by Rae, Nikki
“Get out, Evan.” I want to believe it’s Myles’ voice, but it sounds like there’s more than one person talking at once.
I’m talking too, but I’m only aware of that when there’s a response.
“You’re not going to die,” Myles whispers close to my ear. “He didn’t take enough.”
“What the hell just happened?” Jade. He’s here.
“Just help me,” Myles snaps.
Cold hands on my neck, against my warm blood.
More hands against my ribs.
And I’m still floating. I can’t come completely down.
I’m crying, too incoherent to say anything. I still can’t see, and I feel like my hearing is cutting in and out. I can’t breathe and I can’t sit still. My entire body is one writhing, crumpled up mass.
Another cramp hits me in my sternum, and I’m not sure if it’s the same one from before Evan bit me or something new, but it’s the worst one yet. Liquid fire in my chest that bubbles up through my throat and out of my mouth and onto the pillow next to me.
Myles is saying it’s okay over and over again into my ear as he and my brother try to make it all stop. He uses the words like they’re some kind of life raft that will get us back to shore, but I think we both know that help isn’t coming.
Slipping Under
Chapter 20
“Forget the horror here. Leave it all down here.”—Foals
Just like that, I’m swimming.
I am twelve years old in a bright blue pool of water. The chlorine burns my nostrils. The sun is bright, but my eyes aren’t on fire. Sure, the sun is out, but the pool is under a tree and I stay mostly in the shade, looking at the rippling white where the branches don’t reach.
It’s hot. Almost unbearably boiling outside. But the water is cool, and someone’s given me an inflatable purple hippo to float on, and it squeaks when I wrap my arms around it. I close my eyes. I’m waiting for something, but I can’t quite place what it is.
Are you enjoying yourself? I hear Michael’s voice, but I can’t find him.
I swim in circles looking for him; bright green trees and the sound of water are the only things I find.
Do you think it will be easy? I know he’s not here, but that doesn’t stop me from searching the pool and the branches of the trees. Make no mistake. You will die.
There’s a noise that distracts me but it’s gone before I can form a real assessment of what it is. Something is thrown over me. Someone is scooping me up in a towel and covering my body, pulling me out of the water and into the heat.
***
“You scared me,” Jade is saying.
My eyes snap open.
I can see now.
I’m in new clothes again. This time it’s a brown flannel button up shirt and black pajama bottoms. My neck aches when I try to lift my head, but I give up on that anyway because I’m too tired to sit up on my own. The only other person in the room is my brother, sitting in the seat under the window that’s gone dark again.
The words have just left his mouth, but still, I ask, “What?”
“Myles said you would be asleep a long time,” he says. “He told me that you might not wake up…” his voice breaks.
“I’m up,” I say it to reassure him, but my own voice isn’t much stronger.
He gives me a brave, sad smile. “I know,” he says. “I knew you would be.”
I don’t think either of us wants to talk about what happened with Evan, because I’m not even entirely sure, so I decide to break the silence.
“I had a dream,” I offer, my voice scratchy and pain-laced. I become aware of tape and gauze stuck to my neck. “About the pool party.”
I decide to hang onto the parts of the memory that comfort me and discard the parts that terrify me for the time being.
Jade smiles a little bit more, and I’d like to say that it’s real, but I don’t think that’s possible right now. “You scared me then too,” he whispers.
“I’m always scaring you,” I whisper back. “I’m your little sister. It’s my job.”
He sniffs, and I notice that he’s been crying silently this entire time.
“Are you going to do it?” he asks.
My eyes find his. “I don’t have many other options.” Or any at all.
He swallows what might have been a sob. “Are you sure about that?” he asks. “Maybe there’s some other way. Something maybe they don’t know about.”
But even as he says it I can tell he thinks it’s an empty theory. He’s just grasping at straws. Trying to hold onto the raft as his fingers are slipping off.
“I’ll be okay,” I say. And that, too, is empty. Hollow.
I blink, or maybe my eyes were closed for a while, but when they open again, Jade’s gone and Myles is back.
“Hey,” I say.
He takes the seat Jade was sitting in and places a hand on top of mine, which is under a new clean sheet. This one’s baby blue. “Hey,” he says softly.
We don’t say anything for a long few seconds.
“I’m sorry Evan did that to you,” Myles whispers like he can’t get it out any other way. “If I thought for a second he would do that, I wouldn’t have left him alone with you.”
I sniff and gently touch the gauze plastered to the left side of my neck. “Why did you stop him?”
Myles blinks a few times, swallows.
“If there’s no other choice, why not just let him drain me so you could turn me?”
“Is that what he told you he was doing?”
I nod and my head and neck feel like they’re not attached to my body anymore.
“He isn’t strong enough to drain you,” Myles says, his voice laced with anger. “He sent your body into shock because he was stupid enough to think he could do it.”
I gulp. My mouth is dry but I can’t find it in me to ask for water. Is there even a point? I’m going to be dead either way soon.
“You told Jade I might not wake up?” It comes out of my mouth before I’ve thought it through, but, honestly, what else do I have to lose?
Myles nods, squeezing my hand slightly. “You…” He glances around the general area of my body. “Almost shut down.”
“How long do I have?” I ask.
This time, he doesn’t hesitate when he answers. “Not long.”
My vision blurs then comes back into sharp focus. It takes all of me, whatever’s left, to say what I say next. “Let’s do it, then.”
His eyes shoot instantly to mine. I can almost see the gears turning in his head as he takes it in. “Are you sure about that?”
I want so badly to say yes, but Jesus Christ.
“No.” My voice is shaking almost as much as I am. “How the hell am I supposed to be so sure about something like this?” I whisper. Myles doesn’t answer. “But the only other choice I have is dying,” I continue. “And I’m not doing that.”
My vision is blurry again when I look up at him, but it’s from tears that I refuse to set free. I’m expecting him to try and convince me otherwise. I wait for him to tell me what I assume I’ll face with this choice: blood, never growing old, or being able to have kids. Never dying. Watching everyone I love grow old and die. But I know when I look at him that he can tell I’m already thinking about those things. He doesn’t need to do it for me.
“Okay,” he says, standing up only to lie next to me on top of the sheet.
“No,” I say, feeling the thin separation between us as if it were as thick as stone. “Under.”
Wordlessly, he moves the sheet and shifts closer as it settles back around us. He cautiously drapes an arm across me, miraculously not hitting anything that hurts. He leans his head against my chest. My hand rests on top of his head.
It’s quiet. Even with my lungs breaking apart in my ribcage, it’s incredibly quiet.
“What’s it like?” I whisper.
“Turning?”
I nod.
His fingers trail slowly at my side, barely co
nscious of what they’re doing. “It’s different for everyone.”
When he says nothing else about it, I ask, “Does it hurt?”
He pauses. “Not as much as this does.”
My head almost slumps to one side. I’m fading again. “When?” I ask.
“We have to wait until it comes back.”
A cramp flutters through my stomach, but it hasn’t fully formed yet. It won’t be long.
“Do you want to know how it’ll happen?” he asks quietly.
I nod.
“When the blood comes back,” he whispers. I can tell it’s a combination of him not wanting me to freak out and our collective exhaustion. “I’ll bite you,” he says. “And you’ll want me to stop . . . and I won’t.”
I take in a breath. This is it. This is my life right now. And if I don’t do this, it will no longer be my life, but my death.
“Are you scared?’ he whispers, lifting his head so he can look at me.
“Yeah,” I say. “Totally.”
Myles’ jaw clenches. “If you change your mind,” he says.
I open my mouth to protest, but he continues talking. The flutter becomes more fleshed out, growing hands and teeth in order to claw its way through my body yet again.
“I’ll take the blame.” I have to admit, that’s not what I was expecting. “I’ll tell Jade that it was my fault.”
“Myles,” I say, my breath coming in short bursts and the pain starts pricking me like thorns.
“It’ll be okay,” he says. “I know it isn’t right now. But it will be. I promise.”
When Michael’s blood slams into me full force, when the thorns turn into blades, Myles cradles my head against his chest.
“I mean everything,” he struggles to say. “I want to fix this. Us.”
He dips his head to my collarbone. “It’s okay.”
My head begins to feel fuzzy, tingly, like it’s fallen asleep. Then pressure. The pressure of his fangs in my flesh.
It’s okay. Floats into my semi-conscious mind.
The words are a raft that floats past us as the blood flows out of my body and I try to swim.
