by Mia Ross
“I’ll take my chances.”
He frowned, and she braced herself for an argument. She hated being at odds with him over this, but she firmly stood her ground.
“They’re my family.” He deftly played the emotion card. “I’m not in the habit of keeping stuff from them.”
“Fine. Tell them. I don’t care.”
Cocking his head, he gave her a suspicious look. “But you’ll never make me pancakes again.”
“Trust me.” She elbowed past him to the oven. “That will be the least of your problems.”
He didn’t say another word, but he straightened to his full, very intimidating height and glowered down at her. Knowing how much he loved her, Amanda felt awful for putting him in the position of basically choosing between her and his family.
John didn’t respond, brushing past her on his way to the table. Disgusted with herself for being a coward, she slid the casserole into the oven and set the timer.
When he called her name, she scowled at him. “What?”
“I hate to criticize, seeing as I’m no expert in the kitchen like you.”
“Spit it out, Sawyer.”
Cocking one amused eyebrow, he nodded toward the stove. “You might want to turn it on.”
Sure enough, the oven dial was still at Off. She spun it to the right temperature and stubbornly avoided looking at John. Which was difficult, because he was doing everything in his power to annoy her. Spreading the paper all over the table, feeding Tucker bacon from his own plate. The kicker was when he pointed his fork at Ridge and said, “I can out arm wrestle you, flyboy.”
“In your dreams, son.” At a warning look from his wife, the pilot-turned-farmer backtracked. “Later.”
John shrugged, then winked over at Amanda. She wouldn’t have noticed if she hadn’t been watching him, she reminded herself in frustration. It wasn’t bad enough that he looked better than usual, dressed in nice chinos and a button-down for church. Did he have to push every button she had?
The doctor had advised her that she’d be more edgy than normal. But Amanda had to acknowledge there was no reason to make things any worse for herself—and for John—than they had to be.
She took a deep breath, thought once more, and said, “There’s something I need to tell all of you.”
Everyone looked up expectantly, and she felt the impact of ten sets of eyes. Eleven if you counted Tucker, who sat and wagged his tail, hoping she had a treat for him. She’d expected to do this alone, spotlighted and terrified in front of a family that had all but adopted her not once, but twice.
To her surprise, John stood and pulled out a chair for her at the table. Then he sat down and backed away so they could see her but he was still close enough to offer moral support. That wordless, protective gesture almost did her in, and she swallowed hard so her voice would hold steady while she told her tragic tale. Out of respect for the kids, she left out the most unsavory details, presuming the adults were perfectly capable of filling in the blanks.
Emily, of all people, summed it up best. Turning to Marianne, she said, “Mommy, Amanda’s having a baby, too. Isn’t that great?”
“Babies are gifts straight from Heaven,” Marianne agreed, smiling as she reached over to give Amanda’s hand a warm squeeze. “Every one of them is special.”
“I’m confused.” Kyle frowned. “Will Amanda’s baby be our cousin like Hailey is?”
“No,” Amanda answered quickly, “but you can all be really good friends.”
She chanced a look over at John, whose proud smile was all the approval she needed. Finally, after struggling for so long, things were looking up for her. It wasn’t an accident, she understood with sudden clarity. She’d turned her back on God, but He hadn’t forgotten about her. The ghostly image in the church window wasn’t her imagination. In her heart, she knew God had seen her standing there and sent her a real, honest-to-goodness sign, welcoming her into His house if she wanted to return. Even before her desperate plea for help, He’d been watching her, waiting for her to come around.
Belated gratitude flooded through her, and she heard herself say, “I think I’ll go to church with all of you today.”
Silence. The adults looked at each other, then over at her as if they couldn’t believe they’d heard right. The delighted expression on John’s face made it all worthwhile.
“That’s awesome, Panda. Folks’ll be real glad to have you there.”
“I hope so.”
Taking her hand, he closed it inside his in a reassuring gesture. “Even if they’re not, we will be.”
While his family echoed the sentiment, John’s eyes glowed with admiration. Amanda felt as if an elephant had been lifted off her shoulders, and she found herself looking forward to Pastor Charles’s Sunday service.
* * *
Waiting for everyone to get ready to leave, John debated whether to ask the question that had been bugging him since Amanda dropped her baby bombshell. Finally, when the two of them were pulling in at the church, he decided to go for it. “What changed your mind?”
“About coming clean with your family or going to church?” she parried with a smile.
“Both.”
“Actually, it was the sonogram yesterday. Up until that point, being pregnant was a problem I had to deal with.” A soft smile played over her features as she rested a hand on her stomach. “Now she’s real, and people should know about her.”
“And the church thing?”
“The same reason, I guess.” She gazed out at the people filing in for Sunday service, then over at him. “I never really believed in miracles until yesterday.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty amazing. I remember seeing Caty and Marianne’s pictures—how proud Matt and Ridge were.” Reaching over, he took Amanda’s hand loosely in his. “I’ll help however I can. We all will.”
Lacing her fingers through his, she bathed him in the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen. Full of gratitude and adoration, it was something he wouldn’t mind seeing more of.
“Folks might whisper a little when they see you,” he warned her while they headed up the front steps.
“Pretty soon, they’ll be doing worse than that. I’ll have to get used to it sooner or later.”
“That’s the spirit.”
Inside, they walked toward the pew where the family sat every Sunday. In the aisle, Amanda paused and glanced toward the altar. With sunshine streaming in from behind, Daniel Sawyer’s famous window looked especially pretty this morning. Or maybe, John mused with a grin, it was because the woman he loved with all his heart was standing beside him. Either way, it was a great start to the day.
“You still see Mary up there?” he asked quietly.
Nodding, Amanda smiled. “I think she’s glad to see me.”
“I’ve got no doubt about that.”
Pastor Charles hurried into the chapel, looking uncharacteristically flustered until he saw Amanda. Dressed in his customary gray suit and a navy paisley bow tie, he beamed as he turned up the aisle to join them. Reaching out both hands, he shook Amanda’s warmly. “Welcome home. It’s so wonderful to see you.”
“Thank you.” As his eyes darted around, she asked, “Is something wrong?”
“Forgive my poor manners, but I just discovered we don’t have any teachers for the preschoolers this morning. Some kind of flu is going around, and I’m hunting for a couple of volunteers.”
John wasn’t keen on a full-time gig in Sunday school, but he didn’t mind helping out occasionally. “I could fill in, if you want.”
“Oh, bless you!”
When the pastor looked expectantly at Amanda, she frowned and shook her head. “I haven’t been near a church in years. I don’t think I’m the kind of person you need.”
Understanding warmed his dark ey
es, making it clear he wasn’t going to question her about why she’d gone astray. “Are you good with crayons and glitter?”
“Emily thinks so.”
“For this age group, those are the only qualifications you need. All the materials are in the craft cabinet, and John can introduce you to the kids.”
“I don’t know.” She looked at John, silently asking for his opinion.
Impressed with the pastor’s clever strategy for drawing Amanda back into the fold, John figured it was best to keep things light to avoid pressuring her. She’d been through an emotional wringer the last few days, and he didn’t want to be guilty of adding to it. “You’d come in handy when the girls need to go to the bathroom.”
The minister chuckled. “That sounds settled to me.”
“I guess so,” Amanda commented, not sounding settled at all.
He thanked them both, giving them each an approving pat on the shoulder before moving on to greet another family coming through the door.
“Are you nuts?” she hissed at John as they went downstairs. “These kids don’t know who I am. What am I going to say to them?”
“Kyle and Emily liked you right off, so do whatever you did that day. Besides, I thought it might be better to start slow before taking on the adults upstairs.”
“You nailed that one, Sawyer. I always thought Matt was the smart one.”
“He is.” Grinning, John opened the door marked Little Lambs. He wasn’t sure if the label referred to their size or how their usual teacher wanted them to behave. “But even a blind squirrel finds an acorn once in a while.”
“There’s a lot more of them than there are of us,” she muttered in a tone just short of panic.
He chuckled to put her more at ease. “For someone who survived driving on those crazy L.A. freeways, you sure are jumpy.”
That got him a decidedly sour face, and for a second he thought she might actually stick her tongue out at him. “You’re not helping.”
“Call the girls ‘sweetie’ and the boys ‘big guy’ or something like that. Then you smile, get ’em a juice box or a tissue, and help with the scissors.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“No sense making a problem where there isn’t one. They’re kids, you’re their pretty substitute teacher.” Leaning in, he murmured, “If all else fails, you’ve got a secret weapon.”
“What’s that?”
After checking to make sure the kids weren’t listening, he discreetly pointed to a locked cabinet marked Cleaning Supplies. “That’s where they keep the cookies.”
Winking, he put a finger to his lips, and she laughed. “Ooo, real James Bond kind of stuff.”
“When you get in a jam, they’re a real lifesaver.”
Now that she was in a better frame of mind, he set about showing her just how much fun Sunday school could be. There were ten kids—four boys and six girls—which should be easy enough to manage for an hour. They all chimed in on the short Bible verses they’d learned for today, then sang a very off-key version of “Jesus Loves Me.” About five minutes in, Amanda had relaxed enough to smile and enjoy herself.
“You’re right,” she whispered to him on her way to the art-supply cabinet. “This is fun.”
“Told ya.” A little girl shyly tapped his shoulder, and he turned to her. “Need something?”
“Could you cut this for me?”
“Sure.” After doing a quick circuit around a picture of Mary riding a donkey, he handed it back to her. “There ya go.”
“Thank you.”
Blue eyes sparkling with delight, she gave him a dimpled smile and took back her project. Her cloud of blond curls bounced along as she returned to her friends at a nearby table. She reminded John of Amanda when he’d first met her a lifetime ago, and he wondered if Amanda’s daughter would look like that someday.
If things between them went the way they were headed, he just might be around to find out.
“I’m totally amazed,” Amanda commented as she sat down next to him. “You’re really great with kids.”
“Well, they kinda get what I’m about. We have a lot in common.”
Resting her chin on her hand, she asked, “Like what?”
“Mostly, we like to have fun.” Nudging her shoulder, he got a pretty smile.
“You do it very well. You’re going to make a wonderful father someday.”
Standing, she gave him a quick peck on the cheek on her way to break up an argument over the rainbow glitter. Blown away by her praise, John stared after her, not sure what to think. No one had ever said anything to him about being a father, much less a good one. He was the footloose, easygoing Sawyer, whose only ties were to the farm he’d loved his entire life.
But his growing feelings for Amanda—and the precious child she was carrying—were making him rethink all that. Sure, he’d taken on more responsibility in the business, but this was different. Deeply personal, and more than a little terrifying, the idea of two people relying on him that way made him wonder.
Was he ready? Would he ever be?
* * *
Late one morning, John snuck around the corner of the house to do a little recon. Amanda was on the side porch, singing along with a classic rock station while the washing machine sloshed in the background. Grinning, he trotted back to the kitchen and set his surprise on the table.
Wrapped in silver foil and topped with a multicolored bow that looked like fireworks, he was pretty proud of himself for thinking of it. If Amanda liked it half as much as he thought she would, he was golden.
He poured himself a glass of sweet tea and grabbed a handful of oatmeal cookies, skimming the newspaper while he waited.
When she came through the door with a basket of towels in hand, she greeted him with a smile. “Hey there. How’s the haying coming along?”
“Slow without Ridge, but as long as the weather holds we’ll be fine.” Glancing at the calendar, he couldn’t miss the red rings around today’s date. “The doctor said once Marianne got this far, the twins could be born anytime. Have you heard anything yet?”
She shook her head and started folding. “I’m trying to be cool about it so the kids don’t get nervous, but I have to tell you, it’s driving me nuts.”
“Yeah, that’s how it was when Caty was close to having Hailey. It’s best to keep busy.”
“So that works for you?”
“More or less,” he confided with a grin.
When she looked directly at him, her eyes landed on the brightly wrapped box. “What’s that?”
“I dunno. It was here when I came in.”
“Really?” As she crossed the kitchen to join him, her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Or did you bring it with you?”
“I’ve got no clue what you’re talking about.”
“You really need to stick with the truth, Sawyer,” she advised with a laugh. “You’re a tragically bad liar.”
That was the spunky girl he’d fallen in love with before he even knew what it meant. These past few weeks, he’d seen more of her, and less of the frightened mom-to-be he’d comforted outside the clinic. Amanda seemed to be hitting her stride in her new life, and he liked that.
Impatient as ever, she didn’t pick at the shiny paper, but tore it open with a vengeance to find out what was inside. When she saw it, she gave him a confused look, then said, “Oh, it’s not what the box says.”
John couldn’t imagine why it mattered, but he corrected her. “No, it’s what it says.”
“You got me a smartphone?”
Her tone had gone flat and cool, so he couldn’t tell if she was surprised or upset. Figuring it was best to cover all his bases, he shrugged. “CPR keeps getting calls here at the farm, which isn’t real professional. They were offering a deal, so I
added you to my wireless plan when I upgraded.”
“You don’t have a wireless plan,” she pointed out sharply. “You have one of those pay-as-you-go phones.”
Grinning, he pulled his fancy new toy out of a cargo pocket in his jeans. “Cool, huh? Caty helped me program it. It’s got a camera, and I downloaded the Atlanta Braves app so I can keep up with the team when I’m too busy to watch the games.”
“You bought a smartphone. Incredible.”
She made it sound like he’d purchased something way beyond him, and his back went up a little. “I’m not a techno-geek, but I’m not totally clueless, either. I know how to do stuff online.”
While his temper simmered, he noticed that she hadn’t so much as touched her gift. Irked by the whole thing, he asked, “Is there a problem?”
Leaning back in her chair, she seemed to be considering her response carefully. As if he was a child who needed things explained to him very slowly. “John, I really appreciate what you meant to do.”
“But?”
Looking him straight in the eyes, she shook her head. “Didn’t I tell you I like handling things on my own?”
“Sure, and I told you I’d help you if I could.” Nodding at his unappreciated surprise, he went on. “This is me helping.”
“No, this is you forcing me to take something I don’t want by wrapping it in pretty paper and making it a present. If we’d gone to the store together and you’d asked me if I wanted a phone, I’d have said thank you, but no.” Folding her arms, she nailed him with a chiding glare. “You didn’t give me the chance, so now I’m the bad guy refusing your generosity.”
“It’s for your business, so you can talk to clients.”
“I can do that from any phone in Harland,” she pointed out coolly. “This phone is a completely unnecessary expense—one that I can’t afford.”
So that was it, John realized. Eager to ease her mind, he waved off her concern. “Don’t worry. I’ll pay for it.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew he’d made a serious mistake. Ted had dangled a similar offer months ago, promising to take care of her if she’d agree to terminate her pregnancy. Judging by the ice forming in her eyes, she considered John’s proposal one step above that one.
