by T. S. Joyce
“You’ll ruin his bear.”
“Oh, my God,” she drawled, tossing her head back. “You’re like a broken record player. Mr. Silver, listen closely. I’m going to marry your boy. I’m going to do it wearing a pink, floofy, bejeweled gown with my hair piled up in curls, just like I imagined when I missed my prom, circa 2008. We’re going to have a white cake with raspberry filling and a karaoke machine.”
“What’s your point?”
“My point is that you’re invited. This is me letting you be a part of our lives despite the bullshittery you have pulled. And let me tell you, Mr. Silver, it is really hard to stand here and put my pride away and invite you after all you’ve done to me. But I believe in family, I want Tobias to be happy, and he deserves you and Link and his brothers up there standing beside him on the best day of his life.”
Link snorted behind her, but when she tossed him a narrow-eyed look, he pursed his lips and hid the smile.
“It will be the best day of his life, you smartass. He gets all of this.” Vera gestured to her dirt-smudged body, complete with bloody shin and wild hair, which she blew out of her face to better glare at Link.
Tobias, who had disappeared around the back of Link’s cabin, reappeared, human again and limping badly as he zipped up a pair of jeans.
“Your mate just invited your dad to your wedding,” Link said blandly.
“What? Why?”
She winced at Tobias’s torn neck and chest. “Because he’s your dad, and he should be there.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t ruin your big day,” Clayton said, pulling on his sweatpants. He jammed a finger at Vera. “This isn’t over. You can’t give grizzly shifters that medicine.”
As he stomped off into the woods, she called out, “I’ll send you a save-the-date.”
Link snickered behind them.
“None of this is funny,” Tobias said, his hands hooked on his hips as streams of red trickled down his chest from the claw marks that crisscrossed his torso.
Link shouldered the strap of his rifle and didn’t even try to hide his grin. “She just shot your dad and then invited him to your wedding. It’s kind of funny.”
Tobias tried to maintain his severe look, but his lips lifted in a smile. “Vera, I haven’t even asked you to marry me.”
“Yet. I want a princess cut ring. It doesn’t have to be big. And I’ll settle for cubic zirconia if you need to save up—”
“Stop talking,” Tobias murmured the second before he cupped the back of her head and pressed his lips onto hers.
Vera sighed and melted to him. She slid her hands up his chest as he angled his head, his lips moving against hers. If her fox would’ve recalled the feeling of safety she had all tangled up with Tobias like this, she never would’ve denied her human side for so long.
Tobias eased back, then kissed her in soft, sexy smacks before resting his forehead against hers and exhaling a shaky breath. “Damn, Vera, I missed you.”
Pushing up on her tiptoes, Vera hugged his neck as tight as she could and blinked rapidly at the colorful horizon. She wouldn’t cry like a wimp right now—not when Tobias had been so patient with her time as a fox. She had to be strong for him, like he was for her, because he deserved a strong mate. “I’m sorry I was gone for so long.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he whispered, shifting his weight from side to side with her. “It was always going to be hard to find a balance with your animal. You did good.”
“How long was I gone?”
“Vera,” Tobias warned, hugging her tighter as he rasped his two-day scruff against her cheek.
She frowned, then pulled back to look him in the eyes. “How long, Tobias?”
A muscle twitched in his jaw as he clenched his teeth, and all the humor died from his emerald green eyes. “Two weeks.”
The blood drained from her face, leaving her cheeks cold and clammy. “Two weeks?” she whispered. How had she lost so much time? “What is today?”
“August thirteenth.”
“But you could hibernate as early as next month!”
“Shhh,” he crooned, cupping her cheeks. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not. You don’t understand. It will take me time to make the medicine.”
“I thought you already knew how.”
“Yeah, but I have to make a specific serum for each type of shifter. I need your blood to start it, and some of the steps take a long time.”
Trouble washed through the mossy color of his eyes, and her chest ached for him. She wasn’t keeping up her end of the bargain. “Okay, one month. That’s enough time. I can do this.” She lifted his palm to her mouth and kissed it. “Everything will be fine. Where’s the package we brought back from Perl?”
“It’s in the shed, still all taped up.”
“And my suitcase with my lab equipment?”
“Sitting right beside it, just waiting for you to come back.”
“I need space.”
“You can use my cabin,” Link offered. “I have work in town, and I’ll be trapping most nights. Will it be big enough?”
“It’ll have to be. Thank you.”
“Yep. I’ll get it cleaned out for you,” he murmured as he hooked his thumb behind the strap of the rifle he carried on his shoulder and turned for the porch.
“Oh, and Link?”
“Yeah?” he asked, pausing with one leg locked, one leg bent, as if he would bolt at any moment.
“I’m sorry about…you know…biting you.”
“You remember?”
“A little. It’s nice to finally meet you.” She scrunched up her face at the awkwardness of this moment. Two strangers, bare-ass naked, officially meeting for the first time. “Oh! And thank you for having our backs with Clayton.”
“Clayton’s a douchebag, and I’ve been aching for a good fight,” Link said with a wink. As he walked away, a long growl emanated from him until he disappeared into the house.
When the door to the cabin closed, Vera whispered, “I can’t do anything for him.”
Tobias’s chest rose with a deep inhalation as he stared at the door to the log home. “He knows.”
Chapter Twelve
Link’s house was one long room with a kitchen along the back wall and a bed near the stone hearth. Before he’d left for town, he’d mumbled something about how the cabin was still a work in progress. He’d just moved out of a cabin on Elyse’s property and into this one recently, but from what Vera could tell, Link had an eye for decorating.
The home was clean and swept, the dishes stacked neatly into cupboards. It was easy to see he’d been fixing the place up. Near the bed was a small stack of lumber with bent nails sticking out here and there and a box of tools beside that. And over the bed was a massive window that gave a stunning view of the evergreen woods beyond the cabin. It looked new and smelled like sawdust and window cleaner.
Vera snuggled into her pajamas as she stared out the picture window. It felt strange to be clothed and in a house again after living as an animal for so long. “What does Link do for work?”
“He fixes things. He rehabbed an outbuilding into a fine cabin on Elyse’s homestead, but moved out here to be closer to work in Galena. He does construction and handyman jobs, and he cuts firewood and sells it to anyone who is going into winter short on dry lumber to burn.”
Vera twisted toward the kitchen where Tobias was cooking venison steaks he’d marinated in lime and soy sauce. It smelled so good her stomach was constantly rumbling. “And what did you do while I was gone?”
“You were never really gone, Vera. The faster you accept that you were present, the faster you’ll fix the bridge between you and your animal.”
She padded across the cool wood floors and slid her arms around his waist from behind, then rested her cheek on his strong back. “I only remember pieces.”
“And next time it’ll be different because you know what you need to work on.”
“Next time? God, I don’t even want
to think about next time.”
Tobias ran his hands over her knuckles. “I think you need to Change again.”
Dread dumped into her system, and she tried to let go of him, but he held her in place with a strong grip on her hands. “What do you mean? I just Changed, and I lost two weeks. Two weeks making your medicine, two weeks living away from Perl.” She swallowed hard, then whispered, “I lost two weeks with you.”
“You didn’t.”
“I did!”
Tobias moved the pan to another burner with a bang, then spun around and gripped her shoulders. “I can’t go into this winter and a possible hibernation if you don’t have control. I can’t. If this medicine doesn’t work—”
“It will!”
“If it doesn’t, I can’t stand the thought of you out here unable to control you shifts, Vera. You aren’t Link’s responsibility when things get bad. You’re mine. And right now, I think you need to Change.”
“And then what?”
“And then Change again.”
Defeated, her shoulders sagged. “And then what?”
“And Change again and again until you and your fox trust each other enough to know you won’t be locked in one form forever. Right now, you hate each other, and until you build some kind of relationship with your animal, you have no shot at a normal life, Vera. And I want that for you. I want it for us.”
“But the medicine is important. Not just for you, but for your brothers and their mates.”
“I know. But you’re important, too. We have to find a balance.”
Vera crossed her arms over her chest and dropped her gaze to his scuffed boots. “This is hard.”
Tobias hugged her close and murmured into her ear, “No one ever said this would be easy, and you don’t seem like the type of woman to take the easy way out. You’re brave and tough, and we will figure this out.”
“We will?”
He chuckled deep, warming her from her middle out. “I’m still in this. I saw your animal, and she’s stubborn, just like you. But she’s also good. We’ll get through this. If the medicine doesn’t happen this winter, then we’ll try for next winter.”
But Tobias didn’t understand. Eliminating his hibernation wasn’t just for him and his family anymore. It was for her as well. She couldn’t imagine going an entire six months without him while he slept in some den on Kodiak Island. Pain slashed through her chest just thinking about the aching loneliness and how dark her life would be without him, just waiting day after snowy day for him to wake up again. He didn’t understand, but arguing with him was pointless. He wanted her to Change and fix herself first, but she couldn’t. That’s not how love worked. Just like he was putting her first, she had to put him first, too.
Love? Her cheeks flushed with heat, and she punched him in the arm. “You ready to bleed for me, McBeefcake?”
“Woman, I think I’ve bled enough for the time being. Go sit down, and I’ll get you fed. You can poke me with your needles after I stop that rumbling in your stomach.”
“You like to take care of me,” she accused as she sat in the old ladder-back chair at the two-seater table. “Big, tough, brawling grizzly shifter likes to cater to his mate.”
“I’m buttering you up,” he teased as he set two steaming metal plates on the table.
Steak and cubed potatoes and carrots, and now her mouth was watering, too.
“You trying to get lucky tonight?”
“Hell yeah, Thistle. It’s been two weeks, and I’ve finally got you back. Eat fast or I’ll jump you right here on this rickety table.” Tobias’s eyes twinkled with amusement as she gulped and nodded.
They ate in silence as she tried to build up the courage to voice her fears. In the bath earlier, when she’d scrubbed her skin to shining and washed the leaves from her matted hair, she’d worried over how Tobias would see her now. They’d been so good together before the Change, but now she didn’t know where his head was at.
Gulping her last bite of carrots, she set her silverware down gently and admitted, “I was kind of nervous you wouldn’t want me intimately anymore.”
Tobias reared back as though he’d been slapped. “Why?”
“Well, because I’m not in heat anymore, and you saw me as her. My fox isn’t exactly a sex-pot, and if I remember correctly, she killed and brought you three rabbits. Poor little limp bunnies. I just assumed that wasn’t a turn-on.”
“Nah, you’re looking at it all wrong. One, your heat doesn’t make any difference to me. I’m attracted to you, not what you smell like, and two, you see it as killing a bunny and making a pointless gesture. But do you know how hard it is to pull yourself off a kill when you are an animal?” He dropped his attention to his steak and began to cut it up. “It’s nearly impossible unless you have a really good reason not to eat your prey. And your fox stopped herself from eating just so she could bring her catch to me. That is the biggest gesture of devotion for our kind, so no, I didn’t see it as a turn-off.” He lifted steady green eyes to hers. “It made me care for you more.” His pupils contracted just before he ripped his gaze away and gritted out, “Now finish your potatoes, woman. I can’t stand thinking you’re hungry.”
“Bossy,” she murmured, sliding her fuzzy sock-clad foot up his leg under the table.
Tobias tensed the second she reached his thick erection, standing at attention behind the seam of his jeans. He gripped his fork and knife, seemingly determined to ignore her, but he jerked and scraped the knife hard across the plate when she stretched her foot up his shaft.
She swallowed a giggle as he leveled her with a calculating look. “I don’t think this rickety old table would hold my weight, much less yours.”
“Mmm,” he rumbled, rolling his eyes back in his head as she pulled her foot back down him.
“I’m wearing my llama pajamas tonight for you.”
Tobias chuckled and linked his hands behind his head, leaning back in his creaking chair. “Don’t tease me, woman.”
Vera slid from her chair and crawled around the table, stifling a grin. “Bark, bark, I’m a sexy fox.”
“Foxes don’t bark.” Tobias was biting back his amusement. “You’re going to get splinters in your knees.”
“I will not get—ow!” she said, feigning pain. Tobias didn’t even flinch. “No reaction?” she asked.
“I’m onto your tricks.”
With a dramatic sigh, she rested the back of her hand on her forehead and murmured, “Take me to our shed now, lover. I’m ready for you.”
Tobias’s shoulders shook with laughter as he scooped her up. “Well, Thistle,” he said as he kicked the door open and walked out into the night air with her cradled to his chest, “I have a feeling life with you will never be boring.”
“It will if I stay a fox.” She hadn’t meant to sound melancholy and ruin the moment. After he strode around the cabin in silence, she murmured, “I’m sorry.”
Tobias pushed the door of the shed open and settled her on her feet. Cupping her face, he said, “Your animal let you out when I needed you. She’ll do it again.”
“I’m scared of Changing back. I’m scared I’ll lose myself forever.”
He shook his head, his eyes pooling with sympathy and understanding. “You won’t.”
“But how do you know, Tobias? How can you be sure? I lost two weeks like it was nothing. And where was I? Sleeping? Did I just not exist? I hardly remember anything, and I’ve tried. I wasn’t present, Tobias. I was nothing.”
“It won’t be like that forever. Your animal just blocked you, like you blocked her with those meds. But you suppressed her for years. She only took two weeks from you.”
Vera sat heavily on the cot against the wall. Now she felt awful. Her “cure” had done that. Made her animal feel non-existent. Her face fell, and her eyes burned with tears. She couldn’t meet Tobias’s gaze anymore.
“Talk to me.”
She shook her head because she couldn’t. Talking hadn’t ever solved any
thing for her. He would only pity her, and she didn’t want him feeling sorry. She wanted him to care for her as much as she cared for him. He was a big, strong, mentally capable bear shifter—the king of their kind—and she was nothing but a broken fox.
“Vera,” he urged, kneeling down in front of her. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m breaking apart. I feel like I’m on a roller coaster I can’t get off of. One minute I feel fine and safe, I can laugh and smile like I used to, and the next, my life feels like it’s drowning me. I think about all I have to work through, and it feels impossible. I’m going to lose you, and I don’t want to. I don’t want to be too heavy for you to carry, Tobias.”
“You aren’t.” He wiped her tear and scooted closer, gripped her upper thighs. Lowering his voice, he repeated, “You aren’t too heavy, Vera. You think you’re the broken one, but you aren’t. I don’t see you like that. I see you as a survivor, as a badass. You were Turned, and you fought to live, woman. You lived. That’s so rare. You are one of the only female shifters on the fucking planet, and you feel like the broken one? Jonathan tried. My dad tried. They didn’t break you, Vera. They made you stronger by giving you the animal. I don’t blame you or her for struggling to figure this out. And you’re right. It’s hard. It’s so fucking hard. You could’ve taken the easy way out. You could’ve suppressed her forever, but look at you. A month off the meds, and don’t pretend that was easy. You went every day off that injection knowing what was coming, and you didn’t chicken out.” Tobias lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “You’re funny, wild, headstrong, vulnerable, and scared, and all of those are important parts of you and nothing to be ashamed of. Those emotions are what give you texture. They make you different. They make you real. You’re still here, Vera, fighting. I’m not going anywhere. I get to be in your life, watching you come into your own. It’s okay to feel fear about what’s happening to you, but you don’t have to be scared of me hurting you.” Tobias pulled something from his back pocket. It was a leather pouch, and gingerly, he lifted the top flap, then upended it. Onto his palm fell a simple diamond ring with a white gold band.
