by Maree, Kay
My eyes look wildly around, my mouth opens on a silent scream. I’m gasping for breath and sweat pours from my face. I try to swipe away the wetness, call for help, but it’s no use. Closing my eyes, I curl into a ball, rest my head against my knees and fight against the overwhelming feelings.
After what seems like an eternity, my heart steadies and I’m overcome with a feeling of weightlessness. I open my eyes to find I’m standing, floating. The gray haze from earlier surrounds me once more. My surroundings blur at the edges as if the world that I know is being erased around me. Invisible chains seem to drag me down into nothingness. I don’t know if I have the strength to fight what is happening.
The fight leaves me and I close my eyes as tears run unchecked down my face. Everything in my life was becoming better – I’d made new friends.
I had a great guy.
Is this my reality check?
Am I being reminded that I should never be happy?
Is this my life now?
Refusing to believe this is it, the end, I use what little strength I have left to push to the surface, away from the dark abyss. I look above and white light breaks through the gray haze.
My father’s voice comes from the right of me. “It’s time to fight.”
Xavier’s deep voice, from my left. “Keep fighting, Baby.”
They give me the extra push I needed.
With their whispered words echoing around me, I float towards the blinding light. As I get closer, the gray haze morphs into white smoke which swirls around me.
The light is huge now and I push closer, away from the darkness for the first time in what seems like forever. As I near, I feel as if I’m being put back together – pieces are no longer missing, everything is where it should be.
I breathe out a deep breath as relief washes over me. Glancing around, there is stillness. Nothings moves. Even the swirling smoke is now motionless. I step forward and listen – quiet. Not a sound.
Feeling lost and not sure what to do, I keep moving forward, away from the darkness.
After taking a few steps, shadows form into figures ahead. Feeling a surge of energy, I move faster, hoping they won’t disappear as I get closer.
Then – chaos.
Has someone turned on a radio? I listen carefully.
Machines are beeping, pinging. Muffled voices can be heard and as I step closer, they become clearer, less like static.
The smoky haze clears and I take stock of where I am. The smell of antiseptic wafts past my nose. Pristine white, sterile walls appear around me. Realisation hits me – a hospital. I’m in a hospital room. The shadows become larger and morph into people.
No....not just people. My friends. Xavier is leaning over a bed holding someone's hand.
Beau is seated by an open window, a pained expression on his face. An ominous feeling of dread sends chills through me. Confusion clouds my mind.
“What’s going on?” I whisper, afraid of the answer. Is it X’s mum?
“Beau what if...” I hear the pain in Xavier’s deep voice and it’s enough to bring me to my knees.
“Don’t,” Beau says, cutting him off “Just don’t. She will be fucking fine. There is no other option.” I watch as he drags a hand through his hair.
“What’s going on?” I speak a bit louder this time, worried they didn’t hear me. But, I still don’t get an answer. Why won’t they answer me?
“What happened?” Erica’s worried voice comes from the doorway and I turn to find an extremely disheveled Erica standing beside an even more worried Cynthia. They hurry into the room and straight past me as if I’m not even here.
Feeling frustrated, I move towards the bed and place my hand on X’s shoulder. I expect him to melt into my touch, but when he doesn’t, I turn my focus to the bed. I freeze and feel the blood cool in my body. My eyes fill with tears at what I see.
It’s me......
Wires are coming out of me everywhere. I’m attached to a bank of machines – the beeping I heard.
I slap my hands over my mouth. “Oh, God, what is wrong with me?”
I’m pale - deathly pale and I have purple bruises on my neck.
Oh, God, this can’t be happening.
This can’t be real.
This is another dream or, nightmare. Yes, that’s it. It’s a nightmare. I try to think but my head starts to spin and my stomach roils.
“Come on Baby, fight!” Xavier’s voice breaks and he bows his head to the bed. Gripping my hand for dear life.
“I’m here, Babe. I’m fighting.” It’s no use they can’t hear me.
“I thought you were tougher than this. Fight, damn you.” Erica sounds angry and as she wipes the tears from her eyes, Beau pulls her into his side and kisses her head.
Cynthia moves to the other side of the bed and grips my free hand. When she speaks, I’m lucky to catch the words as they’re torn from her throat on broken sobs.
“I-I need you, Ally. Y-you’re my be-best friend,” she hiccups, tearing my heart out.
I jump when I feel a hand on my shoulder and looking to my side, I see a sad smile on my father’s face.
“Dad.”
“You need to fight, Buttons. They need you as much as you need them.”
“I don’t know what I’m fighting.”
“You need to fight to live and be happy.” A watery smile graces his face.
“Every time I try, something knocks me back down.”
“Fight, honey. If not for yourself, for each and every life you have touched since you opened yourself back up to the world.”
“I....” I pause and look around the room.
In only a few short weeks, these people have become my family. They have come to mean everything to me. I focus back on Xavier and know I would do anything to feel his touch again.
“I will. I promise,” I whisper, not taking my eyes off X’s back. Worried that in a flash, he’ll disappear again.
“Live and be happy, Button’s.”
Dad’s whispered words catch on the wind coming through the open window. I don’t need to look to know he is no longer standing beside me. Moving closer to the bed, I crawl up and lie over my still form. Blowing out a deep breath and closing my eyes, I allow the love in this room to soak deep into my bones.
I get ready to fight.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Xavier
I feel absolutely, fucking defeated. Scrubbing my hands down my tired face, I feel like I’ve aged fifty years in the last hour. All I want to do is crawl into bed and wrap my arms around my girl, keep her safe. Glancing around the room, I take in everybody’s grave faces. They look as bad as I feel.
“Where’s Justin?” I ask, trying to take my mind off all this shit running through my head.
“He’s finishing up at the shop,” Beau answers.
“Fuck.” I remember I was booked solid today.
“It’s all good, mate. We contacted everyone and told them you had a family emergency. Everyone rescheduled except one person we couldn’t get hold of. Justin stayed for the appointment then, he’ll close up shop and head here.”
Nodding, I look at my friends. “You guys don’t need to be here.”
“Like you could stop us and as if we would be anywhere else right now.” Erica crosses the room to close the window, there’s a cool breeze blowing in.
“Leave it open, please.” My voice takes on an edge even though I try to stop it.
“There’s a chill in the air, X,” Cynthia argues.
“Well get a fucking jumper!” I regret the words immediately. “Shit, sorry.” I drag a hand over my head and try to explain my reaction. “Ally loves being outside.”
Cynthia places a hand on my arm. “I understand, but she may get too cold and she’s sick enough.” Swinging my head towards the window, I watch as dark gray clouds begin to splash across the sky, overtaking the crisp blue of the morning. Without saying another word, I nod my head, indicating it’s okay to shut out the cold
. I fix my gaze back on my girl.
“Xavier.” My father speaks from behind me and I turn in time to see a doctor move past him.
It’s not the same doctor who was in the emergency department yesterday.
“Doctor.” Relief sounds in my words.
“I’ve heard there’s been some drama going on with this young lady this morning.” He gives us a disapproving look.
I explain what I’d walked in on and without a word, he makes his way to Ally’s side. He begins checking her and I move out of his way to give him all the room he needs. After a few minutes, the doc examines the fresh bruising around her neck which seems to be getting darker by the second. He checks readings on the machines and writes stuff down in her patient folder. The continuing silence begins to sit like lead in the pit of my stomach and I’m about ready to rip my hair out when he finally speaks.
“We won’t know the extent of the damage caused until your wife wakes up. Sir, you need to prepare yourself for any complications.”
“When will that be?” I manage to get past the lump in my throat which rose the minute he said the word ‘complications’.
“At the moment everything is looking the way it should, but I won't know for sure until we wake her up. The damage to her throat is considerable and I won’t know what it’s done to the vocal center until she wakes. I’ll come back this afternoon and start to bring her out of the coma.”
I nod and turn to the window. The clear blue sky has vanished completely, overtaken by dark clouds and adding to my already shitty mood. I clench and unclench my fists to try and stop the rage swirling heavy inside me.
“I’ll pop downstairs and grab some coffee." I barely hear Cynthia's voice over the pounding in my head.
I take the few steps to the window and lean against the ledge, watching as the sky above opens up and the rain begins to fall hard.
“X-man, would you like a coffee?" Beau asks.
I shake my head and watch as a crack of lightning flashes across the sky.
“Son." My father's voice penetrates the sound of the rain and anger at him takes hold.
He was supposed to be here. He promised he wouldn't leave Ally alone while I was gone. I feel my back muscles tense when he places a hand on my shoulder and grind my teeth together in an attempt to control my anger. I know there has to be an explanation. Not trusting myself to speak, I wait for him to talk.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here, son. There was a call from your mother's nurse, your mother had a fall and hit her head."
The guilt riding his voice tears at my heart while anger simmers in my veins. Then, it hits me - fuck I'm a selfish prick. My dad is here with me, holding me together when he should be with my mother. I grip the window ledge a bit harder and bow my head. I feel ashamed of my attitude.
“I’m sorry, dad. Fuck...." Pushing myself to stand straight, I pace the floor, running my hands through my hair in dismay.
“You have nothing to be sorry about, no-one could have predicted what the fuck happened today with your mother or with your girl." He blows out a frustrated, tired breath and I study him while he peers at the ground. His shoulders are hunched and he looks completely fucking defeated. I know there’s something he isn't telling me and I steel myself for what he has to say.
“What is it?”
Locking his eyes with mine, I notice the worry lying there and the hesitation before he opens his mouth to speak.
“Ally’s mum got loose, she took off and no-one can find her."
“What the fuck?” I head for the door, ready to go and find the bitch.
“Shit! Xavier, stop!" Dad races up behind me and grips me firmly on the shoulder to stop me leaving.
“You need to stay and look after your girl, let the police do their job," he grunts out.
I swing around to face him.
“How the fuck am I supposed to let them do their job when they lost her to begin with?"
“It wasn't their fault, son. The security guard allowed her to use the bathroom and she climbed out a window.
“Fuck, dad." I’m at a loss as to what to say, climbing through a window to escape is the oldest trick in the book.
“Listen to me. You stay the fuck here. I’m going to go and check on your mother and when I get back we'll take it from there.
“Fine.” I’m torn between finding the bitch and making sure my woman is fine.
Dad reaches over and squeezes my shoulder before leaving. I sit my ass down and gather Ally’s hand in mine. When I glance around the room I find everyone is gone, probably to get coffee.
“I'm right here, Baby." I kiss each of her delicate fingers.
The dark clouds from outside linger over my head, I know in my heart, the clear crisp blue sky won’t return to my life until my girl is awake again.
I’m not sure what time it is, everything seems to be passing in a blur. I was aware of the doctor coming in with a nurse and as the she checked Ally’s vitals, the doctor injected some medicine into the cannula on the back of her hand. It’s supposed to bring her out of the coma they put her in, but the doc said it could take a few hours and when her body is ready for her to wake, she will.
I place Ally’s hand on the bed, lean back in my chair and stretch my back. The guys are back and Cynthia is on the other side of the bed reading a book out loud. I must have really zoned out not to notice, or even hear, her reading. I raise my eyebrows at the next sentence out of her mouth.
“What the fuck are you reading to my woman?” Confusion laces my voice, but I can’t help the chuckle which leaves my lips. It feels good to laugh.
Stifling a laugh herself, Cynthia manages to answer me. “It’s called Broken Bastard by A.L Simpson, I found it on Ally’s bookshelf. It’s book one in the Broken Series I brought book two with me also. The blurbs on the backs of the books sounded really good so, I thought I’d give them a try.”
She shrugs, reaches down for the bag she’s packed for Ally and pulls out another book. She holds it up so I can see the cover. When I look at the guys who are leaning against the window, they shrug their shoulders and continue to stuff their faces with food. Catching Erica’s eye, I see she is smiling around a mouthful of food before she covers her mouth to speak.
“It’s a great story so far. Don’t stop, Cynthia, keep going.” She laughs and the guys groan.
I think I’m a little intrigued about this story if it makes the guys groan like that.
“I got you a sandwich from the cafe downstairs." Erica reaches down and grabs a sandwich in a sealed packet from her bag.
“I'm good." I shake my head, not interested and not sure if I could stomach anything right now.
“X, you need to eat something," she insists, but I shake my head again and wave her off.
“You’re going to need your strength for when Ally wakes up." Stubbornness coats Erica’s words, it becomes obvious she won’t be taking no for an answer. She stands, rounds the bed and thrusts the sandwich towards me. I still don’t take it.
“Just eat the fucking sandwich, brother," Beau growls.
I'm about to snap, but then I see the worried look on all their faces. I try to think of the last time I ate but nothing is coming to me. Reluctantly I take the package and open it to find a simple ham, cheese and tomato sandwich. Lifting it to my mouth, I take a bite. Seemingly satisfied, Erica sits back down and the boys go back to stuffing their faces. The sandwich is bland, tasteless and every bite seems to lodge in my throat before sitting like lead in my stomach. I eat a couple more mouthfuls, wrap the other half up and place it on the small bedside table for later.
Erica mumbles something to the boys, but I don't give a shit. I know my appetite won't be back until my girl is awake and eating herself.
Picking Ally’s hand back up, I entwine her fingers with mine and try to relax. Resting my head against the side of the bed, I watch my girl. I’m hoping any moment now to see the slightest movement telling me she is coming back to me. The moment Cynthia starts to
read again, a phone ringing cuts through the otherwise silent room. Bending over and rummaging through her bag, Cynthia finds her phone, places it against her ear and answers the call.
“Hey, Jace, is everything okay?”
She listens to the guy on the other end of the phone and from the corner of my eye, I notice Justin has stopped eating and is standing straighter with a possessive look on his face.
“Thank you so much for this I owe you big time." She rubs her forehead as a small smile graces her lips. “Hey little man, are you behaving yourself for Jace?"
She listens intently and I'm guessing she’s talking to her son.
“Oh wow, you’re one very lucky boy.” She pauses. “Okay, well put him back on the phone and I’ll either see you tonight or in the morning ... I love you too, buddy."
She’s quiet for a moment and it seems everyone in the room has stopped what they are doing to listen in.
“Jace, I can never thank you enough for doing this. If you take him on the back of your bike again, please drive carefully,” she stresses before laughing at something he says in answer. “Okay, bye." She ends the call before placing her phone back in her bag. The tension, which has been building in the room since she first answered the call, is finally broken with a pissed off sounding Justin.
“Who the fuck was that?"
“It was...” Cynthia starts to speak but Justin is on a roll and cuts her off.
“Whoever the fuck it was better back the fuck off!”
I watch as Cynthia's shoulders stiffen. “No matter what you think, Justin, it is none of your friggin business.” Her voice is colder than ice.
“Like fuck it isn't,” he spits out.
“My life does not fucking concern you anymore, you made that quite clear years ago so, don't start to pretend to give a fuck now." She speaks angrily before picking the book up from her lap and turning to where she left off.
Looking over at Justin, I see the pain etched into his face at her words. He opens his mouth to speak but I shake my head.
“Now isn't the time for this shit, save it for later."
