in his pockets.
“You tell me.” His wo
rds were cold and harsh, closing in around Rachel.
“What are you talking about?”
“I saw you with that guy on stage,” he calmly replied, taking deep breaths as if to calm himself.
Rachel searched her mind. “Jonathan?”
Zander stared. “I saw you two. I saw the way you looked at him and the way you hugged him. I saw what was going on, Rachel. Look, I know we haven’t defined this thing between us. But you could’ve told me if you were attached to someone else. You didn’t have to play with my heart like this, okay?”
Rachel blinked, still not sure if she was following him, but doing her best to try. “Wait, you think… Jonathan? Zander, he’s just a friend. We’ve been in the same roles together for a couple of years now. It was nothing. I was just thanking him for some throat lozenges he gave me because my throat hurt. That was what ticked you off?”
Rachel studied Zander, feeling for the first time like she had no idea who she was looking at. The kind, empathetic, humorous guy was replaced with some shell of himself, a hardly recognized, angry version of the man she was falling for. His jealousy was palpable in the evening air, and to be honest, it scared Rachel.
What was going on with him?
Zander studied her, trying to catch her in her lie. “Really? There’s nothing there?”
“No, Zander. There’s not.” Her words were in a cold tone matching his. She hated the tension between them. What was going on? And why was he acting like this? Things still didn’t make sense. She had never seen him behave this way.
Zander sighed, pacing, some of the anger detectably dissipating.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, still staring at the wall of the theater. After a long moment, he took another breath, turned to Rachel, and repeated himself. “I’m sorry, Rachel. I’m an idiot.”
She bridged the gap between them, putting a hand on his arm. “It’s fine, I think. But what happened back there?”
There was a long moment before he responded. “It wasn’t you or what happened back there. It was what happened years ago with a woman I don’t even know anymore. I’m sorry. It’s just, seeing you like that, it triggered old fears. I’m not proud of that. I’m not proud to admit I’m still messed up from something that happened so long ago.”
Rachel sensed something familiar in him now—terror. It was something she was no stranger to, and she knew what it was like to be burned by love and to still be afraid of love. She was dealing with that herself.
“Tell me about it.” It was a simple invitation, but it was all he needed. Standing on the sidewalk in the middle of the city, he looked into her eyes and everyone else melted away as he told his story.
“I was seventeen when Sheila came into my life. She was this bubbly, vibrant blonde who promised me the world and then some. I had my sights on New York City even then. I had visions of being on Broadway. I’d been in all the school musicals, and my teachers thought I was good enough to get into a top school and make my way to the stage. Sheila thought different. She had dreams of back to Ohio, of starting a business, and of starting a family. She wanted simple stability in a hometown she was attached to. I, at that time, wanted her and only her. I let her talk me into it, and in the process, I let her talk me out of my own dream.”
“I’m sorry,” Rachel replied, seeing the hurt on his face. She knew what it was like to sacrifice a dream for someone else. She knew that all too well.
“I moved to Ohio with her, and we both got into the same college. She talked me into being a finance major so we could run a business together. I was miserable, but I was blinded by my love for her. So I went with it. Fast forward three years into our master plan, and I walked into our apartment after getting out of a class early. That’s when I saw her with some guy from her class. She was in his arms, and the way she looked at him—it told me everything I needed to know. Within a month, she’d left with him for California, and I was left behind, living a dream that was someone else’s with no money or motivation to get on a different path.”
“That’s terrible. How could she do that?” Rachel asked, floored by how some people tampered with hearts so easily.
“It sucked, and I spent quite a few months in a dark place. But eventually, I dug myself out of the funk and decided to start over. I got a new dream, this time chasing down a second passion, which was teaching. I got my degree in special education, deciding I’d missed the boat on Broadway. I tried to talk myself into a more conventional life, tried to convince myself I could find happiness. But I guess a piece of me also clung to the old dream, which was why I moved out here to the city. If I couldn’t be on Broadway, I at least wanted to be around it. I got my job, which I love, I do. And I promised myself I wouldn’t let anyone screw up my life again.”
“I’m glad you didn’t let her hold you down. It speaks volumes that you could pull yourself out of that dark place and build something wonderful. You’re amazing, Zander.”
“Well, I guess I’d like to think I’ve left it behind, that I’m strong. But when it comes to love, she just sort of ruined me, you know? She showed me that even the most steadfast promises can be broken. I have a hard time trusting. I haven’t had a serious relationship since her. Up until meeting you, I didn’t think I ever wanted one.” He tucked his hands in his pockets, rocking on his feet as he blew out a deep breath.
Rachel took a step forward, closing the small gap between them. “I understand why you reacted like you did. I get it now. But I’m not her. I’m different. I wouldn’t dream of getting in the way of your passions. I wouldn’t do that to you. And listen, I’m scared, too. This whole thing, whatever it is, it took me by surprise as well. I wasn’t looking for love. I definitely wasn’t looking for a relationship. I know what it’s like when your heart gets in the way of your dreams. I don’t want to do that again, either. I almost lost this dream because of some guy, so I understand. But we’re different, Zander. We’re not those same people we once were. We’re different, and we’re different together. Let’s just promise to remember that.”
“I think that’s a promise we can keep,” he said.
“It is. Look, we don’t have to take this thing anywhere. We can take it slow or not at all. The truth is, I just like being with you. I like you, a lot. It scares me crazy bad, but it also excites me. Let’s just promise to see this thing through, wherever it might lead. And let’s promise that no matter what, we won’t burn each other like we’ve been burned in the past. Okay?”
“Okay,” he whispered, leaning in to take her mouth with his.
They sealed it with a kiss outside of Broadway, the crowd thinning around them but still ever present.
They headed out into the New York City night, two vulnerable people terrified to let go and love—but also realizing that sometimes it was more terrifying to not try at all.
Chapter 16
Zander
“So, it’s nothing fancy, but if I’m being honest, it’s more my style,” Zander said, leading her into the greasy diner on the outskirts of the city. They’d taken a cab here and chatted on the way about Rachel’s return to the play.
“Sounds amazing to me,” Rachel replied, leaning into him as they found a corner booth and claimed it at theirs.
It had been a few nights since Zander’s meltdown at the theater, and Rachel was relieved they were back on track. He’d filled her in with even more details about Sheila over drinks, and she’d exposed the truth about her relationship with Seth. They’d come clean about their pasts, both uncovering deep wounds that had yet to heal.
They talked about their fears and their issues, but neither was scared away. In fact, the opposite had happened. They were drawn more closely together through their shared pain and fears.
And when Zander had kissed her at the end of the night, she knew things were going to be okay. She knew the thing growing between them was the real deal.
She also knew that eventually, she’d have to broach the subject with the No Brides Club. But not yet. She
wasn’t ready to share this part of her life or heart with anyone but Zander. Maybe it was because it still felt a little surreal. Maybe she just needed to warm up to the reality that her heart was no longer just her own.
The two studied the menu, joking about the week and the crazy cab driver they’d just endured, when Rachel looked up at the door.
“Oh no,” she whispered, her heart pattering.
She wasn’t ready to share Zander with anyone or to confess to the group she’d changed her ways.
Still, there was little chance of avoiding it now—because right in front of her was none other than Kate, wandering up to the pie case, talking animatedly on the phone with someone as she pointed to one to purchase.
“What is it? You look pale,” Zander said, reaching for her hand. He followed her gaze to the other side of the diner, looking back at her.
“It’s Kate. From the No Brides Club,” Rachel hissed, trying to shrink into herself and not draw attention to their table.
This was not how she wanted the club to find out. She didn’t want them to realize she’d been hiding this from them all. Not that they would be mad, necessarily. In truth, it felt ridiculous to be sneaking around at her age, especially when some of the women had already fallen in love. It’s not like they’d throw her out of the club. Still, she had made promises to herself and to them, and she didn’t intend for them to see her as a liar.
“The what?” Zander asked, and Rachel looked at him, her cheeks warming as she realized he had no clue what she was talking about.
She took a drink of her water, studying the register as Kate, still talking on the phone, reached for her wallet to pay for a pie the waitress was boxing up.
She held her breath as she watched her take the pie, sign a receipt, and leave out the front door.
Rachel exhaled, knowing she’d dodged an awkward run-in. Thank goodness Kate had gotten her pie to go. She could tell the club about Zander on her own terms.
No Time for Promises (The No Brides Club Book 3) Page 10
