by Mia Ross
She wanted to yell at him—he could see it on her face. So he did what he always did when faced with a woman determined to work herself into a frenzy over nothing. He gave her his biggest, brightest grin.
“Don’t you try that on me, Sawyer,” she scolded, shaking a scary-looking metal spoon at him. “It won’t work.”
Despite her words, he got a faint smile for his efforts. Since she’d been coiled like a spring thirty seconds ago, he considered it a success.
“Amanda!” With Hailey cradled in one arm, Caty reached out to hug her. “It’s so great to see you. How have you been?”
“Fine.” Amanda wiggled the baby’s foot and smiled up at Matt. “I see you’ve been busy.”
“Never a dull moment,” he replied. “How’re things going here?”
“The same. Lisa and Seth aren’t here yet, so help yourselves to whatever looks good.”
“That’d be everything,” John said, winking at her as he snatched a fresh tomato from the chopping block.
When she thanked him, her grateful smile told him she needed the compliment more than he’d realized.
Hailey was fascinated with their visitor, and kept her curious eyes fixed on Amanda while Caty chatted with this newcomer. After a few minutes, Caty asked, “Would you like to hold her?”
Amanda gave the baby a hesitant look. “Are you sure? I mean, I’m a stranger. She might not like me.”
“Oh, she loves people.”
Amanda took her awkwardly, as if she was afraid to damage the very sturdy little girl. Tucker wasn’t nearly as shy. He sniffed Hailey’s bare toes, and she yanked her foot away, squealing with laughter. When she put her foot down and reached out for him, Amanda hunkered down to let her pet the dog. He licked her tiny hand, making her laugh again.
Occupied by the outgoing Lab and giggling child, Amanda visibly relaxed. Cuddling Hailey closer, her expression softened into something John had never seen from her. Before he could figure out what it meant, Marianne, Ridge and the kids came into the kitchen.
Matt greeted Ridge with a grin. “Hey there, Pops. What’d the doctor say?”
“Everything’s fine,” he replied with obvious relief. “We see him every week from now on, though, to be safe.”
Suddenly serious, Matt rested a hand on his old buddy’s shoulder. “Just let John and me know when you need a break. We’ll work it out.”
John nodded wholehearted agreement. For the Sawyers, family came first. Period, end of story. “Yeah. No problem.”
Ridge gave them each a grateful look. “Thanks.”
“Speaking of breaks,” Amanda said quietly. “I was hoping to get some time off tomorrow morning. I have some things to take care of. Personal things,” she added as if she expected them to challenge her right to a few hours off.
“That works out fine. You can even use the van if you want,” Marianne told her. “Kyle has baseball, but his game isn’t ’til the afternoon.”
“Speaking of tomorrow,” Caty chimed in. “Hailey and I were thinking we’d come out for breakfast with everyone before the guys get to work. Is that okay?”
“You mean, to keep an eye on me while the boys are baling and Amanda’s gone?” Marianne asked, slanting a look at her husband.
“Of course not.” Caty smiled over at her daughter. “We love being at the farm, don’t we, june bug?”
Hailey gurgled a reply, which made everyone laugh. While they finalized the details for coming and going, John watched Amanda closely. She struck him as someone who’d never held a baby in her life, but Hailey could soften a heart made of stone. Gradually, Amanda relaxed and actually seemed to be enjoying her time with the newest Sawyer.
When the arrangements were settled, Marianne added, “Amanda, we saw Pastor Charles in town this afternoon. He wanted us to tell you he’s glad you’re home and he’d love to have you in church on Sunday.”
“That’s sweet, but church isn’t really my kind of thing. I’ve had a busy week, so it would be nice to sleep in on Sunday.”
That didn’t sit well with Marianne, who pressed her lips into a disapproving line. She’d never insist that their housekeeper go to church, but she definitely would have preferred it. John wasn’t crazy about it, either, but he kept his mouth shut. He’d already suspected Amanda had turned away from her Christian upbringing, and this confirmed it for him. She had a lot to deal with, and leaning on God would make it easier to manage. But he’d learned that however hard you might try, you couldn’t convince people how important faith was. You had to show them.
Even then, it only worked if they were open to God in the first place. Nothing ever got into a closed mind, Ethan used to tell him. Frustrating as it was for him to watch her struggle, John knew there was nothing to do but be patient and wait for her to come around.
And if she never did, that was her choice.
Hailey glanced at John, her face lighting up as if she’d just noticed him. With a delighted squeal, she reached both hands up, eyes dancing with very flattering baby approval.
“She really likes you,” Amanda commented, sounding more than a little impressed.
“Sometimes I think she likes John better than me,” Matt grumbled with a wry grin.
As if on cue, the oven timer went off. Standing, Amanda handed off the squirming child to him. Obviously rattled for some reason, she seemed relieved to escape to the other side of the kitchen. He still wasn’t sure what was bugging her, but John decided to create a little diversion to give her a chance to get comfortable again.
“Is that right, little darlin’?” he asked, rubbing noses with his niece. When she babbled back at him, he listened carefully before looking over at Matt. “Don’t feel too bad, big brother. She’s not the first girl who liked me better than you.”
“Right. Name one.”
“Jeannie Randall. Karen Masterson.” Grinning wider, he went in for the kill. “Caty Lee McKenzie.”
“Oh, please!” She laughed. “That was such a long time ago.”
“But she liked me better,” he assured Hailey. “Don’t you let your daddy tell you any different.”
“Keep it up, Goldilocks,” Matt growled. “You’ll be baling that hayfield all by yourself this weekend.”
John grinned but decided to be smart and ease up on his big brother. Thanks to Caty, Matt was a lot less intense than he used to be, but the old grizzly bear still reared up every once in a while. It was best not to rile him too much.
“Can’t have that,” Ridge said as the kids settled onto the bench at the table. “Seeing as your birthday’s coming up, you should start taking it easier.”
Hailey giggled, and John gave her a mock frown. “What’s so funny?”
Eyes shining with good humor, she babbled a response, punctuating it with another giggle. “Yeah, well, when it’s your birthday, I’m gonna laugh at you.”
“John,” Lisa scolded from the door, “don’t you dare pick on my sweet baby niece.”
Shouting excitedly, Kyle and Emily ran to greet the newlyweds, wrapping them in hugs while the adults hovered behind, waiting for their turn.
“Did you bring us anything?” Emily asked, eyes shining hopefully.
Her mother chided her, but Seth grinned as he hefted two large bags. “Did you really think we’d forget?”
“Later, though,” Lisa told her as they sat down at the table. “Supper smells great, and we’re starving.”
She added a smile for Amanda, who returned it as she set a huge platter of corn bread in the middle of the table. “Welcome home, you two. How was Europe?”
“Amazing, of course,” Lisa replied, grasping Seth’s left hand. His simple gold band still looked odd there, and John wondered how long it took a guy to get used to wearing one. “Amanda Gardner, this is my husband, Seth Hansen.”
; “I’ve heard a lot of great things about you,” Amanda told him as she finally sat down.
“All true,” Lisa assured her, hugging his arm.
They heard all about the honeymoon while they worked their way through Amanda’s delicious meal. Other domestic chores might be a challenge for her, but she had nothing to worry about in the cooking department, John thought with a grin. Everything was great.
During a lull in the conversation, Marianne asked, “Can everyone make it out here for supper on Tuesday?”
They all chimed in with yeses, and John folded his arms with a scowl. “I’m busy.”
“No, you’re not.” She wagged a scolding finger at him. “Thirty was last year and we let you be. Not this time.”
“Whatever.”
“That’s not a very good attitude, Uncle John,” Emily informed him sternly. “It’s your special day, and we want to make a cake and have presents for you. It’ll be fun—you’ll see.”
She was so earnest, he had to grin. “When you put it like that, it sounds great. I’ll be there.”
“Six o’clock.” Pushing a straw into her berry drink box, she fixed him with a very serious look. “Please be on time.”
Folding his arms on the table, John chuckled. “You sound like your mom.”
“You’re late all the time,” Kyle reminded him. “The party’s really at six-thirty.”
“Kyle,” Marianne chided in a whisper. “You weren’t supposed to tell him that.”
“We’re guys, Mom. We have to stick together.”
“Thanks, buddy. I appreciate it.” John fist-bumped Kyle across the table, which was rude but funny.
While the family laughed over the whole thing, Marianne caught John’s gaze and held it for a few moments. She knew why he didn’t like celebrating his birthday anymore, and it had nothing to do with turning thirty, thirty-one or even eighty. He hated that she was pushing him to do it, but the kids were so excited, he didn’t have the heart to disappoint them.
Lisa briefly rubbed his shoulder before heading back for more food. Unfortunately, Amanda saw the odd exchange, and she gave John a baffled look before opening the oven to take out the first batch of spare ribs. Hoping he appeared convincing, he shrugged as if he had no clue what had motivated Lisa’s affectionate gesture.
But he knew perfectly well, and being reminded that his birthday was just around the corner dimmed his usual enjoyment of their weekly supper. A Sawyer family tradition, it wasn’t easy to get everyone here these days. But they all made time for it because it was important to sit down and reconnect with each other.
The hand-hewn oak table had stood in the same spot since the 1850s, when Daniel Sawyer carved it for his wife’s new kitchen. Sitting around it, trading stories and jokes over a good meal, was something the current Sawyers had done for as long as any of them could remember. Adding kids to the mix made it more lively, and during their busiest season, it was a great way to unwind.
John wasn’t sure if it was by design or not, but by the time Amanda was ready to sit down, the only open seat was next to him. A quick glance around the crowd showed him a bunch of innocent feminine looks, which pretty much answered his question.
Somehow, Marianne and Lisa had arranged the seating so Amanda would be forced to sit beside John. They hadn’t had even thirty seconds alone to set this up, which told him they’d conferred earlier and decided to take a shot at matchmaking.
Poor girls, he thought as he forked a pair of ribs off the platter. They didn’t realize that he and Amanda had never seen—and would never see—anything even remotely romantic in each other. They were such different people, being friends was tough enough. Making a relationship work would be impossible.
His nosy sisters and sister-in-law were going to be mighty disappointed when their efforts led to absolutely nothing.
* * *
Amanda’s first Sawyer family supper was a rousing success.
Everyone enjoyed her spare ribs and corn bread, and Matt even tossed in a compliment about her sweet tea.
“That’s good to hear. I haven’t made it in so long, I thought for sure I’d forgotten how.”
“It’s wonderful to see you again.” Lisa reached over to hug her around the shoulders. “How does it feel to be back?”
“Well, I’ve been pretty busy, but things are fine so far.” Amanda slanted a look at John, who just grinned back. True to his word as ever, he’d done nothing to clue the family in about her predicament. “I wish I could have been here for your wedding. Do you have pictures?”
A multi-stage groan rippled around the table, and they all made some kind of disparaging princess comment. Except for Emily, who piped up, “I’d love to see them again, Aunt Lisa. Do you have your phone?”
Lisa smiled. “We’ll look at them later, sweetness. I think everyone else might like to see our new photos from Europe.”
That idea went over much better, and they all jammed together so they had a view of the small screen.
“This is us at the Coliseum in Rome.” Turning the phone, she swiped her finger across the screen to go through the shots. “We waited all morning to get in, but it was worth it.”
“Seems to me you went all that way for nothing,” John commented to her husband, Seth, who was as reserved as Lisa was bubbly. “We got lots of old, falling-down buildings around here.”
Seth grinned but wouldn’t take the bait and annoy his new wife. Smart man.
“This one.” Lisa waved the phone for emphasis, “was finished in the year 80 and is mostly still standing. Our country is a baby compared to all the places we visited over there.”
“How come all those stones are missing?” Kyle asked.
“Earthquakes took out that big chunk on the side. During the Middle Ages they weren’t using it, so they stripped off pieces to use in other buildings.” She frowned at the picture. “It must have been amazing when it was covered in white marble.”
While she continued her honeymoon show-and-tell, Amanda couldn’t help feeling a little envious. She’d been to all those places herself, but she hadn’t gotten half the enjoyment out of them that Lisa and Seth obviously had. Then again, she’d been with a tour group, not sharing the sights with a man who loved her so much he felt compelled to marry her.
Lisa had really done well. So had Marianne and Caty, for that matter. Amanda had yet to find the man she trusted enough to give him carte blanche in her life. Sometimes, like now, she wondered if he even existed.
Chapter Six
Something wasn’t right.
Amanda lay in her bed, still foggy from the best night’s sleep she’d had in months. While her fuzzy brain tried to figure out what was wrong, the plaid curtains shifted in a breeze scented with honeysuckle. When she was able to pick up four distinct versions of birdsong, it finally hit her what was wrong.
The house was silent.
Normally filled with boisterous Sawyers and farmhands, the large farmhouse was so quiet she could hear the fridge humming away down in the kitchen. It was a lazy, luxurious feeling, as if the house itself was resting, waiting for everyone to come back and fill it up again.
Smiling at the foolish turn her imagination had taken, she plumped up her pillow and leaned back to enjoy the solitude. Even after spending years at the breakneck pace of the advertising and PR business, she’d never had a busier week in her life. Getting accustomed to the time change had been more challenging than she’d anticipated, not to mention becoming acquainted with the new people who called the farm home.
Hailey was a peach—every inch her mother’s child. Ridge and the kids were great, and the newlywed Hansens were absolutely adorable together. After a while, she’d even managed to draw Seth into a spirited conversation about Baroque Italian architecture.
Her biggest challenge was John. N
o surprise there, she decided with a sigh. While she was mulling that over, a squirrel appeared outside her window, blinking in at her with curiosity.
“Hello there,” she said quietly. Even that was too much for him, though, and he disappeared into the misty morning.
Looking at the clock, she saw it was almost ten. She used to sleep well into the afternoon, but those days were over. After church, the Sawyers were having lunch before the guys headed out for an afternoon in the fields. Outside her window, she could see acre upon acre of hay and oats, rippling in the breeze like waves.
It looked endless to her. She could only imagine how large the farm looked when you went over it a foot at a time. Day after day, year after year, she mused with a frown. With over two thousand acres, they finished one section just in time to start on another. And then they replanted and started the whole cycle over again.
How did John stand it? With her very short attention span, she’d go completely bonkers within a week. Not everyone was meant to be a farmer, she reasoned as she stretched and reluctantly got out of bed. Now that she’d gotten an up-close view of what it took to run a farm this size, she really admired the Sawyers for maintaining their family business. She was certain that, at one time or another, they’d been offered a lot of money for this place.
After showering, she pulled on a pair of workout shorts and a faded tie-dyed T-shirt she used to wear only for yoga class. Recalling John’s compliment about her more natural appearance, she checked the mirror. Tilting her head one way and then another, spinning around to see her back, she had no clue what he liked so much.
She really needed some clothes, she thought with disdain. Maybe during the week she could get out and do a little shopping at the discount strip mall she’d noticed while running errands in Kenwood yesterday. Very little shopping, she amended with a frown. She couldn’t keep using the Collinses’ minivan—she needed money to fix her car. Probably lots of money.
Since she had time, she debated drying her hair or just pulling it up into a ponytail the way she’d been doing. Realizing it didn’t matter to her current employers, she went with the ponytail because it was easier. Having spent years focused on every detail of her appearance, it was liberating not to care anymore.
