by Maree, Kay
“How was dinner and your mum?” she murmurs softly.
“Sweetness, I’ll tell you all you want to know about last night, but first you’re going to tell me who did this to you and why you thought you could blow me off in a message.” I place my hand over hers on my chest, stilling her movement because I don’t know how much more I can take.
Leaning back a little, she stares up at me gnawing on her bottom lip. The sight of her bloodshot eyes just about kills me. She attempts to stand, but I hold her a little tighter, not wanting to lose this connection.
“I need to go to the bathroom.”
Reluctantly I let her go. “Okay, Sweetness, go clean yourself up. How about I order us some food and we can relax for the night”
“I.. um.. was supposed to...”
I lift my hand and her words fall away. I know what she was going to say - she wanted to cook for me and like hell if I’m letting her lift a finger tonight.
“All I wanna hear out of that gorgeous mouth of yours is - pizza or Chinese” I get to my feet and wrap my arms around her and because I can’t help myself, I plant another kiss to her forehead.
“But.....”
I place a finger over her lips, “No buts, babe.”
A shy smile washes over her lips and my heart beats a little faster at the sight. Knowing I put it there allows some of the rage boiling inside me to settle a little.
“Chinese, please.” She murmurs before pulling away from me and heading towards a hallway.
Grabbing the phone from my pocket, I search for the closest Chinese place which delivers. Finding one close by, I hit the call now button, place my phone to my ear and wait for it to connect. While I wait, I look around and take in the small space. She doesn’t have a lot, but when I see a bookshelf lining one wall, my curiosity spikes. Crossing the room, I study the titles on the spines. Taking one from the shelf, I flip it around and read what the book is about. My eyebrows shoot up when I realise my girl must have a dirty side if this book is any indication.
“Good afternoon, you have reached the Tucker Hut. How can I help you?”
A man’s voice in my ear snaps me back to what I should be doing and I place the book back on the shelf, making a mental note of the title for later - Paid For by Alexa Riley, and place our order. I’m not sure what Ally is going to feel like eating so, I order one of nearly everything on the menu. After disconnecting the call, I head into the kitchen and sort through her cupboards for plates, cutlery and cups. After I grab everything, I set the table and look at my watch. I’m starting to worry because Ally still hasn’t come out of the bathroom. Turning I look through the kitchen window and notice the rain has started to fall.
Fuck. I don’t want to push her but I need to know who hurt her. From the first moment I saw her, I knew there was something in her past, a backstory. I don’t give a shit what it is, we will deal with it together. I’m not letting her push me away just because she is scared. To be honest, the thought of losing her scares the shit out of me.
“Xavier, you didn’t have to set the table, I could have done that.”
Her voice breaks into my thoughts and I swing around from the window to find her standing in the door of the hallway.
“Dinner should be here soon.” I no sooner say the words than a buzzer echoes through the apartment. “Why don’t you get comfortable and I’ll get that.”
Ally starts to turn away. “Let me grab my purse.”
“I’ve got it babe, relax and let me handle this.”
She huffs at my words but does as I ask and takes a seat at the table. I smile to myself as I walk towards the door and press the button to let the delivery person in.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Ally
I watch Xavier head to the door to let the delivery guy in and take in the rise and fall of his ass as he moves. The Henley shirt, grey instead of black for a change, is molded to every perfect inch of his chest. I shake my head, I have enough shit going on without drooling over this man.
I should have known when I sent him the message earlier that it wouldn’t keep him away and he’d turn up on my doorstep. I was deluding myself by thinking it could have been so easy.
When I first heard the knocking, I thought it was my neighbor at the door. He would have been worried about the state I was in when he saw me arrive home earlier. But, when I threw the door open and found Xavier there, my first instinct was to throw myself into his arms. I didn’t know I needed him until he was there. I want to kick my own ass under the table for falling for this guy but how could I not when he’s always around. I glance at the table and smile, underneath all that hard is a really sweet guy although I wouldn’t tell him that.
“Babe!”
I snap my eyes to Xavier and see he has placed the food on the table, the delivery guy is already gone. That will teach me for getting lost in my thoughts.
“Sorry, what did you say?”
He chuckles and starts pulling food from one of the bags. “I asked what you felt like eating.” He indicates the containers and I notice, he must have ordered everything on the bloody menu.
“Holy crap, Babe. Did you order everything they had? That’s a lot of food.” Lifting my eyes, I notice the megawatt smile plastered on his face and raise an eyebrow, wondering what he’s so happy about.
“You called me...Babe.”
“I did?” I scrunch up my face, knowing I did. “Well, it’s your fault.” I sound like a five-year-old petulant child instead of a twenty-two-year-old adult but fall short of poking my tongue out.
He laughs, a deep laugh which ricochets through every nerve in my body.
“How so?”
He raises an eyebrow as he takes a seat beside me.
“You’re always around these days and keep saying it to me. I picked it up from you.” Even to my ears I sound lame.
Leaning over, he brushes his lips over mine before whispering against my mouth. “Get used to it.”
He leans back in his chair and I suck my bottom lip into my mouth, savoring the taste of mint, X and coffee. I think it’s my new favorite flavor.
“C’mon, babe, let’s eat.”
I nod and reach over to grab the honey chicken and fried rice, but Xavier grabs them first and moves them from my reach. I’m about to kick him in the leg but then he starts scooping the food onto my plate and I smile.
“Damn, the look you just gave me, I thought I would die,” he laughs.
“I thought you weren’t going to let me have any food.” I take the first mouthful and hum around the spoon.
“Never, babe. I just wanted to help because of your hand.”
I glance down at the bandage on my hand and realize, for the past twenty minutes, what happened this morning has been completely forgotten. I know he’ll want to talk about it when we finish eating and my stomach turns over at the thought.
I feel the lightest touch under my chin and he turns my face up to his before leaning forward and kissing the tip of my nose. The five o’clock shadow across the top of his lip tickles.
“Don’t stress, babe. Eat.”
I look back to my plate. My appetite has vanished but I try to eat anyway.
While cleaning up after dinner, I realise how easy it is to be around Xavier. I worry if what I have to tell him will scare him away, but I guess it’s a risk I’m willing to take. I know there are no certainties in life so I’ll just have to bite the bullet and tell him. I think I’ve stalled long enough and my time is up.
Blowing out a deep breath, I pace in front of where X is sitting on the lounge and he watches me. He doesn’t appear tense or frustrated which is a bonus, but concern swims in his eyes. I run my uninjured hand through my hair while I try to work out, how much to tell him.
“My mother is not what you’d call maternal. She never wanted me but dad did.” I run a hand nervously through my hair again. “My father died four years ago and my mother took to the bottle and let’s just say, it didn’t take long to escalate into al
coholism. I visit every Saturday to check on her and clean up the mess in the house – empty bottles, overflowing ashtrays. This morning, I was washing up and grabbed a knife by the wrong end. I cut myself.” I hold up my bandaged hand.
He nods and I don’t miss the flash of anger in his eyes before I continue.
“My mother is convinced, because she’s miserable, I should be too. She insists I have no right to be happy. This morning I let slip that I’d met someone. She said some terrible, nasty things which really hurt so, I got angry and said some bad things back to her. She shoved me against the wall and slapped me in the face.”
I blow out a deep breath while tears trickle over my cheeks, resembling the rain running down the glass of the kitchen window. The quiet from behind me becomes too much to bear, the room seems to close in around me. The eerie silence settles deep in my gut and I turn away from the window to face him.
Xavier is barely holding onto his control. He’s sitting forward with his elbows on his knees and his fingers so tightly interlocked, his knuckles are white. I think one wrong word would shatter the fragile hold he has on himself.
“Why doesn’t your mother...” The word mother is spoken with contempt as if it leaves a bad taste in his mouth. He lifts his eyes to mine and I see the current of anger running within. “...believe you should be happy?”
Tension zaps between us in the small space. I really didn’t want to give him any more information, I’m scared to death he will feel the same as my mother. But, if whatever this is we have stands a chance, he needs to know the whole story.
“S..she...” I will the dryness from my mouth so I can speak, take a deep breath and release it slowly. I wipe the tears from my face, gaze into his ocean blue eyes and tell him the truth.
“It’s my fault my father died.” I swallow past the lump in my throat as my voice cracks on the last word.
Xavier watches me for a few moments but I can’t tell what he’s thinking. Chills cause me to shake and I wrap my arms tightly around me. I wait for him to leave and flinch when he jumps up from the lounge. Fuck, the man can move fast, he wraps me in his arms. He sits back on the lounge, drawing me onto his lap. I melt into his chest.
“How is it your fault, Sweetness?” His deep whisper washes over me as he kisses my temple.
The chill this time touches me bone deep.
“When I was eighteen, I met a boy. He seemed nice enough but after a few months, I found out he was anything but.” I push from Xavier’s hold after taking in his scent and letting it cocoon me. Reluctantly, he lets me go. I can see by the look in his eyes, he’s not happy but I can’t be touched right now. With my back turned to him, I take in a few deep breaths. Turning back, I continue.
“Luke, my ex and I met just over four years ago. I was working part-time in a Newsagency in Maitland down the road from where I lived with my parents. I was living there to save money while I studied to become a Librarian. He used to come in every morning, he was a handyman in the area. I didn’t pay him much attention at first, guys weren’t on my radar at the time. I just wanted to work and get my Master’s degree. He’d flirt and I found myself flirting back.” I pause for a breath.
“So, one afternoon after my shift was done, I stopped at the local shops for a few things and ran into him. One thing led to another and a week later I agreed to go on a date with him. It was good and we started seeing each other whenever we were free. He knew I was busy and didn’t push or demand my time. Then, one night he seemed weird from the time he picked me up. I thought he must have had a bad day at work, he was more agitated than I’d ever seen him. He accused me of cheating on him.”
Time for another deep breath.
“I honestly didn’t recognise him, his eyes were dark and wild. Looking back, I knew something was off but instead of listening to my gut, I tried to calm him down. After I reassured him I hadn’t cheated on him, he seemed to settle. We were at his place and had just finished dinner when a friend, Steven, from my class started messaging me about an assignment which was due in that week. It set Luke off again. He dragged me by the hair to his bedroom.”
I hiccup and try to calm my racing heart, I’ve been pacing back and forth while I was speaking. When I stop, Xavier is on the edge of his seat, fingers white from gripping the edge of the cushion. He nods for me to keep going.
“He threw me onto the bed. He’d always been a little on the rough side but I hadn’t minded it. This time it was different. The walls seemed to close in on me, I was terrified. I begged him not to do what I knew he was about to, but my pleas fell on deaf ears. A split second later, my clothes were gone and he was inside me.” I close my eyes and visions of his wild eyes looking back at me fill my mind. It’s as if it’s happening all over again. “I gave up,” I whisper. “I stopped fighting him and that angered him more. He said he knew I liked it rough and that he was just getting started. I didn’t know what he meant until I felt a burning pain slide down my leg and I screamed out in pain.”
I scrub the tears from my face and turn away from X. I can’t look at his gorgeous face while I speak such ugly words.
“When I looked down I saw he had slashed my thigh with the pocket knife he always carried. My cries of pain seemed to urge him on, it was like he couldn’t get enough of my agony. He would stick his fingers in the wound until I screamed and then run his bloodied fingers over my body. After he’d finished with me and he passed out, I called my dad to come and get me the hell out of there. I’ll never forget the look on dad’s face when he saw me. It took everything I had to stop him from killing Luke and when he regained control, he took me to the hospital. I had never seen him cry before, but something broke in him that night and it also broke me.”
My chest heaves on a sob as I replay the horror in my head.
“My father stayed with me while I was being checked at the hospital and speaking with the police. He held onto me and listened to every detail about what had happened. Luke was charged and I thought that was the end of it. Two months later I was proven wrong. What he’d done to me that night was nothing compared to what happened next. He showed up at my parent’s home. When I opened the door, I saw the glint of madness in his eyes. Seconds later, pain exploded in my stomach and when I looked down, a knife protruded from me. I remember stumbling backwards, tripping on the hallway rug and hitting the ground hard. I heard my father yelling then, nothing. I woke up in hospital a week later, the room was empty. Later, a doctor said I’d had a close call and it would take months for me to heal properly. When I asked about my dad, the expression on his face changed to one of sadness. He explained, my dad hadn’t made it.”
I feel like I’ve just run a marathon and sit on the lounge to get my emotions back in check. I wait for the questions X is bound to have, but again the room is silent except for his heavy breathing. Oddly enough, his breathing has a calming effect on me as my fingers twist in a hole in my pajamas.
Energy from X fills the room and has my stomach twisting in knots. I feel the fear, like lead, sit heavy in my belly at the thought he will stand and walk out of the apartment. I wouldn’t blame him, I’m a lot to take on. I feel like a hot mess most of the time and I’m just fighting to get through day by day. But, something about this man has me hoping he could be my compass and lead me from the nightmares that haunt me.
I study X closely and swear every word I have just spoken, shows on his features. From the way his eyes track every move I make to the way his muscles flex and relax as he fights for control. I know he’s angry, it surges off him in waves. I don’t think it’s me he’s pissed with, but the events of my past. I want to crawl into his lap and never leave, the feelings he evokes consume every cell in me. I’m broken from my thoughts when his voice washes over me.
“Never again. You’re mine now.”
A gasp slips from my lips when I hear the truth in his voice.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Xavier
“Didn’t.....”
I hold up my ha
nd to prevent her from continuing and she wisely closes her mouth. It guts me to see so much fucking sadness in those beautiful eyes of hers and I wish she didn't feel this way. I know if she says one more word about not wanting to be with me because of this bullshit. I’ll lose what little control I have right now. I need a fucking minute to soak in everything she’s just told me, to try and calm my ass down before my anger takes control and makes this situation a lot worse than it already is. Exhaling a deep breath, I run my hand across the back of my neck to relieve the anger and tension knotting the muscles there.
“Never in a million years did I think I would find somebody and have the chance to settle down. Then, I found you.” I pause and look into her wide eyes. “I knew there was something about you, something drawing me to you, but in my eyes, you seemed untouchable. You’d put a shield in place which I thought I didn’t have a chance in hell of penetrating. This past week has opened my eyes to so much more than I ever thought possible. Now, when I look at you I see a future. It plays out in my head as clear as crystal. I understand that shit may scare you because fuck, it did a number on me to begin with. But, I know what I want and what I want is you." My words finish on a growl.
“I'm scared." Her murmur is barely above a whisper but I heard it.
I get why she’s scared but I need her to realise, she has nothing to be scared of when it comes to me.
“I know."
“What if I let you in and shit goes south?" There is more strength in her words now.
“Sweetness, life's about chances. I can't do this on my own, I need you to be on board."
“X, he had sugary sweet words on his lips but the devil was in his eyes."
