by Leela Ash
“Well if they are bigger you know what that means, right?” she asked.
“More to love?” his deep voice rumbled into her ear, bringing his strong, masculine hands over the delicate mounds of her breasts and stroking her nipples with his thumbs. She moaned involuntarily and let her body lean back into his. He buried his head into her neck and kissed her gingerly, sending tingles throughout her body. When he pulled away, she sighed.
“You’re such a tease,” she said, heading into the kitchen for a drink of water. She could feel him grinning behind her and shook her head, smiling despite herself.
She had been nauseated regularly since Jax had returned from his perilous journey north to look for his brother, which had been a little bit difficult for their intimacy. The poor man had been treating her as if she were glass, not daring to go any further than a gentle kiss or a stroke here or there. She was sexually frustrated, but she appreciated his consideration. She hadn’t been feeling up to intensive physical activity, and if there was one thing their sex life was, it was intensive. Neither of them held back.
Maybe if they were a little tamer, she wouldn’t be worrying about whether or not she was pregnant. She was eighty percent sure that she was. Still, they were both concerned. Any illness, especially now that civilization had been wiped out by the deadly virus, was extremely dangerous. Vaccinations were a thing of the past, and even though she was a chemist, she didn’t always have the tools she needed.
There were a lot of potential problems if they were going to bring a child into the world. First of all, they would have to protect the child from all varieties of illness and disease. The baby would be vulnerable to the virus, and could potentially be taken from them before it even had a chance to live.
What would she do if she lost her child? And more to the point, would it be selfish of them to bring a child into a cruel, upside-down world where it couldn’t thrive, and maybe wouldn’t even be able to survive its first day of life? The cabin they lived in could still be crawling with infection.
And if it did survive, how would they socialize their child? How would they find other children for it to play with? What would they do when the child grew into a teenager and wanted nothing to do with its parents? What if it wanted to run off and join a tribe or found friends in the wrong places? Maybe they could go up north and network there, but she was really happy where they were.
Jax hadn’t spoken much about the community up north, but they both knew it was better than the rivalling tribes down south. Still, he obviously hadn’t been particularly impressed. It was nice in the north, but it still had problems just like everywhere else.
Layne sighed. It wasn’t the paradise they had been envisioning. There was too much work left to do, too many variables to think about. Maybe if things were still how they had been when she was growing up, she would be picking out names and daydreaming about what their lives would be like together. But they weren’t living in a time like that and might never be again. It almost seemed better if she were just sick.
“Jax?” she called.
“Yeah?” he replied, emerging from the bathroom with a comb, running it through his dark black hair. It had grown longer since she first met him, and she couldn’t help but feel that he was more attractive every time she saw him.
“I’m not sure I can wait to find out for sure,” she said, furrowing her eyebrow.
“What do you mean?” he asked, moving toward her and dropping his hand from his hair.
“If I’m sick, it could kill me before we find out if I’m pregnant. It would still be a couple of months before I’m showing, you know? But if it’s an illness I might not make it that long. I think we need to act.”
Jax sobered at the words and frowned. The only way to know for sure was to get her to a medic somehow, but she couldn’t make a journey like that with him, especially not if they went north like he would prefer. How could he leave her when she wasn’t feeling well? And if she was pregnant, he wanted to be there for her every step of the way.
“I’m not sure how we can find out,” he said, furrowing his brow.
“Don’t most tribes have doctors of some sort? I mean, many of them are pretty devoted to keeping as much of modern medicine alive as possible. They’re terrified of humanity reverting back into the stone age.”
She was speaking from experience. She had been part of a tribe of doctors and idealists who had hoped, during the initial outbreak of the virus, that they would be able to fight the illness and save the world. Unfortunately, the majority of them were just egotistical crackpots who thought they knew more than they really did. It had been a dark period of her life, learning how hopeless it was to believe that she could make a difference. The apocalypse had struck, and she was completely useless.
Jax would never be able to understand the helplessness she felt when she realized that her years of study and a lifetime of gifted intelligence still left her helpless and unable to provide relief for the suffering people around her. She thought she should have been able to figure out the virus, at least in time to save her ailing family. How had she been lucky enough to escape unscathed? And would her child be blessed with that immunity, or the genes of her vulnerable family?
It was a lottery that she wasn’t sure she wanted to subject a child to. She was pretty certain that she would be able to find a way to terminate the pregnancy. Mandrake root would do the trick if she could get her hands on some, but she knew from the look in Jax’s eyes that he was excited about the possibility of being a father, and she wasn’t sure if she could dash that hope. And if she was being honest with herself, she was secretly thrilled at the prospects of motherhood. It would be nice to have a baby around. She hadn’t heard a child’s voice in years. They always seemed to bring hope wherever they went.
She knew she had to get examined by a medical doctor to find out whether or not she was putting her worries in the right place. If she was sick she could deal with it, but if she was pregnant, she would have to make some preparations of her own.
“There might have been doctors up north,” Jax said uncertainly. “But I don’t think you should travel that far and I’m not comfortable leaving you alone for that long. Especially if there’s something wrong. I think I’m going to try to find some help a little closer to home. Okay?”
“Yeah…just be careful okay?”
“Of course,” he said with a handsome grin. “I’m always careful.”
“Okay. When do you think you should leave?”
“As soon as possible. It’s still morning, I could probably leave right now once I get packed up.”
“Okay,” Layne said, leaning against the table in the kitchen and trying to hide her displeasure. She watched him scurry throughout the cabin, packing quickly. His face was grim but determined, and she knew that he would do anything to keep her safe. It was a nice feeling, but she felt terrible about subjecting him to any potential dangers. Layne took care of herself and she always had.
But it was true, she had been feeling a lot weaker than usual, and never knew what she might throw up. If she hadn’t been having irregular periods over the last few years, she would have been able to tell just from that. But she couldn’t. She had lost a lot of weight, been extremely active, and under unbelievable amounts of stress, so missing a period was a pretty common thing for her. And she was secretly terrified of contracting an illness she couldn’t handle. It would be better to get someone there to examine her, even if that meant that Jax could potentially be subjected to danger.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he said, his dark eyes looking deeply into hers. She could read a million different things in his expression. He gave her a lingering kiss on the forehead and she found herself fully immersed in him, wishing that he wouldn’t have to leave. She wanted to go with him, but she knew that if she was sick she would be a liability to their safety.
“I know,” she whispered. She shocked herself by feeling the strong urge to cry. As if he could sense her
feelings, he stroked her on the cheek and held her more tightly.
It was always difficult when he left; the world was so dangerous that she was never completely sure she would be able to see him again. But she had to think positively or else she would never make it through the next few days. Who knew how long it would take him to find someone to bring back to give her an examination? Who knew if he would even come back at all?
CHAPTER TWO
Jax sighed, walking slowly toward the shed where he had found a beat up bicycle when they first discovered the homestead. It had been in dire need of work, but the work had been fun. It was good for Jax to have something to do with his hands, especially now that Layne hadn’t been feeling up to satisfying his persistent sexual needs. It left them both a little bit frustrated, but she had way of relieving his tension. He wouldn’t dare ask for anything more from her than that.
He mounted the bike, securing his bag and hoping that nobody would see him on the way. A lot of the tribes had become expert at spearing the spokes in the bike tires and descending upon the injured riders like vultures, stealing whatever they could and often leaving the rider for dead. He was athletic enough that he could anticipate an attack and land safely, but still, any injury was unwelcome. Especially when he had to get home to Layne.
There was nothing he hated more than leaving Layne alone at home, especially now that she wasn’t feeling well. What if she needed him while he was gone? He laughed to himself. She would die before she admitted that she needed him. It was her independence that he found so attractive, and she was very capable in ways he had never known any person could be capable.
When he was younger, he never would have imagined that he would find himself living with a brilliant, gorgeous scientist in an off the grid settlement. Then again, he never would have imagined that the apocalypse would strike and kill everybody that he knew and loved. Except for his brother.
He thought back to his brother, who he had visited a few weeks prior. He had been convinced that Jonathan was dead, and when they finally found each other again, he had slipped right through his fingers and headed off to fight some kind of war against people who were threatening the safety of the community up north.
Everybody was looking for some kind of safety and comfort that resembled what they had lost after the virus had struck. Since then, everything went to hell. The people in the encampment up north had taken their cue from communal living and done their best to round up as many people as possible. They had settled into teepees, where the coldness couldn’t touch them and they were able to enjoy a warm meal no matter what time of the year it was. They seemed happy enough there, working together, but there was an oppressive atmosphere over the camp that made Jax uncomfortable.
He couldn’t quite put his finger on why he had felt that way. Maybe it had been the gray sky, or maybe he had just been driven to the edge with the anxiety he was feeling about finding Jonathan and getting back home to Layne, who was alone defending the garden. Either way, something out there had felt a little bit off, and he couldn’t tell what it was. It was best not to think about it, especially not if he was going to keep his wits about him.
Medics were a rare commodity, and had been highly revered once the population had been wiped out. The tribes would give the doctors shit for not knowing how to stop the virus, but they also depended heavily upon them to survive. Who had the best medics?
He knew that he wouldn’t be able to find any help from the Jackals, especially if Jinx was still around. He had seen Jax kill his two best friends before running away, and it was likely that they would all be able to recognize his face. He couldn’t count on their help, but maybe there was a tribe a little closer that would offer him some assistance. Most of them would do anything for a price. He had planned to promise them all the beer they could drink. Many of the people who had survived the virus had turned into addicts of whatever they could get their hands on. Everybody was anxious to numb the pain of losing everything that they had known and loved. If he could offer them some kind of poison for them to drown in, then maybe he would be able to get Layne some help.
By the time the afternoon came, his stomach was rumbling. He had gotten used to having regular meals. Food security was a new luxury that was easy for his body to get used to, especially with the way Layne always kept herself busy in the garden. If she wasn’t out there she was in the little kitchen canning food, ever wary of the future. If they had to go in a hurry, they would be able to take as much as they might need to last a while. She had even secluded a corner of the cabin for indoor plants like tomatoes, and had a couple of barrels full of dirt in the corner where she grew potatoes. They would have potatoes all year round, if nothing else. It might not be the most nutritious, but it would keep them alive.
He had made it a great distance away from their homestead, and sat back against a tree, digging through his bag to bring out his lunch. As he ate, a modest meal made up of a salad and a boiled potato, he thought about how lucky it was that the two of them had found each other. And not only that, but they had managed to stumble upon the perfect place for them to make Layne’s dream come true. They were far enough away from the tribes down south that it was finally possible to settle down and garden.
Food security was everything, which was why there were so many tribes. They wanted everything at a little cost, and were happy to steal from others and protect themselves as mercilessly as possible. A lot of people had gone off the deep end after the virus had killed their loved ones. They had become hardened to the rest of the world, making them extremely dangerous and prompting them to act without mercy any time they encountered another human being who didn’t show signs of alliance or submission.
He and Layne had been heading north, holding on to the faint hope that there weren’t as many tribes where it was cold. Most people believed that it would be easier to survive in the warmer climates, and had immediately headed down south, where they wouldn’t have to face the harshness of the elements without the modern luxuries of electricity to help them survive.
At the beginning of the end, he remembered a group of scientists who had been hell-bent on reconstructing the world to its natural and former glory. They wanted to understand electricity and figure out how to redistribute it throughout the world. There were still a couple of engineers left, but after many grand proclamations of their intention, they seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth. He hadn’t heard anything about them in years.
It was too bad he couldn’t find them. They seemed to have solid heads on their shoulders and hefty priorities. Maybe they would be able to help him with Layne. He was terrified of losing her. She was the first good thing that had happened to him since the virus had struck. He felt grateful every day that he had been able to find somebody to just click so well with, especially after the majority of the population had vanished. What were the odds of finding a soul mate now?
When he finished eating, he set out on his way again, happy to be doing something productive instead of just sitting around the house and worrying. He knew that Layne would be able to fend for herself while he was gone, but it still made him nervous to leave her there alone.
Suddenly, he heard the snapping of a twig and whipped around. He found himself staring face-to-face at a dirty young woman with wild blonde hair and angry eyes. She was pointing a sharpened spear at him, and crouching close to the ground like a wild animal. He sighed, hopping off his bike and taking a step back before she could launch the spear at his tires. He held his hands up so that she would know he didn’t plan to hurt her.
“Who are you?” She demanded, shaking her spear at him. The spear didn’t scare him, and neither did the girl. What scared him was that he didn’t know what kind of tribe she was from, or whether or not she was alone.
“My name is Jax,” he said to her slowly and calmly. “Could you take me to your tribe? I have a proposition for them.”
“My tribe. Ha. My tribe doesn’t see strangers! Do you think I�
�m stupid?” She growled at him.
“You’re not stupid,” he said with a grin, trying to lighten the mood. “It’s just that I have some beer, home-brewed and really strong, if someone from your tribe can help me. You guys have a medic?”
“What kind of a tribe doesn’t have a medic?” She asked him, her eyes narrowing.
The whole interaction was making Jax uneasy. He wasn’t sure that he wanted to deal with a tribe that allowed, and maybe even encouraged, the people in it to act more like animals than like civilized people. He wouldn’t want anybody like her to go near Layne, and he was sure that he wouldn’t be very likely to trust any of their medical advice either.
“You know what? Never mind. I think I’ll just be on my way,” he said, backing up slowly. “Thanks anyway.”
Jax had said the magic word. He cringed as he realized that “thanks” had escaped his mouth, and she looked at him with wide eyes, a sickening smile curling against her lips. Because he said it, she would assume that he was vulnerable. That he was submitting to her. She would think that she could attack him.
“Not so fast,” she said, creeping toward him. “I think I remember you saying something about beer. I don’t know about you but I think it’s silly to believe that you could just tease us like that.”
“Us?” Jax asked, wondering if maybe she was crazier than she appeared to be.
Suddenly, another person appeared, walking toward him with a sneer on his face. He was tall, lean, and lanky, and looked as if he hadn’t had a decent meal in months. Jax immediately felt sorry for him, but not sorry enough to surrender his own safety. Or his rations, for that matter. If he was going to take care of Layne, he would have to take care of himself first and foremost. He couldn’t let these kids take him down.
“I don’t think you realize what you’re doing,” Jax said, backing up toward the trees. He really didn’t want to hurt them, but they were going to leave him no choice.
